A/N: Because I should've started writing fic for Firefly like ten billion years ago. Can't promise tons of originality with this one, but I couldn't resist because River is just so much fun to write. Taken pretty much as a character study. Reviews are nice if you wanna leave them.
flow
The needles, the needles are everywhere. There's no way to draw them out without losing too much blood; the statistics of such are running in her head. She has a ten to one chance of dying and she does not wish to go gently into that good night just yet. She will curl into herself, bide time until it is time to strike.
Her memories of the outside are skewed by the needles and by the doctors with their blue gloved hands, but she remembers it. If she closes her eyes she remembers her memories, remembers other people's memories.
They are of summer sunshine, of bright blue lakes and dirty beaten paths winding through the woods. They are of starry nights, smoke rising over city rooftops and curling up into smog overhead. They are of mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, people who you could always count on, people who tucked you in and kissed you goodnight and said I'll see you in the morning.
People like family.
The needles hurt but the memories, the ones that are hers and not hers, are enough to sustain her, to keep her hope alive. Optimism is not an intelligent outlook; if anything, it is a lie. It is a lie people tell themselves when the world looks bad. And because they are just so very afraid of how bad it is, they smile anyway.
She used to think processes like these were illogical.
But it is a process she must undergo until she is free to flow wherever she pleases. Without it she will fall to pieces. Without it, there will be no bed for this River to close her eyes and lay herself to sleep.
Without the lies, she will die.
And she will stay strong. Make carrion of others lest she herself become carrion, until all the needles are out and the scars start healing.
She will stay strong and endure everything that comes to her until she can finally flow free.
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