A/N: Well what do you know, I actually managed to write this story. 3 weeks after the due date, but well, I'm very good at not sticking to deadlines. Plus I had some things going on that I needed to get to, so writing was pushed to the side. And I'm uninspired and stuff so this is really crappy and I don't like it so much, but I couldn't possibly drag it any longer. So this is for the winter fic exchange and my prompt was "The evening/night after Conrad asks her to be Secretary of State." I'm not sure if the person who requested this expected smut, but this is anything but. I'm sorry. I always go to angst for some reason. Well, enough ramble. Reviews are awesome.
Ghosts from the Past
Elizabeth didn't move from her chair for quite some time. Conrad had already left, and the house was quiet again. So quiet she could hear her own heart beating out of her chest. Did he really? Her mind wouldn't stop spiralling. She was just offered one of the most powerful positions in the country. Why? She had to wonder. Why would Conrad stop by, out of the blue, and offer her such a position? She'd never been into politics. She was an analyst. That's what he trained her to do, he said so himself. He was well aware of how she thought and how she worked. Why in the world would he find her suitable for this position? But then again, he did. The offer was on the table, and she had until the end of the day to give him an answer. An affirmative one, too. He was very clear about the other option, and Conrad was no longer the director with the bowties. He was now Mr. President, the most powerful man in the world.
"There you are." Henry smiled as he walked into the kitchen to find her sitting still at the dining table.
She glanced at him, slightly surprised by his presence, furrowing her brows at his comment. "Where else would I be?"
He kissed the top of her head before placing the box of Home Chef on the counter. "I thought you were planning on spending the day at the barn."
He started moving around the kitchen, unpacking the box and getting the pots and pans needed to cook the meal. But Elizabeth never moved. She remained in her seat, staring into space, not saying a word. It was not as though he wasn't used to finding her like this; She usually gazed when she was in deep thought about something that bothered her. But since she quit the CIA, he hadn't seen much of this. And especially not on Saturday. She was relaxed before he left and he couldn't think of anything that would possibly upset her like this. The best thing about her quitting the CIA was that he actually, finally, got his partner back. She was always present, and there was never a moment that her phone would ring and she would have to go somewhere she couldn't reveal. She was present, both physically and mentally as finally her mind gave her a rest and she could actually close her eyes and sleep.
Henry dried his hands and walked over to where Elizabeth was sitting, carefully taking her hands in his and forcing her attention to him. "What's on your mind, babe?"
Elizabeth blinked a few times, a useless attempt to find the right words to explain what was on her mind. "Conrad asked me to be his Secretary of State." She blurted, no longer able to keep this information to herself.
Henry stared for a long minute. He was trying to determine whether or not she was joking. She couldn't be joking, why would she be joking? But why on earth would he contact her to offer her one of the most powerful positions in the world? No. Not why. It wasn't that Elizabeth was inadequate or incapable. She was perfect for the job, and it suddenly raised the question of what took Conrad so long. He was too busy with his own thoughts to realize he hadn't said a word. Not until she spoke again.
"You don't know if you'll stick around if I accept, right?" her voice held so much contempt he actually had to squint to make sure that it was, in fact, his wife sitting before him.
"What?"
Rising in a sudden move, she reached for her coat. "Never mind. I'm going out for a ride."
"Elizabeth!" Henry shouted, reaching for her arm and stilling her movements. "What was that supposed to mean?!"
"Oh come on, don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. You know, your whole speech about how I'm not going to be around to watch the kids grow up; how I can't move ahead in my job because then you might not be here when I come back. I bet you have this speech all ready to go now with this offer, don't you? Let me save you the trouble, I'm not going to accept it." She stormed out of the house, leaving him so stunned he didn't even have it in him to chase her.
It was late afternoon when he finally heard the front door open carefully. Angrily, he marched towards it only to find her with puffy eyes and stooped shoulders, looking as if she lost a battle she was fighting for a very long time. The anger dissolved and ghosts from the past surfaced rather quickly. Their biggest fight from years back, still taking its toll on their marriage. It wasn't that he ignored the consequences of what he had said to her that day; he was well aware when he gave her the ultimatum that there would be a price to pay. But the way he saw it, if she took the job in Iraq, the price would've been much higher. He just didn't think it would still be there after all this time. He didn't think she would hold a grudge for so long. He slowly stepped closer to her, hesitant as he entered her personal space. As if testing the water, he watched as she took a step back, almost stumbling as her back pressed against the door.
"Elizabeth." He called softly, his eyes pleading.
"I never thought you of all people will put me down like this. I never thought… You're supposed to be on my side! And this was supposed to be forever, with no conditions!"
"With one condition." He muttered.
"What?"
"No running away. This was supposed to be forever as long as we are together! Elizabeth, you were planning to travel halfway across the world for a year! God knows if you would've returned! And how! I am on your side, and I will never stop you from doing anything. But can you really blame me for saying that I might not be here? I would've waited forever for you, you know it. But the thought of spending a year with the constant fear of losing you… I would've lost my mind. And I couldn't do it to the kids. I couldn't be mom and dad, and keep it together. I know you wanted to save the world, and I know it's selfish, but my world, our world, was far more important to me."
"I would've come back." She sounded defeated again, and tears welled. She would have, it wasn't a lie. She could never leave them.
"Juliet is getting a divorce." He didn't want to bring it up; it was beneath them to fight this dirty. But the truth was that Juliet went instead of her, and when she finally returned, her marriage fell apart. Of course, it didn't mean anything about them, but still.
"I am not Juliet. And we are not them." Elizabeth shot.
"You say that now. Now, years after you left. You have no idea what the price would have been had you went. I already apologized for playing the husband card like this, but I am not going to promise I won't do it again. I'm not sorry for keeping you here. But Elizabeth, I had my reasons. And you would've done the same thing."
"I let you enlist!" She yelled. She didn't do the same thing. She let him walk out the door into a war zone, where he deliberatelyput his life in danger. She never said a word. Not when he left, not when she spent countless of nights staring at the phone, waiting to hear from him.
"That was my duty! There was nothing I could've done. I had to enlist! You didn't have to go to Iraq. I know, as an analyst, you felt responsible for 9/11; felt like you have to fix the unfixable. But it wasn't on you and I wasn't going to let you go on some personal crusade. Not when your life was on the line!"
"So you're not going to let me accept this job either?" She sounded like a child all of a sudden, the wind blown from her wings and the fighter in her no longer present. Elizabeth was a lioness. She fought with all her force. But not with Henry; not regarding their marriage. She would put him in his place, let him know what she thinks. But the decisions were always mutual, and she respected him immensely.
"If you hadn't stormed out of here earlier, I would've been able to tell you how amazing I think this is, and how brilliant the choice is for you to be Secretary of State. Because honestly I can't think of anyone better for this job."
She blinked back her tears, her mouth slightly opened as she gasped in surprise. "What?"
"Take the job, Elizabeth."
"But…"
He stepped closer, closing the gap between them. His fingers gently caressed her cheek, his thumb drying her tears. "No 'but'."
"Henry, this is also a personal crusade. I want this so that I can affect real change in the world. That was Conrad's pitch. He knew exactly how to draw me in, and it worked."
Henry smiled. There was his lioness. "I never said you shouldn't fight for a better world. I'd just appreciate it if you could do it behind a desk and not in gunfire."
Elizabeth giggled and rolled her eyes. "And if I fail?"
Leaning closer, he pressed a kiss to her lips, slow and lingering. "You are not going to fail. And no matter what, I'm right beside you."
There was a moment of silence. She couldn't take her eyes off of him, needing the reassurance he provided without saying a word; the silent promise he was making. "Okay." She finally nodded.
Henry's eyes lit and a wide grin spread across his face. He kissed her then, taking her breath away as his tongue met with hers and his body pressed her against the door. "Secretary McCord." He announced, and it felt so natural.