Noble Heavens
That best portion of a good man's life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)
Celestine was walking down the pier. It was four in the morning and it was still very dark outside. It was snowing, but the water of the ocean had not yet frozen and the snow falling into the waves reminded Celestine of the metaphor of individuality lost into the waves of the conformity of daily routines and unyelding time. The young woman often thought in cliches, and she dismissed this trait as a simple flaw amongst the many she saw inside herself. To be honest, she was not the happy possessor of a negative personality, but when she was depressed, which was quite often now, Celestine fled inside her self-pity while taking a walk on the shoreline of the Pacific. She somehow felt close to the water, as if she had come from inside it, and was meant to return to it as an instrument of purification until the day she was to rejoin the waves for eternity.
The pier was lonely now, as she was far from the bars and restaurants crowded nearer to the rest of the town. Celestine did not mind the lack of safety involved in walking down an abandoned shoreline in the middle of the night, because she felt the loneliness of it all had a therapeutic effect on her troubled, adolescent psyche. She gently closed her eyes and breathed in the salty air, letting it blow through her woolen coat, embracing her with a recomforting presence.
"Lovely night, isn't it?"
Celestine jumped at the sound of a deep, Scottish voice in her vicinity. Opening her eyes, she turned around to see a tall, red-haired boy of about her age standing about six feet left of her. He braved the cold weather with only a black cardigan and jeans on. But what was he doing here at this early hour? Had he perhaps followed her and was planning to mabye hurt her or rob her of the money she didn't have? All the things she had been warned about during her short life played through her head. Should she run? He could catch up with her and ... For the love of God! Why did people never seem to be considered benevolent in today's society?! Even as a small child, she'd been known to be shy around the people she knew, but always ready to strike up a friendly conversation with any likeable stranger. Her father and various other adults had repeatedly warned her against such actions, but she found herself disobeying their advice time and time again. True, harm could come to her as a consequence of engaging in such actions, but then didn't adults warn you that pulling faces against the north wind would render you disfigured, that red lipstick was a sin against God and that Nirvana a product of the devil? Throwing caution to the winds, Celestine felt that the least she could do was reply.
"Aye", she said, British accent thick as always, smiling in a shy, but friendly manner in order to indicate that she wouldn't want to talk about anything more than the weather with this young man.
"Almost makes me wish not tae do what I came 'ere fer", he said.
Celestine's eyes widened fearfully and she started moving away from him as she asked:
"And what would that be?"
"Drown", he simply said as he started walking towards the ocean in front of him. His eyes were not empty, as one would consider at a first glance, but they were fixed on an abstract point on the horizon, as if he didn't care about anything else than the horrible reality he was about to inflict upon himself..
Something relaxed within Celestine for a brief moment, a consequence of realising that he was not intent on hurting her. That same thing suddenly tensed again as her heart jumped into her throat at the awful realisation of what the young man was going to do. Somehow, it seemed that Celestine cared more for others than for her own wellbeing, as she ran forward.
"Why?" she simply asked. Somehow, before this, Celestine felt that a show of words would have been appropriate in these circumstances, that she would have had to eloquently convince him of the beauty of life and somehow rid him of all his pain with the expressions coming out of her mouth. Still, faced with the young man's horrible fate, she found she was unable to reffer to any of her extensive vocabulary, the result of hours and hours of pleasurable reading. Just one simple word was enough. The young man turned around and sat on the sand, atop volumes of water that reached his waist. He seemed not to care that, to Celestine, the temperature seemed to have dropped a few degrees during these scant moments that were supposed to separate his life from death.
"Me life", he said slowly, "is an endless chain of sadness and agony. Ye ken those strings of beads they use tae pray?"
"Yes", murmured Celestine. "The Catholic Rosary, I believe", she said a little more loudly. She didn't surely know, as she had been raised in a Atheist environment. Ironically, she truly believed in God.
"I've tried tae do that, ye know. Organise me thoughts into a chain of ideas that I could deal with, piece by piece. Said I'd break a bead each time I managed tae do something about an obsession of me own. Well, I'm going tae break all of them now and tis going tae be such a relief tae get rid of meself after all this while."
"If you'd be patient", Celestine said, leaning against a pillar placerd there to support the dam encolsed within the pier, "I'm sure you'd manage to deal with everything, and one morning, you're going to wake up and look out the window and realise that all your beads have shattered while you slept. And the relief will be tremendous."
"What use? I'd wake up sad as ever the day after and I'd probably jump off this pier in a week."
"Why?" The question persisted, it hung in the air unanswered and pressed on Kevin's shoulders.
"Ye don't know what tis like. I have nowhere tae go, no one tae turn tae, and if I won't talk tae anyone, I feel that I will die anyway, from the mere burden of things left unsaid."
"I'm willing to listen to anything you feel like sharing", said Celestine, "but, surely, you must have someone, friends, mabye family who -"
"Family", snorted the young man. "HA! That's the best joke I've heard in years!" And he started laughing hysterically. Celestine just stood there, leaning on the cold stone and staring at the nervous young man before her. she could feel the pain lacing that bout of laughter, dripping like blood from the underside of a sword.
"Let me tell ye something, lassy. When me mum came tae me dad and told 'im she was praegnant with me, he damn near killed 'er with 'is beatings. She was in the hospital fer two weeks and then she got out and tried to leave 'im and the bastard threatened tae kill 'er. So much fer family and blood!"
"Where is he now?" She barely dared to ask the question.
"Oy, 'e's a politician. A famous one too, I 'ear. And 'e speaks about family and values. The nerve in 'im! I 'ear 'e 'as a wife, and youngins, too! I wonder if 'e treats 'em much the same way 'e treated us!"
"What about your mother?"
"Oy, mum's done fine fer 'erself, she 'as. Been working all these years tae support meself and her. Wonderful woman, gotta tell ye that."
"You said no one cares for you, but you don't care for them either, sir. I know you're hurting, but think of your mother. Think of her having to confront your body, after years of raising you. If not for yourself, do it out of love for her!"
"Ha! Me mum doesn't care about me, lass! There are days when we don't even say hello, she so busy! With 'er schedule, she wouldn't even notice me gone! Nae, that sadness is mine tae bear and I've reached me end!"
"Then let's be sad together!" pleaded Celestine, almost excitedly. "Sir", she then started slowly, "I know what it feels like to be in pain, and I try to deal with it every single day. I'm fourteen, sir, and I've been coming here every night for the past year because I can't close my eyes, with all the horrors I see. My father is a doctor and I know that every time he looks at me, he feels futility for not being able to help me get over what I'm going through. God knows he's there morally, but it's not enough and we both know it."
"Don't call me sir. Me name is Kevin", he said absently. They both knew it was a request for her to go on telling her story. It was odd, Celestine confessing her burdens to a solitary, suicidal man, when she was supposed to be the one to counsel him through his fears.
Celestine blankly stared at the dark sky. A star continually seemed to wink at her. Her mother. She went on.
"I can see them when I walk the streets, when I eat my lunch and when I stop paying attention in class for a scant moment, only it's not so bad in the daylight, because then I can focus on something else and they gradually go away. But I feel so vulnerable at night, in the dark. I feel them staring at me, planning their next move, and, although I know there's no one there, I feel the shadows moving in on me, and it's so overwhelming. So when I feel a panic attack coming on I go outside."
"Why?" Kevin suddenly asked. "Why 'ere? Why now?"
"Because ... well, because here I can look at my mother in peace and talk to her."
"Yuir mother?"
"Look", Celestine said, excitedly. She came over to him and took his hand in hers while kneeling in front of her. Her feet instantly protested to the change in temperature, but she ignored the unpleasant feeling and pointed to the winking star. "Up there. The large one that stands apart from them all. "
"I'm sorry. I don't know 'ow I'd make it in this world if me mother died", said Kevin reflectively.
"Oh, she's not dead!" laughed Celestine. "Just ... gone. I never knew her, see. The first things I remeber relate to a warm lady who sang to me, but she wasn't my mother. Then, one day, they took me away to hell, because I was different, you see. That's where my demons come from. I don't know how much time I spent there, until Father came and took me away. It's been better ever since. Honest!" she nodded, and Kevin first noticed her sad, brown eyes.
"Still", she continued, "I miss her." She laughed nervously, the kind of laugh people give when the tension in them is too great and must be relieved. "That's so ridiculous, missing someone you don't know, isn't it?" When she got no reaction from Kevin, she continued. "Father never talks about her, and I don't have any pictures ... or stories ... or memories. But she's there, and she somehow takes care of me and gives me luck when I'm all out of strenght. It's just my sacred hope that I'll see her one day. And even if I won't, I know that we can feel each other and that there is a bond between us, even though we don't know each other. She's taught me to love what I have and to hope, and that has got me through many a tough time. Can you believe that?"
Kevin slowly nodded. Suddenly, it struck him that his problems had been forgotten while he had watched Celestine talking. No longer was self-pity his main concern now. Indeed, he felt a desire to protect the young woman from all her fears, to wrap her in a tight embrace, to keep her demons away from her and to find her the mother she had only in her dreams. The instinct of protection manifested itself powerfully inside Kevin, and he left his problems to the wind and rose out of the ocean. He wanted to get as far away from that symbol of his incapacity to deal with life,and pathetic self-pity, and he also wanted to flee from Celestine, the only person to know his pain. That, and he also wanted to hide in a secret Universe, filled with the dancing stars and strong energies that he sometimes felt this cosmic space was made of. But today was the first time he'd felt the presence of that Universe in months and months of pain and confusion.
"Thank you." Two words, simple and elegant.
"You're not going to drown?" she asked, surprised and hopeful at the same time.
"Nae", he said. "Ye've given me tae much tae think of, lass."
"Wait!" shouted Celestine. "Please! You're cold. Take my coat", she said, rising with some dificulty out of the water, he numb legs protesting. She undressed and handed the woolen cover to Kevin. "It's quite cold outside, and I fear you shall come down with pneumonia, with your sitting in the water and all."
"What about ye? Won't ye be cold 's well?"
"Oh, no, I've got my hope to warm me." She smiled recomfortingly as Kevin took the coat and placed it on his shoulders. Though it was quite small for him, he felt comfortable and a pleasant warmth travelled up his spine as he watched Celestine's brown eyes glow in the moonlight.
Celestine slowly turned to leave. It was almost half past five and her work her was done. She felt sad for Kevin, having to go home to his sadness and pain, but she also felt warm, despite the chilly air, at the thought that she had done something to change, at least for the time being, his existence and state of mind.
"Wait!" Kevin shouted after her. "Please, wait!"
Celestine slowly stopped in midwalk and turned to face him. His red hair was being blown into his green eyes by the wind and he was wet and shivering in the cold wind, despite the thick winter coat covering him. His state reminded Celestine that he was the most beautiful creature she'd ever seen. Not because of the way he looked, not because of the way he thought and acted - because he was alive, in a way, because of her. It was the kind of happiness felt by a mother upon looking for the first time at her newborn baby. A sort of joy, and, at the same time, the instinct of posession.
"Yes?" she asked gently.
"Yuir name. I need tae know who saved me life."
"Kevin, please, an act of charity is only done annonymously. You know I don't want to wake up and find myself all over - Celestine", she said, finally giving in to the lost look in his eyes. "Celestine Adela".
"Me soul has been redeemed and brought in a noble heaven then", murmured Kevin.
"Pardon me?"
"Celestine means heavenly and Adela means noble - noble heaven."
Celestine's eyebrows rose as a small smile formed on her face and her sad eyes crinkled as she slowly turned around, leaving Kevin alone on the pier with her winter coat still covering his wet clothes while the seagulls sang their eternal song under the cover of the thick darkness of the night.
ONE SMALL NOTE: The character Celestine belongs to Madeline Villerot Taylor and the character Kevin "Proteus" McTaggert belongs to MARVEL comics and I am using them both without permission. I am using neither for any form of money or profit (besides feedback, of course!!!).
Oh! One more thing! If you liked the story (or if you notice anything that can be made better), please review! Any kind of comments are welcome. Thank you.
Lady of Ice Forever
That best portion of a good man's life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)
Celestine was walking down the pier. It was four in the morning and it was still very dark outside. It was snowing, but the water of the ocean had not yet frozen and the snow falling into the waves reminded Celestine of the metaphor of individuality lost into the waves of the conformity of daily routines and unyelding time. The young woman often thought in cliches, and she dismissed this trait as a simple flaw amongst the many she saw inside herself. To be honest, she was not the happy possessor of a negative personality, but when she was depressed, which was quite often now, Celestine fled inside her self-pity while taking a walk on the shoreline of the Pacific. She somehow felt close to the water, as if she had come from inside it, and was meant to return to it as an instrument of purification until the day she was to rejoin the waves for eternity.
The pier was lonely now, as she was far from the bars and restaurants crowded nearer to the rest of the town. Celestine did not mind the lack of safety involved in walking down an abandoned shoreline in the middle of the night, because she felt the loneliness of it all had a therapeutic effect on her troubled, adolescent psyche. She gently closed her eyes and breathed in the salty air, letting it blow through her woolen coat, embracing her with a recomforting presence.
"Lovely night, isn't it?"
Celestine jumped at the sound of a deep, Scottish voice in her vicinity. Opening her eyes, she turned around to see a tall, red-haired boy of about her age standing about six feet left of her. He braved the cold weather with only a black cardigan and jeans on. But what was he doing here at this early hour? Had he perhaps followed her and was planning to mabye hurt her or rob her of the money she didn't have? All the things she had been warned about during her short life played through her head. Should she run? He could catch up with her and ... For the love of God! Why did people never seem to be considered benevolent in today's society?! Even as a small child, she'd been known to be shy around the people she knew, but always ready to strike up a friendly conversation with any likeable stranger. Her father and various other adults had repeatedly warned her against such actions, but she found herself disobeying their advice time and time again. True, harm could come to her as a consequence of engaging in such actions, but then didn't adults warn you that pulling faces against the north wind would render you disfigured, that red lipstick was a sin against God and that Nirvana a product of the devil? Throwing caution to the winds, Celestine felt that the least she could do was reply.
"Aye", she said, British accent thick as always, smiling in a shy, but friendly manner in order to indicate that she wouldn't want to talk about anything more than the weather with this young man.
"Almost makes me wish not tae do what I came 'ere fer", he said.
Celestine's eyes widened fearfully and she started moving away from him as she asked:
"And what would that be?"
"Drown", he simply said as he started walking towards the ocean in front of him. His eyes were not empty, as one would consider at a first glance, but they were fixed on an abstract point on the horizon, as if he didn't care about anything else than the horrible reality he was about to inflict upon himself..
Something relaxed within Celestine for a brief moment, a consequence of realising that he was not intent on hurting her. That same thing suddenly tensed again as her heart jumped into her throat at the awful realisation of what the young man was going to do. Somehow, it seemed that Celestine cared more for others than for her own wellbeing, as she ran forward.
"Why?" she simply asked. Somehow, before this, Celestine felt that a show of words would have been appropriate in these circumstances, that she would have had to eloquently convince him of the beauty of life and somehow rid him of all his pain with the expressions coming out of her mouth. Still, faced with the young man's horrible fate, she found she was unable to reffer to any of her extensive vocabulary, the result of hours and hours of pleasurable reading. Just one simple word was enough. The young man turned around and sat on the sand, atop volumes of water that reached his waist. He seemed not to care that, to Celestine, the temperature seemed to have dropped a few degrees during these scant moments that were supposed to separate his life from death.
"Me life", he said slowly, "is an endless chain of sadness and agony. Ye ken those strings of beads they use tae pray?"
"Yes", murmured Celestine. "The Catholic Rosary, I believe", she said a little more loudly. She didn't surely know, as she had been raised in a Atheist environment. Ironically, she truly believed in God.
"I've tried tae do that, ye know. Organise me thoughts into a chain of ideas that I could deal with, piece by piece. Said I'd break a bead each time I managed tae do something about an obsession of me own. Well, I'm going tae break all of them now and tis going tae be such a relief tae get rid of meself after all this while."
"If you'd be patient", Celestine said, leaning against a pillar placerd there to support the dam encolsed within the pier, "I'm sure you'd manage to deal with everything, and one morning, you're going to wake up and look out the window and realise that all your beads have shattered while you slept. And the relief will be tremendous."
"What use? I'd wake up sad as ever the day after and I'd probably jump off this pier in a week."
"Why?" The question persisted, it hung in the air unanswered and pressed on Kevin's shoulders.
"Ye don't know what tis like. I have nowhere tae go, no one tae turn tae, and if I won't talk tae anyone, I feel that I will die anyway, from the mere burden of things left unsaid."
"I'm willing to listen to anything you feel like sharing", said Celestine, "but, surely, you must have someone, friends, mabye family who -"
"Family", snorted the young man. "HA! That's the best joke I've heard in years!" And he started laughing hysterically. Celestine just stood there, leaning on the cold stone and staring at the nervous young man before her. she could feel the pain lacing that bout of laughter, dripping like blood from the underside of a sword.
"Let me tell ye something, lassy. When me mum came tae me dad and told 'im she was praegnant with me, he damn near killed 'er with 'is beatings. She was in the hospital fer two weeks and then she got out and tried to leave 'im and the bastard threatened tae kill 'er. So much fer family and blood!"
"Where is he now?" She barely dared to ask the question.
"Oy, 'e's a politician. A famous one too, I 'ear. And 'e speaks about family and values. The nerve in 'im! I 'ear 'e 'as a wife, and youngins, too! I wonder if 'e treats 'em much the same way 'e treated us!"
"What about your mother?"
"Oy, mum's done fine fer 'erself, she 'as. Been working all these years tae support meself and her. Wonderful woman, gotta tell ye that."
"You said no one cares for you, but you don't care for them either, sir. I know you're hurting, but think of your mother. Think of her having to confront your body, after years of raising you. If not for yourself, do it out of love for her!"
"Ha! Me mum doesn't care about me, lass! There are days when we don't even say hello, she so busy! With 'er schedule, she wouldn't even notice me gone! Nae, that sadness is mine tae bear and I've reached me end!"
"Then let's be sad together!" pleaded Celestine, almost excitedly. "Sir", she then started slowly, "I know what it feels like to be in pain, and I try to deal with it every single day. I'm fourteen, sir, and I've been coming here every night for the past year because I can't close my eyes, with all the horrors I see. My father is a doctor and I know that every time he looks at me, he feels futility for not being able to help me get over what I'm going through. God knows he's there morally, but it's not enough and we both know it."
"Don't call me sir. Me name is Kevin", he said absently. They both knew it was a request for her to go on telling her story. It was odd, Celestine confessing her burdens to a solitary, suicidal man, when she was supposed to be the one to counsel him through his fears.
Celestine blankly stared at the dark sky. A star continually seemed to wink at her. Her mother. She went on.
"I can see them when I walk the streets, when I eat my lunch and when I stop paying attention in class for a scant moment, only it's not so bad in the daylight, because then I can focus on something else and they gradually go away. But I feel so vulnerable at night, in the dark. I feel them staring at me, planning their next move, and, although I know there's no one there, I feel the shadows moving in on me, and it's so overwhelming. So when I feel a panic attack coming on I go outside."
"Why?" Kevin suddenly asked. "Why 'ere? Why now?"
"Because ... well, because here I can look at my mother in peace and talk to her."
"Yuir mother?"
"Look", Celestine said, excitedly. She came over to him and took his hand in hers while kneeling in front of her. Her feet instantly protested to the change in temperature, but she ignored the unpleasant feeling and pointed to the winking star. "Up there. The large one that stands apart from them all. "
"I'm sorry. I don't know 'ow I'd make it in this world if me mother died", said Kevin reflectively.
"Oh, she's not dead!" laughed Celestine. "Just ... gone. I never knew her, see. The first things I remeber relate to a warm lady who sang to me, but she wasn't my mother. Then, one day, they took me away to hell, because I was different, you see. That's where my demons come from. I don't know how much time I spent there, until Father came and took me away. It's been better ever since. Honest!" she nodded, and Kevin first noticed her sad, brown eyes.
"Still", she continued, "I miss her." She laughed nervously, the kind of laugh people give when the tension in them is too great and must be relieved. "That's so ridiculous, missing someone you don't know, isn't it?" When she got no reaction from Kevin, she continued. "Father never talks about her, and I don't have any pictures ... or stories ... or memories. But she's there, and she somehow takes care of me and gives me luck when I'm all out of strenght. It's just my sacred hope that I'll see her one day. And even if I won't, I know that we can feel each other and that there is a bond between us, even though we don't know each other. She's taught me to love what I have and to hope, and that has got me through many a tough time. Can you believe that?"
Kevin slowly nodded. Suddenly, it struck him that his problems had been forgotten while he had watched Celestine talking. No longer was self-pity his main concern now. Indeed, he felt a desire to protect the young woman from all her fears, to wrap her in a tight embrace, to keep her demons away from her and to find her the mother she had only in her dreams. The instinct of protection manifested itself powerfully inside Kevin, and he left his problems to the wind and rose out of the ocean. He wanted to get as far away from that symbol of his incapacity to deal with life,and pathetic self-pity, and he also wanted to flee from Celestine, the only person to know his pain. That, and he also wanted to hide in a secret Universe, filled with the dancing stars and strong energies that he sometimes felt this cosmic space was made of. But today was the first time he'd felt the presence of that Universe in months and months of pain and confusion.
"Thank you." Two words, simple and elegant.
"You're not going to drown?" she asked, surprised and hopeful at the same time.
"Nae", he said. "Ye've given me tae much tae think of, lass."
"Wait!" shouted Celestine. "Please! You're cold. Take my coat", she said, rising with some dificulty out of the water, he numb legs protesting. She undressed and handed the woolen cover to Kevin. "It's quite cold outside, and I fear you shall come down with pneumonia, with your sitting in the water and all."
"What about ye? Won't ye be cold 's well?"
"Oh, no, I've got my hope to warm me." She smiled recomfortingly as Kevin took the coat and placed it on his shoulders. Though it was quite small for him, he felt comfortable and a pleasant warmth travelled up his spine as he watched Celestine's brown eyes glow in the moonlight.
Celestine slowly turned to leave. It was almost half past five and her work her was done. She felt sad for Kevin, having to go home to his sadness and pain, but she also felt warm, despite the chilly air, at the thought that she had done something to change, at least for the time being, his existence and state of mind.
"Wait!" Kevin shouted after her. "Please, wait!"
Celestine slowly stopped in midwalk and turned to face him. His red hair was being blown into his green eyes by the wind and he was wet and shivering in the cold wind, despite the thick winter coat covering him. His state reminded Celestine that he was the most beautiful creature she'd ever seen. Not because of the way he looked, not because of the way he thought and acted - because he was alive, in a way, because of her. It was the kind of happiness felt by a mother upon looking for the first time at her newborn baby. A sort of joy, and, at the same time, the instinct of posession.
"Yes?" she asked gently.
"Yuir name. I need tae know who saved me life."
"Kevin, please, an act of charity is only done annonymously. You know I don't want to wake up and find myself all over - Celestine", she said, finally giving in to the lost look in his eyes. "Celestine Adela".
"Me soul has been redeemed and brought in a noble heaven then", murmured Kevin.
"Pardon me?"
"Celestine means heavenly and Adela means noble - noble heaven."
Celestine's eyebrows rose as a small smile formed on her face and her sad eyes crinkled as she slowly turned around, leaving Kevin alone on the pier with her winter coat still covering his wet clothes while the seagulls sang their eternal song under the cover of the thick darkness of the night.
ONE SMALL NOTE: The character Celestine belongs to Madeline Villerot Taylor and the character Kevin "Proteus" McTaggert belongs to MARVEL comics and I am using them both without permission. I am using neither for any form of money or profit (besides feedback, of course!!!).
Oh! One more thing! If you liked the story (or if you notice anything that can be made better), please review! Any kind of comments are welcome. Thank you.
Lady of Ice Forever