Summary: Clare is not the same person she was in freshmen year, she has seemed to lose herself as she experiences traumatizing loses in her life. Now, she is a sophomore and is blocking out the world. Connor, Alli, and K.C. begin to worry about this new Clare. No one was ever there for her, and no one will ever be. Find out what happens when everything looked so perfect on the outside, isn't on the inside.
A/N: This will all be in Clare's point of view. If it isn't, I'll tell you when it isn't. I'm trying out something new, and if you think there is anything I need to do to change it, and then be my guest. I accept all suggestions and ideas and I may use them for chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own these Degrassi characters.
Chapter 1: No one was there, no one will ever be
I never wanted my life to be like this, I never wanted it to be this way. However, I guess it's just the way fate is. My name is Clare Edwards and everything in my life is crumbling apart. Over the summer, my family and I went to Florida for family vacation and Darcy finally came back from Kenya and I was so excited she was back. We were staying in Florida for only a week and when the week was finally up, we headed back home. However, there was a major storm and the plane crashed. Everyone died in that plane crash, but me. I guess you can say it was a pure blessing that I didn't die, but to me, I wished I did. Now, I don't have a family and I live alone. Being alone, it's just a new feeling to me. My friends, they don't know and they will never know. They were never there, and never will be. Today is the first day of sophomore year and I'm not excited at all. I got up and put on dark blue skinny jeans, a red tank and a black hoodie, black converse, and put on eyeliner and lip gloss. Also, I got contacts so I'm without glasses. What happened to my uniform and glasses? I burned them. I wanted to burn everything from what was me from freshmen year. I got my book bag and trudged down the stairs to Degrassi. When I got there, I sighed and opened the door. Everyone was so happy, it depressed me. When I got my class schedule, my first class was Media Immersion. I sighed and walked in and saw K.C., Alli, and Connor laughing and talking. I can't even look at them without tears in my eyes. What happened to me?
"Hey Clare," Connor said happily
"……."
"Hey are you alright?" K.C. asked with concern
"I'm fine, just leave me alone"
I didn't want to deal with them, so I sat in the back in a corner. Then, K.C. came towards me, UGH! DIDN'T HE KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE ALONE MEANS!?!
"Clare….you changed" K.C. said
"So? What are you getting at? And didn't I just tell you, Alli, and Connor to leave me the fuck alone!"
I didn't mean to blow up, but K.C. was getting on my last nerve. I've changed; I'm not the same girl he knew in freshmen year. I'm not the geeky smart girl. I've learned to build up walls and not to trust anyone, because they can turn around and walk away from you in a blink of an eye.
"Clare, something happened, and I'm not going to leave until you tell me," K.C. said in a firm tone
"Well than fuck off Guthrie. Just fuck off and fuck yourself because I'm fine! I will always and forever be fine!"
I was beyond boiling by now. I am pissed and I wanted him to go away. Doesn't he understand that? Well that did it, he left me alone with a sad face and I thought I saw a tear drop from the corner of his eye, but he quickly brushed it away. I didn't mean for him to cry, I'm just too scared to let him. I'm too scared to love him, even though I fell in too deep. His eyes, they hypnotize me. His hair is gorgeous and all I want to do is feel it. K.C. is the sweetest guy I had ever met, and we did have a fling. However, we decided to end it because it was too awkward and felt it was better if we stayed friends. It was mutual, but it still hurts inside. I got my iPod and the song "Pain" by Three Days Grace was playing through my ears, while Mr. Simpson was explaining something to the class. I heard his faint voice, but I tried to block it as the lyrics sunk through. It explains everything in my life. All I felt was pain, and no love.
"CLARE!" Mr. Simpson shouted
I took off my headphones and glared at Mr. Simpson as I said coldly,
"What?"
"Your not aloud to have music on in class," said Mr. Simpson as he folded his arms over his chest
"So? I can do whatever the fuck I want"
"Language Miss Edwards. And no you can not. As long as you're under school rules, you can not listen to music while in class."
I rolled my eyes and muttered "whatever" and he went back to teaching. When Mr. Simpson heard me cuss, he was shocked. I guess he never knew I would ever do that to him or anyone. This is what I mean by annoying. Everyone always just judges you by the way you act. It always bothers me because they're might be another side to that person. Just like me. Sure I'm smart, but there is a lot to me. The bell finally rang and I quickly got out of my seat and headed to my second period class, Biology.
LUNCH
I sat alone at lunch. Why? Because I wanted to, I got a lot of stares from guys and I just rolled my eyes. They are nothing but a pair of hormonal bastards. I finally felt a presence before me and realized it was K.C. Will that boy ever give up?
"Clare, there is something wrong. Why won't you tell me what's wrong? What have I ever done to you?" K.C. said sadly
I looked into his eyes and sighed.
"Because no one was there, no one was ever there and neither were you."
I walked out of the cafeteria and Degrassi. Screw this. I went back to my house and slammed the door, I got a razor blade and pressed it against my skin and felt the warm red liquid come out of my cut. I winced and put a band aid over it. There was more to what happened with the Florida crash. After that, I began to show signs with depression and when everyone from my family started disappearing and dying, I was alone. I had no one to talk to. You question what happened with Connor, Alli, and K.C.? They were off in their own world; they were having the best summer of their lives. While with me, I was living in hell, I still am and that will never change.