My eyes were brimmed with tears, but I refused to blink them away, refused to have him gone from my sight for even a fraction of a second. My hands clasped his face and I could feel him shudder with each shallow breath he took, feel his dark hair tickle my fingertips in a way that would have made me laugh if we had been embracing in joy. With shaking thumbs, I gently wiped the tears from his cheeks and caressed him with the lightest touch. And although I couldn't have felt more guilt and more sorrow than in this moment, a small smile, which quivered with my bottom lip, began to creep upon my face.

I didn't study him in the same way that I normally did. I didn't see the way his lower lip trembled and pouted slightly, nor how his eyebrows had pulled together in the middle, creasing his forehead in the way that made him look like an 18-year-old again. No, this time I looked solely into his wide eyes, and that was all I needed to see. Everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do and everything he felt was right there. The imploring, hopeless, sorrowful and hurt look that had me, looking the same way, in the center of his eyes was enough to make me consider stopping. For the first time, I considered leaving everything behind and going with him. Why was it so difficult to build up courage when he was so near?

"All I have to do is fall," I whispered, and even though my voice was near inaudible, there was a quaver, a crack that made him flinch as though he had been struck by the sharpest needle. I was trying to convince myself more than him at this point. Without one word he had cracked my previously unflawed determination. I quickly continued, still fondly stroking his cheek as though that could somehow sooth him. "Anyone can fall. I'm not scared, Sam. I was never scared of it." And it was those were the truest words I had ever spoken. I didn't want it to hurt him, it wasn't even hurting me that much. But I could see it crushing him. No matter how clearly I said it, he would believe I was sacrificing too much. I sniffed, not being able to hold back even that anymore. I could feel the tears in my eyes finally overflow and stream down my face, quickly making their way down to my jaw in a constant, never ending river.

I decided to take a deep breath, and as my chest rose it shuddered like a gem that was a moment away from shattering under extreme heat. "I'm not scared of dying, Sam. Falling and flying can be the same thing really, depending on how you look at it… There's only one thing I was scared of. One moment that I dreaded from the instant I knew that I… that I had to leave…" My vision was blurred, there were so many tears swimming in my eyes. I permitted myself to blink to force them to spill over, only so that I could see him more clearly. "And it was this."

My voice broke completely and it took every bit of my strength for me to keep my hands on him, and not curled to my chest, trying to hold myself together as though I'd fall to a million pieces if I let go. I was on the verge of sobbing but I held on only to spare him. "I'm only scared of leaving you, Sammy." I pressed my lips into a hard line to stop them from shaking. "I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to-… to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Sammy… I'm so, so sorry." I finally broke. It was like a cave-in; as my composure collapsed, it took away my breath and for every moment I struggled to hold them in it seemed the shallower they got. Sam's arms came to encircle me as I bawled and I fell into him, no longer able to support myself. His arms curled around me and shook from both my loud and desperate sobs and his muffled ones. He held me as though he would never let me go, and perhaps he wouldn't. If I could have one last wish, one last request before I left, it would be to remain in his arms for a moment longer and forget everything else but the thumping of his heart and his breath on my neck as he nestled his face into my hair.