Sideways
by Nyna Boscorelli
Author's Note: Wow. It's been a long time since I posted. The lyrics are from the song Sideways by Matt Caplan. Let me know what you think. Nyna (baumgartner1285hotmail.com)
Now even in this silence there's a thunder And rain that steals the breath beneath this cage And at least I've got your memory to sooth me
He walked up the stairs to the kitchen of the firehouse and his eyes were immediately drawn to her. She sat at the table eating a bowl of cereal, chatting with Levine and Walsh. She threw back her head in laughter, revealing her neck. God, he loved her neck, so long and slender.
"Hey Doherty, get your ass out of my way," Doc snapped from behind him.
His trance was broken. She looked at him from her seat at the table. Their eyes locked for a minute. His mind raced with memories of their time together - the laughs, the happiness, the togetherness, the tears. He looked away as he thought of all the tears he had caused her over the years.
Because everything I've ever done I've done because I love you Silly you should ask I'm afraid that I'll spend the better part of next year scared that I might need you Bring me down and I'll feel again Everything I've ever done I've done because I love you sideways Sideways
He continued through the kitchen, upstairs to the bunks. He threw his bag on his bed and slammed open the door to his locker. There it was staring him in the face - their wedding picture. He had always had it in there, ever since they got it back from the photographer. When he was married to Brooke, he had pinned it on the back wall of his locker, hidden behind his clothes. But he knew it was there and that was what counted.
"You okay Jimmy?" he heard Walsh ask.
He whirled around, nearly falling as he lost his balance. Walsh stepped closer and peered around him.
"You still got that in your locker?" he motioned to the wedding picture, standing out among the other pictures that adorned his locker.
"Yeah," he answered. "I just couldn't bear to take it down."
The two men stood in silence for a while before he spoke again, "I still love her, Billy. I've always loved her. I never stopped loving her. I don't know why I cheated on her. It killed me when I realized it wasn't her. I was so drunk and her sister looked so much like her. I thought I was going to die Billy. I knew I had hurt her so bad. It was so easy to cheat on Brooke because I didn't really love her. But it hurt like hell when I realized that I cheated on Kim."
Walsh put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "You never know man. You just might still have a chance."
With a small smile and a wink, Walsh left Jimmy alone with his thoughts.
And at least I've got the sense to sense what's coming And realize that good things never come to those who wait to long Because everything I've ever done I've done because I love you
He walked down the stairs to the kitchen. She was just standing to leave. He rushed across the room and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Can we talk? Please," he pleaded with his eyes.
She nodded and allowed him to lead her downstairs to the street. He stood with his back to her, shivering slightly from the cold. She rubbed his back as he gathered his thoughts. With his back still to her, afraid to see her reaction, he came clean, "I love you, Kim. I have never stopped loving you. And I need for you to love me, too."
She stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around him, "Oh, Jimmy. I love you. Of course I love you."
He turned in her embrace and held her in his arms, burying his face in her hair. As they stood holding each other, the snow began to fall.
"Merry Christmas, Kimmy," he whispered.