It was always really easy for him to smile the way he did. Whenever people see him, he was always smiling brightly. No matter how others tyrannize him, he would always smile at the end. It was, as if, he was born that way. You know, smiling?
Why was it so easy for him to smile like that? Despite everything he has gone through? Why was it so easy for him to smile? So purely? So innocently? As if, there was nothing wrong.
Is he stupid or something? Yeah, that's right. He is stupid. But when I see him smiling happily like that, why do I feel like I'm the stupid one? Am I stupid? No, I don't believe so. So why?
I really don't understand him. How could he just smile like that? Despite all the sufferings he has to endure. Wasn't he the one who is sick here? Why aren't you scared? You're dying, you idiot! Doesn't he know, I was scared. I was scared for him. I'm scared, cause his dying.
Please, don't smile like that, as if, you're okay with it. Don't just say that you've already accepted it. No. Don't just give up so easily, you idiot. This is not like you at all! Aren't you stubborn? You were always so stubborn. So why aren't you stubborn now? Be stubborn, god dammit! Do you know how hard this is for me. Damn you! Cry! Be angry! Be scared! Be afraid to die! Be something! Anything would be fine. As long as I don't see you like this. Happy. Contented. Please, I don't want to see that expression of yours when your in a place like this and when your like this. That expression doesn't suit well in a place like this. A place where you are surrounded with nothing but white walls and lost hope. That smile is much more suited outside where there is full of color and hope.
I don't want to see that face of yours, as if, telling me that you were ready to leave. I don't want you to leave. I refuse to let you leave me! I won't let you die without me!
It's your fault that I'm like this! It's your fault! Because you had to come into my life and ruin everything! Did you know that my life was perfect before I met you.
Why did I even bother with you? I could have just easily ignored you like I always did. But I didn't because it was you. I couldn't just simply ignore you. I don't know why. I just couldn't. You made it difficult for me.
You brought back something inside me, something that I thought that I had lost a very long time ago. I can't remember when or where I had lost that feeling but I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to feel it again. But you brought it back again. Every time you smile at me. The feelings that I have carefully locked deep inside me are slowly resurfacing. And it hurts. It really hurts. I never wanted to feel it again. But whenever I'm with you, whenever I get a glimpse of you, whenever I think of you. The feeling comes back. And it scares me.
You're so sly. Now I know why I thought that you were like a fox the time I had laid my eyes on you the first moment we've met. You are too sly.
Please, don't smile like that. You don't know how much it hurts me seeing you like this. I feel so helpless. So useless.
Please, tell me that you will be okay, that you'll not lose to this battle. That you continue will live happily with me. That we'll be able to grow old together and then die together. Please, tell me that you'll be okay, cause I don't want to lose you.
You are mine you hear me! Mine! I refuse to let you go! I won't let you go! I won't allow you to let go of me that easily. You've brought this upon yourself when you accepted me. You knew from the start how selfish of a person I am.
If you leave me, I don't know what to do anymore. Please, don't leave me. Are you still going to smile after seeing me like this? Do you still dare to smile at me happily after seeing how miserable I am if you've left? Please, I beg of you. I beg of you! Please, don't give up! Please, don't leave me.
I love you.