Rey's Disney Kitchen.

(AN: There is a looooong story to this, but basically shenanigans. Thanks you my friends at the ask-patandrey tumblr blog, they area a good buddy go send them questions and stuff. -as i wave a round a plug- Enjoy!)

You know it was a really weird night; a visit to an underground Paris nightclub might do that but…

This is ridiculous.

I find my handsome self, waking up, Gemini-less, and far more importantly PAT LESS in a weird cartoony kitchen.

Immediate glances reveal that is really is just a kitchen; directly behind me is just bare walls. This building is all kitchen.

And that's not even the friggan' weirdest part. No, that title goes to my…I guess kidnappers. I was innocently slowly examine this place after my initial glances; I started hearing voices. I was going to remember what they were talking about but then they revealed themselves.

Two human sized mice rats.

They might be talking to me too.

I'm ether on some really really good drugs or officially in some kind of demented hell dimension.

They eventually leave. And while I don't exactly want to follow them (until I get Gemini) they did leave the door wide open when they left so….BAIL. Screw being confused!

Then my face bounced off the air. Somehow I am both very…in…in… 'Indignant!' and hella unsurprised.

"Ok…ok. I'm in a kitchen. Pat knows how to cook. This can't be hard…"

Of course I have no eye for food (I let Pat handle that garbage) but I do have one for destruction; a slightly peeling wall paper seemed the perfect chance for some minor mayhem. Gingerly with my patented grin I reach up and grab it.

FLASH! Before my eyes the wall's CHANGED, in a wave the wallpaper magically transformed. The door right behind me suddenly swung open, "Oh look Mickey! It looks like our friend is doing some decorating!"

"It looks beautiful!" and I heard them leave.

Rude, I was BEHIND THAT DOOR YOU INCONSIDERATE RATS.

Bumping that damn door closed, I spend a while screwing with the walls. It only has so many and eventually I settle for checkered walls. Whatever.

What's currently bugging me now is the damn music! Some dumb cheerful kids tune I hate it! Finding the radio on the fridge I was about to just break it, but finding some magical temper control I just screw with the dial. Gosh this radio sucks, nothing recent, nothing banging, I eventually settle on the last one just because it annoys me the least.

"Okay…food food….fridge is a starting point," the door is opened. Chicken, fish, hot dogs and burgers, lemonade, with eggs and yadda yadda yadda whatever. Looks simple enough.

I grab an egg, and drop it oops. Oh well, I grab another egg. I go to the oven and pull a pan down, "Scrambled eggs is easy, put eggs fire and spoon together and bam!"

…does the shell go in? Probably.

Somehow it cracks open and pools out perfectly into one of those yellow spot eye looking eggs. I pull a whisk and attempt to stir it.

I must be in a hell because it did absolutely nothing.

Not matter how hard or how many times I tried nothing happened; literally the whisk, spoon, meal spoon, everything PHASED THROUGH IT.

By the time I gave up it started burning. Teehee, maybe if I burn down the place I'll get away.

So that failed.

I stated digging in all the shelves; fancy dumb napkins, forks and its family, and table clothes. The one not kitcheny thing was a table right by the windows (so the mice folk could spy I guess). I touch one of the rags on accident and like the wall the one on the table changed.

"Am I going insane…?"

"…no you're not going insane," my neck couldn't have swung any faster to the radio announcer, "Cleaning dishes has never been easier!"

You lead me on announcer voice man.

Blast it what's easy?

Toast. Bread and toaster. IVE GOT THIS.

I put the bread in. A slip of my hand touches the little pushy thing.

That toast went to SPACE.

The temptation was to great; I can't help it I did it a few more times (why not this drawer never runs out of bread) before I eventually leave it be and get toast.

My fist completely not botched meal! Huzzah!

With pride I place it on the table.

My captures are unimpressed; darn it! I even put it on a plate!

Ok maybe I gotta be fancy I put a slice of butter on it.

…Not even a little.

So I go back, there is a fish in here. Sushi is raw fish so….I put it on a plate.

This time I got their attention, only it was Mickey telling me that maybe cooking it would be a better option.

So I did, gosh I hate following orders I hate these rotten morons so much…

Cooked fish on the table did nothing. DAMN IT. WHY DO YOU ALL LEAD ME ON?!

Screw them I'll make food I wanna eat.

What does Pat like? I think it was….strawberries?

….leave me alone I don't eat!

I pulled one out of the infinitely full shelf. I ate the little red thing. It's… sweet I guess. I don't know it really does nothing for me.

I dig in more shelves, and find popcorn stuff. Pat likes eating that for movies I think. So a pull out a little and put it in the mysterious device in fount of me; I mean its lid opened the moment I pulled out some so I assume it goes there.

Ok I hit the butio-pOPCORN AHH POPCORN ITS EVERY WHERE.

…

I did it againPOPCORN MWAHAHAHAHA!

For then next hour I do that. it's fun. I'm up to my knees in popcorn.

Beepbeeda beep! "Perhaps there is a thing such as to much popcorn…"

THAT RADIOS GOING TO GET IT LET ME GET MY HANDS ON HIM ILL- lose my footing and spin a little star on the counter. This transforms the kitchen, things disappeared and the counter expanded out so at least I didn't fall.

A pan appeared on the counter when I jumped off. A huge red thumbs away button was there so ignored mickey like usual and hit it hoping for escape.

Instead the pan THREW IT SELF SO FAR AND FAST INTO THE SKY. I have never seen anything NOPE that fast before in my life. I hit it again. Mickey actually started saying "Whoopee!" and it made me laugh so hard I literally couldn't move for a while.

I crawled back wheezing. Deciding I'm in a good enough mood to accomplish this task. Somehow just shoving strawberries in it turned it pink. Shoving chocolate in it vanished the pink and turned all chocolate. Putting it back to pink (I think pat is feeling it from a distance…or I'm just looking for an excuse to say 'bitch that's the tubby custard machine') I poured the mixture from the bowl that somehow filled the bigger pan and never ran out.

…

"Whooppee!"

Ack, I need to leave not have fun- "WHOOPEE!"

Teehee it's just…flings itself. So FAST.

Alright….what' in this drawer-"HAY THAT WAS MY FINGER."

"Sorry, but you forgot to cook the cake! It probably wouldn't taste very good, and it sure would be hard to slice uhuh!"

"Fair point Mickey." There's a stirrer, but pfft no need.

….

NO I AM STRONG.

"WHOOOPEE!"

Never said I wasn't weak willed.

The cake slides in and I set the oven off. In a few seconds it comes out perfectly…actually better sure there not sick so I put it in again and burn it. I tried but I couldn't burn it to oblivion.

…what happened to the pan DID THE CAKE EAT IT?

"WHOOPPEE!"

ALL THESE CAKES EAT THE PAN AHHHHH.

Actually that's pretty metal.

Time to decorate! …why am I excited? Maybe I am feeling the residue of Pat.

Lots of icings, even this weird reality warping one that's checkers. Something I'm glad for because screw doing that by hand. I cover the whole thing. I pick up the cake. I'm a complete mess but I can turn around and why can't I turn around WHY AM I IN A SMALL SUB HELL OF THIS SUB HELL.

I decorate it some more. Little buttons and stars. A mickey head for brownie points. I put this picture of a Mr. 'Goofy' on the cake. I don't know why but I feel like I can trust him. Probably because I haven't seen him bother me.

….

Nah I got too far. I hit the- "WHOOPPEEE~"

Teehee.

The cake is poofed away in a cloud of cocaine powder. I guess. And I am forced to turn and sit at the table with those two.

They say pleasantries. Mickey takes a few bites, then Minnie. Then they immediately start wiping their mouths and waste more than half the cake as they leave the house; Mickey's napkin completely vanishing on one side and Minnie crushing her napkin into the cake as she leaped off the table.

I threw the rest of the cake out the window at them before it vanishes in a poof.

That royally pissed me off; what a waste of effort! They even left the door open!

Well if they wanna play that game…

I go to the window, and dump all the food they offer into the garbage disposal. They unblinkingly offer more. They never get made not even after several chickens and steaks are ruined.

This sucks.

I messed with the sink, but there was this mysterious traffic guard who whistled and honked at me whenever I did anything 'wrong.' The sink nozzle thingy watered and grew flowers. Disgusting.

Oh cloud how I'd love to reach out and escape with you-DID IT JUST CAUSE IT TO STROM HOLLY HELL I AM COOl.

Ok time to stop that because there repeated excuses are getting old.

I jump off and passed the popcorn sea back to the oven.

Earlier I noticed a little star on the oven; just like the one that cause the cake madness. So I fiddle with it and the oven is a transformer. Or maybe it just digivolved into a better oven. Griddle. Whatever Mickey.

I can make my rat over lord's breakfast. Fine. Pancakes seem like fun, and it's all cooks unreally fast.

…ok I'm going to starve Minnie and over feed mickey. Let's see what kills faster.

Alas. After making three piles of almost 50 eggs pancakes and bacons and drowning in syrup and butter, I could not leave without giving Minnie anything. I gave her a tiny strip of burnt bacon.

When the plates were served I get the idea they were supposed to take turns. Minnie ate a bit; Mickey ate a bit, set his fork down, then jarringly picked it right back up, ate a bit, and repeat. Minnie staring at me, with that happy glare that just beyond it you can tell she wanted to cut me.

Oh how I loved that stare.

But they left. Door open. A damn shame.

Ok. Time to try and make food again.

So ice cream has weird physics; leaving it out it melts, picking it up and putting it anywhere in this state leaves a mess but it instantly freezes again once in the fridge. If you get a scoop ice cream it never melts, not even if it's next to the hot flames of the burners. Excellent.

However a Word of Advice; blended liquefied hotdogs makes blood. Blended cheese and carrots makes a pink brain colored horrifying bubble gum like substance.

I better try and make real food now I'm almost scared.

Real food real food….a smoothie? Well that's ice cream, milk and whip cream in a blender right? Seems a bit lame so let's add another ingredient…uh…I heard ice cream and pickles are good?

I give it a blend and poor it into a clean wine glass. Oh lord it's a sickly green color…. At least I'm not drinking it.

Setting it on the table it looked alright.

…ok it didn't.

Ok let's try chocolate milk.

Several chocolate syrup splotches all over the floor with the eggs and the toast and the ice cream later…that's not happening.

Ok I came with lemonade! I can just make that again!

There's no lemons MICKEY I NEED LEMONS WHY DON'T THEY EXIST?!

…was that….something else here? Bananas? Apple juice? I blended the apple and….HOW. THIS ISNT APPLE JUISC IT'S LEMONADE.

I'm never going to be able to cook man. Is this transforming food madness what Pat deals with?!

After several hours of thinking I finally think of one other easy, reasonable, and totally edible thing.

A Grilled cheese sandwich.

Two bits of floor bread, a slice of cheese from the fridge, I'm sure I didn't need it in the tea water but whatever. In a few seconds I have it.

It's…perfect.

Then I slip. I lose my footing on the eggs and the toast and the sauces and the whips cream and lord knows what else I left on the floor.

And it doesn't even burn. It VANISHES IN A PUFF OF SMOKE NOT EVEN THE ASHES ARE LEFT BEHIND

I want to rebel.

I untighten the sink, I tosses all kinds of perishable foods under it until the traffic sounds started, I left the fridge open, I attempted to cook, microwave, and blend cans (never worked) ketchup and mustard jam and peanut butter poured ever where adding to the slippery floor mayhem.

I cooked a single strand of spaghetti without liquid in the long pan in the oven.

Eventually I give up, "I GIVE UP!" this is the part were Rey gives up.

At this point I curl up in a ball, "I wanna go home I wanna go home…."

A giant clown shoe sized foot enters my view. I look up. It's Goofy. In the flesh.

He lightly pats my head, summons the power of the living mop and it hops up an attacks. The room (and me) are cleaned. Carefully getting me to my feet he brought me to the mocking sign on the wall, the 'Rey's Kitchen' one. He brings his hand toward it, and I reach out to touch it.

The room is bathed in a blinding pure white…

"Geo… gEo what if we don't ever find him?" I'm losing my mind I'm so scared where is he I….I…

Geo rubs my back, "Don't worry. Every EM being says he couldn't have gone far; he's got to be in a nearby wave space. We will find him." He's repeated this about 50 times but…

He's wave changed, along with Harp note, Taurus fire, Cygnus wing, Acid hoping in and scanning, Ace is here with his visualizer looking as best he can, Vogue and Pedia are giving it the collage try and Rouge even decided to wait for Geo to finish before murdering him. Geo's loaned me his visualizer and I'm crying and I never thought I'd be so utterly scared and lonely without my grumpy, mean, rotten brother like alternate personally…

..Huh? What's that spark?

Gemini hones in on it, "Hay I think we found him!"

Immediately all EM being surround him, offering waves to support him long enough to exist out of the space. Gemini merges with us, and there in a clear wonderful view is Rey.

And he is uncharacteristically as scared as I am.

From that day forward he can't handle kitchens, apples, and has a fascination with throwing cake pans.

Life is weird.