I was writing a paper, had pandora going in the background, heard these lyrics, and knew I had to write a fanfic. So I paused my paper writing, looked up the lyrics which are Gray or Blue by Jaymay, and then wrote this. Characters are a little out of character and the stories a little chaotic but I couldn't help it. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or the song...

I'm with another boy; he's asleep, I'm wide awake, and he tried to win my heart, but it's taken time…I know the shape of your hands because I watch them when you talk, and I know the shape of your body 'cause I watch it when you walk…

Teyla lay next to Kanaan and in the silence she could hear him breathing. She could hear him breathing but in her mind she could see John's smile, and his unruly hair, and the way that he stood as he was trying to make a decision, and the way that his jaw tightened before he gave an order. In her mind she could see John Sheppard and as she listened to Kanaan breath she found herself wishing that it was John Sheppard lying beside her because even though they had never been physically connected, she knew him better than she knew the man lying beside her every night.

However, it was Kanaan that she was lying next to and not John Sheppard. It would never be Sheppard. So she rolled over on her side and watched Kanaan's silhouette and thought about how maybe, one day, she would know him the way that she knew John Sheppard.

Don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start, and I notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart…

He had met her once before when he had been at the SGC and so when she walked into Atlantis he thought that maybe it was a sign. Well, not really a sign because he didn't believe in those but he wasn't going to deny that she was attractive. Because no man could, she was attractive in the tall and lean, piercing blue eyes, and dark red hair kind of way. So when they ended up in a potentially "this is it" situation, there seemed to be only one natural thing to do—go out guns blazing and in that moment it was like she was Athena taking on the whole damn Achaean army by herself.

It wasn't long before people started to talk but he found that he didn't really care. What he didn't realize at the time was that he didn't really care because he wasn't particularly invested in the relationship, and truth be told neither was she. Not that he wasn't having fun, but that was just it…it was fun. It was easy. It wasn't complicated. It wasn't complicated because feelings weren't really involved, at least not when it came to love. Yeah, he liked her, but did he love her? Not really. He didn't feel guilty about it either because she had told him that she wasn't looking for a man, she just didn't want to go to bed alone at night.

I won't make the move , you must make the move…

He noticed that Teyla was annoyed with him and he couldn't figure it out. He noticed it because when he asked her to do something she gave him a look before stalking off. He had a feeling he knew what it was about, but it wasn't like he was going to say goodbye to Jordan because Teyla didn't like it. Hell, he had been watching her with Kanaan for months and hadn't said a word. So it was up to her.

Honestly he didn't think it would happen. He really hadn't. But he wasn't complaining when he was stuck with Teyla in a "this is it" situation and they did the only natural thing there was to do…and it had nothing to do with going out guns blazing. She initiated it and he had followed her lead and when Ronon radioed to tell them that they were clear, he groaned.

He thought that was it, that it had been a heat of the moment situation but next thing he knew Kanaan and Teyla were making a scene as she chased him into the gate room and he very loudly informed her that he didn't care who she slept with, but it wasn't going to be him.

John didn't even have to bring the subject matter up with Jordan. That night instead of coming into his room she just smiled at him, kissed him on the mouth, and said, "It's okay, be with someone you actually love."

That night as he lay next to Teyla, he wondered what had taken them so damn long.