3:00 AM. Raphael didn't even need to check the alarm to know what time was. He has been waking at 3:00 AM for three months now, since he had found Leonardo drinking his beers in the same hour.
He remembered that like it was yesterday, he woke up in 3:10 AM with the familiar thirsty feeling for a cup of water. Raph wasn't the more healthy of the brothers but he definitely knew better than drink a bottle of beer in the middle of night.
Leonardo, however, didn't.
To Raphael's surprise, he found his brother in the kitchen, laying his head on the table, together with the yellow puddle that was spreading on it.
Vomit. It had to be. Raphael knew very well how to tell vomit and beer liquid apart. The first thing is that beer didn't smell so bad.
"...Leo?" Raphael stood still in the entry, still trying to understand what had happened to his brother.
The maskless turtle snapped his head up to his brother when he heard his name. "Raph? What are you doing here?" He looked sick and miserable, but his stare screamed fear.
"I live here." The emerald green turtle crossed his arms over his plastron, but then he noticed the bottles that were spread over the kitchen. "What did you- Those are my bottles." He said calmly, the stiff way Leo was sitting now showed he was ready to run at any moment.
Leonardo looked to the empty bottle on his front as it had just magically appeared on there and giggled a little. "I... Uh, I'm sorry. I kinda drank 'em now, you want it back?" He giggled again.
"Ya drank all these?" Raph gestured to all the six bottles of beer spread on the table and floor.
The leader looked back to the bottle and then back to his young brother, a smile spreading on his face. "Heck yeah." The leader nodded a yes with his head, proud of himself for being able to drink so many as his hotheaded brother. "Told you I could hold my drink."
Raph let his arms fall over his sides, incredulous. "Ya did what? Ya drank fuckin' six bottles just so you could prove yerself?"
Leonardo put a sluggish finger between his lips while making a 'shhh' noise. "Y'gonna wake the others." Leonardo then looked down at the bottle again and returned an angry glare at his brother. "An' why are you lecturing me? Y' can't lecture me! You no leader, I am! I can lecture myself!" If it was in another other moment, Raphael would be laughing his ass off, but right now he had discovered his older brother drinking in secret from his family and he wanted knew why.
"I can-" Leo suddenly had clamped his mouth shut while his eyes widened, he didn't even have time to realize what was happening when he suddenly jerked forward hurling all the liquid that was in his stomach. Again.
Raphael wasn't expecting for it, but he didn't get surprised either. He quickly moved himself behind the hurling turtle, grabbing the ring of his shell and with a flat hand on his chest, stopping Leo from fall over due the force of the vomit.
"Shhhh.. Shh.. Shh.." Raph soothed while rubbing his shell. He was hurling too much and choking sometimes. "'S okay, bro... Just put everything out, I'm right here."
Leo finally stopped hurling and choking altogether, but now, he wheezed and panted harshly due the lack of oxygen. "See? It was easy." Raphael gave a pat on his brother's shell, then turned to pick a towel that was resting in the sink to clean his brother's mouth. His worried eyes never leaving the trembling turtle. He kneeled one knee to get in his brother's level, at his side of course. The puddle Leo just had made would take sometime to get cleaned, and anyway, Leonardo was the first priority. "Damn Leo, why did you thought when you drink all these?..." Raphael said with a "tch" attached in the end of the question, he was too concentrated in the task of cleaning his brother's lip, he didn't even notice the tears trailing down on his face.
But then a sob came.
"Leo?" Raph said lowly, he had stopped cleaning him and lifted his head a little so he could see his older brother's eyes.
They were glassy due so many tears, and narrow. Like he was trying to stop himself from crying.
"I'm sorry." Leonardo sobbed. His voice was hoarse due to the aggressive hurling from earlier. "I-I'm sorry."
Raphael knew it was the alcohol taking action, and he knew he needed let him be, but his younger brother's instincts said louder. "Is okay, Leo. Is not yer fault." Raph said, still kneeled at his brothers side.
Leo turned at him. "How not? I just drank all of your bears! I can't do anythin' right! God,-" Leo needed to stop himself from the rambling so he could sob a little more. "E-everything I do is wrong! Why am I the leader? I-I-" Leo hid his face in his hands. "Oh God, why the heck did Splinter made me the leader? He hates me. I know he does. He wants me to fail."
"Leo, ya know this isn't true..." Raphael said, reaching for Leo's shoulder.
"It is! It is, he hates me! Everything I do isn't enough for him, isn't enough for Mikey, and Don, isn't never enough for you either!" Leo batted Raphael's hand away, anger replacing sadness. "You're always the worst, you shit! You always yell at me at everything I say, Splinter always shakes his head at me at everything I do, Mikey and Donnie they... They..." Leo stopped for a little, trying to remember something terrible they did to him, but nothing came. Then realization hit him. "They just... Ignore me. Am I not good enough for anyone?" He whispered. "I'm trying my best, I swear I am."
For Raph's shock, he didn't think it was just the alcohol anymore. It was the real Leo. The Leo with emotions, the one the leader keeps buried deep inside.
"I-If they knew, Raph-! If they knew how many nights I couldn't sleep because of them, how I needed to meditate so I could calm my mind thinking of them, how, how, I don't know! I-I... Don't know anymore." And he sobbed.
Raph didn't know what to do. He never saw his brother crying like that, he looked like a helpless child. He wanted to hold him and say how a great brother and leader he was but it's not like Leo would remember it in the next day, he was too drunk, and Raph wouldn't have the courage to say it again.
"C'mon." Raph grabbed Leo's arm, putting it around his neck, with his other hand he grabbed Leo's shell and pushed him up. "Up we go. Let's tuck you on bed." Raph said to the quiet turtle, his sobs had stopped, but now he was totally silent. And stumbling, a lot.
Raphael mentally cursed seven times due to the big heavy weight he was carrying on his left side, Leo could at least help him walk, not drag him over the whole lair! When they finally got into Leo's room, the leader had almost passed out. Just murmuring nonsense from time to time.
"C'mon, bro, just some more steps." Raph said, dragging Leo across the room. When they finally got closer to the bed, Raphael laid Leonardo carefully, he didn't want to startle him since Leo was already half-sleeping. "Yer gonna be okay now, ya just need to rest, 'kay?" Raphael told the drunk turtle while covering him with the blankets till the neck.
"No." Leo murmured, almost impossible to hear, but thanks to the hothead's hearing skills he had catch the low protest coming from his brother. "I don' wanna sleep..." The terrapin said with closed eyes.
"But you gotta." Raph tapped the covered-blanket shoulder, and then I suddenly idea got into his mind; He remembered when their were little, every night after Raph had a nightmare he would refuse to get back to sleep, not until his big bro appeared and tell him that he'd watch over the hothead's sleep. "...Look, I'll watch over ya. Okay? Ya rest, and I will wake you if something happens." Raphael said, golden eyes looking intensely into the narrow, glassy brown eyes. "I'm here."
Leo tried to focus his best on his brother's look. "Y' promise?" He said slowly, exhaustion beating him.
"Yeah, I promise." Raphael said, brushing a hand over his brother's head. "Now, close your eyes and rest. Please."
"Uhh... Thanks..." Leonardo whispered, even too low to be heard, letting himself be taken by the sickness, drifting into a deep sleep.
When Raphael noticed his brother was already sleep, he let a deep sigh escape between his lips. "What am I gonna do to you, Fearless?" he whispered, brushing his thumb over his cheek in circular movements.
In that night, Raph didn't let go of the leader's side for 2 hours.
It was 3:04 AM now, in silent feet, Raphael made his way to Leonardo's room. He opened the door slowly, careful to not make any sound, finding the sleeping turtle dropped dead in the bed when he got it, the blanket in his legs, it had probably slipped while he moved around. Raphael smiled. Just some weeks ago in the constants watch overs in Leo's room, he had noticed how peaceful the leader looked when sleeping. It didn't have the worried face he would make every time in patrol, it didn't have the hurt face every time they argued. It was just a neutral expression, and no longer sad feelings mixed in it.
Raphael come to a point where he realized he wasn't coming watch over Leo just for his older brother's sake anymore, but also, because he needed to see. He needed to remember of why he kept coming into Leo's room.
It was to see his face. The calm, neutral face, was worthy chasing his nightmares away, making sure he would be okay in the end. That face, would make him fight every one of Leo's demons, every thing that'd make him worry, so he could see that peaceful face more often.
Raphael's smile just grew bigger, he then lowered himself to kiss the leader's forehead as he would always do all the nights three months ago.
No one knew, no one would know.
Not until Leonardo would wake up with the feeling of having a cup of water, just to find Raphael behind the door, in the way for his room.