In, out. In, out. In, out.
Breathing. It should be the simplest of tasks, so why did it seem so damn hard today?
Out, in. Out, in. Out, in.
He had to concentrate on every breath; drawing it in deeply then using all his strength to force it back out again.
One, two. One, two. One, two.
He could hear the beat behind his ears. His pulse. Loud. Deafening. Sharp. It was constantly there, like torture, threatening to drive him insane-or maybe that was just his conscience; his agonising regrets.
One, two. One, two. One, two.
He focused on the noise, raising his fist to knock to the same rhythm on the door in front of him. 5 hours seemed to pass before the door finally swung open, though in reality it was probably no more than 5 seconds.
"Hey Luke." The man who had answered the door grinned down at him "You're late. Where were you?"
"I lost track of time." Luke smiled back. It was a forced smile, a smile he'd mastered over the past few months. He was acting all the time now-a-days, it seemed.
"You're doing that a lot lately." The other man chuckled, placing a soft, loving kiss on Luke's cheek. He has no idea Luke thought. Time was no longer a reality in Luke's world, merely an illusion. Minutes, hours and days merged into no sort of sensible combination. The dimension had no meaning in Luke's life any more. Nothing did.
He followed the man into the bright apartment, sitting down on the couch whilst his boyfriend grabbed 2 sodas out of the fridge.
The love of his life had left town six months ago and he hadn't spoken to him since. He had no idea where he was. He was his soul mate, but he had left one month after Luke had chosen the man before him. He'd chosen him out of fear.
He grabbed the soda out of Noah's hand and smiled politely, snuggling up next to him on the sofa to watch a movie. It was routine. It was all routine.
He'd given up the best 3 months of his life.
He'd made his choice and let Reid go.
He'd regretted it every day of his life since.