10

10 Years Today

Ron Weasley sat staring at the picture taken in their 1st year at Hogwarts. He remembered the day his life changed for the better, the day a know-it-all bookworm criticized his spell and told him about the dirt on his nose.

Then he remembered the day his world came crashing down around him. It was ten years ago.

Flashback

A year after Voldemort fell Ron was sitting at the burrow, waiting for Hermione and Harry to arrive. The trio and Ginny were going out on a double date to see some muggle movie that the girls were dragging them to. It was some love story. They were supposed to be there 15 minutes ago, but he wasn't worried. Harry had a tendency to be late and Hermione wouldn't leave with out him.

Hermione had moved into Grimmauld after the war. Her parents had died and Harry and the Weasley's were the only family she had left. Harry had plenty of room there and it was safe. Ron was happy that Hermione had Harry there to protect her.

Another ten minutes passed by, and Ron was starting to get a little ticked. They could have flooed if they were going to be this late. They may end up missing the movie, which Ron didn't mind much. His main plan was for dinner after the movie. All of a sudden, the warning bell on the fireplace rang, notifying someone either coming or calling. Ron heard Harry's voice a moment later.

"Ron! Ron!" Harry sounded hysterical. Ron took off into the living room toward the fireplace.

"Harry what is it?" Ron was worried. Harry was never this upset about anything.

"Ron, its Hermione. Bathtub- blood - pulse-"Harry broke into sobs, unable to finish what he was saying. Ron couldn't make out the words coming from his friend's mouth. Ron's hands were shaking, and he already had tears running down his face.

Ten years ago, I got a call that nearly killed me
Repeat yourself, my hands are shaking

"Harry, what happened? Where's my Mione?" Ron was screaming.

"She's dead, Ron." Harry broke into another fit of sobs before disappearing from the fireplace. Ron flooed straight over to Grimmauld Place and searched frantically for Harry. He heard sobs coming from the upstairs bathroom, Hermione's bathroom.

Ron ran upstairs as fast as his legs could carry him. He came to the bathroom door and was shocked at what his eyes took in.

Hermione was laying in the bathtub, full of water, naked. She had cuts all over her body and two very deep gashes on each of her wrists. Her eyes were unseeing, her skin was pale and wrinkled, and her face had a serene look on it.

Ron fell to his knees crying.

"Why Harry? Why would she do this? Was it something I did, something I could have done different?"

Harry couldn't answer; he just made his way over to Ron and wrapped his arms around him. They held each other for hours, sobbing, screaming, and slowly going through every emotion possible: grief, sadness, confusion, anger, disgust, hate, etc.

End Flashback

When I was told, my friend was gone I felt so guilty
A thousand questions left unanswered

Ron remembered that several times after that he had considered taking his own life. He always stopped himself though.

His family had a hard enough time coping with Hermione's departure from the world. And Harry had completely withdrawn for several years after that. He felt it was his fault. He felt like he should have known something was going on with her. He was living with her, he should have seen the signs, should have realized there was a problem.

Harry felt he could have checked on her sooner and maybe saved her; stopped her soul from slipping from this life to the next.

Harry had finally moved on, he and Ginny were now married and happy. Ginny was expecting twins, which Fred and George were excited about. His whole family had moved on, slowly. Ron hadn't.

Ron had seen differences in her behavior. He knew there was something wrong. He couldn't stop feeling guilty for trying to brush it off as female problems. He figured the mood swings, the way she withdrew, the way her bed never seemed to be slept in and being gone several hours with no explanation. There were even times she would disappear for a few days, and never told them where she had been, what she had been doing.

They thought it was because of her job. She had started work at the ministry, and was told to keep her business as hush-hush as possible. That's what she told her loved ones anyway.

It wasn't until today, on the ten year anniversary of her death that he found out why she had done it.

Ron felt the glass in his hand break and slice through the skin swiftly. He watched the blood drip onto the floor, imagining taking the cut further up his hand, and to his wrist.

"NO! I will not be a coward." Ron healed himself and stared back at the picture of the 'golden trio'.

I'll bleed if you want me to!
I'll serenade before I do
I'll bleed if you want me, to!

Ron was sitting in his bedroom at his flat in muggle London. He couldn't stay at the burrow any longer, and wanted to be as far away as he could from everyone. He looked around at the sad state he had allowed his bedroom become.

The walls were dark and the floor was hard wood. He had no lights on, only candles placed upon shelves. He had dirty clothes piled everywhere and dirty dishes and empty food containers piled anywhere there had been a surface to set them.

His eyes froze at the picture of Hermione from the Yule Ball during fourth year. She looked so happy.

It made Ron want to see her, be with her. It was at times like this that he sat with his eyes closed, and talked to her. He could almost pretend she was there, sitting in front of him, her smile lighting up the room instead of the candles.

He would tell her about how everyone was, about how he had barely survived losing her. He would ask her why she had done it, where she was now; if there was something he could have done to change what happened. He wanted, more than anything to know how she, who always worried about what everyone thought and felt, could hurt everyone like she did.

On and on although you're gone, candles burn without a flame on
our final call to you, I know you're listening
how could you leave us that way?
Where did you go? (Ten years today!)

Ron stood up and made his way across the room to his closet. Right in front of his eyes were the black dress robes he had worn to the funeral. He hadn't worn them, hadn't even cleaned them since that day, afraid doing so would be washing away the memory of goodbye.

He thought back to that day, the funeral. She was so peaceful, so beautiful, even in death. Her skin was milky white, her silky hair curving around her face, a beautiful white dress covering her body. There were flowers everywhere, sent from wizards all over the world.

He remembered various parts from the eulogy, his favorite being, "Gone from the world is a woman, a friend, a savior. Her knowledge, her courage, and her love will be acknowledged by all, will encourage many, and humble most. She may be gone from our lives, but she will live on in the visions she created and in the people she loved."

Ron's eyes started to tear up at the memory. He started sobbing, thinking about that day, the day she was laid into the ground. He felt his knees give out and he fell to the floor. He didn't care, he didn't feel any pain. No pain could equal what he was going through.

Ten years ago, I stood beside the wood that held you
I must sit down, my legs are shaking

Hermione's funeral took two days because of everyone who wanted to speak, everyone who wanted their chance to share their memories, and a few tears at the loss of such a beautiful person.

The final hour of the funeral was Ron's turn to talk. When he walked up to the front of the vast crowd of people, he noticed someone sneak away from the back of the group, platinum blonde hair that disappeared behind a tree just as Ron took notice of it. Ron forgot it as soon as it happened. He was here for Hermione, it was her day.

Ron spoke for a few minutes, but had brought out a muggle stereo that he had charmed to play all of Hermione's favorite songs. She loved to sing and dance and knew this is something she would have wanted. In fact, she had told him to do this.

Her voice was so clear in his head, "Ron, I don't want people to cry at my funeral. I want people to sing, and dance. Play music, play all of my favorite music and let people enjoy it."

That is exactly what he did too. Everyone started chatting and mingling while the music played. He let it continue on into the dinner his mother had prepared for everyone.

We let you go, with gifts of plectrums for your journey
and melodies to help you on your way

Ron tried to stop thinking of the past; it hurt so much to think of her. He would even physically hurt himself to get his mind off of the pain of losing her. He felt like doing it again.

After finding out what had happened, after getting that letter today, he wanted to take the pain away. He knew that the physical pain would take away the emotional for a little while.

He had the razor in his hand. It was the same razor he found on her tub that day. He kept it; he used it the times he cut himself. He looked down at the scars that covered his arms. They were pale, like the rest of his skin. He wanted to bleed; he wanted to shed blood tears for her.


I'll bleed if you want me to!
I'll serenade before I do
I'll bleed if you want me, to!

Again, Ron started to sob. He dropped the blade and stood from his spot on the floor. He walked over to his bed and sat down. He looked around his room again, letting the loneliness sink in. The candles were almost down to their last few flickers, he would have to replace them soon.

He closed his eyes again; he needed to talk to her. He needed to tell her how he felt.

"Hermione, you left, and I know why now. Why didn't you just tell me? Why did you hide it? I know I loved you and would have been hurt, but you could have come to me. You were afraid to hurt me, well you did anyway. I could handle you telling me what had been so wrong; I could have handled the truth. But you chickened out. The great Gryffindor princess lost her backbone. Why Hermione? Why didn't you just tell me the truth? You could still be here, you could still be alive."

On and on although you're gone, candles burn without a flame on
our final call to you, I know you're listening

Ron cried heavy deep sobs. He didn't want her gone, not the way she left. He wanted her there; he wanted her to be there to comfort him, to help him. But if she were here, he wouldn't need help. He wouldn't need comforting.

He often wondered why she chose to take her life in the way she did. Why didn't she hang herself, or take potions? Before he felt the release of cutting, he wondered why she would do such a thing to herself. It's like a drug, you feel the pain releasing in the drops of blood that flow out.

He wanted that release too.

How could you leave us that way?
Where did you go? (Ten years today!)

Ron walked to the spot in the floor he had fallen earlier and picked up the blade.

He placed it to his wrist and watched it slice through his skin. It wasn't deep, not deep enough to die from, but deep enough to bleed, deep enough for release.

He looked at himself in the mirror, seeing the sorrow filled eyes looking back at him. He seen the blood dripping from his wrist, and then he seen her. He seen the pale skin she had when she was floating in the bloody water. He saw the unseeing stare of her eyes.

He closed his eyes, willing the reflection away.


I'll bleed; if you want me to (I'll bleed if you want me to!)
I'll bleed if you want me, to!

Ron opened his eyes and looked again at the mirror. She was gone, but he was still there, still bleeding.

The blood that had dripped to the floor glistened in the light of the candles. He healed his wrist, knowing that would be yet another scar.

The release had not been enough. Not this time, not now that he knows.

"Hermione, you broke my heart. Not by dying, but by lying to me. You said you loved me, you said you would never leave. You left! You left me! You left everyone here to miss you and mourn for you! Mione, I miss you!"

On and on although you're gone, candles burn without a flame on
our final call to you, I know you're listening

Ron fell again to the floor in sobs. It seems to be this way every year, every anniversary of her death.

Ron looked again at his wrist, seeing the very pink mark on it from the cut he had sliced into it minutes ago.

He made up his mind. He walked over to the table next to his bed.

He wrote a letter to everyone he loved, not telling them sorry or goodbye, but what he now knew. He made copies of the letter he had received this morning and put it with it. He sent them out and then packed his bags and left.

He left to start a new life away from every person, every thing that could remind him of her.

He knew people would be upset he left, but he would let them know he was safe when he found a new home, a new life.

How could you leave us that way?
Where did you go? (Ten years today!)

Harry opened his window to the tapping bird and allowed it to fly in. He untied the parchment on it's leg and read carefully the letter from Ron.

Harry,

I know now, I know why she left me. I am leaving to start a new life. The attached letter was the closure I needed to move on. I have sent a similar note and a copy of the letter to everyone so they can finally know what happened to 'our Mione'.

I will let everyone know when I get settled and how to contact me once I find a new place to call home. I need to be away from the memories to finish my healing.

Please take care of everyone, mate, especially Ginny and Mum.

I love you, Harry. I don't think I ever told you that before, but I do. You are my best friend. I will miss you, mate.

Your Friend,

Ron

Harry nearly lost it. He cried for several minutes before his eyes dried enough to read the letter Ron had attached with the note.

Ron,

It's been ten years since Hermione passed from this world, and I thought it time to let you know why she felt she had to do what she did.

I don't want to be the one to tell you this, she should have, but she was too afraid. She was afraid to hurt you, she was afraid to lose the friendship you two shared. I just wish I could have talked her into coming out with the way we felt about each other. Hermione and I were in love, more in love than I ever thought I could be.

Our affair started long before the war ever happened, in third year we became allies, in fourth year we became friends, in fifth year we became a couple, and in sixth year we became lovers.

There are many things to explain, many questions I am certain you have. I have some answers but not all. The reason she never told you why we became friends and I was working with the order, is because I asked her not to, in order to keep her safe from father.

She went to the Yule Ball with Victor because he knew about us, and knew to keep his mitts to himself. He allowed her to sneak away to see me on several occasions.

We made love for the first time during your relationship with Lavender because she felt so alone with Harry and Ginny together and you and Lavender.

She hated to lie to you, but she didn't want to hurt you. I knew you thought you two were together, and she told me she even kissed you on a few occasions which I forgave her for because I know what you meant to her.

I truly wish things would have been different. After the downfall of Voldemort, I wanted to reveal our relationship to everyone, but she was still so afraid of hurting you and what everyone would think. It killed her that none of you were at our wedding, which took place right at the end of our sixth year.

She loved you, Ron, and she never wanted to hurt you. I miss her. I miss her so much. She was my number one, right next to Janie. Yes, we have a daughter, a little girl. She was pregnant during seventh year. She used a cloaking spell in order to hide her swollen belly. She gave birth right after graduation. My mother took care of her during the war, after my father was killed. My mother loved Hermione like the daughter she never had.

Janie is starting Hogwarts this year, and looks and acts just like her mother. Same hair, same smile, same big brown eyes. She's beautiful. Merlin, Ron, you are probably the only one who knows what I am going through.

The reason Hermione took her life that night was because she knew what you were planning to do at dinner that night, she knew about the ring. Ginny let it slip. Hermione couldn't handle telling you no, but she knew she couldn't say yes. It tore her heart in two. She left me a letter telling me about what she was doing. I tried to stop her, but I didn't have the secret of Grimmauld so I had no way to.

I am so sorry that she lied to you, and if it were within my power, I would go back and tell everyone myself, from the beginning. Please don't feel guilty. You couldn't have known, how could you?

Please remember Hermione as the beautiful, intelligent, sweet, honorable woman she was. Remember she loved you, and remember there are those of us who know how you feel.

You are welcome to see Janie if you like. She has seen pictures of all of you, and I have told her all about you guys. She thinks you and Ron are her uncles and would love to meet you soon.

Ron, please don't hate me, and please don't hate Hermione. She did what she thought she had to do. She was as stubborn as a hippogriff and had twice the temper.

If you ever need to talk, I am here. I am not the prat everyone has always envisioned me. I try to be a good man.

I truly hope to hear back from you.

A friend,

Draco Malfoy

A.N.-Thank you so much for reading. The song is "10 Years Today" by Bullet for My Valentine. This story is a bit tragic, but when I heard the song, the plot bunny just wouldn't go away. Let me know what you think!