I've been putting off posting this for awhile in the hopes that I'll be able to finish one of my other stories off. I've been on a roll with this one so I figured why not? The idea isn't an original one. I love amnesia stories, not really sure why. I'm doing my own version of it. The premise may seem familiar but really, what else would happen after the ending of Mass Effect 3? Shepard and Kaidan are separated and this is my version of how they find each other again. Enough spoilers I suppose. If anyone likes the story I'll be posting another chapter next Monday. Maybe sooner if I feel like it.
I have no beta so all mistakes are my own. All characters belong to Bioware.
The rating is merely a precaution. Mostly for language at this point but chapter seven might warrant it so I figured I'd be safe.
The world exploded around her and she was falling. It was a familiar experience from the time that the original Normandy was attacked and destroyed. It was familiar, the loss of control, the certainty of death. But it was altogether different. Her final thoughts were her own, not the frantic tearing at her suit as her breath was stolen from her, not the slow darkening of her vision and the sudden heaviness of her limbs as her brain suffocated. Her frantic movements lost to sluggish acceptance as she lost control of her motor functions and began to die. There had been a brief moment of regret because she had known that she would never see Kaidan again and he would be left to deal with her loss. But it was fleeting, a feeling rather than an actual thought. She could pin it down now, once she had time to reflect. And that made all the difference. She was falling and her entire body burned and ached. But her mind was clear of the haze that had accompanied her other death. She could think. And she thought of him. Kaidan. His perfectly managed hair with grey at the temples. His warm smile bracketed by the laugh lines that were etched just a little deeper than they had been before her first death. His beautiful dark eyes with creases at the corners. They had never spoken about the reason for the grey in his hair or the deeper lines in his face. He had aged beautifully but the fact that he had aged at all and so significantly after only two years troubled her. They had both known he had taken her death hard and her sudden rebirth and alliance with Cerberus even harder. After all she had died an Alliance hero and been reborn a Cerberus pawn in his eyes.
He had apologized for his reaction. His initial joy at seeing her given way to his anger at her betrayal. But they had both known his feelings had been genuine and the conflict of his feelings for her had nearly torn him apart. For a time he hadn't been sure if he had loved her entirely or if he could grow to hate the woman she had become. And Shepard had many conflicts of her own. She'd wanted to search for him, to beg him to join her in the fight against the Collectors. But she had her duty, to humanity, to every race of the Galaxy and thoughts of Kaidan had to be put aside. It had only been at night when she was alone with the quiet hum of the ship that she allowed herself fleeting thoughts. Did he think of her? Did he still love her? Her love for him had never died. She had died secure in the knowledge that what they had couldn't be broken. And she had woken up in a world where they were enemies, where loving each other no longer made sense. Only in those moments as she curled into the blankets of her bed, so empty without Kaidan's warmth beside her, did she allow herself to feel despair. Then she wasn't Shepard, the hero who had saved the galaxy. She was simply Isabelle, the woman who had loved and lost and was still trying to piece together why. Only once had she wished she hadn't been brought back and it was the moment after Kaidan's rejection. She'd been so elated to see him and hold him. But he hadn't wanted to listen to her explanations, hadn't wanted to hear how she had survived. He had left her.
Their reconciliation was a slow process. She had to gain his trust back and it was not easily done. There were times that she wanted to give in to the resentment she felt and be done with the constant ache. To tell him that what they had was gone and never coming back. But then Isabelle would remember she'd never wanted anyone else. The closest she had come was to Thane Krios. She saw a male she could love. He was sweet and thoughtful, his words achingly beautiful. But she would lose him and she hadn't been brave enough to throw herself into a relationship doomed to end with heartache. She'd clung to her love of Kaidan and it had gotten her through the final mission with Cerberus. Simply looking at his picture gave her strength. She'd known then it was right that he was the only man in her heart. The affection and respect she'd felt for Thane could not equal the incandescence she felt at simply seeing his face. She reminded herself of that feeling every time she looked on Kaidan's closed expression, at his eyes filled with wariness. He was the only man she could ever love.
Visiting him in the hospital had been tough. She'd seen him beaten before, his body bruised from fighting, his brow furrowed in pain. She'd never seen him broken. His smile wasn't the one she remembered and he moved so slowly, aged beyond his 36 years. The first real conversation she had with him since before Horizon was stilted and awkward. They had eyed each other as if the other was going to attack. Inane pleasantries were exchanged and once they had nothing else to hide behind it grew silent, neither really knowing how to break new territory and talk about them. Their relationship had been fractured but she hadn't pushed for more than he could give. She called upon her endless supply of patience and waited. Soon the smile on his face was almost the one she remembered, warmth and affection, if not love. He was eased back onto the Normandy and into missions. At first he'd stared around with bewilderment, unable to move past the changes to the ship and crew. But the familiar faces he did see helped him to adjust. Soon he told her it felt as if he was coming home. The day he told her he still loved her had her over the moon. The mission she went on that day couldn't drag her down, even as she plowed through Geth shooting her pistol with a fractured wrist, hastily patched up with medigel. The pain hadn't bothered her then as the sound of 'I still love you' played in her head.
There was never enough time to truly say what they wanted or be together as often as they hoped for. Their entire relationship was forged in between missions and briefings, amidst war and fighting. The time they spent together, alone for barely more than a few stolen hours at a time was precious. They'd both survived many situations they shouldn't have. Kaidan seemed to realize as she did that this was it, their final chance at stealing moments of happiness for themselves. The final days before they returned to Earth to face the Reaper invasion were some of the best of her life. She was stressed but he made sure she knew he was by her side through whatever they had to face. They clung together the few hours they slept, they stayed close on missions, kissed every chance they got and said I love you before every instance they were forced to separate. It was the closest they would ever get to domestic bliss in the situation they found themselves in. And as she left to make her run for the catalyst her final words had been a promise to return, somehow, and that she loved him more than anything.
It was funny how time seemed to slow for her as she plummeted to Earth amongst the wreckage of the former Citadel. She saw all the faces of her squadmates flash before her eyes, the faces of Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett. They would hopefully survive the destruction. She had saved as many as she could and she could die knowing she couldn't have done more. Her only regret was her broken promise to Kaidan. They would never have the chance at normalcy and family like they'd talked about. They'd hesitantly discussed possible names of children that would now never be born. She could almost imagine a baby girl with her red hair and his beautiful brown eyes, or a baby boy with his dark hair and her green eyes. A piece of each of them that she would never have the chance to see.
The fall was long and she should have burned as she re-entered the atmosphere but she seemed to be protected by the walls of cement and twisted metal that surrounded her. Her suit protected her and kept her breathing and coherent enough to realize that when she hit the ground she would be crushed. She began to lose consciousness as the pressure of moving through the layers of the atmosphere tried to tear her apart. She could hear the whistling of air as she plummeted and wondered what it looked like to those below. It probably looked like a big ball of fire from the ground. She could feel the heat as the flames licked at her suit and seared her flesh. Maybe she wouldn't die from being crushed. Maybe she would simply burn first, burn into ash and twisted pieces of her synthetic structure. Why hadn't she died yet? The blast from the Catalyst should have killed her. She was only half human, flesh hiding the synthetics that kept her alive and made her so much stronger and faster than she should be.
She knew when the ground approached. She could sense it as pieces around her broke apart. She had the briefest glimpse of the sky. The only thought that remained was him.
Kaidan.
Just a short chapter to start off. Hope you enjoyed. :)