I
Lois sighed and shifted on the couch. It was still raining and there wasn't anything to watch on T.V. At least the plants on the balcony were getting watered. It had been Chloe's idea to buy her plants as a housewarming present, but really her cousin should have known they wouldn't do well, no matter what Lois tried. She didn't want to hurt Chloe's feelings by getting rid of them, so in desperation she called Clark, and he had coaxed life out of the stubborn withering shoots. Of course, that meant he had to spend a little more time at her apartment, but that was alright with Lois.
She looked away from the rain to the fire, still crackling away. The realtor who found her an apartment hadn't understood why Lois insisted on having a fireplace, but did as she asked. It reminded her of the Kent's, of late nights sitting in the living room chatting to Martha as Clark and Jonathan discussed a football move or a job to be done on the farm: of Jonathan telling a story about Clark growing up and laughing out loud as his son squirmed, and Clark would catch her eye and share the fun with her. Even after Jonathan had died, she would sit up with Martha and discuss policy or figures, and then Clark would come home with a Chinese (and ice cream for after) and the mood would lighten. It was almost like having a home, a family.
Idly, Lois wondered what Clark was doing now. Was he sitting in the living room, Shelby beside him for company, laughing at those old comedy shows he loved as the fire crackled? Lois fought the almost overwhelming urge to call him, just to hear his voice. Maybe he was lonely, like she was, and then they could be company for each other. For a second, Lois closed her eyes and imagined his long legs stretched out beside hers, his arms wrapped around her waist, watching the rain with her. Her heart approved of this fantasy, so she opened her eyes and shook her head to get rid of it, watching the rain once more. She was alone, but not just alone - she was lonely. It was like a badge or a bumper sticker: I watch the rain on my own.
Was the Blur out there somewhere watching the rain, waiting in the shadows for a call for help? Then he would find the person causing pain and harm, and stop them. Maybe he would come past her apartment and see her sitting here. Her traitorous heart approved of this fantasy too. Lois sighed again. There was the dilemma she had been trying to avoid thinking about all night, because she knew there was no answer to it: she was in love with two men. For this, she needed ice cream.
Lois settled herself back on the couch with a blue blanket that she may have "borrowed" from Clark, and what Clark called her 'I have a problem with a guy' ice cream. She seemed to have been eating a lot of Rocky Road lately. But what was she going to do about the two men in her life? Logically, she should start at the beginning and work out the reasons why she loved them. Clark, he of the gentle blue-green eyes and broad shoulders that had the weight of the world on them, her best friend and co-worker… where to begin with him? There was that smile that turned her insides to mush. There was his intelligence and quick mind: there was nothing Lois liked to do more (though she would never admit it) than watch him edit an article or work out a problem. He had an innate sense of justice and was unfailingly kind, which made people like him and trust him. It was rare to meet someone like that. And, she had to admit wryly, he was gorgeous too, unconsciously so. He really had no idea of the number of second glances he got from other people.
Lois knew for a fact that Marcie from Accounts had all of Clark's handwritten notes about his tax return (small-town manners, Lois thought with a sigh) framed on the notice board above her desk, despite the fact that she couldn't even talk to Clark without going red and clamming up. Like Marcie, Lois was no stranger to weak knees or a pounding heart if Clark stood too close to her. With all her powers of observation, she had noticed that something about him had changed, so gradually that she didn't see it at first, but striking enough that she wondered how she hadn't noticed. She would have to work that out.
She sighed again and shifted into a more comfortable position. He knew her so well: he teased her constantly, could read all of her many moods and was always there to get her out of whatever problem she got herself into, for which Lois was very thankful. Once she had been on the trail of a story and had to meet a rather suspect source (that Clark had warned her about, but she hadn't listened). She didn't remember getting hurt, but she vaguely recalled strong arms lifting her from the alleyway and when she woke up in the hospital, Clark, ever faithful Clark, was there, the familiar line of worry creasing his forehead.
He had stayed with her the whole time she was in hospital and then bore her frustration and propensity to throw things during her recovery with resilience and the sort of patience that would have shamed a saint. He never argued back but with typical quiet stubbornness he had made her do all the things she was supposed to, and she got better. He stayed late one night to fix a leak in the kitchen sink and they ended up falling asleep on this exact couch. Lois's stomach flipped over at the memory of waking up to those sleepy eyes: she had nearly kissed him right there and then, but that would have been awkward afterwards. Clark would have understood and not mentioned it, and she loved him for that too.
Strangely, things were never awkward with the Red-and-Blue Blur, that mouthful of a name that never really captured what he meant to the city, or to her. Lois wondered if he had been the one to take her to the hospital that day, but he never mentioned it, so she didn't ask, and kept that thought to herself. There wasn't much that she did keep to herself when she talked to him. On so many nights she told him about missing her mother, failing to live up to her father's expectations, worrying about her sister, where her next story would come from. In turn he told her about his home planet, being on the outside and never quite fitting in, being the last person alive from his world, about the people he couldn't save. She was his link to humanity, he told her once, a reason to keep doing what he did, and how could she not be affected by that? Her heart still skipped a beat when her phone rang and she heard that deep-voiced "Good evening Lois".
Sometimes, though, he was near her in person: she would be standing in a quiet place somewhere in the city and ask "Are you here?", and from the shadows would come an answering "Yes Lois, I'm here". She would see him at the end of a dark alleyway, silhouetted by the streetlights, or on the corner of a building looking down on the city, cape billowing in the wind. Lois wondered who he went home to at night. Did he have anybody? She stared out the window, ice cream finished and forgotten. Thinking about her problem was all very well, but she had no solutions. One thing was undeniable though: she couldn't give either of them up without ripping herself in two.
II
The air was fresher after the night of rain as Lois walked to the Planet. Her pulse quickened slightly as it always did when she walked through the revolving door into the buzz and noise that was the soundtrack to her job: what story would come her way today? What truth would she uncover? Clark teased her sometimes that the saying 'the pen is mightier than the sword' didn't apply to her, because she was equally lethal with both, and she would get the story one way or the other. As always when Lois got to her desk, there was a mug of coffee, a bear claw and the morning edition of the Planet neatly arranged on her desk. It was Clark's way of saying good morning to her, and she had become very attached to that little gesture. He wasn't at his desk: where was he?
She looked round for him and spotted him standing on the other side of the basement, talking to her over-excitable intern, Jeff. As usual, Marcie was there too. Lois rolled her eyes and wondered when that girl got any work done, seeing as she spent all her time down here trying to get Clark's attention. Lois felt her heart beat a little faster when she saw Clark laughing at something Jeff said. He didn't do that enough, she decided: seeing him laugh was like watching the sun come out. He looked over in her direction as though he was checking to see if she was in yet, and excused himself to Marcie and Jeff. Lois stifled her laugh at the look on Marcie's face. Really, did she think she had a chance? With Clark? His smile was wide and his eyes danced with amusement as he came over to her. "Good morning, Lois" he said in that soft deep voice of his. Lois picked up her coffee and threw him a "Morning Smallville" over the rim of the mug.
Her conscience chastised her for being so aloof. He was her best friend, so why did she treat him that way? Self defence mechanism, Lane, she reminded herself. There was no way she was going to lose her self respect by melting into a puddle of goo at Clark's feet. But that didn't mean she couldn't watch every little move he made. He walked to the coffee machine to refill his mug, checked the post trays, answered the phone, typed up a story and chatted to people about Friday night's upcoming game and the Shark's chances of winning against strong opposition. No matter how many times she had seen him do it, it still surprised her. He was part of the Planet, as though he was born to it.
He fitted in here, just as he had fitted in with those billionaires and city types at Oliver's benefit dinner a couple of weeks ago. She had dressed with such care, knowing he would be there, and of course when she arrived he was deep in conversation with Oliver and Bruce Wayne, who had come all the way from Gotham to help the children of Metropolis, which Lois found odd. They had noticed her before Clark did, but she didn't miss the way his face lit up when he did, AND he could pull off a tux like no-one else. He was funny and charming all the way through dinner (Lois mentally thanked Oliver for placing them beside each other) but they hadn't danced together afterwards and Lois was a little sad at that.
Sure, it would have brought back memories of another time that they had danced, but Lana was long gone out of Clark's life (and heart), and so was the hurt. Instead, he had been talking to Oliver and Bruce again, and she didn't feel like dancing with anyone else. He fitted in there, and here at the Planet, but she had seen him at home on the farm and he fitted in there too. She would never admit how many times she had watched him working, Shelby at his feet. He was a true son of the earth, free to think and dream and be under the wide Kansas sky.
People had facets, her dad told her once, like diamonds: if you held them to the light at a different angle, they shone differently. Clark was like that, she decided. She had seen so many sides to him, but there were some he kept to himself, some mystery that the rest of the world wasn't privy to. The Kent's knew it, whatever it was, and she had seen the way that it bound them to each other. Would he ever tell her what it was? Maybe. Maybe not. Hope flared within her that some day he would want to tell her everything about himself. She knew him better than anyone else, he told her that once, but…. Reality reasserted its right to be heard and pointed out that knowing him well didn't mean she would be the one to know all of him.
Lois tilted her head to the side slightly, studying him as he diligently typed away. His calm exterior exuded confidence, coupled with the boyish innocence he had never lost. It was impossible not to love him. He stood up and walked out of the office without a word, walking up the steps and parting the mass of people in front of him. Though she was curious to know where he went when he did that, Lois was more interested in a slight epiphany she had just had. She had been trying to describe Clark to an old friend but could never find the right phrase. Now, she had the perfect description: power under control. Clark was strong, really strong, and not just physically. It came from somewhere deep within, running through his veins and kept in check under strict control with a will power that Lois was certain would match hers. She mused about what might happen if he ever lost control, like, say….with her.
She blushed at the thought and shook her head to get rid of it as she turned back to her desk and tried to do some work. Was it only a few months ago that she had seen him cold, hardened and aloof, conflict raging in his eyes? Lois realised what was different about him now, that change she couldn't name: Clark Kent was a man at peace with himself.
That afternoon, she was investigating a fire in an abandoned warehouse a few blocks away from the Planet when her phone rang. "Lois" said the deep voice on the other end of the phone. "Hi!" she answered, mentally smacking herself for sounding like some breathy débutant. "Are you alright?" he asked, her heart fluttering at the idea that this powerful man was concerned about her.
"I'm fine." A firm tone was better: after all, she was no damsel in distress. "You put the fire out, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did." He wasn't being very forthcoming, for some reason. "What happened? How did it start?" There was a pause on the other end. "I'm not sure" he said slowly, as though he was trying to work it out. "When I got there, it looked like some wooden pallets had been stacked together and set on fire".
"So it's arson?" He chuckled. "I think that's for you to find out, Lois". She smiled and answered "I better get right on that". There was another pause. "Lois, are you alright?" Well she wasn't expecting that. "Yes, I am. Why are you asking?" She hoped she didn't sound as surprised as she felt. "I saw you going home yesterday. It looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders". He really did sound concerned about her.
"No, I was just tired. I'll leave the weight of the world to sit on Clark's shoulders… they're broad enough". He chuckled again. "Maybe. I'll see you around, Lois" and there was a click as he hung up. For the hundredth time, Lois wondered how he did it. Light-hearted, she walked back to the warehouse to terrorise the slightly hapless warehouse guard. She felt like she could take on the world, and win, her dilemma completely forgotten.
III
For another month, Lois battled on, loving both of them and giving so much of herself, until the afternoon that she realised she couldn't take it any more and admitted defeat. She was tired and fed up and she was supposed to be working on a story. The flashing cursor mocked her apparent inability to solve a problem in her personal life and work at the same time. A voice broke in on her thoughts. "Lois?" She looked up: Clark had wheeled his chair over to her desk and was sitting there looking at her, concern in his eyes. "Are you alright?" he asked.
She tried to rally herself. "I'm alright, Smallville, I'm just tired," she stated in the most confident tone she could manage. "No, I think it's more than that. You haven't said a word for hours". Clark leaned forward slightly, his eyes roaming her face, searching it. She couldn't meet his eyes, not now, so she looked down at her desk, hoping he would just accept her answer and go away. A strong, warm hand cupped her chin and pulled it up gently, forcing her to meet his eyes, currently boring into hers. She hated it when he did that, as though he could see through all the layers she wrapped herself in, to the real Lois underneath – hard edged, cynical, unlovable.
She could see surprise on his face: he must have understood something. "You're sad" he said quietly. He didn't ask why or push for an explanation: instead, he did something very Clark-like. He let go of her chin and tucked her hair behind her ear. His fingers drifted down to her cheek and Lois tried hard to quell the blush that was threatening to break out on her face. The intensity in his eyes was something she had never seen in anyone else. Clark was passionate by nature, she knew that. She had seen him angry, enthusiastic, watched his heart break – his feelings ran deep, but he kept them hidden away. It really would be something to be loved by him.
For a second, Lois could see the life they might have together: weekends snuggled up in front of the fire, him teasing her with love in his eyes, a gentle kiss in the rain, limbs tangled under white sheets on hot summer evenings and cool winter nights. He would give her his whole heart, but how could she take it from him, when she had only half of hers to give in return?
She closed her eyes and drew in a breath. She needed to go somewhere to think, somewhere that Clark wasn't. She opened her eyes to look at him again, taking in the details of the face that she knew so well, as though she was seeing it for the last time. "I think I've been sitting here for too long. I need some air" she ground out eventually. Clark dropped his hand and pushed his seat back, his eyes never leaving her face. He stood up when she did, as though he was going to do or say something, but he didn't.
She walked past him, trying to ignore that he was there, but she could feel his eyes on her the whole way to the elevator. The stupid elevator took forever to come to the basement, no matter how impatiently she pushed the call button, and suddenly Clark was beside her. "Where are you going?" he demanded, sounding desperate. She couldn't look at him but focused on the doors, willing them to just open already. "To the roof, for some air". Wasn't that what she had just said? He didn't answer, but she could hear him breathing in the quiet of the office. She was about to scream in frustration when the doors finally opened. Almost tripping in her haste to get in, a warm hand gripped her elbow and steadied her. Ignoring the ripples of heat rushing through her, Lois stabbed at the button for the roof and breathed a sigh of relief when the doors closed. She was a mess, an emotional wreck. Where was Mad Dog Lane, the cool-headed reporter, now?
The roof afforded the best view of the city Lois loved so much, but that wasn't the only reason the roof was her thinking spot. No-one else came up here, except for Clark, so she was never disturbed. If a story wasn't working out, or she was feeling down, she came up here and looked out over Metropolis, its lights blazing so brightly against the night sky. One night she had come up here to find Clark standing in front of her, hands shoved in his pockets, never moving till she reached out and touched his arm. He was looking at the stars, he said, and something in his voice made her ask why. He had shrugged and said "Because the universe is a big place".
She had thought about that long after he left, looking up at the constellations he had taught her to recognise. Then the Blur had called, and she asked him if he had ever been to any stars. With a chuckle he told her he had been to the sun once, because he was dying, and since he drew all his power from the sun, it was the one thing that revived him. He was so special, she thought, wrapping her arms round herself against the wind. Lois breathed in the night air, and realised that she was waiting – waiting on him to call.
As if on cue, or he could read her mind (which would not be a good thing), her phone vibrated in her pocket. It was him, it had to be. "Hello?" she practically barked into the phone. "Good evening, Lois" came the deep voice that she could listen to all day and never tire of hearing. "Are you alright?" He must have picked up on the tension in her voice. She blew out a breath and decided to just plunge right in. "No, I'm not alright. I have feelings for someone and now there's you and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about either of you and I just- I just wish I could meet you and talk to you in person because then I would know what to do". There was complete silence on the other end. Great, now she'd completely scared him off.
"Please?" she asked softly, not knowing what the answer would be but wishing he would just say something, anything. "You want to meet me? You want to know the truth? Even if it scares you…or hurts you?" he said finally. Puzzled at his choice of words, Lois stopped for a second, considering. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all….no, this was something she had to do. "Yes, I want to meet you". There was more silence before he said "Turn around".
The click indicated he had hung up. Turn around? That meant he was….on the roof. Behind her. He was here. Adrenalin and excitement and fear coursed through her, warring with each other as she tried to calm her breathing, and slowly, she turned round. She couldn't see him, but something in the shadows caught her attention. Movement. It was him. Still moving slowly, trying to get a handle on her emotions, she walked towards where she had seen the movement. Closer, still closer she went. She could make out the shape of a man, wearing a cape that was blowing gently in the wind. He shifted forward slightly and Lois stopped breathing completely. The light of the moon drifted across his face, and Lois found herself looking into the gentle blue-green eyes of Clark Kent.
IV
She expected to feel angry, but she was surprised that she didn't. Instead, Lois was relieved. She didn't have to tear herself in two after all, because the men she loved were the same person. The same person. Clark was the Blur. The Blur was Clark. A thousand disconnected thoughts whirled in her head and joined up to produce a startling truth: with almost blinding clarity, Lois realised she had known all along. Of course Clark was the Blur. No-one else could have done such a thing as try to save a city from itself. He did it for her all the time. It was a wonderful thing, finding out the truth: suddenly, every moment or experience she had had with both of them was different, a subtle alteration in the story of her life. Clark had been there for her more times than she realised. He was the one who had found her broken and bleeding in that alleyway.
She looked up at him and realised that he was freaking out. Typical Clark. "It was you. It was always you" she said gently, a smile breaking out on her face. His apprehension lessened slightly and he stepped forward into the light cast by the moon, closer to her. Lois's breath caught in her throat: he was magnificent. He looked taller and broader, but it was the look on his face that was the real difference. Lois struggled to put a name to it: it was confidence, and strength, and authority, but it was more than that. She looked at his chest, a symbol proudly displayed on it and realised that he had never been a dorky farmboy: he was something more, something…noble. For quite possibly the first time in her life, Lois was awestruck.
The feeling didn't last long, because Clark would never let her hear the end of it. He finally spoke. "Lois…I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but I-" She cut him off by putting her finger to his lips. She understood, there was so much that she understood now, and she knew what he was going to say, so she said it for him. "You were only trying to protect me because if anyone found out I could be in danger. Yeah, I get it". He smiled at her, appreciating how she could understand him so easily. He took her hand in his and stepped closer to her. "I've wanted to tell you for so long, but…I guess, I was scared. The irony is, you're the one person who would understand".
Lois tugged her hand out of his firm grasp and wrapped her arms round herself again. It might have a brilliant view, but it was cold up here. "Yeah, well, I should thank you for all those times you saved me, Smallville…guess I can't call you that any more." He grinned that toothy Kent grin that never failed to brighten up her day. "I like it. It's your name for me. And you're welcome. Besides, you're the only person I know who needs two people to keep an eye on her on a daily basis". She punched him in the arm, feigning outrage but laughing anyway. "I certainly keep you on your toes, Smallville". He laughed then, his joy rolling through her and round the rooftop, infectious and heart-warming.
She shivered, cold despite the movement, and Clark noticed. "I'm sorry, Lois, I shouldn't keep you up here. It's alright for me, I don't feel the cold". She raised her eyebrow. That actually made sense. There had been a heat wave during the summer, but Clark did not once break into a sweat. "I didn't know you were temperature resistant, is that like a special ability?" she asked, curious. He shrugged. "I don't know, but my skin is invulnerable to pretty much everything." He stopped, and Lois tilted her head to one side, encouraging him to continue. "I was thrown into a blast furnace once, and I survived that, and I'm bulletproof, and-" Lois raised a hand. "Stop. Right. There. Bulletproof?" He nodded, not knowing where she was going with this. "But I saw you get shot. Right in front of me. How did that happen?"
Understanding dawned on his face, and he breathed out slowly. "There is one thing that can hurt me. You know the meteor rocks? They're called kryptonite, pieces of my planet that are radioactive. If I'm exposed to it for long enough, it can kill me. There was some of it in the basement of the Ace of Clubs, that's why the bullet could go through me like that". Lois's mouth fell open: he was sick, dying even, and he still jumped in front of a bullet…for her. "I heal quickly, Lois, it didn't affect me for long once I was away from the kryptonite" Clark added, as though he was trying to make her feel better.
Something else pinged in her memory though. "But the next day, when I brought you breakfast, you were still hurt. Right?" Clark suddenly looked guilty. "You weren't hurt at all, were you?" She glared at him. "You faked it! You big liar!" Lois reached out and punched him in the arm again. "Oh wait, you can't feel that, can you?" He looked apologetic. "No, I can't, not really." She shivered again as the wind picked up speed. Clark reached round his back and pulled the cape out wide, wrapping both it and his arms round her waist. "But I can feel this," he said quietly, his eyes boring into hers again.
Stunned, Lois couldn't even speak as she looked up in his face, completely helpless to do anything except breathe in and out. Even that was a bit of stretch when her eyes met his. Heat that had absolutely nothing to do with the sudden rise in her body temperature threatened to melt her bones. Clark smiled at her. "Relax, Lois. There's something I want to show you". Tentatively, she placed her hands on his chest, tracing the outline of the symbol there with her finger (steady, she noted with satisfaction). Whatever he was going to show her, she could wait on it. "I've seen this before. What is it?" she asked, almost shyly. What was this symbol that was displayed so proudly on his chest?
His deep voice echoed through her whole body, he was so close to her. "It's my family crest, the symbol of the House of El". He truly was something else, something different and wonderful and amazing. "The House of El?" She was nervous, though she didn't know why, so she asked incessant questions to try and hide it. "My family...the name my parents gave me is Kal-El". She shook her head in wonder, trying to absorb every little detail. His breath hit her ear as he whispered, "Look up, Lois". She wished she could stop blushing: she was a Lane, and Lanes did not blush, no matter how many hot men were whispering in their ears.
She looked up and realised…they weren't on the roof any more. They were in mid-air, drifting high over the city, lights twinkling below them. Clark was flying. As in flying. By himself. Not a chopper or skyhook in sight. Eyes wide, she looked up at Clark again. "I didn't know you could fly" she said in a slightly strangled tone of voice. "I couldn't...until recently. I was fighting myself and my destiny for so long that I wasn't able to fly. But when I accepted what I had to do, and who I am….." Seeing her wide eyes, he tightened his grip in her waist, one arm shifting up slightly to curl round her back. "I won't let you fall." He whispered, a smile lighting up his face. "But what if I did?" she whispered back. They stopped moving as Clark leaned his forehead against hers. "If you fell, I would catch you…always."
The words I love you rushed up her throat, threatening to break the silence, but she couldn't say them. She wanted Clark to set her down somewhere and let go of her, somewhere she could take all this in. He sensed the tension in her body and pulled his head back to gaze into her face. "I'll take you back, Lois." Sadness crept over his face, and more than anything Lois wanted to reach up and smooth it away. They stopped once more and Lois realised with a start that they were on the rooftop again. Clark bent his knees slightly and set her feet back on solid ground.
Silence hung over them like a dead weight, until the still night air was interrupted by the wail of sirens. Lois looked away towards the sound, knowing that he would have to go, but not wanting to give up the feeling of complete and utter security she felt in his arms. His hold on her loosened as he pulled his arms away, stepping back slightly. Already the distance felt like miles. "I have to go, Lois. I'll see you when I get back?" He sounded uncertain and she rushed to reassure him. "Of course! Go…..do your thing, I'll be here". With a final smile, he looked upwards and took off, leaving one very awestruck and emotionally spent Lois Lane staring up into the sky after him.
V
Lois tried to keep her mind off everything she had learned and decided that since she couldn't work, she had to do something at least slightly productive. She ended up in the copy room, doing copies of all the articles she had ever written, because at least that way she could keep herself occupied. Still, the same thought had been running on a loop inside her head for the last hour: Clark was the Blur, and she was more in love with him than ever. She cursed whatever gods had thrown that wrench into the flow of the universe. Of course the one person she trusted more than she trusted herself, the one person who could get past all those walls she built round her heart, who could see through her no many how many times she tried to avoid it, was also the one person who would save Metropolis from the darkness that was always round the corner, who gave people something to believe in and aspire to.
She was so focused on the copy machine that she didn't notice him come back until she felt a pair of eyes on her. Looking up, she saw Clark standing in the doorway, arms by his side, looking….like Clark. He was wearing the blue shirt and dark tie that brought out his eyes so well. Lois couldn't read the expression on his face and worked hard to keep hers as neutral as she could manage. Her voice, on the other hand…."Was everything alright?" It came out steady, so that was something. "It was a fire over on 5th and Main. No-one was badly hurt, just some smoke inhalation. The building was damaged pretty badly though…" He trailed off, something that Clark rarely did. He walked towards her and Lois couldn't cope with having him so close to her, not right now. She couldn't think straight as it was, so she stepped back. Hurt flickered across his face, and Lois chastised herself for doing such a silly thing. Where was her common sense when she needed it?
"Are you afraid of me now?" he asked, hurt and fear in his expression. "What? No! I'm not afraid of you, Smallville…even if you're really ET in disguise". She tried to smirk and sound like she was teasing him, but it didn't work. He just looked confused now. "Then why…I mean, I'm still Clark. I'm still Biscuit to your Cheesestring". He brought up the silly code names she had given them on a story that had pulled both of them in over their heads, and Clark had rescued her. Again. She was shaking her head. "Don't, Clark. Please". She was practically pleading with him. How could he understand? She loved him so much she could hardly breathe, but she had put herself out there before and he had broken her heart. She couldn't do that again.
He took a deep breath and stood up a little straighter. Whatever he was going to tell her now, Lois was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to take it without her head exploding. That would be messy, so she steeled herself for whatever was coming. Clark's gaze was on her face again, and she met it as calmly as she could. "I have had two great secrets in my life, Lois. One was the fact that I'm from another planet, and you know that one. You don't know the other one, and to be honest this is the one that scares me the most". He stopped and took another couple of steps towards her. Lois stayed where she was, her nerves now calm and ready. He was only a couple of feet away but she could feel the heat radiating off him. It was like standing next to one those braziers that popped up all over Metropolis when the weather turned chilly.
"I'm in love with you, Lois." She stopped breathing. There was no way he just said that, the one thing she wanted him to say to her and mean. "I've loved you for a long time and I didn't know it, and it took almost losing you to see what I had right in front of me the whole time. I've been stupid and made mistakes about so many things while I've tried to figure out who I am and where my life is going, but the one constant I keep coming back to…is you. You're the only one who knows me the way you do, who keeps me on my toes and never cuts me any slack. You're the only one who can accept me for who I truly am, and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. You're my whole world, Lois, my link to humanity, the one who saved me from the darkness when I thought I had no hope of anything. You're the reason I can fly. I know who I am, because of you. It was you. It was always you".
He was repeating her words back to her and Lois couldn't begin to put words to how she was feeling. He loved her. He loved her. Clark loved her. Clark had gone from looking confused to completely terrified. Did he think she didn't feel the same way? He was so blind she was tempted to smack him one. "Please say something, Lois," he pleaded, desperation in his voice. "Smallville…" she shook her head, a smile on her face. "You are so blind. Of course you're completely in love with me. I'm me!" Clark started to laugh, chasing away the tension in the air. "You're unbelievable, Lois. Nothing phases you." She walked over to him: she had to touch him, to know that it was real. He was looking at her with such love in his eyes, her knees were going slightly weak. "I wanna see" she said, reaching out her hand. Clark stood perfectly still, his eyes never leaving her face, as she loosened his tie and slid it from his collar, and unbuttoned the top three buttons on his shirt.
It was there, the blue suit… which meant it was all true. He really was the Blur, and he really was in love with her. Those three words that she couldn't say earlier didn't seem to be enough to describe how she felt about him, but she had to say them. Trailing one finger down his throat to meet the suit, she looked up into his gentle eyes and said the one thing she had never said to any man except her dad. "I love you, Smallville." She couldn't help the blush on her face, and this time she didn't want to. What did it matter if Clark saw it? He was in love with her, and that was all that mattered. She saw the fire in his eyes and her knees weakened a little bit more. If this was going to be the pattern of their life together, she really needed to work on that.
He was talking to her but he still wasn't touching her. Her hand rested on his chest, just over his heart, its beat strong and steady under her palm. "We stood like this once before," he whispered. "This time, I'm going to finish what we started". There was an edge to his voice that sent tingles all over her body. Did he mean…? Clark's hands came up on either side of her head and pulled her to him, crushing his lips on hers. She had never been kissed like that before, with such intensity it took her breath away. Lois opened her mouth slightly and Clark deepened the kiss, pouring everything he felt into that kiss. Of their own accord, her arms wound their way around his waist, her hands feeling the hardened muscles in his back. Clark moved one hand round to the back of her head to pull her closer and the other one found its way to her back, digging in slightly.
Once air became an issue, he rested his forehead against hers, both of them trying to catch their breath. "I'm never letting you go, Lois" he breathed, "ever". "I won't let you," she breathed back. His hand tangled in her air and he kissed her again, sweetly this time, the sort of kiss that made her toes tingle. Clark pulled back to look at her and smiled the brightest smile she had ever seen on his face. "You really love me." He stated, wonder in his voice. Lois giggled, never feeling like more of a girl than in that moment. "Of course I do, Smallville. Think I would've let you do that if I didn't?" Without warning, he picked her up and whirled her round. "You love me!" he said, kissing her again and again. This was the moment her world tilted on its axis and settled into the right place. Rocky Road was pretty much redundant from now on.
VI
It was raining again, but Lois didn't mind. Stretched out on the couch in front of the fire, she really couldn't have cared less about the weather. She was waiting on Clark to come home from a gas explosion somewhere across the city. She frowned slightly. Since when did she become the stay-at-home wife? They weren't even married, for crying out loud. Secretly, though, she liked that role. She was the one thing he could come home to, and she was glad for that. There were times when something went wrong, someone he couldn't save, and she saw the way it tore at him, destroying a little piece of his soul. She was the one who pulled him back from the darkness. After one particularly difficult night, when the only thing she could do was hold him as he sobbed, he told her that though the sun gave him his abilities, she was the one who gave him the strength to keep going. Previously, and if anyone else had said it, Lois might have rolled her eyes at such sentimentality, but she knew it was true.
A thud on the balcony interrupted her musings: Clark was back. The balcony doors opened and he stepped through, dripping water onto the carpet. He smiled at her, that wide Kent smile that made his eyes sparkle. She got up off the couch and walked over to him, putting her hand on his chest. It was just something they always did: it meant they were together, and everything was alright. She studied his face, trying to work out what sort of night he had. He was still smiling: tonight had been a good night. His arms were going round her waist when she jumped back. "No way, Smallville, not while you're dripping all over my carpet". He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and made off towards the bathroom, dropping a quick kiss on her lips. "And you better get back here to give me some more of that," she called after him.
She heard him chuckle and walked over to the doors, watching the rain. It must have been all of two minutes later that she heard music from behind her and she turned to see Clark at the CD player. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms round her. "Dance with me, Lo" he murmured. Her arms wound round his neck, pulling him closer to her, and they swayed slightly to the song filling up the room.
When the sun is gone away
In the darkness of the night
I don't have to look too hard to see
That I'm living in your light
When I look into your eyes
It all makes perfect sense to me
I didn't know that I could feel this way
I am happy just to be
Lois loved this song. It summed up their life perfectly. Sure it was sappy, but as long as Clark's arms were around her, she didn't care. He leaned down and kissed her gently, whispering how much he loved her.
In your light, in your light
There's no shadow there's no darkness
I don't feel alone without you
Cause I'm living in your light
What could she do, in such circumstances, except kiss him back and tell him what he meant to her? Lois did just that, the words tumbling over each other as she tried to say them all at once. The love in his eyes shone brighter, and if Lois hadn't already been flying with Clark, she was pretty sure she could have done it all by herself right then.
When I wake up to your face
You don't have to say that it's alright
When I feel you lying here by me
I know I'm living in your light
The rain fell steadily, beating against the windows, demanding her attention. The fire crackled in the hearth, and the music played on, but the only thing Lois Lane could see at that moment was Clark Kent. One thing was undeniable: she would never watch the rain alone again.
Fin.