A/N: Hey so usually I post stuff that I put up on tumblr long ago, but this is fresh off the presses! I just wrote this. Which doesn't make much of a difference to you, obviously, but anyway. This is a bit cracky, or at the very least not as serious as it could be considering the subject matter. Somebody also said it was the perfect blend of funny and cute, so don't let the zombies fool you! That said, it's still pretty gory, so here are some warnings.
Warnings: Zombies, violence, minor character death/zombification, brief mention of past character death, teacher/student relationship, mentions of sex (nothing graphic, there's just no time for that)
Summary: Kurt has enough problems in his life. He's nearly thirty and he's teaching English at the same crappy high school he graduated from. He found two grey hairs in his bangs last month. He's been hooking up with a student pretty regularly and he doesn't even want to stop. So the last thing he needs is for one of his students to start gnawing on her boyfriend's arm in the middle of his class.
Blaine had the unfortunate tendency to crush on guys that he didn't stand a chance with. The babysitter he'd have when he was seven, who'd always let him eat ice cream even when his mom gave him specific orders not to. The senior who'd shown him around at Dalton when he first arrived. Jeremy, the older guy whose career he'd ruined when he convinced the Warblers to help him serenade him at the Gap.
Actually, putting it in a list like that made it painfully obvious that Blaine had a thing for older men.
Which was why it didn't come as much of a shock to him that he developed the biggest crush on his English teacher when he transferred to McKinley his junior year.
What did surprise him was the fact that he actually had a chance with Kurt Hummel.
It didn't take long after they started fucking for Blaine to fall in love with him. Like, he'd never been in love before, so he when he told Sam about it he'd doubted him, but Blaine knew what he felt in his heart.
He didn't know if Kurt felt the same. He would never, ever ask him because he was sure that Kurt would make them stop what they were doing. He was ridiculously nervous about what would happen if anybody found out, despite the fact that Blaine was eighteen.
He tried to calm him every time Kurt's grip tightened on the steering wheel when Blaine got in his car, whenever he hurried Blaine into his house as fast as he could in the late afternoon sun.
Blaine didn't think it was that big of a deal, but of course it wasn't him the blame would be placed on if the truth ever came out.
So instead of changing Kurt's feelings about the matter, he just did the best to distract him and prove over and over again that the risk was worth the reward.
He'd gotten quite good at it.
"I missed you," Blaine said, his lips on Kurt's as soon as they'd closed the door to his house.
Kurt put a hand on his hip, and scrunched the material of his polo up in his hand, untucking it from his pants. "You've seen me nearly every day for a week."
He looked at him from beneath his lashes. "Not the way I want to."
He dropped to his knees and kissed Kurt's clothed crotch. Kurt weaved his fingers through Blaine's gelled hair and smiled down at him, the way he didn't dare to at school.
In another world, Blaine was sure they'd have been soul mates.
He wasn't entirely sure they weren't in this one.
Blaine had started to undo his belt when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He'd usually ignore it, but under the circumstances, he knew he should check.
He slipped his phone out of his pocket and read the message.
From Sam: Zombie meating pronto
"Are you texting?" Kurt asked incredulously from above him, fingers tightening in his hair.
"Relax. I can multi-task."
"Um, I don't allow texting in class, so I don't know why you'd expect me to tolerate it while you fellate me," Kurt said.
Blaine shot him a grin that Kurt always said would get him off on a murder charge and then unzipped his zipper with his teeth while he typed out his reply.
To Sam: Codee red?/?
"Damn teenagers," Kurt grumbled, head thumping against the door behind him
"It'll just take a second," he assured him. And if it didn't, they had much bigger concerns to deal with.
He slipped the button of Kurt's dress pants through its hole and dragged his pants down to his knees, palms sliding against coarse leg hair and smooth skin, before he got an answer.
From Sam: No just regulation meating were at mikes
To Sam: 2 busy 4 u
He handed his phone to Kurt, who put it on the entry table before stroking his cheek. "Do I get the honour of your full attention now?"
Blaine kissed his hip bone, the sharp line disappearing into his boxer briefs. "You always have my attention, Kurt."
He tugged on his hair. "Come up."
He pouted but obeyed. "I was gonna blow you."
"I know. But I wanna kiss you."
Whenever their lips touched, Blaine was sure that they were meant to be, and that not even the worst of zombie plagues could keep them apart.
A/N: And yes, the inspiration for the title comes from the song by The Police. Thanks to greenteafrog on tumblr for the idea!