Chapter 1: In which our hero gets a running start.

Now I'll start off by saying that I wasn't expecting any of this, despite the fact that I had written a story about 'me' getting thrown into Fire Emblem Awakening before. Granted, that 'me' was more of an idealized self than an actual version of me, and that story was more of a train wreck than anything logical or orderly, riding on the coattails of 'rule of cool' rather than anything serious.

Anyway, while I wrote a self-insert, the 'me' in that story was more along the lines of how I imagined an 'ideal' version, or at the least 'uninhibited' version of myself would act. You know, the bits that would make me an unadulterated badass.

Calm, collected, aloof… all the hallmarks of a typical JRPG hero.

Not quite me, but how I would have liked to act if it was.

When it came down to it though, I was a different person… not to mention that the 'ideal' self imagined at that time had been younger and less mature than I was now.

I screamed. "…And just how the hell is this monologuing helping me?!"

My heart was racing. My palms were sweaty. My legs were shaking.

The reason for that would be that I had fallen asleep thinking about how to fix my previous Fire Emblem story, only to wake up in a forest clearing.

A forest clearing on fire with lava spewing everywhere and undead crawling around.

I wanted to stop. I wanted to just lie down and pretend that this was all just a nice dream and that when I died I would wake up and it would be all over and I would be back in my nice cozy home so I could get back to programming and drinking coffee and all the nice ordinary things in my life.

Of course, doing that would mean letting the reanimated corpses behind me catch up and, dream or not, I was not about to let myself be torn apart, stabbed, or suffer any other sort of bodily harm.

"Think… of yourself less and… keep moving forward. Hah… that's right. Just… think less… and keep moving forward. Don't worry… about the Risen slowly but surely… catching up behind you. Nope. Don't… think about them at all. Just- FUCK!"

A geyser of lava gushed out from the ground, bringing with it searing heat and flames.

I jumped back, narrowly avoiding death by lava, and spun my head to look for a direction to keep sprinting, any direction that was free of zombies or other deadly things that I would much rather have stayed only in my imagination.

That thought, my only hope, was mercilessly crushed when I saw a pair of eerie red eyes in every direction.

Now, you might be wondering why I was running from the Risen instead of fighting like apparently every other person who got tossed in the Fire Emblem universe.

Well, the answer for that could be summed up in three main points.

One: they were usually with the Shepherds by then. I wasn't.

Two: they usually had some special ability that evened the odds, like being able to use magic from the get go or something like that. I didn't.

Three: they didn't have to worry about the world being set ablaze around them which, if they were caught in it, would turn them into a nice, outworld steak for the undead, while I DID!

I took another glance around, scrambling my mind for any way out of this.

I was in a wooded area. Trees were in every direction, only a few feet apart, as I didn't have the good fortune every other damned self insert had of ending up on an open field or in a forest clearing.

It was a miracle in and of itself that I didn't trip- No, that's a lie. I'd tripped dozens of times in my frantic flight, and my torn jeans and t-shirt were proof of it. That, along with the blood from the scrapes I got from my spontaneous greetings with the tremulous terrain.

That lava geyser was still going on behind me, and I could feel my back starting to blister from the heat. Thankfully, the adrenaline rush was keeping the pain in check for the moment.

"Grraghha…"

A growl from the Risen drew my thoughts back to the situation at hand.

Directly in front of me, only a few yards away, there were three. All of them held axes, cumbersome looking things.

Of course, that hadn't stopped them from chasing after me for the past… however long it had been since I woke up.

To my left, there were four. Those were further away, at least ten yards, but they were armed with bows and a full quiver of arrows.

To my right, there was only a single Risen, but it was a mage, judging from the book in its right hand.

"Of all the… dammit, whatever. I'm not going to die here."

Running forward would get me cut apart into bits.

Running left would get me a death by arrows, like that person in the new Fire Emblem trailer.

Running behind would leave me a crispy outrealm steak for the risen.

Running right… well, it would probably get me zapped, cut into bits by wind, or burned, but I'd rather risk uncertain death than certain death.

I let out a breath.

The Risen hadn't moved. Of course, they didn't need to. Even with the minimal intelligence they had, they could see I was cornered.

I didn't have a weapon. My clothes were just clothes. I didn't know magic. My body had been run ragged already from my mad dash through the woods.

It was obvious. They were the predators, and I was prey. I had no way out, and while I might be frantic, they had all the time in the world to get me.

"…Fuck it."

I took a deep breath, what might be my last, and then shot off to my right towards the single Risen.

I heard an eerie chorus of growls, followed soon after by the sound of bows being cocked.

My chest clenched at the thought of being filled with arrows, but I kept running and pushed that fear aside.

The adrenaline probably helped with that. It was meant for fight or flight after all, and right now I needed to RUN.

My vision narrowed to what was in front of me, the life-or-death situation forcing my brain to process only the information necessary to survive.

The Risen mage had lifted its hand, fire gathering in an outstretched palm.

In the corner of my eye, I saw the Risen armed with axes rushing towards me, chopping down trees with their axes as they did in a show of monstrous strength.

-I was going to die.

There was no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I was already tired. My legs were already on the verge of giving up.

And, unlike the 'me' in the self-insert story I had previously written, I knew for a fact I was ordinary. No magic sword to help me, no magic to help me, no superpowers granted by beings from another plane…

That thought was the last straw.

I had been thrown into a forest on fire with lava geysers spewing everywhere, forced to run for my life the moment I woke up, and chased by undead monsters with superhuman strength.

The fatigue and fear I had been pushing away returned full force, and my legs gave out from under me.

I fell to the ground.

Not a second later, a flurry of arrows flew through the air where I had just been standing.

I scrambled to my feet, the close call snapping me back into action.

Looking back at the Risen mage, I couldn't believe my luck.

It was dead. Against all odds, the arrows that had been aimed at me had continued on their path and killed the only one left in my way.

I didn't wait around.

My body was tired, and my lungs were run ragged from the smoke and sprinting I had been doing, but that realization was enough to give me one final burst of energy.

I broke out into a dead sprint. Past the fading Risen mage. Past the trees.

I ran, and ran, and ran, hoping against all odds that my luck would hold and that I wasn't just running into another horde of Risen.

My breath came out in ragged gasps, my legs had gone beyond burning from the pain to a numbed cool sensation, and my vision was slowly getting dim.

But the trees were thinning, and I could hear the sound of clashing steel up ahead.

Clashing steel… the Shepherds?

The thought, the faint hope kept me conscious, kept me from embracing the encroaching darkness and fatigue.

The sound was getting closer, or rather I was getting closer to the sound.

One final surge of energy. I dug deep, running as fast as I could to make it before whoever was fighting left and I lost my last hope to stay alive in this world.

A flash of blue, golden steel, and then black smoke.

It was a single person. Blue hair, matching tunic, and a familiar golden sword in his… her hand.

Not the Shepherds, but I'd take it.

"Who goes there!"

Lucina, or at least I hoped it was Lucina, turned towards me, Falchion poised to stab.

I was sure that it was meant to be intimidating, and under any other circumstances, I would have stopped.

Instead, I collapsed to my knees and cracked a weary smile.

"Thank… god…"

And with that, I gave up the fight to stay awake.

"…seems creatures… thanks to…"

A voice.

"…Never got… you for before. Very…"

Scratch that, voices.

I focused, cobbling together the pieces of my consciousness the best I could.

"…This world… calamity. What you saw… been warned."

People were talking nearby. Not only that, but the bits and pieces of the conversation I heard seemed familiar.

"Not much for conversation, is he?"

-There. A full sentence. The blackness surrounding me was beginning to fade.

"It appears his skills lie elsewhere. I wager we'll hear his name again… But for now I'm more concerned about the capital. We should make haste-"

It was a deep voice that spoke. Gruff, no-nonsense.

"But what about him? Chrom, we can't just leave him here!"

That voice was female.

"Milady, we don't know-"

That voice again, the gruff one.

"Frederick. He's coming with us."

This voice was different. Calm, regal… if you could describe a voice that way.

"Milord! Once is foolhardy enough, but to take up yet another-"

"And what would you have me do, Frederick? Leave him for dead? You heard Marth. If he hadn't found the man when he did…"

A sigh. "What kind of Shepherd would I be if I ignored this?"

My eyes snapped open.

A startled man with white hair stared back.

"Er… hello there?" The man, who I was sure was Robin from both his hair and the familiar tactician cloak, gave me a small wave.

I laughed.

I couldn't help it. After all I had been put through, after running for my life and barely avoiding death several times…

I was safe.

"Hey… Robin…"

His eyes grew wide. "You know me?"

I laughed again. It was just… I didn't know why, but I just felt giddy.

It was strangely out of character, but hey, I was alive.

"Well, milord, it appears that your latest lost lamb is not as helpless as you thought him to be if he is in such good cheer moments after waking."

I turned towards the voice and was met by a stern gaze from Frederick.

The knight was just like he was in the game. Brown hair, a no-nonsense look and wearing full armor with his arms crossed behind his back… he was about as intimidating as people could be.

To his left was Chrom. Like Frederick, Chrom looked every bit the same as he did in the game. Granted, he wasn't all anime-esque, but there was no mistaking the brand on his shoulder, his blue hair, his awesome over the shoulder cape, and, most of all, the Falchion sheathed at his side.

Next to him was Lissa. Blonde, hair in outrageous curls even now, and a yellow outfit as bright as her sunny disposition… yep. That was Lissa.

And behind those three, off in the distance a bit… was that Sully kicking Virion in the face?

…Yep. That it was.

I laughed again.

Chrom smiled and walked towards me. "It's good to see you in good cheer, friend."

I couldn't get rid of the smile on my face, even with Frederick's death glare staring at me.

Likewise, I couldn't help the words I said either. "And it's good to see you, Chrom. Thank god… I thought I wasn't going to make it back there."

"Oh? So you know who I am then?"

"Of course I know who you… are?"

It was at that point that logic caught up with my relief and I realized the situation I was in.

Of course, luck would have it that my mouth kept running in the meanwhile.

"…Well shit."

Chrom blinked. "Excuse me?"

I heard Lissa giggle and saw Frederick reach for his sword.

"Er… sorry about that. It's just…"

Quick, think of a reasonable excuse!

"…you wouldn't happen to know where I am, would you?"

Frederick sighed. "Yet another amnesiac? And one who knows milord, but not of this kingdom?"

"Hey, I'm being serious here! One second I'm asleep, and the next thing I know I wake up in a forest, the world seems to be ending, and the dead have risen from the earth!"

I didn't need to fake the exasperation or irritation in my voice.

Chrom raised a hand towards the knight and said, "Peace, Frederick." After that, he turned towards me and said, "Before I answer you, might I have your name, friend?"

Name? Right, name. Well, seeing as I definitely don't want things to end up like they did in my fanfic since I have absolutely none of that guy's powers and plot armor, and that I might get thrown into that path if I borrow a name, I decided to stick with one I was actually called.

It was also one that kinda fit considering the circumstances.

"…Hoopa. Yes, I know it's strange, but that's what they call me."

"Hoopa… is it? A strange name, but not surprising from your foreign appearance. As for where we are…" Here he smiled and stuck out a hand. "Allow me to be the first to welcome you to Ylisse."

I grabbed his hand and returned his smile with one of my own, outwardly looking like everything was right with the world.

Inwardly…

How the HELL am I going to stay alive here?!

A/N: Right. So for those of you who've read my other story, I should probably explain myself. First of all, this story is a result of me reexamining A Fulfilling Nightmare and realizing that, while I like the complexity and premise behind it, it's not quite as fun to write as I thought. Granted, it's still fun, but adding too many things to a dish can make it a bit messy, you know?

There's also the fact that the 'me' in that story is different, and quite a bit so, from the 'me' I am now, so it's not as... natural? To write 'me' in that story, so I made another where it is.

Anyway, expect more light-hearted humor and typical SI hijinks here. Canon might derail a bit, but not as completely as the other one, since 'I' know better than that now that I've explored that possibility.

Also expect dramatic feats at some point where I apply the wondrous human invention known as 'programming' to the supernatural forces of 'magic'.

Anywho, hope this was as fun for you to read as it was for me to write. Reviews are welcome, but not required for this, since it's just me wanting to share my hijinks rather than a sensible story with a good plot. Granted, I'll try to hold some semblance of plot, but here we're going to go off of what I'd do at that time, at that place, with what I have.

Which, in this case, is nothing.

Joy.

Until the next!