I've never understood my obsession with her.
I'm sitting at the bar with Parker. We're both nursing drinks, chatting and laughing. It's been a long week of work and I'm exhausted. It feels good to just hang out without having to think about anything. I feel someone come close behind me. Soft hands push my hair away and I feel fingertips touch the back of my neck. A shiver runs down my spine.
Parker makes a hasty and odd excuse and gets up to leave. I turn around and smile. At Nate. "How does dinner sound?" he asks. "Marvelous" I tell him. "I'm starved. But just as friends right?" "Right" he says. "Just two friends going out to dinner." I laugh as I follow him out of the bar. We both know where this is going to end up.
Nate and I have been sleeping together for a couple of weeks. We haven't told the team. We like to joke about dinner and sometimes we do eat but really, it's just that, a joke. More often we head straight upstairs to Nate's bed.
The first time was a mistake really. We had just finished ousting Damien Moreau from his strong hold in San Lorenzo. We were celebrating. Drinking. A lot. Neither of us meant it to happen. Hell, we don't even remember the details. We never talked about that night.
Two weeks ago, we did it again. We had a nice dinner together. We shared a bottle of wine. Nate held my hand while we walked back towards the office/Nate's flat. He wanted a drink. I shared it with him. We had a lot less alcohol and a lot more fun. In the morning, we talked. Nate didn't want a relationship. I told him it was no big deal. We could be friends with 'extras'. It was all that I had ever wanted, well almost.
Nate and I have known each other for a very long time. He was married with a son, I was a thief. Still it was fun to flirt. I've always found him attractive. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel good. When he asked me to join his crew, I thought that maybe we would finally have a chance. I had no idea how broken he was.
I thought for a long time that I was in love with Nate. I waited three years for him to get better. We went through a lot. We grew very close. We can fight like cats and dogs but it always blows over. He's my best friend.
Nate is a kind and generous lover. He takes his time. His touch is gentle. He always makes sure I am satisfied before he is done. When we sleep, he gives me all the room on the bed that I need. This is what I have always wanted. This is the logical conclusion to the relationship that started so long ago. This is the relationship that could last forever. And yet, when I'm alone, my thoughts always go back to her.
Tara. Tara my tall golden goddess. I love the way she moves. I love the feel of her taught muscles under tanned skin. I love the way looks and the way she smells. She makes me feel beautiful, wanted, sexy. She makes me laugh. The time we spend together is never long enough.
I've known Tara even longer than I've known Nate. Our relationship has never been given much definition. I've never asked for any and she's never offered. She comes and goes from my life. We have fun when we're together. We get into awful fights. She disappears for months at a time. I never know if I'm ever going to see her again.
Tara is nothing like Nate in bed. Tara is a thief. When she wants something, she takes it. I always know when she's been there. It's not that she's rough or hurts me or anything like that. It's more like she's leaving her mark, never letting me forget what she feels like, how she makes me feel. And I don't. When we sleep, she sleeps next to me, her arms wrapped around me. More often than not, I wake with her on top of me, our limbs tangled together. When I wake up alone, I think of Tara.
Nate and I are having fun. We're exploring a new part of our relationship. Nate was what I always wanted. Besides, Tara and I have never said we were exclusive. We've never even talked about it. I assume that she has other relationships as well. The thought makes my stomach hurt. When I'm with Nate I don't think about her.
When I wake up alone, my thoughts always go to Tara.