She told herself that she didn't love Neal Caffery. She couldn't love Neal Caffery. He was just a target, a way to get to the music box, nothing more, nothing less. He was something to be used, then disposed of. She had her orders, in and out. It wasn't a big deal, nothing she hadn't done before.
And yet, the first time she spent the night without his arms around her, she woke up crying. Twice. The first day she spent alone in the apartment she spent two hours on the couch with a bottle of scotch, a picture of Neal and one of his shirts. Her Boss kept ordering her to stay on Neal, keep batting her lashes, and pretending she was in love, they needed that box, but this wasn't a game anymore, not to her.
She wanted out, she wouldn't be able to live with herself when Neal found out. When he turned his bright blue eyes on her, the eyes that said more than words ever could. The sweet face she craved, to look at her and blame her. The sweet lips she had kissed, to form the words, "how could you?" The same lips that had said, "I love you" in a hotel room late February.
She needed out, but she couldn't leave, not now. She needed to warn Neal, somehow, and the Boss still needed the music box. Once the Boss had the music box, maybe then she could get out, go back to Neal, fall on her knees and tell him that she was sorry, so, so sorry. She would tell him everything, about how he had started out as just a job, a way to the box, and turned into so much more. She needed him to know that she thought of him every day, that at night she dreamed of when they could be together again.
She didn't know what would happen when Neal figured it all out, what would happen if she ever got back to him, but for now she knew that she needed to play the role she was given. She needed to look Peter Burke in the eyes and pray that he didn't see that she cared for Neal, she needed to stay in the loop, she needed to Boss to trust her. She needed a lot of things, and soon, she hoped, she could get back to what she needed most.
Okay, I'm sick and tired of Kate being the bad guy. I mean, when everyone thought Peter was the one who had Kate, everyone was all like "no, it can't be him!" and did everything to prove his innocence, but then everyone's more than happy to blame Kate, and I don't like it!
I don't own White Collar.
~DI4MGZ~