TITLE: Why ask Wui?
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: G
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM, non-slash. Qui-Gon's cousins come for a visit at the Temple. Obi-Wan is not amused. (Obi is 15.)
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
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Why ask Wui?
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Obi: Master I didn't know you had cousins. Why have you never mentioned them before?
Qui: We won't go into that Obi-Wan. But they are coming for a visit and they will be staying with us.
Obi: But where will they sleep?
Qui: One will get your room, the other will have the couch in the common area.
Obi: Master, I am NOT sharing a bed with one of your strange relatives.
Qui: You're not, you will stay with me. And who told you they were strange?
Obi: Master Bren.
Qui: Okay, well they are a bit odd if you want to call them that. And they will be here in a few minutes, so clean yourself up.
(Twenty minutes later, there was a chime at the door. Qui-Gon hurried to beat his padawan there. The door opened, and there stood two very tall, dark-haired men. They were the same build as Qui-Gon but stood with less of a presence than Obi-Wan's master.)
Qui: Gentlemen.
(They moved forward and hugged their cousin. Qui-Gon immediately became uncomfortable.)
Qui: Gentlemen, this is my apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Padawan, these are my cousins. Qui-Gon Jim and Wui-Gon Jinn.
(Obi-Wan did his best not to look completely confused, but it wasn't working.)
Obi: Master you have a cousin named Qui-Gon?
Qui: Yes. But you can call him Jim.
Obi: And Wui?
Qui: Because that's his name.
Obi: Yes, I know that. And this is Wui?
Qui: Because that's what his parents named him. Why is this such a big deal?
Wui: Excuse me cousin, I believe the boy is asking if I am Wui.
Qui: Oh, right. I knew that.
Wui: Nice to meet you Obi-Wan. You may call me Wui.
Obi: Hi Wui. Hahaha! Okay, that was funny for a second.
Jim: Hi kid! I like that braid you've got there. Kinda acts like a leash doesn't it?
Obi: Um, not really. It's to symbolize that I am an apprentice. It's a long-standing tradition that all padawans wear the braid until they are Knighted. I am proud to wear mine.
Jim: Looks like a leash to me.
Qui: Jim, it is not a leash. Obi-Wan, get their bags and put them in your bedroom.
Obi: Yes master. (The student grabs the luggage, and drags the bags down the hall.)
Jim: You've got him trained well Qui. Yes master. Does he cook too?
Qui: That is a sign of respect Jim. He is not a servant, but yes he does cook. Quite well if I do say so myself.
Jim: Good, because I am starving.
Qui: He's not cooking for us. We are heading out for dinner. I thought an evening out would be nice.
Wui: Great idea Qui.
Obi: Master, should I move my things to your room?
Qui: You can do that later padawan.
Obi: Why?
Wui: Yes?
Obi: No, why should I wait till later?
Qui: This is going to be the most confusing week of my life. Because we are going out.
Obi: Can I ask a stupid question?
Qui: If you insist.
Obi: Why are you both named Qui-Gon?
Jim: I am older, your master was named after me.
Qui: I was not. And you are only three minutes older. Its just so happens that both our parents came up with the same name.
Obi: So...Qui, Qui and Wui? Sounds like a law firm.
Wui: He's cute Qui.
Jim: We can discuss names later. I'm hungry.
Qui: Very well. Obi-Wan where would you like to go?
Obi: McNevs.
Qui: Never mind. How about Sithback Steakhouse?
Obi: Oh yeah, they have the great drink called a Snoke. It's part coke and part...
Qui: Enough padawan. No need to go any further. Sithback it is. Gentlemen, shall we?
(The foursome arrived at the restaurant. Obi-Wan had been battling Jim the entire trip over. Jim was sitting behind Obi-Wan in the transport, and kept pulling on the boy's ponytail. The apprentice held his tongue, but was not happy. By they time they exited the ship, he was sprinting to his master's side. They were seated and were quickly greeted by a waiter.)
Lima: Good evening gentlemen, my name is Lima, and I will be your server tonight. Can I start you off with a drink?
Qui: (Looking sternly at Obi-Wan.) Don't even think about it.
Obi: But master, his name is Lima. Are you related to Lima Wean, the actor?
Lima: Sadly no. But he is a favorite of mine.
Obi: He's great. Have you seen his latest, 'Moulin Troll'?
Lima: I just saw it yesterday, I had no idea he could sing like that. Have you seen 'Sithspotting'?
Obi: Have I? Only about ten times. He is so intense in that role...I think maybe...
Qui: Obi-Wan?
Obi: Yes master?
Qui: Can you do this another time please? Just order your drink and not the drink that you really want.
Obi: Masterrrrrrr.
Qui: Order.
Obi: Okay, can I get a Shirley Temple Snoke please.
Lima: Sure. And for the rest of you?
Qui: Snoke.
Jim: Snoke.
Wui: Snoke.
Obi: Hey, wait a minute. Why can you have a regular one and I can't?
Qui: Why do you think?
Obi: Because it makes me bounce off the walls. And it has alcohol in it.
Qui: Exactly.
(The waiter left, and Jim turned to Obi-Wan.)
Jim: So Ben, what's with the ponytail anyway?
Obi: Ben?
Jim: Yeah Ben. I can't help it you look like a Ben to me. What's the ponytail story?
Obi: Obi-Wan will do fine. It's part of being an apprentice.
Jim: Why?
Wui: Huh?
Jim: Not you, I am asking the boy here.
Obi: It just is. (His eyes caught something across the room.) By the Force! It's him! It's Lima!
Qui: No padawan, Lima went that way with our drink order.
Obi: No master, Lima Wean HIMSELF! LOOK!
Qui: The actor? Obi-Wan, come back here!
Wui: What's he doing?
Qui: Making a fool of himself.
Wui: He do this a lot? Run after strange men?
Qui: It's his favorite actor. He can't help it.
Jim: He's hugging him now. This is one strange boy you've got Qui.
Qui: He's just a bit hyper sometimes.
(Obi-Wan came running back, a big ole goofy smile on his face.)
Obi: He hugged me Master. He's so nice.
Qui: That's great padawan. You finally got to meet him.
Jim: Who is this Lima person?
Obi: Only the greatest actor in the galaxy. He is amazing.
Jim: So, we have Lima the actor and Lima the waiter? This is confusing. Speaking of Lima...where is our waiter?
(The rest of the evening was uneventful. Jim still had this infatuation with Obi-Wan's braid and ponytail, but the apprentice was learning to deal with it. They arrived home, and Qui-Gon immediately sent his student to bed.)
Qui: Make yourself comfortable in my bed padawan. Don't forget to bring in your own pillow.
Obi: Why?
Wui: Huh?
Obi: Why do I have to bring my own pillow.
Wui: I don't know. Why are you asking me?
Obi: I'm not. I asked my master.
Wui: They why did you say my name.
Obi: I didn't. I asked why.
Wui: Right, that's me.
Obi: No, I asked WHY do I have to bring my own pillow.
Wui: I don't know. Ask Qui-Gon.
Obi: I did.
Qui: ENOUGH! Obi-Wan, just get your pillow and go to bed. We will discuss the why later.
Obi: Yes master. Good night master, Mr. Jim, Mr. Wui.
(The goodnights said, the boy headed to his master's room.)
Qui: Okay, one of you gets Obi-Wan's bed, the other gets the couch. You guys fight it out.
Jim: I get the bed! I can't sleep on couches. Bad back.
Wui: You are such a liar. But, I'll let you have it.
Qui: Good, on that note, I am turning in. Feel free to use the shower. Good night.
(Qui-Gon quietly entered his bedroom. Obi-Wan was fast asleep, curled in the blankets. At least he was thought to be fast asleep. The master got comfortable, and settled in next to his student.)
Obi: Master, Mr. Jim bothers me. And he calls me Ben.
Qui: I kind of like the name Ben. I thought you were asleep.
Obi: I tried, but when I close my eyes, he's there. Grabbing my ponytail. Excuse me for saying so, but he's a pain.
Qui: You don't know the half of it. Why do you think you've never met him before?
Obi: Black sheep of the family huh? I don't know Wui either.
Qui: Why what?
Obi: I don't know him.
Qui: I wish I didn't.
Obi: Why?
Qui: No, he's okay. It's just Jim that's the problem.
Obi: What?
Qui: What what?
Obi: Who's okay?
Qui: Wui.
Obi: Why did you say that?
Qui: Because you asked.
Obi: I did not.
Qui: This is giving me a headache. Close your eyes padawan. Sleep.
Obi: Why?
Qui: Stop it. Sleep, NOW!
(The next morning, Obi-Wan woke up and found himself with an arm wrapped around Qui-Gon's midsection. The arm was completely asleep and he was unable to move it.)
Obi: Master, wake up. Master?
Qui: Huh? Obi-Wan? Why are you hugging me?
Obi: I'm not. My arm is asleep.
Qui: Wake it up.
Obi: Can you move it for me?
Qui: (He lifts the arm off his chest and back to Obi-Wan's side.) There.
Obi: Ah, thank you. What's that noise?
Qui: That would be Jim trying to sing in the shower.
Obi: Even I don't sound that bad.
Qui: If you could only hear yourself.
(A few minutes later after the shower had stopped, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Jim let himself in.)
Jim: Morning gents! What's the plan for today?
Obi: Turn off the lights.
Qui: Jim, what are you doing?
Jim: Time to get up. What's for breakfast?
Qui: Whatever the dining hall is serving. We rarely eat breakfast in. Give us a few minutes to get dressed. Wake Wui.
(Jim left the room. Obi-Wan turned to his master.)
Obi: Do I have to be seen with him in public again? What will my friends think?
Qui: You'll live. Get up. I should call Bren, have her meet us there. She hasn't met my cousins yet either.
Obi: You bring this on her? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Qui: Go get changed, please.
(They headed for the dining hall. Obi-Wan saw his friends, Bant and Taj, dining with their masters and quietly asked Qui-Gon if he could join them.)
Qui: No, you may not. You are in this with me.
Obi: Why? You invited them here. I had nothing to do with it.
Qui: Well, they kind of invited themselves, and since you live with me, you will not leave my side while they are here. I need the support or I may kill Jim.
Obi: Want me to do it for you? If he pulls my ponytail one more time...and he left his socks in the bathroom sink this morning. He stares at me all the time. He smacks his lips when he chews. He farts and belches...and...
Qui: Yes, I know all that. No need to remind me.
Bren: Hey Stretch! Kid! How are ya?
Obi: Master Bren, thank the Force you are here. Save me from Jim.
Bren: And why?
Obi: Yes him too, but he's not as bad.
Bren: Him who?
Obi: Wui.
Bren: Wui what?
Obi: Him! Wui!
Bren: Because...WAIT! What are we talking about?
Qui: Allow me to explain and introduce my cousins, Master Bren Anders this is Wui-Gon Jinn and Qui-Gon Jim.
Bren: Huh?
Obi: That's what I said.
Wui: Pleased to meet you Bren.
Jim: Hey there! Name's Qui-Gon, but you can call me Jim.
Bren: Right. One Qui-Gon in this world is enough.
Qui: Thanks...I think. Shall we eat?
Jim: What's the specialty here Ben?
Bren: Ben?
Qui: Don't ask.
Obi: My name is Obi-Wan, please. And the best thing here is Bantha sausage. You will love it.
Qui: Padawan, take Jim and Wui and get in line. I will be there in a moment.
Obi: But master?
Qui: Humor me...Ben.
Obi: Okay, Mr. Wui, Mr. Jim, follow me. (Jim pulled Obi's ponytail again as they walked towards the line.)
Wui: Would you stop that. Leave the kid alone.
Jim: Oh, he's okay. I'm just messing with him.
Wui: Driving him crazy is more like it.
(Once they all sat down to eat, Jim questioned Bren.)
Jim: So Master Bren, how long you and Qui been going out?
Qui: Jim?
Bren: None of your business. Next question?
Obi: Master, this is gonna get ugly, can I go sit with Taj and Bant...Pleeeease?
Qui: No, it'll be okay. If Jim wants to pick on someone, he's going after the WRONG person.
Jim: We'll if you ever become available, let me give you my number.
Bren: I think not. I'd rather date my breakfast.
Jim: Oh, I see. Never mind then.
Qui: Anyway, let's finish up here and continue our day. And hope it goes by quickly.
Wui: I'm sorry, what?
Qui: EAT!
Obi: (leaning towards Bren) Master Qui-Gon is starting to stress out. He always grits his teeth when he stresses.
Bren: How long are they here for?
Obi: A week.
Bren: This is bad.
**********
(The week went slowly. Obi-Wan watched as his usually calm and in control master, lost all focus. By the end of the day, when they collapsed into bed, Qui-Gon was struggling to take deep breaths just to relax. Meditation was not an option. He would kill Jim soon, that much he knew. It was the evening of the fifth day and the man had had it. Obi-Wan lay down next to him, trying to be as quiet as he could. But Qui-Gon was not asleep.)
Qui: Don't steal the blanket tonight.
Obi: I didn't steal it last night.
Qui: You did, as you have every night. Just lie still and sleep. I need quiet. I haven't had quiet here in so long.
Obi: Master, I...
Qui: Shhh. No talking.
Obi: But...why can't you just ask them to leave? Well, ask Jim to leave. Wui is fun. I like him. Jim is stressing you out. You are not acting like your normal self.
Qui: I beg your pardon, I am acting perfectly normal. Nothing has changed.
Obi: Oh yeah, then why did you call me Obo-Wan today? And Obit yesterday? Then you congratulated Master Jerra on his Knighthood.
Qui: Well, he's a friend of mine, and it's a big accomplishment.
Obi: Yes, but he was Knighted thirty years ago.
Qui: Oh, he was, wasn't he? Well, I just made a mistake.
Obi: Sure, but then called Master Yoda a nasty little sith troll, to his face. Told Mace to get a toupee, tried to whack Mr. Poofs head off that long neck, asked Master Adi why she had snakes in her hair...took the...
Qui: Okay, okay. So, I am a bit stressed. I don't know how to get rid of them. They leave in two days, but I don't think Jim will live that long.
Obi: There is no death master, there is the Force. You can't kill him, you are a master. I on the other hand...
Qui: No, no, no. I can't have you taking the wrap for me. Then you'd go to prison and I'd have to go undercover and break you out, and we'd be on the run for the rest of our lives. No place to call home, no friends, no...
Obi: Um, master, I was just kidding. I'm not gonna kill him. Let's have Master Bren do it. She's so good at it and never gets caught.
Qui: On second thought, let's just lie to them, tell them we have an emergency mission.
Obi: Lying? That is so un-Jedi like. You want me to lie?
Qui: I know Jedi should not lie, but just this once. Then we will hide out in Bren's apartment till they leave. There!
Obi: Don't you think they would want to see us off?
Qui: Oh, right. I think this can be done. We will of course have to have help, but we can do this. What do you think padawan? Padawan? Obi-Wan?
(He rolled over to face his apprentice, and found him sound asleep. Gently he pulled the blanket over the small form and tucked the boy in. Before to long, sleep found the master as well.)
*********
Qui: I GOT IT!!!!
(Qui-Gon's sudden yell startled a sleeping Obi-Wan, so much so that he rolled right off the bed. There was a loud THUD as he hit the floor.)
Obi: OW!
Qui: Oh, sorry padawan.
Obi: What is your problem?
Qui: Excuse me?
Obi: Oh, I...um...mean, yes master?
Qui: That's what I thought you said. Anyway, I have an idea about how to get away from Jim today.
(Obi-Wan crawled back into the bed, and sat up, facing his master who was propped up on several pillows.)
Obi: Enlighten me.
Qui: I can tell them they have been asked to attend the one year viewing of Yoda and Yaddle's wedding video. It's today, I just remembered. Mr. Poof will be there. It's an all day event. Wui can go too.
Obi: Why would you go?
Qui: Not me, wui.
Obi: I don't know why. I thought you wanted to get away from Jim.
Qui: I do.
Obi: They why are you going with him?
Qui: I'm not.
Obi: You said you were.
Qui: No, I didn't.
Obi: Master, you did. I heard you say 'why I can go too.'
Qui: (shaking his head and rolling his eyes) I said that WUI CAN GO TOO! My other cousin, Wui?
Obi: Ooooooooooooooooooh, I got it. He really needs to change his name. That is just to confusing.
Qui: Right, where were we? Oh, let me contact Master Yoda.
Obi: Good, you do that, I will sleep.
Qui: No you won't. Get up, get a shower and get ready to help me.
**********
(An hour later, Qui-Gon was leading the group to the Temple viewing room.)
Jim: Are you sure we were asked to attend?
Qui: Master Yoda personally requested you. And you cannot turn down the head of the Jedi Council.
Wui: This is quite the honor then.
Obi: You haven't seen the wedding yet.
Qui: Hush padawan.
Wui: What was that?
Obi: Oh, nothing. Master Yoda and Yaddle are so adorable together, really.
Qui: (whispering to his padawan) What have I told you about lying?
Obi: But you said...oh never mind. Do you want me to help you or not?
Qui: Yes I do.
Obi: Then I must lie. The truth where the trolls are concerned, would only scare them. Let them see for themselves.
Qui: Good point. Okay, but keep the lying to a minimum.
Jim: Hey Ben how long you been growing this ponytail.
Obi: For a couple years.
Jim: Doesn't really go with that spiky peach fuzz hair cut thing you have going on there.
Obi: As an apprentice, this is the style that I am required to wear, I told you about that before.
Jim: Kinda foolish if you ask me.
Obi: (sighing heavily) Master?
Qui: We are here gentlemen.
Mace: Qui-Gon. Good to see you. Your cousins?
Qui: Yes, This is Jim and Wui.
Mace: Jim, Wui. Nice to meet you.
Obi: Watch this master. Why?
Mace: Why what?
Obi: Why is it nice to meet wui.
Mace: Why not?
Obi: Because.
Mace: I don't know why.
Obi: Yes you do, you just met him.
Mace: Wui?
Obi: Because you did. He's right there.
Mace: Who?
Obi: Wui.
Mace: What?
Obi: I don't know.
Mace: Why?
Obi: Yes, he's right next to you.
Mace: STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! You are playing with my mind again.
Qui: Enough padawan. Don't tick off the Council members. That's my job.
Obi: Yes master.
********
(They all entered the room, Yoda and Yaddle were seated on the couch, cuddling.)
Obi: Master, I can't watch this. Can we go now?
Qui: In a minute.
Yoda: Come in you will, cousins of my padawan. Welcome you are.
Jim: They ARE trolls. Hahahhaaha.
Wui: Shut up.
Yoda: Sit you will. The day of our joining you will witness.
(Jim sat hesitantly next to a long necked Jedi.)
Poof: BOO!
Jim: Whoa, easy there balloon man.
Yoda: Quiet you shall be.
Obi: Master?
Qui: Yes, let's go. Jim, Wui, we will see you later. Enjoy.
(The pair left the room, big smiles on their faces. Bren snuck up behind them.)
Bren: HEY!
Obi: AH!!! Don't do that.
Bren: Poor lil Obi. What's wrong kid? Cousin Jim driving you nuts?
Obi: Yes.
Bren: Why?
Obi: No, not him.
Bren: What?
Qui: HOLD IT!! We are NOT going into another of these conversations. Let's get away for the day while the cousins are occupied.
Obi: Where we going?
Qui: Anywhere.
*********
(The next morning when the Jedi awoke, the most pleasant sight greeted them. Jim and Wui were packing.)
Qui: Leaving early?
Jim: This place is crazy Qui. That troll vid was...disturbing. That's just not natural. And that Poof guy...whoa! He just kept staring at me, his head was swaying back and forth. I think he was mocking me. Then when I went to leave, he started following me. Bad dreams about him and the trolls. Oh no, I am getting out of here.
Wui: I think we've overstayed our welcome anyway. Thank you for your hospitality.
Obi: Mr. Wui, if you ever want to come back...leave him at home. I like you.
Wui: I like you too Obi. You're a good kid. You and your master are good for each other. Next time, I promise, no Jim.
Obi: Bye. (Obi-Wan gave Wui a quick hug.)
Jim: How about me Ben?
Obi: Oh, um. Have a good trip.
Jim: No hug?
Obi: Well...
Jim: Okay, I will hug you. (As he hugged the boy, he couldn't resist pulling the ponytail one last time.)
Obi: Ow.
Jim: Maybe I'll grow one of my own, and next time I come to visit, we can compare.
Obi: Yes, maybe so. (Obi-Wan looked up at his master, pleading for help.)
Qui: Jim, Wui. I will see you both again. Would you like me to walk you to your ship?
Wui: No that's okay Qui. Thanks. Behave yourself now.
Qui: Always.
Jim: See ya later cuz! (Jim grabbed the big Jedi in an awkward hug.) Later Ben!
Qui: Safe trip to you both.
(Finally, they were gone.)
Obi: YES!!! WOOOOHOOOO! Happy dance!
Qui: Go do that in the mirror and tell me if it is proper Jedi behavior.
Obi: Oh, sorry master. I am grateful that our guests have departed. Now, I may re-occupy my own bedroom.
Qui: Enough. Just go watch a holo-vid or something. You have the day off.
Obi: Really?
Qui: Yes, but I want you home for supper.
(Obi-Wan ran into his room, showered and dressed in a clean tunic. He called Taj and planned to meet he and Garen in the Gardens. There was a chime at the door.)
Obi: I'll get it master. (He opened the door and there before him...Wui and Jim.)
Jim: Hi ya Ben! We're back!
Obi: Huh? What?
Jim: Engine problems. The transport won't be ready to go for another two days. Looks like we are roomies again.
Obi: Master?
Qui: Come here padawan. (Qui-Gon pulled his apprentice to him in an embrace.)
Obi: Make him go away master. Please. I don't want to be called Ben anymore.
Qui: Shhhh. It's okay. Let me see if Bren will let you stay with her.
Obi: Thank you master.
Jim: Emotional problems?
Qui: Jim, Wui, if you will excuse me, I need to take him down the hall.
Wui: Sure. Is he okay?
Qui: He will be.
(Once out the door, they headed for Bren's apartment. Qui-Gon hurriedly rang the chime.)
Bren: Okay, okay. What? Oh, hi Stretch. What's going on?
Qui: We need a place to hide for two days. My cousins ship needs repairs, and it will take that long to fix it. Can we stay with you, please? For the sake of my apprentice, and the sake of my sanity.
Bren: Sure you can. The couch pulls out, you two can camp out there.
Obi: Thank you Master Bren! ((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) You are my savior!
Bren: That's nice kid. (The door chime sounded again.) Hang on a minute.
(She answered the door.)
Jim: HEY GUYS!!! Look Qui, your apartment seems to be on fire right now, can we stay here?
Qui: On fire?
Jim: Yes, just a slight little kitchen fire, they will have it taken care of in no time. Just a little water damage is all. But, we need a place to stay the night. Would you mind?
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Jim: So, that's a no?
Obi: Can I hit him master? Just once?
Qui: No, but I can.
Jim: Hey, get away from me. Ow ow ow ow ow ow!
Obi: Get him master!
Bren: This is sweet. The love in this family is so genuine. Come along Obi, let's leave them to their battle. I will treat you to breakfast.
Obi: But, do you think Master Qui-Gon will be okay?
Qui: Oh sure, the penalty for murder isn't nearly as harsh when you plead insanity.
Obi: You're right! Let's go!
Qui: Don't you leave me here.
Obi: Bye master. May the Force be with you.
Qui: Obi-Wan...OW! Bren? OW! Come back.
Bren: Sorry Stretch, the kid shouldn't have to witness such violence.
Qui: But...you...ow!
Jim: Just think Qui, OW! Next year, I get to visit for two WHOLE weeks! OW!
Qui: Oh no you're not, you wont make it to next year.
Jim: You love me, you know you do. Ouch.
(The battle raged, kinda. Bren and Obi-Wan wandered down the hall.)
Obi: It's times like these when I am glad I don't know my relatives.
Bren: You and me both kid. We've got each other, that's enough. Let's eat.
Qui: We have Master Qui-Gon too, he's just a tad occupied at the moment.
Bren: The three of us together? Galaxy beware!
END
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: G
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM, non-slash. Qui-Gon's cousins come for a visit at the Temple. Obi-Wan is not amused. (Obi is 15.)
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
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Why ask Wui?
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Obi: Master I didn't know you had cousins. Why have you never mentioned them before?
Qui: We won't go into that Obi-Wan. But they are coming for a visit and they will be staying with us.
Obi: But where will they sleep?
Qui: One will get your room, the other will have the couch in the common area.
Obi: Master, I am NOT sharing a bed with one of your strange relatives.
Qui: You're not, you will stay with me. And who told you they were strange?
Obi: Master Bren.
Qui: Okay, well they are a bit odd if you want to call them that. And they will be here in a few minutes, so clean yourself up.
(Twenty minutes later, there was a chime at the door. Qui-Gon hurried to beat his padawan there. The door opened, and there stood two very tall, dark-haired men. They were the same build as Qui-Gon but stood with less of a presence than Obi-Wan's master.)
Qui: Gentlemen.
(They moved forward and hugged their cousin. Qui-Gon immediately became uncomfortable.)
Qui: Gentlemen, this is my apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Padawan, these are my cousins. Qui-Gon Jim and Wui-Gon Jinn.
(Obi-Wan did his best not to look completely confused, but it wasn't working.)
Obi: Master you have a cousin named Qui-Gon?
Qui: Yes. But you can call him Jim.
Obi: And Wui?
Qui: Because that's his name.
Obi: Yes, I know that. And this is Wui?
Qui: Because that's what his parents named him. Why is this such a big deal?
Wui: Excuse me cousin, I believe the boy is asking if I am Wui.
Qui: Oh, right. I knew that.
Wui: Nice to meet you Obi-Wan. You may call me Wui.
Obi: Hi Wui. Hahaha! Okay, that was funny for a second.
Jim: Hi kid! I like that braid you've got there. Kinda acts like a leash doesn't it?
Obi: Um, not really. It's to symbolize that I am an apprentice. It's a long-standing tradition that all padawans wear the braid until they are Knighted. I am proud to wear mine.
Jim: Looks like a leash to me.
Qui: Jim, it is not a leash. Obi-Wan, get their bags and put them in your bedroom.
Obi: Yes master. (The student grabs the luggage, and drags the bags down the hall.)
Jim: You've got him trained well Qui. Yes master. Does he cook too?
Qui: That is a sign of respect Jim. He is not a servant, but yes he does cook. Quite well if I do say so myself.
Jim: Good, because I am starving.
Qui: He's not cooking for us. We are heading out for dinner. I thought an evening out would be nice.
Wui: Great idea Qui.
Obi: Master, should I move my things to your room?
Qui: You can do that later padawan.
Obi: Why?
Wui: Yes?
Obi: No, why should I wait till later?
Qui: This is going to be the most confusing week of my life. Because we are going out.
Obi: Can I ask a stupid question?
Qui: If you insist.
Obi: Why are you both named Qui-Gon?
Jim: I am older, your master was named after me.
Qui: I was not. And you are only three minutes older. Its just so happens that both our parents came up with the same name.
Obi: So...Qui, Qui and Wui? Sounds like a law firm.
Wui: He's cute Qui.
Jim: We can discuss names later. I'm hungry.
Qui: Very well. Obi-Wan where would you like to go?
Obi: McNevs.
Qui: Never mind. How about Sithback Steakhouse?
Obi: Oh yeah, they have the great drink called a Snoke. It's part coke and part...
Qui: Enough padawan. No need to go any further. Sithback it is. Gentlemen, shall we?
(The foursome arrived at the restaurant. Obi-Wan had been battling Jim the entire trip over. Jim was sitting behind Obi-Wan in the transport, and kept pulling on the boy's ponytail. The apprentice held his tongue, but was not happy. By they time they exited the ship, he was sprinting to his master's side. They were seated and were quickly greeted by a waiter.)
Lima: Good evening gentlemen, my name is Lima, and I will be your server tonight. Can I start you off with a drink?
Qui: (Looking sternly at Obi-Wan.) Don't even think about it.
Obi: But master, his name is Lima. Are you related to Lima Wean, the actor?
Lima: Sadly no. But he is a favorite of mine.
Obi: He's great. Have you seen his latest, 'Moulin Troll'?
Lima: I just saw it yesterday, I had no idea he could sing like that. Have you seen 'Sithspotting'?
Obi: Have I? Only about ten times. He is so intense in that role...I think maybe...
Qui: Obi-Wan?
Obi: Yes master?
Qui: Can you do this another time please? Just order your drink and not the drink that you really want.
Obi: Masterrrrrrr.
Qui: Order.
Obi: Okay, can I get a Shirley Temple Snoke please.
Lima: Sure. And for the rest of you?
Qui: Snoke.
Jim: Snoke.
Wui: Snoke.
Obi: Hey, wait a minute. Why can you have a regular one and I can't?
Qui: Why do you think?
Obi: Because it makes me bounce off the walls. And it has alcohol in it.
Qui: Exactly.
(The waiter left, and Jim turned to Obi-Wan.)
Jim: So Ben, what's with the ponytail anyway?
Obi: Ben?
Jim: Yeah Ben. I can't help it you look like a Ben to me. What's the ponytail story?
Obi: Obi-Wan will do fine. It's part of being an apprentice.
Jim: Why?
Wui: Huh?
Jim: Not you, I am asking the boy here.
Obi: It just is. (His eyes caught something across the room.) By the Force! It's him! It's Lima!
Qui: No padawan, Lima went that way with our drink order.
Obi: No master, Lima Wean HIMSELF! LOOK!
Qui: The actor? Obi-Wan, come back here!
Wui: What's he doing?
Qui: Making a fool of himself.
Wui: He do this a lot? Run after strange men?
Qui: It's his favorite actor. He can't help it.
Jim: He's hugging him now. This is one strange boy you've got Qui.
Qui: He's just a bit hyper sometimes.
(Obi-Wan came running back, a big ole goofy smile on his face.)
Obi: He hugged me Master. He's so nice.
Qui: That's great padawan. You finally got to meet him.
Jim: Who is this Lima person?
Obi: Only the greatest actor in the galaxy. He is amazing.
Jim: So, we have Lima the actor and Lima the waiter? This is confusing. Speaking of Lima...where is our waiter?
(The rest of the evening was uneventful. Jim still had this infatuation with Obi-Wan's braid and ponytail, but the apprentice was learning to deal with it. They arrived home, and Qui-Gon immediately sent his student to bed.)
Qui: Make yourself comfortable in my bed padawan. Don't forget to bring in your own pillow.
Obi: Why?
Wui: Huh?
Obi: Why do I have to bring my own pillow.
Wui: I don't know. Why are you asking me?
Obi: I'm not. I asked my master.
Wui: They why did you say my name.
Obi: I didn't. I asked why.
Wui: Right, that's me.
Obi: No, I asked WHY do I have to bring my own pillow.
Wui: I don't know. Ask Qui-Gon.
Obi: I did.
Qui: ENOUGH! Obi-Wan, just get your pillow and go to bed. We will discuss the why later.
Obi: Yes master. Good night master, Mr. Jim, Mr. Wui.
(The goodnights said, the boy headed to his master's room.)
Qui: Okay, one of you gets Obi-Wan's bed, the other gets the couch. You guys fight it out.
Jim: I get the bed! I can't sleep on couches. Bad back.
Wui: You are such a liar. But, I'll let you have it.
Qui: Good, on that note, I am turning in. Feel free to use the shower. Good night.
(Qui-Gon quietly entered his bedroom. Obi-Wan was fast asleep, curled in the blankets. At least he was thought to be fast asleep. The master got comfortable, and settled in next to his student.)
Obi: Master, Mr. Jim bothers me. And he calls me Ben.
Qui: I kind of like the name Ben. I thought you were asleep.
Obi: I tried, but when I close my eyes, he's there. Grabbing my ponytail. Excuse me for saying so, but he's a pain.
Qui: You don't know the half of it. Why do you think you've never met him before?
Obi: Black sheep of the family huh? I don't know Wui either.
Qui: Why what?
Obi: I don't know him.
Qui: I wish I didn't.
Obi: Why?
Qui: No, he's okay. It's just Jim that's the problem.
Obi: What?
Qui: What what?
Obi: Who's okay?
Qui: Wui.
Obi: Why did you say that?
Qui: Because you asked.
Obi: I did not.
Qui: This is giving me a headache. Close your eyes padawan. Sleep.
Obi: Why?
Qui: Stop it. Sleep, NOW!
(The next morning, Obi-Wan woke up and found himself with an arm wrapped around Qui-Gon's midsection. The arm was completely asleep and he was unable to move it.)
Obi: Master, wake up. Master?
Qui: Huh? Obi-Wan? Why are you hugging me?
Obi: I'm not. My arm is asleep.
Qui: Wake it up.
Obi: Can you move it for me?
Qui: (He lifts the arm off his chest and back to Obi-Wan's side.) There.
Obi: Ah, thank you. What's that noise?
Qui: That would be Jim trying to sing in the shower.
Obi: Even I don't sound that bad.
Qui: If you could only hear yourself.
(A few minutes later after the shower had stopped, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Jim let himself in.)
Jim: Morning gents! What's the plan for today?
Obi: Turn off the lights.
Qui: Jim, what are you doing?
Jim: Time to get up. What's for breakfast?
Qui: Whatever the dining hall is serving. We rarely eat breakfast in. Give us a few minutes to get dressed. Wake Wui.
(Jim left the room. Obi-Wan turned to his master.)
Obi: Do I have to be seen with him in public again? What will my friends think?
Qui: You'll live. Get up. I should call Bren, have her meet us there. She hasn't met my cousins yet either.
Obi: You bring this on her? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Qui: Go get changed, please.
(They headed for the dining hall. Obi-Wan saw his friends, Bant and Taj, dining with their masters and quietly asked Qui-Gon if he could join them.)
Qui: No, you may not. You are in this with me.
Obi: Why? You invited them here. I had nothing to do with it.
Qui: Well, they kind of invited themselves, and since you live with me, you will not leave my side while they are here. I need the support or I may kill Jim.
Obi: Want me to do it for you? If he pulls my ponytail one more time...and he left his socks in the bathroom sink this morning. He stares at me all the time. He smacks his lips when he chews. He farts and belches...and...
Qui: Yes, I know all that. No need to remind me.
Bren: Hey Stretch! Kid! How are ya?
Obi: Master Bren, thank the Force you are here. Save me from Jim.
Bren: And why?
Obi: Yes him too, but he's not as bad.
Bren: Him who?
Obi: Wui.
Bren: Wui what?
Obi: Him! Wui!
Bren: Because...WAIT! What are we talking about?
Qui: Allow me to explain and introduce my cousins, Master Bren Anders this is Wui-Gon Jinn and Qui-Gon Jim.
Bren: Huh?
Obi: That's what I said.
Wui: Pleased to meet you Bren.
Jim: Hey there! Name's Qui-Gon, but you can call me Jim.
Bren: Right. One Qui-Gon in this world is enough.
Qui: Thanks...I think. Shall we eat?
Jim: What's the specialty here Ben?
Bren: Ben?
Qui: Don't ask.
Obi: My name is Obi-Wan, please. And the best thing here is Bantha sausage. You will love it.
Qui: Padawan, take Jim and Wui and get in line. I will be there in a moment.
Obi: But master?
Qui: Humor me...Ben.
Obi: Okay, Mr. Wui, Mr. Jim, follow me. (Jim pulled Obi's ponytail again as they walked towards the line.)
Wui: Would you stop that. Leave the kid alone.
Jim: Oh, he's okay. I'm just messing with him.
Wui: Driving him crazy is more like it.
(Once they all sat down to eat, Jim questioned Bren.)
Jim: So Master Bren, how long you and Qui been going out?
Qui: Jim?
Bren: None of your business. Next question?
Obi: Master, this is gonna get ugly, can I go sit with Taj and Bant...Pleeeease?
Qui: No, it'll be okay. If Jim wants to pick on someone, he's going after the WRONG person.
Jim: We'll if you ever become available, let me give you my number.
Bren: I think not. I'd rather date my breakfast.
Jim: Oh, I see. Never mind then.
Qui: Anyway, let's finish up here and continue our day. And hope it goes by quickly.
Wui: I'm sorry, what?
Qui: EAT!
Obi: (leaning towards Bren) Master Qui-Gon is starting to stress out. He always grits his teeth when he stresses.
Bren: How long are they here for?
Obi: A week.
Bren: This is bad.
**********
(The week went slowly. Obi-Wan watched as his usually calm and in control master, lost all focus. By the end of the day, when they collapsed into bed, Qui-Gon was struggling to take deep breaths just to relax. Meditation was not an option. He would kill Jim soon, that much he knew. It was the evening of the fifth day and the man had had it. Obi-Wan lay down next to him, trying to be as quiet as he could. But Qui-Gon was not asleep.)
Qui: Don't steal the blanket tonight.
Obi: I didn't steal it last night.
Qui: You did, as you have every night. Just lie still and sleep. I need quiet. I haven't had quiet here in so long.
Obi: Master, I...
Qui: Shhh. No talking.
Obi: But...why can't you just ask them to leave? Well, ask Jim to leave. Wui is fun. I like him. Jim is stressing you out. You are not acting like your normal self.
Qui: I beg your pardon, I am acting perfectly normal. Nothing has changed.
Obi: Oh yeah, then why did you call me Obo-Wan today? And Obit yesterday? Then you congratulated Master Jerra on his Knighthood.
Qui: Well, he's a friend of mine, and it's a big accomplishment.
Obi: Yes, but he was Knighted thirty years ago.
Qui: Oh, he was, wasn't he? Well, I just made a mistake.
Obi: Sure, but then called Master Yoda a nasty little sith troll, to his face. Told Mace to get a toupee, tried to whack Mr. Poofs head off that long neck, asked Master Adi why she had snakes in her hair...took the...
Qui: Okay, okay. So, I am a bit stressed. I don't know how to get rid of them. They leave in two days, but I don't think Jim will live that long.
Obi: There is no death master, there is the Force. You can't kill him, you are a master. I on the other hand...
Qui: No, no, no. I can't have you taking the wrap for me. Then you'd go to prison and I'd have to go undercover and break you out, and we'd be on the run for the rest of our lives. No place to call home, no friends, no...
Obi: Um, master, I was just kidding. I'm not gonna kill him. Let's have Master Bren do it. She's so good at it and never gets caught.
Qui: On second thought, let's just lie to them, tell them we have an emergency mission.
Obi: Lying? That is so un-Jedi like. You want me to lie?
Qui: I know Jedi should not lie, but just this once. Then we will hide out in Bren's apartment till they leave. There!
Obi: Don't you think they would want to see us off?
Qui: Oh, right. I think this can be done. We will of course have to have help, but we can do this. What do you think padawan? Padawan? Obi-Wan?
(He rolled over to face his apprentice, and found him sound asleep. Gently he pulled the blanket over the small form and tucked the boy in. Before to long, sleep found the master as well.)
*********
Qui: I GOT IT!!!!
(Qui-Gon's sudden yell startled a sleeping Obi-Wan, so much so that he rolled right off the bed. There was a loud THUD as he hit the floor.)
Obi: OW!
Qui: Oh, sorry padawan.
Obi: What is your problem?
Qui: Excuse me?
Obi: Oh, I...um...mean, yes master?
Qui: That's what I thought you said. Anyway, I have an idea about how to get away from Jim today.
(Obi-Wan crawled back into the bed, and sat up, facing his master who was propped up on several pillows.)
Obi: Enlighten me.
Qui: I can tell them they have been asked to attend the one year viewing of Yoda and Yaddle's wedding video. It's today, I just remembered. Mr. Poof will be there. It's an all day event. Wui can go too.
Obi: Why would you go?
Qui: Not me, wui.
Obi: I don't know why. I thought you wanted to get away from Jim.
Qui: I do.
Obi: They why are you going with him?
Qui: I'm not.
Obi: You said you were.
Qui: No, I didn't.
Obi: Master, you did. I heard you say 'why I can go too.'
Qui: (shaking his head and rolling his eyes) I said that WUI CAN GO TOO! My other cousin, Wui?
Obi: Ooooooooooooooooooh, I got it. He really needs to change his name. That is just to confusing.
Qui: Right, where were we? Oh, let me contact Master Yoda.
Obi: Good, you do that, I will sleep.
Qui: No you won't. Get up, get a shower and get ready to help me.
**********
(An hour later, Qui-Gon was leading the group to the Temple viewing room.)
Jim: Are you sure we were asked to attend?
Qui: Master Yoda personally requested you. And you cannot turn down the head of the Jedi Council.
Wui: This is quite the honor then.
Obi: You haven't seen the wedding yet.
Qui: Hush padawan.
Wui: What was that?
Obi: Oh, nothing. Master Yoda and Yaddle are so adorable together, really.
Qui: (whispering to his padawan) What have I told you about lying?
Obi: But you said...oh never mind. Do you want me to help you or not?
Qui: Yes I do.
Obi: Then I must lie. The truth where the trolls are concerned, would only scare them. Let them see for themselves.
Qui: Good point. Okay, but keep the lying to a minimum.
Jim: Hey Ben how long you been growing this ponytail.
Obi: For a couple years.
Jim: Doesn't really go with that spiky peach fuzz hair cut thing you have going on there.
Obi: As an apprentice, this is the style that I am required to wear, I told you about that before.
Jim: Kinda foolish if you ask me.
Obi: (sighing heavily) Master?
Qui: We are here gentlemen.
Mace: Qui-Gon. Good to see you. Your cousins?
Qui: Yes, This is Jim and Wui.
Mace: Jim, Wui. Nice to meet you.
Obi: Watch this master. Why?
Mace: Why what?
Obi: Why is it nice to meet wui.
Mace: Why not?
Obi: Because.
Mace: I don't know why.
Obi: Yes you do, you just met him.
Mace: Wui?
Obi: Because you did. He's right there.
Mace: Who?
Obi: Wui.
Mace: What?
Obi: I don't know.
Mace: Why?
Obi: Yes, he's right next to you.
Mace: STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! You are playing with my mind again.
Qui: Enough padawan. Don't tick off the Council members. That's my job.
Obi: Yes master.
********
(They all entered the room, Yoda and Yaddle were seated on the couch, cuddling.)
Obi: Master, I can't watch this. Can we go now?
Qui: In a minute.
Yoda: Come in you will, cousins of my padawan. Welcome you are.
Jim: They ARE trolls. Hahahhaaha.
Wui: Shut up.
Yoda: Sit you will. The day of our joining you will witness.
(Jim sat hesitantly next to a long necked Jedi.)
Poof: BOO!
Jim: Whoa, easy there balloon man.
Yoda: Quiet you shall be.
Obi: Master?
Qui: Yes, let's go. Jim, Wui, we will see you later. Enjoy.
(The pair left the room, big smiles on their faces. Bren snuck up behind them.)
Bren: HEY!
Obi: AH!!! Don't do that.
Bren: Poor lil Obi. What's wrong kid? Cousin Jim driving you nuts?
Obi: Yes.
Bren: Why?
Obi: No, not him.
Bren: What?
Qui: HOLD IT!! We are NOT going into another of these conversations. Let's get away for the day while the cousins are occupied.
Obi: Where we going?
Qui: Anywhere.
*********
(The next morning when the Jedi awoke, the most pleasant sight greeted them. Jim and Wui were packing.)
Qui: Leaving early?
Jim: This place is crazy Qui. That troll vid was...disturbing. That's just not natural. And that Poof guy...whoa! He just kept staring at me, his head was swaying back and forth. I think he was mocking me. Then when I went to leave, he started following me. Bad dreams about him and the trolls. Oh no, I am getting out of here.
Wui: I think we've overstayed our welcome anyway. Thank you for your hospitality.
Obi: Mr. Wui, if you ever want to come back...leave him at home. I like you.
Wui: I like you too Obi. You're a good kid. You and your master are good for each other. Next time, I promise, no Jim.
Obi: Bye. (Obi-Wan gave Wui a quick hug.)
Jim: How about me Ben?
Obi: Oh, um. Have a good trip.
Jim: No hug?
Obi: Well...
Jim: Okay, I will hug you. (As he hugged the boy, he couldn't resist pulling the ponytail one last time.)
Obi: Ow.
Jim: Maybe I'll grow one of my own, and next time I come to visit, we can compare.
Obi: Yes, maybe so. (Obi-Wan looked up at his master, pleading for help.)
Qui: Jim, Wui. I will see you both again. Would you like me to walk you to your ship?
Wui: No that's okay Qui. Thanks. Behave yourself now.
Qui: Always.
Jim: See ya later cuz! (Jim grabbed the big Jedi in an awkward hug.) Later Ben!
Qui: Safe trip to you both.
(Finally, they were gone.)
Obi: YES!!! WOOOOHOOOO! Happy dance!
Qui: Go do that in the mirror and tell me if it is proper Jedi behavior.
Obi: Oh, sorry master. I am grateful that our guests have departed. Now, I may re-occupy my own bedroom.
Qui: Enough. Just go watch a holo-vid or something. You have the day off.
Obi: Really?
Qui: Yes, but I want you home for supper.
(Obi-Wan ran into his room, showered and dressed in a clean tunic. He called Taj and planned to meet he and Garen in the Gardens. There was a chime at the door.)
Obi: I'll get it master. (He opened the door and there before him...Wui and Jim.)
Jim: Hi ya Ben! We're back!
Obi: Huh? What?
Jim: Engine problems. The transport won't be ready to go for another two days. Looks like we are roomies again.
Obi: Master?
Qui: Come here padawan. (Qui-Gon pulled his apprentice to him in an embrace.)
Obi: Make him go away master. Please. I don't want to be called Ben anymore.
Qui: Shhhh. It's okay. Let me see if Bren will let you stay with her.
Obi: Thank you master.
Jim: Emotional problems?
Qui: Jim, Wui, if you will excuse me, I need to take him down the hall.
Wui: Sure. Is he okay?
Qui: He will be.
(Once out the door, they headed for Bren's apartment. Qui-Gon hurriedly rang the chime.)
Bren: Okay, okay. What? Oh, hi Stretch. What's going on?
Qui: We need a place to hide for two days. My cousins ship needs repairs, and it will take that long to fix it. Can we stay with you, please? For the sake of my apprentice, and the sake of my sanity.
Bren: Sure you can. The couch pulls out, you two can camp out there.
Obi: Thank you Master Bren! ((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) You are my savior!
Bren: That's nice kid. (The door chime sounded again.) Hang on a minute.
(She answered the door.)
Jim: HEY GUYS!!! Look Qui, your apartment seems to be on fire right now, can we stay here?
Qui: On fire?
Jim: Yes, just a slight little kitchen fire, they will have it taken care of in no time. Just a little water damage is all. But, we need a place to stay the night. Would you mind?
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Jim: So, that's a no?
Obi: Can I hit him master? Just once?
Qui: No, but I can.
Jim: Hey, get away from me. Ow ow ow ow ow ow!
Obi: Get him master!
Bren: This is sweet. The love in this family is so genuine. Come along Obi, let's leave them to their battle. I will treat you to breakfast.
Obi: But, do you think Master Qui-Gon will be okay?
Qui: Oh sure, the penalty for murder isn't nearly as harsh when you plead insanity.
Obi: You're right! Let's go!
Qui: Don't you leave me here.
Obi: Bye master. May the Force be with you.
Qui: Obi-Wan...OW! Bren? OW! Come back.
Bren: Sorry Stretch, the kid shouldn't have to witness such violence.
Qui: But...you...ow!
Jim: Just think Qui, OW! Next year, I get to visit for two WHOLE weeks! OW!
Qui: Oh no you're not, you wont make it to next year.
Jim: You love me, you know you do. Ouch.
(The battle raged, kinda. Bren and Obi-Wan wandered down the hall.)
Obi: It's times like these when I am glad I don't know my relatives.
Bren: You and me both kid. We've got each other, that's enough. Let's eat.
Qui: We have Master Qui-Gon too, he's just a tad occupied at the moment.
Bren: The three of us together? Galaxy beware!
END