WARNING: This story is meant to be ridiculous and amusing, but may offend you. If it does, sorry! It's defiantly not intended to though!
It was pretty much a normal day on . People from all sorts of fandoms were posting on the site. The larger fandoms were particularly busy, which included the Zelda fandom.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Link, who was currently being pulled in five different directions by the girls gathered in a cluster around him. Outside the cluster, other girls were reaching for him. All of them were screaming "Linky!" or "Ekkkk!"
Zelda and Dark Link, a little ways away, were having no better luck. Zelda was being dragged toward Link by a few fangirls who supported the "ZeLink" ship, as well as being dragged the opposite way by a small group of fanboys who were declaring their love for her all the while. Dark Link, on the other hand, was being yanked toward Link by a group of fangirls who supported the ship of Dark Link and Link as a homosexual yaoi couple. He was also being pulled the other way by a group of fangirls who wanted him for themselves. Somewhere amidst the cloud of fangirls surrounding him, there appeared to also be one or two males.
"Please let me go," Zelda said, sweatdropping as she struggled against the two groups who seemed intent on either winning the tug –of –war or pulling her apart. The two groups paid her no mind, still pulling and screaming at the opposing group.
"LET ME GO, DAMNIT!" Screamed Dark Link at the top of his lungs. His eyes burned firey with fury at being pulled toward his archenemy, or being swooned over. "I'M NOT DATING ANY OF YOU, AND I'M DEFINATLY NOT DATING HIM! I HATE THAT JERK!"
"Hey!" Yelled Link over the squeals of the girls surrounding him.
"IT'S TRUE! YOU ALWAYS ACT SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME! YOU ASS!" Screamed Dark.
Zelda groaned. This had been a frequent sight ever since interest in the series picked up after A Link to the Past came out. At least Vaati and Ganondorf had been dragged off somewhere for a while by fangirls – she didn't know how many villains she could handle right now. Though Dark wasn't really a bad guy – just a bit conflicted.
Two of the fangirls surrounding Link got into a fist-fight. One of them wanted to pair Link with Zelda, another with her O.C. This resulted in all of the ZeLink supporters and O.C. X Link supporters attacking one another. The Dark X Link supporters took this opportunity to pull Link out of the tussle and toward Dark.
"AGHHHHH!" Screamed Link, not alright with the situation.
Dark, seeing his lighter counterpart being pulled toward him, screamed a word that made Zelda gasp and Link's eye's widen.
The fangirls, finally having gotten Link and Dark in a close proximity, tried to push their faces together in a forced kiss. However, both turned their faces, so that only their cheeks were pushed together. Link made an uncomfortable noise, as Dark started gagging.
Despite the hilarity of the situation, Zelda was concerned for the two. To say they were unhappy was an understatement. She desperately wished she could help Link – he was one of her best friends, after all.
Suddenly, a small lightbulb appeared over her head, shining brightly. A few fangirls looked up, confused as to where it came from and why it was hovering, but that was beside the point. Zelda shouted out to Link, "Link! Hey, Link! Listen!"
"Sup?" Link called back, his voice a bit muffled, as one side of his face was pressed up against his shadow, who was still gagging.
"Use the secret weapon!" She yelled.
"Eh? What weapon?"
"Your – ah!" She shouted as she stumbled from a particularly violent tug on one of her arms by a fangirl who was now frothing at the mouth (since Link was being pushed together with Dark rather than Zelda), "Your eyes!"
"Wha….OH!" Link shouted, a lightbulb going on over his head too. Dark, who wasn't particularly fond of bright things, hissed and shut his eyes, gagging more violently now.
Link sucked in a breath, closing his eyes.
Then he opened them, and quietly said in a seductive voice, "Ladies…"
The girls stopped shoving his head against Dark's to look at him, and the screaming stopped. The fangirls tugging at Zelda looked over to see why, and suddenly dropped Zelda's arms, staring starstuck, as the fangirls beating each other black and blue looked up and stopped mid-punch.
Link's sexily half-closed eyes were blazing an electric blue, drawing you in like a magnet. His hair blew front of them from the sudden breeze surrounding him. Dark, free after every girl's arms had dropped in shock and awe, took one look at his counterpart and struggled a few feet away to vomit. Link, however, stood with blond hair blowing and eyes blazing.
"Won't you please stop, girls? I like you so much better when you don't, er, force me to kiss others." Link said in smooth, seductive voice, tilting his head slightly and smiling gently with white teeth showing.
Several girls muttered dazed "of course, of course,"'s as they stumbled away in a dream – like state, hypnotized. Several others stumbled backwards from swooning. The others – about half the girls - fell over, passed out from loss of blood; it wasn't hard to see why, either.
"Jeez, Link, you gave like half of them nosebleeds!" Zelda said in disbelief. This earned a new round of retching noises from the shadow hunched over on the ground. Zelda stepped over a few of the unconscious girls surrounding her and walked over to Dark tentatively, putting a hand on his shoulder. He wiped his mouth and glared up at the princess, who smiled and handed him a red potion.
"To…settle your stomach." She said.
Dark looked at it and unscrewed it, drinking it down. He then looked back up at the princess.
"…Thanks."
Zelda smiled, as Link looked around at some of the girls.
"…We should probably leave before they wake up, huh?"
"DON'T ******* TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU JACKASS!" Dark screeched in a fury.
"Hey there, it's ok. C'mon," The princess soothed, offering him a hand. He ignored her, pushing himself up off the ground.
"That was rude," muttered Link.
"SHUT IT!" Dark yelled. "I…just didn't want to pull her down…" He muttered, turning his head away with a faint blush.
Some of the fangirls stirred, and Link paled visibly.
"W-we should probably go…" Zelda said, running over to Link and grabbing his hand, pulling him along. Link also blushed slightly, which enraged Dark Link. Neither the princess nor hero noticed, though, as Dark Link always looked somewhat enraged when Link was in the vicinity (the rest of the time he just looked sulky). He hesitated for a moment, but then ran after the princess.
"Where should we go?" Link asked.
"…How about Snowpeak?" Dark said.
"Wouldn't we freeze?" Zelda asked.
"I…Sort of have a little place I built out there…" Dark muttered.
"We could hide out there…but are you sure it's ok with you, Dark?" Zelda said with concern. "Usually you don't want anything to do with us…"
"I-It's fine! Just…It's fine." Growled the shadow, his black hair falling into his red eyes, a scowl on his face.
As the three got a safe distance away from the fangirls and both boys called for their respective horses, the shadow thought, 'It's fine…though I wish the hero didn't have to come.'
A pair of Dark and Zelda supporters, who were hiding behind a tree and reading Dark's thoughts with their fangirl powers, grinned to each other and flipped open a phone to call a few of the now-waking Link X O.C. supporters.
"You still want Link?"
The heart-felt scream from the other end - confirming they did - resulted in instructions from the stalker duo to go to snowpeak, and a grin from the two hiding girls. Link out of the picture, Zelda and Dark in a cabin together in Snowpeak….They would just write a blizzard into this fanfiction so neither could leave, and it would be perfect.
Once more manifesting their fangirl powers, they teleported off to the cabin in snowpeak, meeting with the Link X O.C fangirls to devise a plot to capture Link.
Meanwhile, with the horses having arrived, the trio rode off up the mountain (Zelda riding on Epona with Link, much to the extreme agitation of Dark), oblivious to the fate that awaited them from the fangirls already lying in wait in the snowy heights.
Catz: I tried a different spacing with this one.
So this is like the fanfiction writers fighting over the characters to be in their stories, as if they were actors in a movie. It's kind of ridiculous, but I'll try to make this amusing.
What'd you think of this? Review plz! Or I will throw Oreos at you...*Holds Oreos menacingly*