A/N: Non-yaoi fic. Hogahd. Thought I can't do it. Hooray~ Enjoy.
The brat shifted three times and almost lost his mind and body. There was progress, yes. But Jaeger's constant trying to do even better would clearly get him sleeping in eternity. That he would deserve, at the same time, not. Nursing the kid isn't bad yet it would if he keeps straining himself. How he wanted to kill Erwin so damn bad.
"I'll make it."
He stared at the golden eyes that flared so much determination. Even while resting, it was like the kid could so much more.
"Do not promise anything, shitty brat. Things are bound to get even heavier on your shoulders more than it should." He said as he continued to write down his report.
"Do not look down on me either even if I'm just a soldier to you!"
That line again. How many times had he heard it? Since the day he became a corporal?
It irked him to hear such that he snapped.
"Look here, Jaeger. You're doing this to yourself. I'm held responsible for stupidity you and your friends can possibly make. I'm just a leash for soldiers with capabilities of bringing up hope that was believed to be dying out a long time ago. I state what I see in front of me. When I say you're a brat, you are. I wish I could treat you all like just soldiers but all of you have honor and will more than I ever could have. So keep yourself in check because your friends can't stay forever, and so do I. Until then, I'd have to put up with you, keep on knocking some sense into your skull and guide you while I still can!"
Eren went silent at that.
"Everyone fighting to know this mystery is human. You're human, Eren."
He massaged his forehead, trying to calm himself.
"I'm human, and I was once a brat like you. Someone looked down by adults and all. So don't think you're the only one feeling that way. Everyone feels that way until they get older. Wiser."
He hated being looked down on. Not just because his height is a big deal to him, with the seniors in Military Police constantly teasing him, but he feels inferior and a push-over. Thank the blue heavens he was not as ill-tempered as he was in his past; a thug living in the underground capital. He was really very terrible at holding back his anger. His motto was "Do not let yourself be consumed by anger unless the damn motherfucker really needs a taste of your madness" and it works perfectly fine. He almost killed Erwin for that motto he was fighting for- well, so close. Stupid it may seem to be for the eyes of the humanity, but what could they expect of someone such as him?
"You'll get older, too. You will understand it someday, but not now." He went back to writing, ugly memories resurfacing.
Back then, he wasn't what people think of when they hear about him. He was a filthy man, yet was a clean freak. His companions called him a hypocrite for that.
"If you're not clean yourself, then your title as a master of cleanliness isn't justified!" was one of the statement that repeats like a mantra everytime he cleans.
He didn't care at that time. The things in the world can get dirty and be cleaned. The stain might stay, but it was clean nonetheless. Humans are not like things. The filth in their soul stays there, and cannot be removed.
He used to say, "I'd rather be eaten by Titans than to be sentenced to death by the government's idiocy."
Life was like that for him when he was just a thug, nothing more. It changed when the opposing faction created something far horrible than being sentenced to death.
The Slayer's Arena.
The strongest -and the stupidest- of that faction made it and he didn't want to join any of that bullshit. He knew what they made would kill them someday, or in a very near future.
He was inclined to watch stupidity unfold though the announcement had him taken aback.
"Our opening will grant all of your bloodthirsty eyes of what you've been waiting for~ Our fighters will be the kids~ Ah, all those little thieves are annoying pests, aren't they? Now we punish them; death by our pet~"
The moment they put children to fight in that arena for their opening, Levi seethed with anger. Innocent lives...and many people are actually going to the god forsaken arena. He went there to know what the kids would be facing. What more he saw in there made him sick to the core.
There was a Titan behind the ragged bars that was preventing it from coming out; their so called 'pet'.
A seven meter class, he read about it on some of the books he stole from the military.
So that was what bastards want to witness now.
Tired of seeing playing gladiators with each other and putting people to demise...those poor little angels are now their entertainment.
There are things in life he has to get away from, but he is not a heartless person. He hurried down to the arena, trying taking down the men who were trying to hold him back. Most attention are on him and it irked the people on how much ruckus he was showing.
"Kid, are you trying to kill yourself?"
"Don't ruin the show, kid!"
"What an eyesore."
His vision had gone all red.
"That's a carnage you want to happen, you bastards!" There was a silence, but then all only roared with laughter, as if to mock his sanity. He glared with so much hate. His eyes see monsters, not humans. "You want a fucking entertainment? I will fight in their stead."
That got their interest.
"You're one brave little thug, aren't you?" One approached to stoop on his level, smiling. "You're a kid yourself. But well, where is the fun in that? Throw him down the arena!" Cheers of audience erupted in the filthy place. If only he wasn't being held back, hacking off the man's head would be long ago. The shady men holding him gripped his arms tight but he couldn't care less. As long as the children are safe.
Weapons were lying all over the arena. Ax, sledgehammer, a pair of gear's blades that was disconnected from the 3DMG and a lot more...he didn't know how to defeat it with just that. Even a barrel of oil was there. His eyes narrowed as his mind raced to think of what to do. He was going to face something bigger that him, it was nothing like he fought in the constant faction bash. The bars were raised as the titan was let out. The raven stared at the height of the bleachers the audience were watching. It was 10 meters or so, realizing the depth of where he was means a lesser chance to get away. He swore some of the people watching were from the Wall Sina, nobles they are.
"Might as well make a hell out of this place." His life is not the price to pay.
As the Titan walked to his direction, he immediately picked up the blades and ran to the oil barrel. He cut it in half, rolling himself in the oil that spilled on the ground. The amount was enough to cover him up and people were confused at what he was trying to do. He gripped the handle tight as he ran towards the titan. The distance between them was shortened as it went on its knees, reaching out to pick him up but he moved just in time to evade the hand. He stabbed its huge hand with the blade and stabbed again further with another, using it to climb up on its arm.
The nape of the neck was its so called major weakness. He would be more than thrilled to test it out for himself.
Its other free hand tried to take the raven but the oil only made him slippery enough not to be held. Add to the fact that he was pressing his body fully to its arm, dangling and sliding not so far from its skin. He kept on going up. The audience were all watching with excitement, not sure where to side. It seems the lad would win. The blade, however, fell when the titan moved around so much that he couldn't stab it. He slid down the titan and ran to the ground to get it back.
Levi heard the inhumane cheers again, and it was still playing back in his mind every time he fights the titans.
Looking up at the monstrosity, he knew he was under it, along with the real monsters up there.
He is not the humanity's strongest soldier, what they consider him today. Or was humanity's strongest thug, what they consider him in the past.
As soon as he was near the blade, he grabbed it and rolled on the ground. The titan raised its feet, intending to crush him. He tried to stand up, but the oil had covered him fully. Roars of laughter rang throughout the place. All the while, they just watched him fight and they wanted nothing more than to see him fail doing so.
He rolled out of the perimeter of titan's foot, evading his almost death as the earth trembled.
Looking at the blade that lay broken, he figured it was crushed by the impact of the titan's attack. "Goddammit, change of plans," he could only rasp out. He made his way towards the sledgehammer which was on the other side of the arena. With it on his left hand and the remaining blade on the other, he ran towards the back of the knees, cutting off the tendons holding the bones and muscles together. Heal it would in a span of few minutes but that would be more than enough time to be able for him to leash out on the titan.
It fell down slowly as if the lower limbs has gone truly brittle. He hurled the sledgehammer at its head, the damage doing more than making it bleed. The blood dissipated, but all the while the crack spread out continuously and then back.
Just then, a gunshot resounded all over. Everyone looked where the sound came from, only to see that the one who fired was no other than Keith Shardis.
"Those who are involved shall remain here."
The audience scurried out of the arena in fear. Levi paid the man no attention as he still dealt with the titan. It was the last thing he needs to do; to kill it. He raised his blade to stab at the titan's arm, climbing like he did before, all the way to its nape. It proved to be much harder than before; being slicked up in oil. Yet it did nothing to stop him. It was moving slightly, causing him to almost fall and slide down again. Almost, as he was still holding onto the blade. He pulled himself up, his other free hand holding onto the blade. He placed his hand inside the wound he made without a care for the burn. Another stab, a painful pull. It was getting up and yet he goes on.
That deadly encounter taught him not to waste time, every second matters all too much.
"Kid, get out of here! We'll handle it!" Keith shouted, deploying his anchor at the arena's roof. He did not stop. He had gone too far. With only one blade...can he even make it out alive?
At last, he has reached the nape. He stabbed it deep and cut it with a swift motion.
Only one cut. His willpower might be more than what energy is left, but it is not enough.
It is never enough.
He was tired but he could only do so much. The last thing his vision saw are tiny figures going smaller as they went up and the blood that rained everywhere.
Levi fell down.
The following events gave him much more meaning to live on. Along the way after his recovery, he met Isabel and Farlan. Friends he held dear as they reminded him of the poor angels that were almost sent to their end. He did not know what fate they had met, and he could only hope for the best. Then he met Erwin in the Underground Capital. It was supposed to be only for a short time they will stay for they seek freedom outside the walls. Meeting the commander wasn't the most pleasant thing to remember. Threats are what forced him to join the Scouting Legion, but because of it, he learned more that freedom is just another risk to take. He stayed deeming it right until it was the time to kill Erwin for what he did, and what he keeps doing. He had seen thousands of lives sacrificed to unveil the truth about titan's existence, and he stayed just as strong as he was back then.
He can never be strong enough.
Right now, what he could see is a young lad that could make a difference out of all the soldiers he had met. This, a risk he takes. He risks protecting that one boy for his hope.
A hope to be freed out from being under the cruel world.
"Corporal?"
He was snapped out of his thoughts, realizing he was yet to write down anything on the last page. The ink dripped from the feather's tip, making a mess.
"What is it, Jaeger?"
"...am I...worth all the hope?"
He moved the tip, gliding it on the paper with the inkblots turning the mess into a fluid cursive writing.
"You're a growing hope, Eren. A growing hope."