Author's Note: This song (Homesick by MercyMe) is really sad...I would suggest listening to it if at all possible...it was played at a funeral of a close relative of mine so this was really hard for me to write. It's a year after season 5 - the only thing different is that Tony survived it. This is just his thoughts and a song that goes along with it. Please review!
Disclaimer: I don't own Tony, Michelle, 24, or the lyrics
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand time I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason that I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you?
365 days.
It had been one year since their perfect world was shattered. Well, maybe perfect wasn't the word for it. They had certainly been through their share of hell, and sometimes the past came back to haunt then. There were moments when she felt he didn't trust her, and moments he had to force himself to. Sometimes the memories kept him up at night, or gave her nightmares from which she woke sweating and shaking. But together, they battled those demons. The happy moments far outweighed the others, until that day.
He should have stopped her, should have at least told her to wait for him. Then maybe he would have been the one to turn the key in the lock. Thoughts like these plagued him, making him wonder if he would ever have the guts to do something drastic - to join her. He knew she would want him to be strong and push through, but life without her had nothing for him. Every moment, waking or sleeping, was filled with dreams of the one he would never hold again, never kiss again. He would never be able to draw from the strength her presence offered, never hear her say she loved him. He moved through life in a haze, expression blank, going through the motions but only because it was what was expected of him. Jack might have understood, maybe could have gotten through the fog, but he had been missing since that horrible day. Tony wondered how his friend did it - after his wife was taken from him by a woman he trusted, even loved, he found a way back to something that resembled normalcy. Not for anyone else, maybe, but for Jack Bauer it was impressive. Tony couldn't imagine ever feeling anything again without Michelle, and recently instead of wanting her back, he found himself wishing he was with her, wherever that was. He had been raised Catholic, and still believed there was a heaven - surely she was in it. Since she wasn't coming back, was there anyway he could go there too?
I close my eyes, and I see your face
If home's where the heart is, then I'm out of place
Lord won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now