A Christmas Carol, A Parody: FF8 Style!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own FF8 and Charles Dickens is probably rolling in his grave as I type this. But oh well, as long as it gets a few chuckles...And maybe you will understand the book better, if you read along (some of the quotes are directly from the book!) Btw, all of this takes place after Ultimecia's defeat, when Squall's friends play a Christmas joke on him, so it does contain a few spoilers.

Chapter 1: Squall the Scrooge

It was Christmas Eve, and at the moment, the Commander of Balamb Garden was busy in his office, going though finances. He wore his usuall sullen look, but today it was deeper than normal. Rinoa had insisted on holding a Christmas Bazarr in order to let all the Balamb students buy gifts for the holidays, and it had, in fact, been bizzare. People hustling all over the place, bumping into each other, falling into the fountain...chaos! Squall hated chaos. It was just his luck that Chritmas bred chaos.

It was just then that his father, Laguna stopped by. "Merry Christmas!" he cried, a Santa hat askew atop his head. Squall barely paused long enough to look up from his paperwork. "Whatever..."

"Aw, come on son! You don't really mean that, do you?" asked Laguna, grinning cheerfully from the doorway. Squall's unofficial secretary, Martha, giggled. Martha came from one of the poorer families in Balamb, and was helping out Squall in order to earn extra gil for her (and her brother's) tuition.

Squall had been working all day and Laguna made his patience finally snap. "Yes, I do! What right do you have to be so 'merry'? We all have problems, you know!"

Laguna returned " What right do you have to be so grumpy? You are Commander, after all!"

Squall, having no answer for this, merely snapped, "Whatever!"

Laguna sighed. "Please don't be so cross, son,"

Squall let loose with a vengance. "What else can I be, when I'm surrounded by idiots! 'Merry Christmas' this! 'Merry Christmas' that! Screw Christmas!! All it is is an excuse to spend gil!!!"

Laguna wasn't about to back down. "Squall!" he scolded sternly

"Laguna," sighed Squall, "keep Christmas your own way, and let me keep it in mine."

Laguna sighed in exasperation, "But you don't keep it!"

It was Squall's turn to sigh. "Just leave me alone! And take your 'Christmas' with you!"

Lauguna turned to leave, but paused at the doorway. "Squall, you may think Christmas is just a time to waste gil, but I've seen it change people. It opens up thier hearts; helps them think of others. So, even though it has never put a single gil in my pocket, I'll still say 'Merry Christmas!'"

There was a sound of clapping from Martha's desk. She grinned at Laguna, who smiled back and gave her a "Merry Christmas!" as well. Squall glared at her. "If I hear another sound from you, you'll keep Christmas by losing your job!" Then turning to Laguna, he said sourly, "You make great speeches, father. Maybe that's why you're in the government."

Lauguna sighed, defeated, and made one last plea. "At least come to the Christmas dinner, Squall."

"Goodbye," said Squall, without looking up from his desk.

"Merry Christmas!" Laguna offered. Martha giggled.

"Goodbye!" growled Squall

"And a Happy New Year!"

"I said GOODBYE!" Squall threw a particualraly large and heavy paperweight at the door as it closed. It hit with a thud. There was silence for a few minutes as Squall stared into space, then the indomitable Martha began to hum "Jingle Bells." Squall shook his head in annoyance. "Great," thought

Squall, "Another person, making less than 500 gil a week, singing about Christmas." He bent his head to get back to work, but as soon as his pen touched paper, a bubbling Selphie burst in.

"Hi'ya, Squall!" she chirped.

"What do you want?" Squall groaned, annoyed.

"Oh! That..." Selphie unfolded a piece of paper which had been tucked in her overalls. She cleared her throat and began reading from it. Squall couldn't help but notice the "United Galbadian Charities" watermark on the back.

"'At this festive season of the year, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitiute which suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in need of common necessities; hundreds of thousands are in need of common comforts.'"

"So what?" replied Squall.

"So, aren't you gonna donate?"

"Don't they have prisions?"

"Duh, Squall, we escaped from one, remember?"

"What about the workhouses? The soup kitchens?"

"At full capacity. OVER full capacity, in fact," Selphie checked the paper.

"Good," he muttered "Glad to hear it,"

"Squall, these people need help! Get into the Christmas spirit, for Hyne's sake!" Selphie stamped her foot. "How much are you donating?!"

"Nothing," Squall said flatly.

"Do you wanna be anonymous..?" Selphie offered.

"I want to be left alone!" Squall yelled.

"Fine then," Selphie pouted. "Be that way. Leave those poor homeless people out in the cold!" She whirled around and slammed the door behind her.

Squall thought he could work in peace, untill a squeaky voice, obviously beloning to one of the junior classmen, began singing:

"God rest ye merry gentleman!

May nothing you dismay!"

Squall was at his wit's end. Glowering, he threw open the door with enough force to knock out a T-Rexaur and glared down at the thirteen-year-old in front of him. The poor boy gave Squall one look of utter terror and fled down the hallway, punching frantically at the buttons of the elevator.

Martha suddenly appeared at Squall's elbow. "Isn't it time to quit?" she inquired.

"Yeah..." Squall stared vacantly down the hallyway where the junior classman had run. "I suppose you'll want the day off tomorrow?"

"Squall, tomorrow's Christmas," Martha said, as though this explained everything. She smiled faintly. "Besides, it's only once a year." They walked to the elevator, and with the junior classmen safely downstairs, stepped inside. Martha shuffled her feet nervously.

"What is it?" asked Squall

"Was all that really necessary?"

"All what?"

Martha shook her head. "A Commander should be more in controll of his temper"

Squall said nothing, as the elevator had reached its' destination. Stepping out, he hurried to his quarters, more than ready for a nights sleep.

So how was it? Should I continue it? And if so, who should play the parts of the "ghosts"? If you've read the book, should I stick to the text more closely or cut loose? Feedback people, feedback! That's how you get these stories to your liking!