Dear people; all I have to say is chaotic college level work kills everyone in my opinion. This was oruiginally going to ba a drabble for "Ordinary Days Gone Wrong", but then it got to long. it was 1,069 words before this. To long to be labeled as a drabble. I should be updating that and "Romano's Brotherly Love" by next Sunday, however.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or everyone would probably be gay and insane. I also do not own "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers.
Warnings: Cigarrettes, death, super uber teeny tiny mention of suicie on, like the last few lines, perhaps the last three or four?, and mind-blowing insanity because 12:23 a.m. after an A.P. U.S. Government Mock exam like 15 hours ago. Kind of a weird and twisted songfic I would say.
Starts in Italy's point of view... or does it?
"Coming out of my cage"
'Ha! If only they all knew me! All they see on the outside is the little boy who goes around only caring about his pasta and Ludwig, who they seem to think that I force myself upon? I mean, really? Ha! He took advantage of me being "me." I was slowly walking towards my bed as my fratello knocked on my door to tell me he was going to go out with his boyfriend… Spain.
"And I've been doing just fine"
I have, however, been slowly showing my true self... Though people think I just want to be like my Fratello, Romano! It is not true, whatsoever! While, yes, I do love my brother, I wouldn't copy him for all the pasta I the world. Never would I purposefully be like him. I am, after all, doing fine being myself around people like Matthew, he understands how it is.
"Gotta gotta be down"
The key, however, is being calm about the situation, not enforcing it upon everyone or else they might really come out of their own shells and try to kill you themselves like Freejv did when I let my true self open up to him. And yet you wonder why he hasn't been around?
"Because I want it all"
If I could, I would truthfully be myself around everyone. Let it all go, not caring what everyone else thinks. However, that is one of my big problems, isn't it? Caring what other people think and wanting to be the best of the best in their minds, but never achieving it. Especially in my Fratello's mind.
"It started out with a kiss"
I hadn't known that my true emotions would start coming out once again after I kissed him. After all, it was just the one kiss that I had shared with Matthew to check to see if it was an actual crush, or it was the first actual feelings of friendship in the whole of our two lives.
"How did it end up like this?"
I thought these feelings had been gone forever when I had lost Kiku to a bizarre hurricane off the coast of the Philippines when he was visiting his Great-Uncle before he passed on, instead Kiku had been the one who passed on, with his Great-Uncle following shortly, unable to handle the passing of his last living family member who should have outlived him by at least another ninety years. Now, though, the feelings are almost about to burst.
"It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"
My therapist, who had the name of Roderich and one of the most annoying accents ever, had said that my feelings would be locked up until another traumatic event made me have to open my eyes up, but what could that have been? I feel like there is a hole in my memory somewhere…
"Now I'm falling asleep"
He had, however, told me that if another traumatic event happened, everything would either come crashing back to me, or I would slowly start spiraling into the depths of insanity, but, wouldn't that happen to anyone who would have a traumatic experience? Well I wouldn't know, now would I?
"And [he's] calling a cab"
Well, whatever is happening to me right now, I have to bring my idiotic cover back up because Ludwig texted and said that he was calling a taxi and coming over to watch a new movie- I think it was entitled "Kill Zone USA Doku deutsche filme in voller länge HD 2015" from his home country (which I don't get because I can't speak German! All the harsh tones are so different from the beautiful tones and sing-song phrases of Italians!' I feel a buzz coming from my punk rock bomber jacket, alerting me that Ludwig was ten minutes away.
"While he's having a smoke"
I sighed as I pulled the recently lit cigarette to my lips, and inhaled; not wanting to hide my addiction to the flavor and hypnotic smell of the tobacco slowly being burnt as I forgot the troubles of the outside world, only knowing the smell and taste of the cancer stick.'
"And she's taking a drag"
"Cazzo!" I scream out in pain, dropping my cigarette as I clutched my temples in pain, seeing an unknown lady with a cigar in her mouth, smirking, in my mind's eye. In the background, I heard Matthew cry out from our shared bedroom, as well as the following thumps of him running towards me, as I fall into the blackness, the spiral into the depths of something my mind doesn't want me to know.
"Now they're going to bed"
'I open my eyes to see myself standing in what seems to be Ludwig's bedroom. Ah! That's right! I had been doing my weekly surprise visit to him when I got the text saying that he would be at his brother's house for a while, and so I had decided to go take a siesta on is bed, like I normally would, when I had heard these grunts coming from his room and I felt dread in my stomach. Knowing something was wrong.
"And my stomach is sick"
I crept towards his bedroom door, and slowly opened it, seeing a woman smoking a cigar, smirking. There was a man on the floor, definitely not Ludwig. Wait. It was Ivan. The woman was Natasha. Natasha had been killed by Ivan.'
"And it's all in my head"
I opened my eyes, seeing white walls around me, and a woman's voice telling me that I would have a new roommate by the name of Alfred. Wait, isn't that Matthew's younger brother? Or is it the other way around? Any ways, where am I? Oh, wait, that's right. Kiku had died, and then I started dating Matthew. Welcome to Wang Hospital, the wing of the psychiatric part of the hospital, Alfred. Oh wait. That's right. None of that was real. Last week my friend Kiku ad gotten together with my brother and then brutally dumped him. My name is Alfred F. Jones. Matthew died last Friday, with it being ruled a suicide. That Saturday, I should have been ruled dead.
I had just created a happy world. Where the one I truly loved was mine and the one that should have died did. A much worse one then my beloved brother.