AN: So this came to me while I was supposed to be studying… *cough* What can I say? Me love NCIS!! :D And TIVA, mostly, and McAbby, and Jibbs –such a shame when Jenny was killed :(- anyways, this story you're reading contains TIVA, sort of. Ok, so it's TIVA, but angsty TIVA, which I had never tried, but… yeah. I hope you like it, and let me know what you think ;).

By the way, it's Tony's POV.

AN 2: I'm listening to Bitter and Blue while typing this *sigh* You gotta love Michael Weatherly.

Disclaimer: I own Michael Weatherly *checks again* Da*n, I don't. Sadly. Nope, I won nothing.

Set up after Aliyah or during Truth or Consequencies.

What is wrong with me? Seriously, in the last few months I've met some wonderful women:

The name of the first one was Kate, yeah, Kate. That was the first bad sign. But I gave it a try, after all she seemed nice. We went out for dinner; I tried to behave the way I usually did: flirting, smiling…

But I couldn't get her out of my head.

We had a good time, at least she did. But that was it. Just a dinner. I couldn't bring myself to do any more than that. She was disappointed. At least I think she was, but what can I say? I've grown up since Jeanne… yeah, it's painful thinking about her. Now I don't have meaningless sex with "strangers". I just can't.

The second was Emma; such a common name… she was beautiful, tall and blonde, just the way I liked women before her. We went to the cinema, and it was uncomfortable; I think she expected me to start making out with her, but I couldn't.

She would have watched the movie with me and then laughed at all the inconsistencies.

After the movie I just took her home, but I didn't go in.

Then I met Nicole, and she was perfect. Perfect. Tall and slim, dark-haired and blue-eyed. Tanned. Yes, perfect. Beautiful smile and perfectly dressed. Sexy and competitive. She was to die for. And she was a psysiotherapist, so she sure as hell could give massages.

I took her to a museum. Yep, a museum, which I guess it's a McGeek's thing, but I thought that if I was willing to take her to a museum, – of all places – then I must had been ready to move on… from wherever I was.

After that I took her to dinner. And I laughed, she was pretty funny, and then I drove her home. I was nervous, which I hadn't been in over seventeen years… It was a date, I was supposed to be a pro at this.

We had stopped at her door, and I kissed her, a sweet and short kiss. She smiled and invited me inside for coffee; and more, even if she didn't say so.

My brain wanted to agree. I so wanted… but I couldn't. In those few seconds, my eyes must had made the decision for me, because she smiled and told me that it was okay not to go inside, but that we should go out again.

I smiled weakly at her while she stepped inside and closed the door.

And I stood there. Wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I had a wonderful, sexy, smart and funny woman in front of me the whole evening, and I couldn't do what I was supposed to do. I couldn't go inside and so what I hadn't done in a very long time. And I didn't know why.

But then it dawned on me:

She wasn't Ziva. None of them were Ziva.

And in that moment I realized that I was in love with a crazy ninja.

My crazy ninja.

Ziva David.

AN: So? What do you think?