Authornote: my first fanfiction! And if you read all the way there's a twist at the end~ ;)
Eiichi and Yuri had gone married nine months ago; 6th of September 1789. It was a happy marriage, they kept their love alive and Eiichi had a good job. But after those nine months Yuri gave birth to their baby and all of a sudden everything changed. It wasn't the baby that was the problem – it was the tail the baby had. A slim tail ending in a small arrow. Eiichi and Yuri were shocked, terrified. They instructed the midwife to cut the tail off along with the navel-string and told her that she must never, ever tell anyone about it. The young couple burnt the tail and told no-one about their son's macabre birth.
They named the boy Rin after Eiichi's grandfather. The little boy had a scar on his bottom but fortunately that part of his body wasn't visible so frequently. Then it was worse with his eyes. Eiichi had grey eyes and Yuri had blue eyes, but Rin' eyes were… yellow. The eyes of a cat, even with convex pupils. Rin was always told by his parents not to look anyone in the eye. His eyes were ugly, they said, and nobody wanted to see them. To show his eyes always was "the Bad thing". So the boy was taught to look down whenever he was among people. Never look into anyone's eyes. Another strange thing was the colour of his hair. Eiichi had dark hair and Yuri had brown, but Rin' hair was pitch-black like ebony. Strange. In spite of that he was a very nice young boy – handsome, polite and gentle, very devoted to his school work and aiming for a good education. Eiichi and Yuri made him go to a Catholic church for reading about Christianity and religion. They hoped that if he was both baptized and confirmed perhaps his eyes would become normal. Since he was born they had talked a lot about his secret and decided that it must be God's way of putting their faith to the test. If Rin became a good Christian his curse would be lifted and he would become perfectly normal. At least they hoped so.
When Rin was twelve he had lost almost all of his milk teeth, and another problem occurred to Eiichi and Yuri; Rin' new canines teeth were long and pointed like the fangs of a wolf. His parents were terrified. Wasn't it enough yet? What had they done to make their son get punished in such ways? Now they had to teach him not to smile and make sure that he moved his lips as little as possible when he spoke. It worked good, yet his same aged friends and his teachers thought he was a bit queer when he never looked up, never smiled and always mumbled as he spoke.
But at the age of fourteen Rin began to wonder himself why he had to behave the way he did. Why could he never look anyone in the eye? Why wasn't he allowed to smile? On the upper floor, in his room, he decided he would find out why. And slowly he lifted his chin up and faced himself in the mirror. He watched his reflection closely and noticed his eyes weren't like others. They were yellow. They looked like cat's eyes. Strange, but why was that so bad that he had to hide them? He tried smiling. The sharp teeth glimmered at him and he quickly closed his mouth. Then he smiled at himself again. That was strange. His friends often smiled and he had never seen any of them having teeth like an animal. Teeth like a wolf. Like a demon. Like the devil.
Rin wasn't stupid and he'd studied religion for years – he understood why his parents didn't want him to smile or look someone in the eye. Only a demon or a devil could have yellow eyes and pointed teeth. But what didn't make sense at all was him, Rin. He was always polite, always nice and helpful and never did anything bad. How could he then have the same attributes as demons? He wasn't a bad person, why did he have cat's eyes?
'Well, at least I don't have horns', he thought and shrugged his shoulders. One day he'd find out what the matter was, but not now. He was busy and had other things to think about. And the one he thought a lot about was – as always – Shiemi. They had been a couple for a year now and they still loved each other more than anything. She was a lovely girl, same age as Rin, with wonderful blonde hair. She looked like an angel, moved like an angel and smiled like an angel. Rin loved her. To him she was the most beautiful being on Earth. But Shiemi was worried about him never smiling.
"Why can't you smile for me, at least once?" she asked one day. They were sitting on a bench in the park in the afternoon. "And you never look at me either. I'm concerned about you, Tom. Not smiling for years isn't healthy."
"I'm not supposed to smile or look anyone in the eye. That's what I've been taught always. My eyes are special, you see, and people aren't supposed to see them."
"Is that so? Why?"
"Well, I guess I could show you but not anyone else. See for yourself", Rin said and looked Shiemi in the eye. She held her breath for a moment and stared mesmerized at his eyes.
"How strange… I've never seen anyone with yellow eyes before."
"It's quite unusual, yes. My parents are a bit superstitious and they think it's a bad omen that I've got yellow eyes, so ever since I was a kid they've told me not to look anyone in the eye."
"That's strange. Eye colour shouldn't be of any problem since everybody has it. Yours is just a bit different."
"I like your eyes", Rin said. "In fact it's the first time I get to have a good look at them. Green, how beautiful."
"Just smile at me. I want to see you smile, just once."
"My teeth aren't normal either", Rin warned. "My parents think they look scary so I'm not supposed to smile. It makes me look like a vampire." He smiled, showed his long canine teeth.
"Are those real?"
"They're for real. When I lost my milk teeth these grew out instead. I wouldn't show this to anyone except you, because I trust you and love you. Do you love me?"
"I love you, Tom, don't ever think anything else. I don't care about your teeth and eyes being a bit different; you're still the most handsome, nice bloke in town."
As long as Shiemi was with him he didn't bother thinking about teeth or eyes. It was perfectly fine, and he even started to look her in the eye and smile. But only when the two of them were alone. Everything seemed perfect, but he kept on watching his reflection in the mirror. He was somehow fascinated by his remarkable eyes and wondered how it was possible to have such a colour of the iris. Was he really special in some kind of way? Maybe. Then one day he was watching the mirror, and suddenly he noticed that his hair seemed to grow really fast, and grow paler – until he realized it wasn't his reflection in the glass. He could still see his own reflection but behind that – or in front of it – was another reflection. It was still his face, perhaps some years older and with a totally different expression to it. This face looked arrogant and superior, and had lines of such malice that could not be of this world. This person was… Rin muffled a cry and jumped backwards away from the mirror. That face, that appearance; it could only be one person.
"Don't look so surprised, you know who I am", said the reflection in a calm, superior voice that fit perfectly well with its facial expression. Rin breathed hard with shock and fear. He knew just too well who was talking to him.
"You… you! Why?! How can you be here?" he was scared to death and could only speak in a faint whisper – luckily, since it would make matters worse if his parents heard him and went to his room.
"I am not limited by time and space as you are. I go and appear wherever I want, at what time I want. And right now seemed the best moment to visit you here. Don't be afraid, in this state I can't harm you more than any other reflection."
"But, you are…" Rin stuttered.
"Who I am is too obvious for discussion, but it still is the main reason why I am here. The matter is who you are, and that is directly connected with who I am. I look quite familiar, don't I? Come closer, have a good look at me", said the reflection with a smile – he had the same sharp canine teeth as Rin. He even had the same yellow cat's eyes as Rin – yet with some kind of black shadows round. The only thing that wasn't the same was the hair. While Rin' hair was ebony black, the reflection's hair was silver grey. Furthermore, the reflection was pale like a ghost and his ears were long and pointed. And he had long, black horns.
"Now tell me, Rin; who do I remind you of?" he hissed, content with Rin' fear.
"You… you…"
"I look like an older version of you. Isn't that so?" said the reflection, smiling in a way that could drive mortals insane. "Grow your hair long and add horns, and in just a few years this is how you will look, Rin Okumura. The only difference is that my hair has gone grey with age. It used to be ebony black as yours when I were young."
"This is impossible!" Rin whispered. "That you are here… and I would be…"
"You have wondered why your eyes are yellow and your teeth sharp, haven't you? That's why you keep looking in the mirror all the time. The mirror itself will not provide you the answer. I will. You have wondered for a long time and here is your answer, right in front of you."
"I don't want this. This is all wrong, my mother would never…"
The reflection, Satan, laughed contently with scorn never seen in the human world.
"Of course not, Christian and chaste as she is. She would rather die a thousand painful deaths than be bedded by me – if she knew it was me, that is. Of course I never let her know. The night before her wedding she celebrated with her friends… and I celebrated with them, in disguise. We went strolling round the streets that night, laughing and talking, and I went with her home. It was no challenge to seduce her and convince her that it after all was her last chance to go wild in bed before she was tied up in marriage. Nine months after her wedding night – as well as it was nine months after her night with me – she gave birth to you. There you have the reason for your eyes and teeth; and the tail you were born with, though your parents had it cut off."
"You're not my father", Rin said, but it was more of a wish.
"Am I not? Then why are you my perfect image? You see it, you're not blind. We look as much like each other as father and son can."
Rin couldn't come up with any answer. He knew the similarities were too obvious to explain away – the eyes, the teeth, the hair… Yet he didn't want to be Satan's son, his image.
"I'm nothing like you", Rin said and challengingly looked into the serpent eyes that had been passed on to him.
"I can tell, too, in fact. But you could be like me, Rin, you could be. It's all in your blood, you only have to use it", Satan ensured with glimmering eyes. "Immortality is not too far away if you try to grasp it. It runs in your blood, and so does other dormant gifts. The blue flame of witchcraft slumbers inside you, you just have to light the spark. Imagine all the power you could achieve only through that – immortality and magic. There is also great evil in you, and will to tyrannize and enslave the inferiors around you. So much, and it can be all yours."
"I'm not going to be like that! I'm not going to be an apprentice of the devil!" he hissed angrily, afraid to alarm his parents. "I don't want all that. I'm not evil and I'm not hungry for power of any kind."
"Yet you are my son, and a lot of things comes with it. I demand you to become like that. If you don't awake your blue flame and learn to use the power you possess, you will face serious trouble in a nearby future. If I'm not mistaking you'll look even more like me in a couple of years – by then you will grow horns, just like all other male animals that enter adulthood", he revealed with a grim smile. "How will you explain that to Shiemi?"
"Don't mention her name!"
"I don't think she'll be your girlfriend anymore if she finds out whose son you really are."
"That's exactly why I'll never become the son you want. Leave, I don't want you in my house", Rin said.
"I'll go, but remember my offer. When your horns begin to grow you'll beg me on your knees for help. At a time when you feel like making an agreement – look into your eyes in the mirror at midnight and speak my name loud. I'll be here."
"It will never happen."
"It will – within a year from now. Christ couldn't escape his father's will no matter how he wanted to, and be damn sure I'm going to be just as stubborn."
And the reflection of Satan disappeared. Rin unhooked the mirror from the wall and put it away in his wardrobe. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to think of the devil as his father and he didn't want to be tutored in black magic. Taking lessons of him would demand payment, and Rin knew there was only one currency to pay off the devil with – your own soul. Selling his soul was not an option during any circumstances. Rather horned than literally soulless.
Being stubborn wasn't hard at all – until he turned fifteen. For weeks he was at home, lying in his bed with a horrible headache. He couldn't go out and hardly even come out of bed, it felt like having a sledgehammer thumping on the inside of the skull. Rin suspected what was happening. Soon he could slide his hand across his head and feel two tiny tips sticking up in the hair right above his forehead. Horns. Dear god, he was actually growing horns! At first the hair concealed them, but soon his rather short hair wasn't enough cover. He had to make sure to always have something on his forehead – a towel usually worked – when his mother came in to look after him. God only knew what would happen if anyone saw what was going on. The horns grew and after a week they were half an inch tall. Rin got more and more anxious and finally he at least wanted to ask about it. In the middle of the night he went out of bed, light a candle and put the mirror back on the wall. He hadn't looked himself in a mirror for a long time, and he could see the tips of the horns. What name was he supposed to say? The devil had many names.
"Satan, I need you now", he whispered and waited. He didn't have to wait for long. The second reflection appeared, now accompanied by two others.
"I knew you would change your mind", Satan said, caressed and kissed in indecent ways by the two beautiful women at his side. Rin stared at them and didn't know how he was supposed to react or behave. They looked much like the women his mother had told him never to even look at.
"What's with that face? Didn't you think I like women? I do, I adore them", said Satan in such a malignant, sinful voice that Rin got goose bumps. The devil drew the two girls tight and kissed them both.
"Feeling the wonder of temptation yet, Rin?"
"I need to ask you something. Could you please send the women away?"
"Don't be such a prudish bore; girls are to be enjoyed. Lust is probably the most pleasing sin ever invented. You can ask me anything, they can't hear you."
"I'm growing horns."
"I see that", he enlightened. "You'll be really handsome."
"How long will they be?"
"No-one knows: maybe like mine, maybe shorter, maybe longer. It seems like they'll grow a bit backward-bent, like the ones of a goat."
"Is there any way to take them away?"
"You can always try sawing them off", Satan smiled, "but I don't think you'll like the result. The only good way is to make them invisible to people's eyes through witchery. I can teach you."
"I'm not becoming a wizard", Rin said with resolution.
"Why not?"
"Because then I will have to pay you…"
"…with your soul", he filled in, and then used a mean advantage: "And what about Shiemi? Will you rather lose the love of your life than look like an ordinary young man? It doesn't make sense to me, at least."
"I will never sign myself to you. Not at any rate."
"You sound like you were Christian."
"I am Christian."
Satan winced at the last word.
"You're what?" he said, hoping he'd heard wrong.
"I'm Christian. I'm baptized and confirmed as a Catholic."
Satan looked terrified, furious and insulted all at once. His women seemed to notice his change in mood and nervously drew back. Rin suspected that Satan's tantrums could be quite violent.
"So you're Christian?" he said in a voice that revealed he was struggling to keep himself under control. There was something in his voice – or rather next to his voice – that sounded like the growl of a huge, raging monster. It spoke exactly the same words as Satan at exactly the same time, so Rin assumed that it must be Satan's other voice – the voice of the Beast.
"You heard me."
"And how are you supposed to be Christian? Do I need to remind you it's my blood that sustains the life in you?"
"I might be your son, but I have my own will."
"But even so you shall obey me! Can't you see the impossibility in you being a believer? It isn't meant to be!" His eyes turned black with anger. All black, like a night sky free from stars. The air around him billowed with heat, and small embers cracked in middle-air. "Ima gine Christ being a devil worshipper – that would be a sight, wouldn't it? You think his father would allow that? And now the son of the devil is Christian! What have I done to deserve such a meek of a son? You're a disgrace for your kind! You ought to be beheaded for such sacrilege!"
"I don't care – I don't want your help. You can go back to your whores now, I've asked what I wanted."
"I've lost my desire for sin right now, thanks to you", Satan said with an angry glare, eyes slowly being forced back to yellow as his fury cooled. "It concerns me, though, that you seem to be lacking appetite for sin. You're not lazy, not greedy, not arrogant, hungry for power or anything. And you have no good eye to women. Or maybe it just hasn't occurred to you yet that there is another sex opposite to your own. I think you would enjoy some female company in your bed. You are like me after all."
And then he was gone. Rin blushed by his indecent hint. In fact Rin was still a virgin, and way too shy to ever suggest a girl something like that. Now he stood in front of the mirror and suddenly found his reflection very unpleasant. He looked too much like Satan, especially with the small horns.
"I'm not like you", he said to his own reflection. "I will never be like you."
But time passed and his horns grew, black and bent like the ones of a goat, just like Satan's own. Now Rin had to wear a hat or put a pillow over his head when his mother came in to make sure he was comforted. Both Yuri and Eiichi were very concerned about their son's health – he had been ill for almost one and a half month and he didn't seem to get better. It was time to call for a doctor. And then Rin had to do something desperate if his secret wasn't to be exposed. He was even desperate enough to call for Satan's help again.
"Need tutoring?" were the first, scornful words from his side. No women this time.
"I'm going to be exposed!" Rin whispered desperately. "When the doctor comes he'll examine me and they will all find out… I can't let it happen!"
"Of course not, it would ruin your life."
"So… will you help me?"
"That depends…"
Rin' mouth grew dry.
"Depends on what?"
"As far as I remember, you're a Christian boy who doesn't want anything to do with magic of any kind…"
"Damn you…" Rin mumbled behind his teeth. "Are you suggesting me to apologize and abandon my faith?"
"I'm demanding you to abandon that hypocrite position of yours. You can't be Christian, never could and never will."
"Has worked well so far."
"But won't much longer, if you intend to be my apprentice. No one can call himself Christian and receive support from me simultaneously – by accepting my help you will forsake your so-called faith."
"But I…"
"Don't be so stubborn when you know it's only for your benefit: let me teach you how to disguise and everything will be perfectly fine. You can go to school again, you can see Shiemi again…"
"But you demand payment and I won't pay your price. Never!"
"Do you know what this is?" he asked and tapped with a long, sharp nail on a small ornamented hourglass that he was holding. The sand inside was running down, red and smooth.
"No", Rin replied, and he was annoyed by how arrogant Satan was.
"This, my son, is the time you have left till the doctor's coming", he answered with a malignant smile. His yellow serpent's eyes were glimmering with delight over Rin' dilemma. Time passed and the desperate boy watched the sand run.
'Is this all the time I have left?' he asked himself and stared as if hypnotized. 'My God, there must be something I can do, I can't let Shiemi know, there must be something…'
"I accept."
"Pardon me, I didn't hear you?" Of course he did, but he wanted Rin to say it all loud and clearly.
"I accept the agreement; I give you my soul in exchange for lessons in witchery", he said, unwillingly but desperate. "But only if you can get me out of trouble this time. If you do, I'll accept."
"Nothing could be easier. I need you to say a couple of words and then I can help you. Will you do that?"
"What are the words?"
"Itzar kaileh."
"What is that, some kind of spell?"
"It works like a spell, you might say."
"I want to know exactly what it is before I say it."
"Fine, fine. There are no real spells – what people call spells are in fact words spoken in the language you speak in Hell. Summon your magic, say what you want to happen and it will happen. It is as simple as that."
"And what does those words mean?"
"Itzar kaileh means 'gates open'", he explained.
"And what happens if I say that?"
"You are supposed to be smart, Rin, don't disappoint me: what did I say the words meant?"
"Gates open."
"And then what do you think will happen?"
"The gates will open?"
"Exactly. Can you say it, then?"
"What gates will open if I say it?" Rin asked doubtfully.
"What gates may I be interested in getting open?" Satan asked innocently.
"The gates of Hell. You want me to open those gates for you?"
"How else am I supposed to be teaching you? All you have to do is to say the words. You are on the outside of the gates, so you can open it. I can't. I can only help you by giving the words power to open the gates."
Rin hesitated. Opening the gates of Hell for the devil was something that couldn't be done without thinking it over at least twice. Anything could happen.
"You don't trust me. That's fine, I'm not known for being reliable. But I promise I will not try any tricks when you let me through. I always keep my word, I have a reputation to live up to."
" …itzar kaileh." Rin knew that he could trust Satan on his word. He never lied about that. If he made a promise he would have to redeem it.
Two clawed hands gripped the frame of the mirror and the devil crossed the border of Earth and Hell. Slowly, as if he had to go through an invisible barrier, he forced himself through the mirror. As he stepped out in Rin' room, he looked very satisfied by being let out. His grey hair was very, very long; all the way down to his waist. He had a tail that hadn't been visible before, too. A long tail with an arrowed tip. As expected he was dressed all in black. He had quite a beautiful black attire, arms embroidered with golden thread and a wide leathery and golden belt round his waist. As for the finish, four huge black-burnt wings rose majestically from his shoulders and made him look even more intimidating.
"Finally I'm here again. Earth; one of the most pleasing places to visit, with all its people and souls. Although it's way too cold here."
"You shan't try anything", reminded Rin. "You promised."
"You don't have to remind me of my own words. Now, before we get started with your training, do me one favour: take that bloody thing off." He pointed at the crucifix Rin wore around his neck. That necklace was a gift from his father the day he was confirmed. Of course Satan didn't like it, so Rin took it off and put it in a drawer.
Satan showed all possibilities the art of transformation offered; he turned himself into perfect copies of Rin, Shiemi, Yuri, Eiichi, Rin' teacher in maths…
"If you master transformation anything is possible", he explained and turned into his original shape again. "I can become any person or animal in the world – any appearance I want. Or I simply just make myself look human." His appearance changed; his horns, the shadows round his eyes, the colour of his eyes, his ears, his tail, his wings; it all changed or disappeared. He looked perfectly like himself, just in human shape. "I will teach you all this, if you promise me you will be a good apprentice."
And Rin spent the whole night following the devil's instructions. Awakening the so called Blue Flame was difficult enough itself, mastering the power in it was just as hard. The Flame was an inner source of magic, a bottomless well of it. He had to scoop magic from it and time the unleashing with saying the words, and he had to pronounce the words correct. The new language he was supposed to learn was called sheïcish – the word for hell was sheïc, and so the language was simply called sheïcish – and contained a great amount of strange words. Surprisingly, he found it interesting. Very interesting. When he had learnt how to disguise in different ways he asked for more instructions.
"Of course I'll teach you more. Much more. But not until you have signed the deal you accepted. I have fulfilled my part already; you can easily handle tomorrow now."
Oh, yeah – the deal. He had almost forgotten about it.
"How do I do that?"
"You sign by writing your name in your own blood." He created a pen. Just took it straight out of the air. "Write in this book. I will teach you as much as you want as long as there is something to teach, and in return your soul will be mine the day you die."
And Rin signed. Satan employed one of his claws to cut Rin' wrist open, then the young man dipped the pen in his blood and wrote his name in the big black book. It looked like red ink at the page, then it turned into lines of fire and disappeared. The whole book disappeared.
"Very good. I'll come back the next night and teach you more. One last thing about disguises; the one thing that can expose you is your reflection – you can fool people's eyes but mirrors never lie. They always cast back an image of the world as it is. Don't come close to mirrors or water or anything that might produce a reflection. And churches or other typically Christian places work against you – another reason you should never even dream of calling yourself Christian. Walk in through the church gates and your disguise will fall like leaves from a tree at autumn. You know about the witch-hunts during the seventeenth century? If anyone saw you with horns, you would have to deal with quite the same thing. So be careful."
The next day Rin was above the moon; he walked around in the house, went out for short walks, was examined and found healthy by the doctor, and went out with Shiemi. The disguise was perfect, it felt wonderful not having to worry about his strange attributes.
"How come you smile all the time?" Shiemi asked. "You never did before."
"Oh, things have gone very well for me now. I'm healthy again and I can see you again. What more can I ask for?"
"Rin, you're a sweetheart", she giggled and hugged him. "I love you."
"I love you too, my dove."
A/N:
Sucked pretty hard, didn't it? =P Well, here's the twist I promised: this thing has been gathering dust on my hard drive for ten years. It was one of the first drafts I wrote in English. This also means it predates Ao no Exorcist, so I've tweaked names a bit to make it apply to the AnE universe.
Why post this decade old piece of trash? Well, I want to raise an awareness among all of you who enjoy fanfiction, and rather than get preachy on my profile I thought it would be better to actually show what I meant. (Congrats: you're all being subjected to an underhanded psychological scheme! =^w^=) What I want to show is the difference between a writer who is taking his/her first wobbly steps in writing and a writer with years of experience beneath his/her belt.
To those of you who have been thinking of writing fanfiction but don't feel like your skills are up to par: Relax. You don't write The Lord of the Rings on your first try. Look at the shit I wrote when I began writing: crappy character interaction, no description, no plot, language and formatting are off, everyone's out of character (no wonder, since I just copy-pasted in some names; but in all honesty, that is what has happened with characters that are OoC), there's truckloads of cheese and would you just look at the stereotypical teenage fantasy I made of the devil?! x'D
My point here is, nobody starts at the top. Not even the most adored published authors of our time were good when they first started. You're gonna have to write lots and lots and - let's face it - you're gonna write awful crap before you get the hang of it. But you will improve, and you will feel awesome when you do.
To those of you who felt an urge to flame this piece into the blazing pit where it rightfully belongs: Think of this fic the next time you read some beginner work that makes your fingers itch for the flamethrower. Be it a Mary Sue, a Gary Stu, or a hopelessly banale plot with an out of character cast: take a moment and think what that writer might accomplish ten years from now - if you give him/her the chance, that is. Flaming a writer can damage their confidence enough to make them drop writing altogether, and that's the saddest thing that can happen.
Instead of flaming: please, be that good Samarithan that helps the writer see what isn't working and how it can be improved. For all you know, that mediocre teen amateur could be your fandom's future star (and you could be his/her appreciated mentor and friend).
To provide the magical Ten Years Later comparison, and show what that teen amateur might produce given time, here are some more recent works of mine that you can find in the fandom:
The End of the Beginning
Perennial
Daisy Harvest
Rose Quartz Caterpillars
Shiro sin julbock känner, de äro gode vänner
Quello que siete fummo, quello que siamo sarete
Behold my servant, whom I uphold
...yeah, and that was all I had to say, I think. I decided to do this because I get angry every time I find someone flaming a story (many times anonymously) instead of giving constructive criticism. =T So with this practical demonstration, I hope I made some find the courage to start typing, while others perhaps stay their fingers a moment longer before they type.
Cheers, y'all!
/ SuperiorDimwit