RUBY: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

by Massive Regret

Are you having trouble with your prissy, possibly gay teen? Look no further!Here is everything you need to know about your RUBY unit.

Yeah sorry people. You know all the stories I wrote earlier? Well… Let's just say that I should never let my older sister use it EVER AGAIN. Virus deleted EVERYTHING including the next… 5 chapters of Pokespe Meets the Game and 3 chapters of How to Annoy Each Dexholder. So… I guess those will have to wait. To say sorry again, I found this thing that I wrote a couple months ago but forgot to publish (thank you BlaZing CriMsOn Eyes for publishing the RED OGAMM. I totally forgot about this). So without further ado, I present, the RUBY: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual.

Disclaimer: Do you own Pokémon? Yeah, didn't think so.

RUBY: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual.

Congratulations!

You are now the owner of your own fully-automated RUBY unit. To learn the uses and modes of your prissy, possibly gay (well, he's not telling) teen. Please read the following manual carefully. We are not responsible for any injuries resulting from not reading these instructions.

MODEL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Ruby. Nicknames include Sissy/Prissy Boy. But is better to just call him Ruby unless you have/are a SAPPHIRE or a GOLD unit.

Date of Manufacture: July 2nd, year of manufacture unknown (A/N: I don't feel like doing math, OK?)

Place of Manufacture: Goldenrod City, Johto

Height: Average.

Weight: Slightly underweight. Most of the units in the Dexholder Set are.

Set: Dexholder (Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, Black, Cheren, Bianca. Special set: Wally, White)

Sub Set: Hoenn

Clothing and Accessories Included

These include:

Seven (7) Black and red shirts with a Pokeball motif

Seven (7) Black pants

Infinite (∞) White hats that apparently look like hair. (We at the Unit Manufacturer Plant do not see it) Do not try and take this away from your RUBY unit. We are not responsible for any related injuries.

One (1) Pair of Running Shoes

One (1) Pokedex Version III

One (1) Sewing kit

One (1) Pokeblock Case

One (1) Really old Pokegear.

One (1) Contest Pass

Possible items include:

One (1) PokeNav (Somehow appears after meeting the WALLY unit)

One (1) Red Orb (We do not know where that comes from)

One (1) Memory Lighter (Dropped after a MARGE/COURTENY unit [Villains set] dies)

If any items are lost or broken, you may order another in our catalogue. If the clothing is ripped, or just not "BEAUTIFUL! ~ " do not worry- the RUBY unit can make new ones.

Pokémon:

If any of these Pokémon get lost or broken, you may order another from our catalogue. All of the following will be from the Pokémon Ruby Set.

Default Pokémon:

Poochyena (NANA)

Skitty (COCO)

Ralts (RURU)

If you choose to activate the POKEMON ADVENTURE function:

Mightyena (NANA)

Delcatty (COCO)

Mudkip Marshtomp Swampert (A/N: YAY!) (ZUZU)

Castform (POPO)

Feebas Milotic (MIMI)

Special Set:

The following Pokémon are crucial to completing the POKEMON ADVENTURE function. You may order them from our catalogue.

PLUSLE

CELEBI (Johto Legends Set)

GROUDON, KYOGRE, RAYQUAZA (Hoenn Legends Set. It is advisable not to activate these indoors)

You should not have any trouble unpacking your RUBY unit. If he refuses to exit on his own, simply inform him that there is a Pokémon Contest being held in five minutes. When he runs out of the box, hit him on the head and throw the box away. Congratulations- he's now yours.

Functions:

It is rather easy to activate the functions of your RUBY unit. However, you will need to borrow a friend's units or buy them through our catalogue to finish them all. If you have no friends and you are broke, you have our sympathy.

PRISSY, POSSIBLY GAY BOY: This is the default function of the RUBY unit. He will sew, participate in Pokémon Contests (without the NORMAN unit's [Parent/Gym Leader set] approval), groom his Pokémon (and whoever's is nearby), and hang out with fangirls. Unlike our other male units, besides the GOLD units, he does not mind fangirls. But do remember during this function, he is only 10.

POKEMON ADVENTURE: This can only be activated on July 2nd and you must have the following units to activate it:

UNNAMED MOTHER (Parent Set)

NORMAN (Parent/Gym Leader Set)

PROFESSOR BIRCH (Professor Set)

SAPPHIRE BIRCH (Dexholder Set)

Two (2) MIGHTYENA

A large cliff. Don't ask.

After some events (we won't spoil it for you) the SAPPHIRE unit will make a bet with your RUBY unit, causing the POKEMON ADVENTURE to begin! You will need to buy the WALLY, MARGE/COURTNEY, GENERIC VILLAINS, WALLACE, JUAN, LIZA, TATE, THOSE REPORTER GUYS, and MR. BRINEY units to complete this function. If you do not have any of these units, do not worry! You may reprogram your RUBY and SAPPHIRE units to think they have saved the world.

EMERALD ADVENTURE: This will automatically be activated ten months after "saving" the world. Unfortunately, if you do not have an EMERALD unit, you cannot see what happens. The RUBY unit will probably be nicer and less dense than in the POKEMON ADVENTURE function. The RUBY and SAPPHIRE units will find a random EMERALD unit and follow him around for about a week. If you do not wish for your units to leave, simply reprogram them to think they have already saved the world again and program their ZUZU and TORO/CHAKA units to learn their Ultimate Moves. If you do have the EMERALD unit, read his Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to activate his side of the EMERALD ADVENTURE. Also requires many units.

? : Unfortunately, we do not know what functions are after the EMERALD ADVENTURE. We have been monitoring the RUBY unit for three years now, and do not see any changes. However, we do know that there is something. If you somehow activate it, please call 1-800-POKEMON.

Modes:

Your RUBY unit comes in fourteen (14) different modes. They include:

Prissy, possibly gay (default)

Offensive

Annoying

Nice

Angry

Scary (locked)

Disciple (locked)

Depressed (locked)

Battle Genius (semi-locked)

OOC (locked)

Confession (locked)

OMG SUPER STRENGTH? (locked)

Forgetful (locked)

WTF (locked)

Prissy, possibly gay, is the default mode for RUBY units.

Offensive mode is activated if insulted. Do not mistake for Annoying. While they are somewhat alike, Offensive mode is insulting, and Annoying is just a RUBY unit being a RUBY unit.

Angry and Scary modes are also alike. Though Angry is activated whenever you do something like attempt to rip his hat off his head. Scary is only unlocked during the battle against the MAXIE and ARCHIE units.

Nice mode is, well, him being nice. If you do something like give him berries, or save his life, he will make clothes for you or something of the sort.

Disciple mode is unlocked by placing a WALLACE unit in front of him and have a Pokémon Contest. RUBY will follow him until he becomes WALLACE'S disciple.

Confession Mode is unlocked after the Mirage Island training session. RUBY will confess to the SAPPHIRE unit and (gasp!) take off his hat.

Battle Genius Mode is only semi-locked because RUBY units activate this subconsciously. It is necessary to unlock Depressed Mode.

Depressed mode is unlocked by having a SAPPHIRE unit in front of your RUBY during Battle Genius mode.

OMG SUPER STRENGTH? Mode is only unlocked once. We have included this only because it is pretty weird. If a wild Crawdaunt attacks a ship and a MR. BRINEY unit almost falls overboard, your RUBY unit will save him and in OMG SUPER STRENGTH? Mode, he will lift MR. BRINEY with one hand. WTF Mode is unlocked when your RUBY unit appears to betray a SAPPHIRE unit and helps a MARGE/COURTNEY unit. Also unlocked when he takes of his hat for a SAPPHIRE unit. Note: You're thinking WTF, not him.

Forgetful Mode is unlocked by finishing the POKEMON ADVENTURE function. A SAPPHIRE unit will constantly ask your RUBY unit if he remembers the Mirage Island incident. He will pretend not to know what she is talking about. Or it he really doesn't know. He isn't telling and we can't program him to say he does remember. It's rather strange really.

OOC Mode is even stranger. It is actually a glitch in all RUBY units, but due to popular demand, we have not fixed it. Your RUBY unit will attack everything around you and will constantly shout, "GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!" It is unknown how to unlock this mode, but for the sake of your house, all living things within a 1 mile radius, and your own sanity, we ask you not to try. If you are tired of your RUBY unit breaking everything, just hit him on the head again and reprogram him.

REACTION TO OTHER UNITS

When around other people, your RUBY unit will act like he normally would- Prissy and possibly gay.

SAPPHIRE units will cause your RUBY unit to be in permanent Offensive Mode for a while. Around sixty or so days after making the bet, he will warm up to her and unlock Confession Mode. Eventually.

RUBY units will be in Nice and Annoying Mode to EMERALD units.

Cleaning: Do not attempt to hand clean your RUBY units. He can take a shower himself, probably about twice a day. We are not responsible for any related injuries.

Energy: RUBY units, being growing boys, require three meals a day. He will not eat anything fattening, even though he is already slightly underweight.

FAQ

Q: I thinkthere is something wrong with my RUBY unit. I asked for a boy with a hat and red eyes, but instead of a prissy boy I got a happy guy with a purple bony thing that keeps trying to battle me! What happened?

A: We apologize for that mistake. You appear to have received a RED unit instead. On the other hand, you really should have been more specific. You may trade him in for your RUBY unit or keep him, which we advise doing because, according to your ambiguous description, you have received an ultra rare MEWTWO, only included with a few RED units. (A/N: Seriously, read the RED OGAMM)

Q: MY RUBY UNIT DISAPPEARRED WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO?

A: First, calm down. Have you activated the POKEMON ADVENTURE function? If so, check how long it's been activated. He may be on Mirage Island right now. Don't worry. He'll be back in a month.

Q: I think my WALLY unit stole my RUBY unit's Ralts. WALLY now has RURU and RUBY fell into a river. Is that supposed to happen?

A: Yes, it is. Very few people understand this, but it is extremely important to the POKEMON ADVENTURE function. Do not attempt to take RURU away. We have been sued enough times for related injuries.

Q: I don't have any friends or money. T.T

A: We pity you, but we're still not giving you a free unit.

Q: Darn.

A: Deal with it.

Warranty: Your RUBY unit has a three year money back guarantee unless you clearly go against the guidelines detailed here, in which case we are not obliged to accept a return. Your RUBY unit should live longer than that, but we can't do anything about wild fangirls and SAPPHIRE units.

Sorry again, but you are not going to get another chapter of my old stories. Stupid *mmmmshfjgafeiohg* I've been thinking. Why does PokeSpe have more fangirls than fanboys? This IS Shounen right? Most of the people I know who read this are girls. And I hang out with more boys than girls. Whatever. I am a fangirl and proud of it! Reviews appreciated. If I missed anything, tell me. I'll try to fix it.