Disclaimer: I do not own the Walking Dead; if I did they'd all get to take a nice, warm bubble bath!
A/N: Firstly, S5 is off to a great start; I am so pleased Judith is back! It warms my heart so much!
Secondly, I was inspired to write this in part because of the lovely, albeit brief, Michonne and Grimes family scenes from the S5 premiere. What got me started was when I heard someone from work say something as they walked past my office when I had my door open. I wrote down the line on a scrap of paper for 'later on' and it's the first line of this fic; this is what I came up with.
Short one-shot for Team Grimes Family 2.0; set directly after S5x1 with reference to S4x16 (assuming Rick heard Michonne and Carl's conversation outside of Terminus before they entered).
"Every time I pick up the baby, I love her more and more," said Carl, a contemplative look in his young eyes; eyes that reminded her of his father's eyes with each passing day.
Even now in the scarcely lit room where the group had found refuge for the evening, Carl's eyes were bright. The boy seemed relieved, Michonne thought; there was a certain levity that returned to his countenance. Levity that she recalled seeing sporadically back at the prison, which was so long ago now. The woman nodded in agreement, offering a sweet smile in the boy's direction before speaking.
"She makes it so easy to love her, doesn't she? She's just so perfect. She's…everything," Michonne said, absolutely taken with the small girl, as all of the survivors were.
There was something about children that just made everything seem like it was going to be fine; that things might work out in the end. The sense of hope that they radiated, which was something that was absolute and intrinsic; everyone could feel it. It just so happened that children had an inherent gift for making even the most downtrodden, demoralized, melancholic and forsaken individual smile. And it was always a true smile from that part of them that they buried deep down in their soul. The place that they hid away from the horrors of the world that they had inherited; the place where their love and kindness and goodness was secreted. Veiled from the pain and the blood and the stench and the dirt. Untouched, waiting quietly for the special moment or special person to usher it gently to the surface.
"Yeah, she is everything," said the quiet and grainy voice from behind the pair; interrupting Michonne and Carl's conversation.
It was Rick holding a sleeping Judith; he had been standing behind them smiling widely. Michonne and Carl turned their heads to look at him, beaming when they noticed the beautiful child asleep in her father's arms. The father was looking almost as relaxed and relieved as his children were; but there was still the slight edge to him that told of how he never truly felt safe or completely at ease, not anymore.
Carl stood and stepped close to Rick, peering over at Judith's peaceful face; making sure that she was really there.
"I'll take her, Dad. I'm tired now anyways," offered the boy, his arms reaching toward his little sister.
Rick kissed Judith softly then carefully handed her to her big brother; Michonne stood, smiled at Rick then watched Carl carry Judith to where they were to bed down for the night. When she turned back to their father, she noticed that he was standing staring at her, an almost unreadable expression on his face; Michonne, however, recognized the expression to be a look of concern.
"I'm okay, Rick," she spoke in hushed tones, mindful that the room was full of people; their friends and family.
"How'd you know I was gonna ask?" he queried, ever amused by her seemingly remarkable foresight into his drives and intentions.
She shrugged a little, before offering an answer.
"I just know," was all she said, a tiny grin playing on her now softened features.
Rick nodded and chuckled in the slightest way, his gaze falling to the floor a moment as he kicked the mildly unsound floorboards with his well-worn boot.
"You know I had to ask," he stated, looking Michonne squarely in the eyes. "Just to make sure."
She beamed shyly at Rick, knowingly. There was so much to their relationship that went unsaid, and yet, the understanding was there; perpetual, persistent…honest.
"Thank you," was all she could muster presently.
She dipped her head thoughtfully before meeting his gaze again. She inhaled deeply before continuing.
"You know I'm so happy for you, right?" she asked of him, quietly, gently.
Rick nodded, stepping closer to her; hesitantly drawing his calloused hands back, fighting the strong urge to touch her. To offer her a comforting caress.
"I know," was his reply, holding her gaze. "I appreciate it. I appreciate everything you've done for me. I realize I haven't really had the chance to say it, considering all the shit we've come up against, but…I am thankful, for all you've done; thankful you've been there beside me."
Silence pervaded as the soft sounds of the other survivors' banter fell away into oblivion; nothing but Rick and Michonne's self-awareness infused the moment. An uncommon tenderness encompassed the current scene.
Michonne smiled at Rick; summoning all of her fortitude not to reach out and embrace him.
"You don't have to thank me, Rick. Anyone would've done it; it's what you do, isn't it? When you care about someone; you're there for them."
Rick let his own features soften as he shared a rare striking grin with Michonne; nodding his head in agreement.
"I just…know how hard it must've been for you today," he said cautiously, unsure of how to proceed.
Michonne looked at Rick with one thousand different questions burning in her eyes.
"What do you mean?" she asked, curious as to what his meaning was.
Rick averted his gaze, somewhat resentful that he had chosen to bring up this topic with her; after all, he did not want to cause her any more grief, any more pain.
"Can we go somewhere private?" he questioned, searching her deep brown eyes for some kind of reassurance.
Michonne offered a slight nod before she walked with purpose toward the back of the room, to a quiet corner away from the rest of the group; her eyes fixed to the floor as Rick followed behind her. They were as distanced from the rest of the group as was possible considering the confined space. She stopped and turned to face him, anxious to hear what Rick had to say. He paused before continuing.
"Before we went in to Terminus, when we all split up to check the place out, I followed Carl, ya know, to make sure he was alright. I heard a bit of what you said to him, when y'all were standin' talking," Rick offered; Michonne immediately understood what he was speaking of. She raised her eyebrows slightly yet urging Rick to go on.
"You, you mentioned something…you had a child? A son?" he questioned, aware that he was broaching a complicated and painful subject.
Michonne blinked quickly several times, looked to her left at nothing in particular and nodded in affirmation before engaging Rick.
"André," she whispered, as if it pained her to speak his name presently; but she continued, looking into the man's blue eyes. "His name was André. He was three years old and this world took him from me."
Rick suddenly fell quiet, letting the gravity of her admission sink in. Holding her gaze and offering silently that he was thankful that she was sharing this part of herself with him. Thankful that she was confirming what he had come to deduce; that Michonne had been a mother. That she had had a child, loved a child and that the child was torn from her. Rick, in that moment, understood Michonne's anguish. He too had felt it when he had believed Judith was lost to him; the unbearable, tortuous pain that a parent suffered when they had lost a child. He understood her heartache; he understood her grief. He also understood her strength. Rick closed his eyes briefly, stepped closer to Michonne and silently wrapped his arms around her; he drew her into a firm embrace. Enclosing her in his arms as he pulled her form close to his. Rick held her and felt her rigidness melt away as he caressed her; brushed her hair gently, tenderly. Michonne yielded to his touch; she could not bring herself to utter another word in that moment. All she could do was collapse into Rick's gentle grip and let the weight that she carried fall away. She exhaled, closed her eyes and pressed her head to Rick's shoulder; he held her upright while he stroked her back comfortingly.
"I'm so sorry," Rick whispered. "I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I'm sorry for your loss."
He squeezed her slightly as he held her shaking body close to his; her tears fell as she let go of a suffocating breath she was not even aware she was holding. Michonne lifted her head and looked into Rick's glassy eyes. She silently offered him thanks before placing her forehead to his, still holding on to him tightly. Michonne hesitantly pulled away, suddenly becoming conscious that a few of the others were throwing the pair questioning glances. She smiled weakly at Rick who returned the gesture in kind before using his thumb to wipe a stray tear from her cheek.
"Thank you, Rick," she said quietly, honestly. "It was hard for me, to be around Judith before; reminded me too much of him. But then we thought she was…gone and I wanted to say somethin' to you then, that I knew what it felt like. I guess I just didn't have the words then, I mean it was easy to tell Carl, I had to, to ease his mind a little; but then I'd look at you and the pain that was in your face…I got scared, I couldn't say anything, I didn't want to make things worse for you. I don't know."
Rick nodded to show that he knew exactly what Michonne was trying to say; he knew from the way she was patient with him, after the fall of the prison, that she had a deeper level of knowing. It was not just that they had lost everything they worked so hard to build; lost their friends and family. It was there, in her eyes, the empathy and responsiveness to his grief. Somehow Rick knew, deep within his being, that Michonne understood his pain at the seeming loss of his child.
"But she's back, and Rick, I really am so happy for you, and Carl. And sure, when I saw the three of you together, it reminded me of how I'll never get to hold André again…" Michonne's voice faltered a little as another tear fell; Rick reached for her hand and held it in his and she found the strength to continue. "But then I saw the look on your face, on Carl's face, and I don't know, it just made me feel happy again. I couldn't help but smile too. Seeing you guys happy makes me happy. It's that simple."
Rick smiled and wiped under his own eye where a tear had escaped. He let go of Michonne's hand, placed his own hands to the side of her face and placed a lingering kiss to her forehead.
"You make us happy too," Rick offered in earnest as he stepped back slightly, but still close enough to feel the warmth radiating from her body.
"You're great with Carl. You know how to make him laugh and smile. It's amazing how you are with him. That makes me happy, you make happy," Rick said, staring into Michonne's eyes.
She remained silent, enjoying the cadence of his voice. He paused a moment and looked contemplative yet sure of himself before continuing.
"What Carl said about loving Judith more and more, it's true with kids, ain't it? But I think it's true with adults as well. As the days go by, we care about each other more and more. What you said about Judith making it easy for us to love her, again, it can be true for adults too. The way you are, who you are, it just makes it that much easier for me to…"
Just then, Judith's piercing cry immediately stole Rick's attention as he offered Michonne an apologetic look before ambling quickly over to his children. He scooped his daughter into his arms and proceeded to hush her back to sleep by pacing the length of the room. Rick glanced back over to where Michonne stood watching the both of them intently. She offered him a sweet smile, that he returned, before making her way over to her sleeping area near Carl. She lay down on her side, glimpsed back over to Rick and Judith and smiled to herself. She knew all too well the feeling of caring for someone, of loving someone more and more; all she needed to do was look at Rick Grimes to remember that.