A long day of classes had just finished, and two girls from team RUBY were already rushing back to their dorm room. They ran in silence, with only the swirling of displaced air to mark their passage. Privacy was in short supply for those that lived at Beacon, and the two girls worked for every precious second they could have for themselves today.

With the door shut and locked, one girl went to her bed, and reached underneath for a hidden box. The other went to a bookcase, moving aside ordinary textbooks and pulling out a slim black book that few knew about before joining her friend on her bed.

The cover read 'ninjas of love.'

For today, they'd decided to try re-enacting some of the…scenes…from chapter five. That the author clearly did not understand biology wasn't about to stop them.

"Oh Blake, I can't deny my feelings any longer!"

In the hall, a trio of passing girls paused at the plaintive cry.

"Weiss, no! Through my love for you burns like the flames of the Divine Dragon's Fiery Retribution Technique, I fear we can never be together!"

Pyrrha looked askance at the two members of team RUBY she was walking with. They'd been planning to visit a shop in town that was promising discounts for Vytal Festival combatants, but the shop had been swamped with last-minute work requests and couldn't fill any more orders. Little else in town interested any of them, and there was nothing to do but return to Beacon.

"I feel passion building within me like a triple-charge of unstable incendiary dust, feelings I cannot ignore! If our families will not condone our union, then let us be as saboteurs in the night, our movements and actions together unheard until the moment of climax!"

Pyrrha's ears were turning a shade of red to match her hair, even as the purple prose made her cringe. Surely no-one actually talked like that, let alone…while…right?

"No, no, I cannot…In the face of such fiery ardour, I cannot hold back! Come away with me Weiss, to a hidden place in yonder mountain, where we may meet each other with all our strength and vigor!"

"Oh, Blake, I cannot wait even a moment longer! Take me here, in the place where we first met so long ago in battle, where I first felt your body upon mine! Grapple me as only another woman can, away from the gaze of disapproving elders and without the burden of their emblems that I wear upon my uniform!"

"Yes! Cast them aside! Let me see clearly the woman that was once my most deadly enemy, and now my deepest love!"

"Oh, Blake!"

"Oh, Weiss!"

"Oh, HELL NO!"

A furious kick shattered the lock, and as the door slammed open, Weiss stomped forwards to see…herself. And Blake. In bed together.

The outrageousness of the entire situation still paled to the absurdity of the position the two were in. Limbs were just not meant to bend that way. One leg had already been snapped off in the attempt and discarded.

Ruby and Yang sat on opposite sides of the bed, each holding a doll. One had a mess of white yarn taped to its head, the other wore the black bristles of a paintbrush trimmed down into two triangles.

They'd been interrupted in the attempt to mangle the two dolls together into something resembling the improbable configuration that the leading lady of N.o.L. was currently attempting.

"Ummm…hi?"

"What are you two doing?!"

Yang snort-laughed.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

Ruby started laughing as well, and Yang stopped holding back. The two nearly fell over before they brought themselves back under control, and Yang let out a few last sniggers as she picked up a book lying open on the bed between them.

"Oh, we…we were going through chapter five. Where the lonely kunoichi meets with her rival from across the sea and finally admits her feelings!"

Behind Weiss (the real one) Blake (also the real one) let out a very un-ladylike squawk.

"In~teresting choice of reading material you have here, Blake. I didn't think you were the type."

Weiss turned to find a pair of shrunken pupils locked on the book Yang was waving in the air for all to see.

"We just thought it would be funny to change the names around a little." Ruby added.

"Because the two characters in the book and the two of you are so similar." Yang noted.

"And not just because the noblewoman that the lonely ninja falls for has white hair."

"But I'm sure that's just a coincidence."

The sisters nodded in mutual assent.

While Weiss' thought processes slowly ground to a halt, Blake moved. She tried to, at least, bouncing off the doorframe and falling over in an attempt to avoid the slightest physical contact with Weiss as she moved past the other girl. She gave up on finding her feet and simply rushed Yang on all fours, who tossed the book to Ruby, who ducked under the fauna flying towards her, and tossed the book back towards Yang.

A shadow interrupted the book's flight mid-way, and Blake leapt away with her prize. She ended up in the corner of the room, ready for an attack from any direction, clutching her property tight.

While the sisters giggled, Weiss emerged from her stupor looking slightly horrified. She half-turned towards Blake, thought better of it, tried to simply look her way, failed at that, and just...gave up. She took a deep breath, spread her hands in a dismissive gesture, turned, and left the room.

Pyrrha watched her go, face still flushed. She'd almost been expecting a declaration of love. But she got nothing, which was a constant disappointment…

She quickly squashed that line of thought before her face got any redder.

After being ejected from their room by a mortified Blake, Yang and Ruby let out a few more laughs at what they heard through the broken door - two dolls being mangled, stomped upon, set on fire, and judging by the sound of gunshots, thrown out the window and used as skeet.

A lot of alcohol went into this. Writing purple prose is just painful.

Still, for anyone who managed to get through the whole story, here's a challenge - write Ninjas of Love as a RWBY AU, starring the main cast.

And now, blessed sleep. The sun is coming up.