Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
(Old fic I wrote and found on my computer..)
Oneshot
Don't be afraid
"Push higher, Mikan!!"
"Yay, this is awesome!!"
"A bit more, Mikan!!"
Natsume frowned in annoyance as he heard those voices and tried to concentrate harder on the manga he was reading.
Why did Narumi-sensei have to hang up the new big hammock so close to the Sakura tree where he was usually reading? Didn't that man know when to leave him in peace?
He growled under his breath as the other students continued laughing and screaming as Mikan was pushing them higher and higher.
'They should let her too, she hasn't been on it as often as the others' he suddenly thought, then shook his head to get rid of his thoughts.
It was her problem after all, and the only thing he was interested in at the moment was finishing his manga.
After a few moments, he finally gave up and shot the playing students a glare, but nobody was looking anyway. He usually considered them as his friends, but today, they were just an annoyance.
They were seven: Koko and Anna, Yuu and Nonoko, even Ruka with Hotaru, and Mikan. Natsume had, without really thinking about it, divided them into their respective couples.
Sumire had been with them earlier but had had to go for some reason he didn't even want to know.
The brunette was pushing them all, and they were simply laying on the hammock, the boys holding their girlfriends tightly.
It was nonsense that Mikan had to do all that alone, she definitely did need someone to help her.
He snorted and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the trunk of the Sakura tree which had so often given him comfort.
For some reason, he could always find some warmth at that particular place. And sometimes, warmth found him under this tree.
"Natsume!!!" a cheerful voice shouted, disrupting him in his thoughts. He frowned, lightly baring his teeth.
It was Mikan, standing in front of him, wiping the sweat from her forehead.
He looked up at her, not very happy about the disturbance, waiting for her to speak.
She just stood there, eyes widened, and he realized that his expression must have been a little wilder than intended. He slowly breathed in through his nose and composed his expression.
It was weird in what a bad mood he was today. To him, it seemed that he was missing out on something, yet that was nonsense.
It was true that he hadn't spoken to Ruka in a while, since he had started going out with Hotaru to be exact, but that couldn't be the only reason, could it?
His eyes wandered towards the group of friends who were all scattered on the lawn, taking a break under the trees, then towards the young girl standing in front of him.
"What do you want?" he finally asked, his tone distant, but not particularly cold.
Mikan smiled, the smile he had seen so often in those years he had known her, then pointed towards her friends and said
"I know that I already asked you earlier, but I really do want you to come and join us on there. You will see, it's really fun!"
Natsume looked over to them one more time, and some of them waved to him, the others smiled. He pretended to look thoughtful, as if considering her offer, but he knew that he couldn't be seen with them by a particular person.
That would only make things more complicated, or even bring them in danger.
He slowly shook his head. "You know that I can't stand things like that, and you really should know better than to ask me something like that" he said, staring at a point behind her head.
Mikan's shoulders stiffened, then she clenched her fist, hurt spreading on her features. She wasn't completely able to mask her feelings, and it didn't feel right to Natsume that he always had to make her suffer like that.
He had seen this reaction from her quite often already, but every time it happened, he knew that it was no one else's but his fault, and the only thing he wanted to do then was to take her in his arms and to never let go, as to shield her from all the harm that came from her surroundings.
From afar, their friends were watching. Every single one of them could see the tension between the two of them, and they were all wondering why it hadn't happened yet.
It seemed that both of them were difficult cases, and combined nearly impossible, but they all knew that there couldn't be anyone else. Any other person would be a mistake.
That still didn't keep boys from going after Mikan, and girls from having a fan club for Natsume. It seemed as if everyone was denying simple facts.
From where they were sitting, they couldn't hear what was being spoken, but it looked as if it had happened again: he had hurt her, and she would be spending some time in her room, simply lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling.
They all knew how he affected her and that she didn't want them to know, and that's why they didn't say anything, but something would have to happen soon.
Neither of the two seemed to be willing to change anything, but both of them knew it. Natsume was still staring past her.
"You know that I was just trying to be nice. Why do you always have to do that? I know that you aren't like that! What are you trying to prove?"
She turned around and slowly walked away, her back seeming like a wall he couldn't look over, couldn't reach or break.
But what was there to break, when she had been open to him seconds earlier. He had done all of that himself.
Mikan had grown over the years, not only physically, but also mentally. With 14 years, she was already very mature and had gained a fresh beauty that would develop further in the years to follow.
With 10 years, she had already been able to look behind the façade he had built up and tried to maintain, but now, she was also able to understand. What was he really trying to prove?
Until now, she hadn't gone looking for a boyfriend; at least it didn't seem as if she was favouring anyone, even though she had enough admirers. More than enough even.
He lowered his head for a few seconds, his bangs covering his face, and clenched his jaw, his fists gripping the grass, as if he was trying to rip it out.
Then, he slowly forced himself to let go and looked up at the group which was eyeing him carefully.
They were all thinking about the same thing, and he thought that he had an idea about what, but he wasn't sure.
Koko had an intent expression on his face, but it was of no use since Natsume had learned how to block his thoughts.
Mikan said something and sat down on the hammock with the other girls while the boys started pushing. Soon after, laughter and screams were heard once again.
He groaned and lay back on the grass, his book on his face, acting as if he was asleep and didn't care about what had just happened.
He did though. How would things be if Persona hadn't found him, if his alice had been another one, or if he could have stayed with his family a little longer?
Or what if Mikan hadn't come to the Academy at all? What if he was in her position and she in his, with Persona after her? Would he then be there for her or have given up on her a while ago?
He sighed in frustration. Why couldn't everything be as simple as he wanted it to be?
'Maybe it is and you just don't see it.' a voice inside of him suddenly said. 'Or you just don't want to see it.'
'Why wouldn't I want to see it?' he thought, not concerned about the voice. Maybe he was finally going crazy.
'Because you're afraid'
'Afraid of what?' he wondered, but got no reply. If he hadn't been lying down, he would have punched something, but like this, he only clenched his fist tighter.
Today really wasn't his day, and everything seemed to be irritating him. Why the hell did days like that even exist?
Mikan was trying to enjoy the hammock and not to show to anyone how hurt she was. If it hadn't been her friends, who knew her for a long time, she may have succeeded, but that wasn't the case.
She was also trying not to look over towards him (not saying – or thinking – his name was easier), but it was hard not to throw glances towards the Sakura tree.
At first, it looked as if her words did have some sort of effect on him, but as always, it was rather hard to tell what Natsume was feeling.
Then, he simply lay back on the grass, placing the manga on his face, as she had seen it so many times in the past years.
She usually felt that he looked rather peaceful that way, but that wasn't how she wanted him to feel.
How strange. What did she mean when she was saying that she wanted him to feel? She knew that he did feel, because no one could simply not feel, but what was it then?
It was as if she wanted him to feel in a specific way, but that was just nonsense. Hadn't he always been a bit different from others, yet in a way the same?
'Whatever' she thought, which was rather untypical for her. This really wasn't the time to think about things like that.
Natsume had sat up again, not having found a comfortable position in the grass. A movement further away caught his eye..
It was a boy, and as he moved closer, he could see that it was one of those annoying guys who were usually hanging out next to Mikan. What did he want?
He looked over to Mikan who was pushing the hammock once again, with only the girls on it this time, the boys lying in the grass.
"Mikan!" the boy shouted. "Mikan!"
She turned around to see who it was, but that was exactly the thing not to do. The hammock went back, hitting her hard, sending her flying back a few meters where she landed on the ground, unmoving.
Natsume's eyes widened and he jumped up from his sitting position, standing next to Mikan before anyone else really had the time to react. He kneeled down and took her hand, placing one of his on her forehead.
A thin line of blood had appeared from the corner of her lips, her face was pale. Her friends had appeared next to Natsume but didn't dare to come closer, which didn't mean that they didn't care.
This was something he had to do. But then the other boy arrived, his expression shocked, and he pushed past them.
"Why aren't you doing something?" he was almost screaming, his voice hysterical. "Is she okay? Mikan, say something!!"
He tried to grab her hand and to shake her, but Natsume shoved him away and was about to hit him, only restraining himself because there were more important things at the moment.
"Why… how dare you??"
"SHUT UP!!!!" Natsume roared, glaring at him so fiercely that the boy didn't dare to try and touch Mikan again.
"But…I was only trying to help…Is she alright?"
"TRYING TO HELP?" the fire caster yelled. "LEAVE! IF YOU ARE TRYING TO HELP, GO AND GET NARUMI!!"
The boy immediately obeyed, getting up as quickly as he could to escape the glares everyone was giving him.
Natsume turned back to Mikan, then gently lifted her up and carried her in his arms. He was going towards the hospital wing, the friends following him closely, none of them saying a word.
The young brunette moved her head a little, then started coughing up blood. Natsume softly stroked her hair and pressed her head closer to his chest, not paying attention to the blood that was staining his shirt.
She relaxed a little and he walked a bit faster, concerned that even the tiny amount of time he was wasting bringing her there could make a difference.
The nurses didn't say much as they saw him and quickly called a doctor after Natsume had placed her on a bed. The young girl was unnaturally pale, her face expressionless.
They were all asked to leave the room while she was being checked for any major injuries, and even though they protested, they finally gave in to let them do their work.
While the six others took a seat in the waiting room, Natsume didn't stop pacing, his thoughts not making sense, one chasing the other.
Days like that really were the worst kind.
Narumi arrived, the other boy following closely. The fire caster would have thrown himself at the intruder if Hotaru hadn't placed her hand on his arm.
He tried to relax but couldn't stop looking at the boy's direction until that one couldn't stand it anymore and left the waiting room.
It seemed like an eternity that they had been sitting there waiting until a nurse finally came to inform them of the news.
Natsume jumped up from the seat he had taken and looked at her questioningly, almost impatiently.
"Mikan is fine" the nurse tried to calm them down. "She got hit on the head pretty badly and the doctors aren't sure if she has a concussion – we will only find out when she wakes up – but there is nothing broken. She will have a few bruises on her ribs and chest, but that will heal soon enough. There is no internal damage; the blood only came from biting her tongue. If you want to see her now, you can, but she hasn't woken up yet so please be quiet."
They all breathed up in relief and made their way towards her room, careful not to make too much noise.
Mikan was lying on the bed, her chest slowly rising and falling as she breathed, a bandage wound around her head.
Natsume couldn't explain why the first thing he felt as he saw her was anger. He sat down on the chair next to the bed and took her hand, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
The others were standing around the bed, quietly looking down at her, worry on everyone's face.
A few minutes later, a doctor came in and asked them to leave. Natsume was the only one who stayed, and nobody tried to convince him to leave. They knew that he had to stay.
The room slowly went dark as the light which came from the window started to fade. Natsume was still sitting in the chair, his hand never letting go of hers.
But even the black cat could only stay awake for a certain amount of time, and so his eyes closed as he drifted off to sleep.
He woke with a start as he felt movement. Alert, he searched the room for any sign, then remembered where he was and relaxed a little.
"Natsume…What are you doing here?"
"What kind of question is that?" he asked in a low voice.
She looked at him, puzzled, then groaned and placed the hand he wasn't holding on her forehead.
"Ouch" she said, then her eyes widened and she looked down at their entwined hands, then lifted an eyebrow.
"Alright, if my head didn't hurt as much, I would say that I'm dreaming."
He chuckled, then became serious again. "If this were a dream, it would be a nightmare."
"What do you mean? If this was a nightmare, I wouldn't be with you"
Natsume didn't know what to say and Mikan started giggling.
"We sound weird, don't you think, Natsume?" Then, she started coughing again, and like before, he simply pressed her head towards his chest without saying a word.
"Shh…There, everything will be fine" he whispered.
"But I'm not afraid"
"What if someone else was?"
She looked into his eyes, then smiled.
"Don't be."
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