It had started out as a fabulous day, with bright sun and clear skies, but it had quickly gone sour once the snow started. Now, it was nearly impossible to even see a foot in front of their faces. John trudged through the snow next to Karkat, with his head bowed to protect his precious face. They had been wandering through the blinding white shit for at least an hour, and John was quite frankly fed up with looking at it.
Well, he assumed he was walking next to Karkat; he couldn't tell anymore. With his eyes failing in the blizzard, he had to settle on recalling his dankest memories of his friend instead. He longed to gaze deeply into Karkat's ocular orifices that contained within them irises that reflected light wavelengths that were between 620–750nm in length, making them appear as a red color to his puny human brain. And his hair, black and flowing in the crisp morning air like a flock of blackbirds flying through the sky during a solar eclipse, which was to say, pretty fuckin' dark.
John's fabulous blue eyes sparkled like a bowl of blue jello in the sunlight. All he wanted was to spend some quality time together with his boyfriendo on a nice, peaceful hike. Was that too much to ask for? Dave had generously gifted the plane tickets to them after Karkat had saved his dog from a flaming tree, or maybe he had saved his tree from a flaming dog. He couldn't really remember anymore. The blizzard intensified, the scene transforming from the image of a blank page into a slightly blanker page.
"We should get our asses into that there cave," Karkat said to John. John squinted and he could just make out Karkat's finger, which was pointing to the dark mouth of a cave that could have very well been a whale vagina had it not been in the side of a snowy mountain wall. John nodded and followed him into the large, moist cavern in the wall.
John moved to a spot clear from the entrance, and sat on the icy ground. "Damn, it's cold and shit," he said to Karkat as he dusted the white shit off from his body.
Karkat looked at the boy intently in agreement and then suddenly matches. He lit one up, using it to light a nearby pile of convenience ablaze.
"Damn, that sure was convenient or something," John observed. He moved closer to the blaze, extending his hands to bask in the warmth. As he gazed into the fire, he reminisced on earlier days. His thoughts lingered on the week he had spent as a mailbox. He frowned.
"Is something wrong?" Karkat asked.
John gazed at Karkat with a look of whimsy, whispering with enthusiasm, "Karkat, I want the D."
Upon the vibrations of those sacred words making contact with his eardrums, Karkat's penile appendage instantly became erect, forming a glorious glowing monolith of penis in the cave's dim lighting. It expanded far too quickly for John to react, and the unlimp noodle tore right through the various pants that had dared to contain it, striking him right in the hella-kawaii eye.
"Oh shit, son!" John exclaimed, throwing his hands to his eye to protect it from the outside world as if it was a small duck filled with precious gems. He cradled it softly for a moment, rocking back and forth.
John rubbed his eyes, and as his vision cleared, he was finally free to gaze upon Karkat's scintillating ground-to-air crotch-missile. It lit up the surrounding darkness, its glow even brighter than that of the fire. It truly mesmerized him with its profound glory; it seemed to him an object that existed only on the periphery of this universe, its true form intangible to his puny mortal mind. He cursed the gods for birthing him in a form that rendered him unable to fully appreciate the grandiose of the ethereal object before him.
Carefully, as though it might flee like a frightened deer, John reached out and touched it. It made his skin tingle as it graced him with its contact, and he tentatively took it into his mouth. His orifice used for food intake engulfed the shimmering shaft like a gulper eel, able to swallow prey items up to twice the size of its own body.
As his firecracker was heated Karkat, started squawking like a blazed parrot stuck in traffic. His squawks merged into a single, ear-splitting cacophony as his wick finally caught fire from the friction. John leapt back, startled, as Karkat's radiant rod began to emit a shower of sparks. A horrible screech filled the air as his crotch-missile departed from its trolly abode, a stream of light billowing out behind it. It flew right through the roof of the cave. The entire surface was completely vaporized as it passed through the rock, revealing the open sky above.
Karkat stared after his scintillant phallus as it noped off into space, his hand grasping uselessly at the violet sky.
The sky was violet.
Then he understood.
The violet light, it came in neat wavelengths that measured 420 nanometers.
Karkat said softly to John, "420, blaze it up."
He disappeared in a puff of smoke.