Disclaimer
NO HATING FROM READERS! I am not Stephanie Meyer or I would be writing that as my signature instead of Mileau May ******** (My last name is up to your imagination tops to anyone who actually gets it right) To reiterate, I'm not actual author.
I hate this town. I hate all of my supposed former friends. I hate Charlie and Jacob and Jessica and Ali….
The pain that comes with that thought is still as surprising and cold as the first time that I realized they were never coming back. I would laugh at odd mixture of longing and hatred towards them if I could feel any emotion anyway. They even took that away from me. I'm not surprised by that anymore.
It took me a long time to realize that they were just using me as a little toy for cruel amusement. Who allows a young girl to be followed around by would be rapists for hours on end? What kind of psychic idiots would knowingly take a human to an area crawling with unfamiliar vampires? I can't believe I fell for their stupid excuses and acts. The only ones that were honest were Jasper and Rosalie. At least they never tried to hide their dislike of me. Everyone else is just a liar.
"Bells? Are you alright up there?" Charlie always sounds worried about me now. He shouldn't be. I never do anything stupid. In fact, I hardly do anything. One more point for them. I don't bother to answer.
The days all pass by and as I go down the stairs I have no doubt this day will be the same. Eat… check. Go to school… check. Ignore the pitying glances of classmates… check. Go home and make dinner… check. Fall asleep… check. Get woken by nightmares… check. So goes my life.
I was right. School was average as usual even though my grades are the best I've ever had. The spare time I've had between wondering why I wasn't good for them and being miserable in other ways gave me plenty of time to study up.
The weather outside is nice today, but I can't even scrounge up enough emotion to enjoy it. I would do chores, but it seems Charlie has already down dishes and laundry. He's probably afraid I'll drown in detergent or something. The way outside is second nature to me now, and the run I make to my favorite tree seems shorter than usual. I want to just sit down and melt into the earth. Perhaps… I'll just sit and think. Maybe even try enjoying life for a change.
I'm so stupid. This was a terrible idea, and even as I sit down I know it. The feelings that are just under the surface are always worse in the forest. I tried so hard to be perfect, and I failed. Tears are falling down my face. A hole is opening up in my chest that could not be more painful if a spike was driven through it. So I cry and cry and cry. Anybody that loves me doesn't in my head. I can't fall asleep for very long usually, but the exhaustion catches up to me. As I fall half asleep against the tree and tense waiting for my expected nightmare. I feel unexpectedly hopeful. For the first time in months, I have a real dream that is full of optimism. I curl against the cold, hard tree at my back and feel almost warm as it seems to embrace me back.