Chapter.1
Slowing Down.
Commander Shepard stared into the small tablet that contained the information retrieved from the Collector base, he had gone over it a hundred times and still found nothing that told him when, where, our how the Reapers would attack.
His eyes looked weary and tired from the countless hours he had spent reading this small mechanical tablet, but behind the weary and tired eye's Shepard was alert and ready for anything.
He had made enough enemy's to keep him busy for the rest of his life without the Reapers threatening to kill him and everything he loved, due to this he was always ready and always prepared for the worst to happen.
Shepards mind kept drifting off, as much as he tried to focus on the tablet and look for something he had missed he could not. Every time he would start to read he would began to think about his past decisions and if they were right and wonder what horrible things he would be forced to do before this war was over.
Shepard wondered if he would have a future of his own that did not evolve blood and death are if he was going to end up like so many other poor bastards that would die before this war ended. At the back of his mind Shepard began thinking of Tali, whenever he was around this small Quarian he forgot about the Reapers and the men he had lost in the past. When he was just talking to Tali about her home on the Flotilla he felt a sense calm wash over him, her presence made him believe that this galaxy was worth everything that had happened to it and he wanted nothing more than to hold her close to him and whisper to her that he would always be there to watch over her.
His mind snapped back to the tablet, he thought to himself "why are you thinking about her, you could die any day now from a hundred different things and you want to start a relationship with a innocent girl like Tali. You don't need the sin of breaking a young girls heart added to the already long list of mistakes you have made." The commander hated himself for his feelings of Tali, he knew it was wrong and that nothing would ever happen but somehow he always felt better just by thinking of being with her.
Suddenly the intercom sounded "Commander, Anderson needs to see you in the Briefing Room"
When Shepard stepped onto the platform that allowed him to see Anderson he noticed Anderson was looking at the ground with a look of sadness upon him. As soon as he saw Shepard he jumped up and took on his usual look of a tired pissed off old man. "Commander Shepard, I have good news. A few hours ago a Alliance scouting vessel operating in the Osul Cluster picked up some strange reading from a large mountain range on Arul, none of the geniuses here can tell me what it is and I'd like for you to go and take a look at it" Anderson sounded proud of himself for finding this knowledge, since it has been a few weeks since he has found anything useful.
"Of course Councilor, we don't have any leads are self so this might be the perfect thing to give us a new trail to follow." Shepard tried to sound as optimistic as Anderson but he was having a hard time performing. "Well God willing this won't be a trail and you will find something useful, just take your team and see what you can find. Send me a report with your findings, and good luck Commander."
The comms went off and Andersons figure disappeared. "Joker head to the Osul Cluster we've got some work to do." Shepard sounded a bit too depressed and Joker had to lighten the mood "Well Commander we can go be the Alliance's newest scouting toy if you want. or I could plot a course for the nearest bar so you can fit in with all the other depressed war hero's" Joker was just trying to lighten the mood, but Shepard was growing tired of these little missions that always ended in a empty crater our a radiation flare and he took some of his frustration out on Joker.
"If you don't get me to that planet fast then you're coming with me on the ground crew." There was silence on the intercom so Shepard assumed Joker was heading to the Osul Cluster.
Shepard decided to stop by the Mess Hall and inform Garrus he was going to be one of the ground crew. When he got there he saw Garrus listening to Legion. At least he assumed Legion was talking, it was hard to tell if you weren't close enough to hear him.
As Shepard approached the two he saw Legion look at him and point. Shepard stood next to Garrus shifting his weight."We were having a discussion over whether or not Samara is attracted to Garrus." Legion said in his normal monotone voice.
Shepard looked at Garrus and raised an eyebrow." Garrus...you have'nt got a chance in hell" Shepard didn't mean to sound hateful after all he and Garrus were always messing with each other over something. "Well I don't know about that. I think she finds me interesting."Garrus was of course making a joke, but Shepard didn't care and Legion was to slow to understand it. "Well good luck with that. Just came down to tell you that you and Tali are the ground crew for the next mission at 0400. Be at the Kodiak ready."
Garrus nodded his head in understanding. "Speaking of Tali, where is she Garrus?" Shepard sounded more worried than curious, which didn't surprise Garrus. Everyone else on the crew had no idea Shepard cared for Tali, but Garrus had been with Shepard long enough to know that if someone can tell Shepard he is wrong and be under his command and he does'nt shoot them right there on the spot, he probably loves them. Of course when Tali said it she was just talking about the easiest way into a locked facility, but had it been anyone else he would have gone off like a roman candle.
"I think I saw Tali in the Armory" said Garrus trying not to laugh at Shepard's compassion for another person. Shepard turned around on the ball of his heel and headed up to the Armory with a slight increase to his normal speed.
Shepard walked into the Armory looking for Tali; he saw her sitting at a corner table cleaning her shotgun. When she saw him walking over she sat the weapon and cleaning items on the table and stood up as if he was going to grade her on posture."Tali, Were leaving at 0400 for a mission on the garden planet of Arul, If you are willing I'd like to have you come along we may need some scanning done and me and Garrus have hell doing it."
He was telling the truth about not being able to scan properly, but he really did not like bringing Tali down on the Ground team he hated putting her life in danger."Of course Shepard I'd be happy too, it's been so long since you took me with you on the team I'm looking forward to shooting something"
Tali's voice alone melted the strong commander's heart. Just hearing her talk made him smile and forget everything bad in the world. "Well if I had known you enjoyed being part of the Ground team I would have brought you with me more often, I assumed you enjoyed staying on the Normandy and working with the engine though." he sounded very sincere, almost like he was sorry for not asking her what she wanted." Well I do enjoy working with the engines, but I feel like I'm not carrying my own weight around since all I do is work on the engines." Tali's voice was light and it did not carry very far, you had to be close to hear her accent and lovely tone of voice.
"Tali, how can you think that? If it wasn't for you we would still be sitting at the Collector base trying to open those doors. You are the best damn engineer I know." Shepard said wanting nothing more than to make her happy.
He was not sure if what he was doing was right but he could not help it. Tali brought something good out of him, something he didn't even now he had until she spoke to him in those soft reassuring words.
"Thank you Shepard. You're too kind; It must be a habit I picked up from the Flotilla. Everyone back home must do their share of work are we would not have survived as long as we have." Every time Tali talked about her home Shepard wanted to grab her and hold her, he wanted to tell her that he would make everything better for her and her people.
He was honest in his thinking, he truly wanted to help them and he swore to himself that once the war was over he would build her a home and he would stay by her side for as long as time permitted.
However he did not know how to tell her how he felt. No women ever warmed his heart the way she did, and despite all his courage and bravery he could not summon the will to tell her how he felt."Tali don't worry; you are welcome here no matter what happens. All I ask is that you do what you do best." Shepard said in a reassuring voice.
. "What do you mean Shepard?" She asked curiously.
"I mean follow me and use that cannon you always carry around, without you and Chiktika I would be defenseless." Replied Shepard in a joking manner.
Tali laughed and giggled beneath her mask, her gorgeous silver eyes narrowed slightly as she did. "Shepard I'm surprised you know her name. Well I better get back to cleaning my gear since we are leaving soon. Thanks for making me feel welcome Shepard I don't know what I would do without you"
Shepard felt a heavy weight suddenly lift up from his heart, it took all his will power to walk to the door. Right before he exited the room he turned around and said "trust me Tali, I'll always be nearby if you need me for anything." Tali was about to question him about the intentions of the statement but before she could speak Shepard left the room. Leaving her alone to ponder the commander's words.
Along the way to his cabin he kept telling himself go back to her but Shepard dismissed these thoughts as being irrational and unfair to her. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to tell her that he loved her, but he did not want to break her heart and he knew very well that if he told her how he felt and they developed a relationship it could go nowhere. He knew this and yet she remained in his mind, he kept telling himself someday somehow he would make it. 'One step at a time' he told himself 'one step at a time.' He went back up to his cabin and fell asleep to get some much needed rest before the mission and to dream of holding his love.