Imperio Me

A/N: First story I've ever posted on here. All-dialogue. Personally, I think it's cheesy and cliché. Reviews, of course, are much loved and appreciated. ;))

—oOo—

"Potter."

"Ah, Evans. What is it, love?"

"You're a foul git, and unbelievable arse, an annoying—"

"Evans, Evans, I won't deny it… but why am I all that again?"

"—an annoying brat, an arrogant toerag, a jackass—"

"Lily?"

"Oh, right. Because you… you — I've been put under the Imperius Curse!"

(Silence)

"Uh… huh?"

"Exactly that, Potter! I've been put under the Imperius Curse!"

"…Right. And who put you under the Imperius Curse? More importantly, how does that make me a git?!"

"Stop fooling around, Potter. As for who did it... I was hoping you might have the answer to that question."

"I—hey, what?"

"Yeah, I was. Because I think – and I have evidence, mind you – it was you who did it."

(James blinks daftly.)

"Excuse me?"

"Ah, you're deaf now?"

(Pause)

"Evans. Don't tell me... don't tell me you're saying that I—I put you under the Imperius Curse!"

"Uh-huh. You did. Now... take it off before I hex you."

"...Great, Evans, bloody brilliant. How the bloody hell do you work that one out, by the way?"

"Oh... yes, that. But most unfortunately, Potter, I can't tell you that."

"Okay – what? You accuse me of Imperio-ing you, and now you refuse to even tell me why?"

"Yes. Yes, I do, Potter. Got a problem?"

"Humph. Manipulative shrew. And I'd prefer it if you took your nose out of the seventh heaven."

"You're impossible, you know that? Now take the Curse off or I'm off to Dumbledore."

"You do that."

"Yes—what? And what have you got to say in your defense when Dumbledore expels you from Hogwarts?"

"I didn't do it."

"Right, and the moon's made of chocolate. But tell me, what would you say in your defense?"

"I didn't do it. ...And it's cheese, not chocolate, Evans. Shame you didn't know that, isn't it?"

"Please, Potter, I need my brain cells for the upcoming Herbology test. And... correct me if I'm wrong, Potter, but I think you said you didn't Imperio me, right?"

"Yup."

"Uh, right. Okay. I believe you."

"Glad we straightened that out, Evans. Now excuse me, for I have more enjoyable things to do than stand here and listen to a pretty lady rant about how I used one of the Unforgivables on them.... Are you blushing?!?!"

"What?! No, no, of course not! And wait!"

"Yes?"

"Then... you must have slipped me a Love Potion!"

"You know I love you and all, Evans, but I must say, you're really annoying sometimes."

"...Come to think of it, I knew it was too good to be true for you to have given me those Pumpkin Pasties for Valentine's instead of your usual red roses that serenade me incessantly whenever I sniff them—"

"Evans, love — er — are you okay?"

"...And oho! You must have tipped them with Love Potion! I knew it!"

"Lily? You're so very funny; I can hardly breathe for laughing here. But please stop."

"I'm going to Slughorn. You slipped me a Love Potion. Noble, Potter, real noble."

"Tut. Do what you want, Evans. I know I did not put Love potion in your Pumpkin Pasties. But I'm sure someone did slip you Essence of Insanity..."

(Pause)

"Yes, well, then you're lying."

"Huh? Am not."

"Are too."

"I'm not lying, for Merlin's sake!"

"Stop lying, liar."

(Silence)

"Wait. Did you say Love Potion? ...Ah, now I get it. Oh. Love Potion, indeed."

(James smirks. Lily's eyes widen.)

"Um, Potter... I think I'll go. Looks like, uh... looks like I was mistaken. 'Night."

"No, no, no. Evans, just a moment."

"Let go of me, doofus! Urgh!"

"Let's get straight to the point. Why do you think I slipped you a Love Potion?"

"Um, oh! Will you look at the time? It's, uh, 7 o' clock and I still have my Potions essay to complete..."

"Ah, ah, ah. So you've been feeling... things you think you should not. Well done, Evans."

"I—no! I didn't say—oh, stop smirking at me!"

"So, I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yeah, right. Listen, I have to, uh, go."

"Wow. Lily Evans — in love. Oh, lord, wow."

"Potter? Shut up."

"I mean, with James Potter. This is like a miracle. Ah."

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! I'm not 'in love' with an arrogant arse like you, and I never will be! You're thick-headed to think that I actually have any feelings for you, let alone be 'in love' with you! Now let me go!"

"Oh. Wow."

"Let go of me!"

(Pause)

"So, Evans, you were saying something about wanting to shag me senseless?"

"...You arse."

"I try, Evans. So tell me."

"Potter, here's an idea. Why don't you go and flush your head down a toilet?"

"Right. Trying to distract me, are you?"

"—Uh, why would I, um, try to distract you?"

"Lily?"

"Potter?"

"No offense, but has it ever occurred to you that you might actually have more than platonic feelings for me, huh?"

"Hmm, now that's an idea."

"See? Exactly."

"It's called sarcasm, dumbo."

"Lily, Lily. Give up."

(Lily stares at James. Lily sighs.)

"Okay."

"Pardon?"

"Yeah, okay. It's something like this. Two months ago, I nicked the snitch you nicked from god knows who. I started carrying it around in my bag; I don't know why I did—"

"Lily! It was yo—"

"And then came the days when, during classes, I used to find the back of your head far more interesting than the teachers' lectures. Don't freak out—"

"Ha! I knew you—"

"And then, I started having daydreams about you. I'd be trying to do my homework and then suddenly, you'd pop up in my mind and I'd forget what I'd been doing and what I was supposed to do later.... That's why I thought I was being, uh, possessed by you, you know."

"Wow. That's... that's a lot to take in, I guess."

"I know, I'm doomed."

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell it to my face."

"Tell you what?"

"You know what, Lily."

"I—uh, what? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh. Okay, then. Suit yourself. I'm gone."

"Wait, James! I... I love you!"

"WHAT?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—"

"..."

"..."

"Wow."

"I know."

"...Blimey, this is better than quidditch combined with my mother's homemade fudge and the smell of you hair.... Ha, I made you blush! Never thought that'd ever happen!"

"Glad to see you haven't changed in the least. Now, you cheat, you haven't said it back."

"Said what back, love?"

"You know what!"

"Hey, don't blame me for trying to get you say it again.... And you know I love you, Evans."

"Good, 'cause I wouldn't have it any other way. Now shut up and kiss me."

—oOo—

A/N: Reviewers get cyber-cookies. ;)