It's been a while since I've written any Castle fanfiction but I was inspired this morning and wrote this. I hope you enjoy it. Set mid-late season 4.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle of the characters.

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

The sound reverberated through the silent apartment, the sound going unanswered.

Again, knock, knock, knock, knock.

The knocking was met with only more silence.

A third time, knock, knock, knock, knock.

This time the knocks were followed by a call, desperateness in the knocker's voice, "Beckett?"

Still no response but just as Castle was debating what to do; knock down the door, call the police, is there any way he can get into her apartment from the fire escape? The door swung open to reveal a very sleepy looking Beckett.

"Castle?" she questioned, taking in his anxious state and disheveled clothing, "what are you doing here?"

"You called?" Castle replied, the only words he could muster in his nervous state, the relief that she's okay rushing through him.

"I…" Beckett began, she had called him and she was about to deny it, make up some excuse to how that could've happened accidentally. She'd called him, had finally had the courage to hit the call button on her phone but when he'd answered, she'd chickened out, had listened to his voice for a few minutes, asking if she was there, if she was okay but she hadn't had to courage to answer him.

He'd hung up eventually, thought he'd given up and assumed she'd just accidentally called him but apparently not. The call, hearing his voice, had been enough to allow her to fall asleep relatively easy earlier that night but she hadn't realised she'd caused him some distress, should've known he would turn up here, worried about her.

"I'm sorry," she eventually finished, unsure about how to explain herself, "I shouldn't have called and not said anything like that, I should've known what it would look like."

"A simple hello would've sufficed," Castle answered, a slight edge to his voice, he'd been worried sick about her, imagining worst case scenarios, all because she didn't say a simple word. But why hadn't she said anything?

At Castle's words, Beckett looked down, ashamed of how she'd reacted, how little courage she'd had. But she was also embarrassed, because she'd called him because she'd needed him, and she still couldn't even admit that now.

Beckett closed her eyes, taking in a shaky breath to at least try to explain to him why she'd called but she was startled, eyes flying open, when she felt his hand come to rest against her arm.

"Hey, no, I'm sorry," Castle said, noticing her now nervous state, "are you okay?"

"No," Beckett answered honestly, too tired right now to lie. She'd called him, had wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, thought maybe that'd help her get to sleep and she'd been right, even if he was the only one doing the talking.

"What's wrong? Castle asked, finally stepping inside her apartment and closing the door behind him. He was met with no complaints from Beckett so he led her over to the couch and they sat down together.

"Everything," she answered when they were seated, deflating against the couch as she did. Castle realised this was no longer the Beckett he saw everyday at the precinct but Kate, the woman who had been shot and was struggling with life more than he'd originally thought. This is the person he wants to help, wants her to let him in so he can and maybe this is what this was, Kate finally admitting she needs help and letting him in.

"Kate," he said, reaching out to settle his hand on top of hers which were nervously fidgeting in her lap, "you can talk to me, you know, tell me anything and I'll listen, I'll be here for you for whatever you need."

"I know," Beckett smiled, heart beating fast as she realised just how much this man loved her, it was clear in the way he was looking at her, the way he spoke to her, the way his thumb was rubbing soothing circles on her hand. All of this combined helped her to be honest yet again, "when I called you tonight, I fully intended to say something, even if it was just a hello. I wanted to hear your voice, talk to you, even if it was about nothing. I've been trying to call you for the past few weeks, whenever I can't sleep, which is most nights, but I always chicken out, take the cowards way out. But tonight I finally dialled your number, thought I was brave enough to tell you the real reason I've been trying to call, the secret I've been keeping from you, but as soon as I heard your voice I couldn't, I took the easy way out again and didn't say anything." Wow, she really was being honest tonight, they both thought.

"A secret, what secret?" Castle asked her words catching up with him but the fact that she'd been trying to call him was not lost on him.

Beckett closed her eyes, that day at the funeral flashing through her mind and it was a credit to Dr Burke and the work she'd already done at trying to be better that she didn't panic but opened her eyes again and spoke calmly, finally revealing the secret she's been keeping from him for too long.

"I remember everything."

"You remember everything?" Castle repeated, his tired mind having trouble processing all that was going on, how open Beckett was being.

"The day that…"she paused, cleared her throat before she continued, "the day I got shot, I remember it," she finally admitted, adrenaline rushing through her as she finally let out her secret to Castle, something that could push him away or bring them closer to the relationship she'd always thought of as inevitable.

"Everything?" Castle asked again, his eyes widening at what this could mean, that she'd been lying to him for the past nine months even though she knew how he felt about her.

"Everything."

"Why lie?" Castle asked, not sure he really wanted to know the answer but he had to know why she'd kept something this big from him for so long. But she'd been trying to call him, wanted to talk to him and was telling him this now so that had to mean something, right?

"So many reasons. Because I was scared you didn't mean what you said to me that day. Because I was scared you did mean it and what it would mean for us. I was worried that if I told you and we started something, you would realise you were wrong, that you didn't truly love me when you really saw me and you'd leave. I didn't see how you could love me, I didn't deserve those words you gave me but I held on to them. I didn't want to give you a chance to take them back but I also wasn't ready to accept them if you did mean it." Beckett was crying by the time she finished speaking, silent tears rolling down her cheeks as she admitted her lie and the reasons she'd thought were valid reasons to keep it from him. She should've just trusted him and told him at the beginning that she remembered instead of keeping something this big from him and hurting him in the process.

"Kate," Castle said, voice breaking on her name as he used the hand that was settled on hers to squeeze her hands in reassurance while his other hand drifted up to her face and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I'm upset that you lied to me, that you thought you couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth but I'm going to tell you this again now so you know without a doubt that it is true. I love you, Kate Beckett, with all of my heart and it was true that day at the cemetery and it's true now. I love you, all of you, whether you think you deserve that love or not."

She was crying again now, the tears flowing fast and fresh from her eyes at Castle's words, what on earth had she done to deserve the love of a man as special as him?

Castle shifted then, hand moving from covering hers to wrap his arms around her to pull her into a hug.

As the tears soaked into his shirt as she was pressed into his chest, Beckett spoke, "thanks for coming, Castle." And she meant it. He was always there, always showed up when she needed him the most.

"Always," he replied immediately, pulling away so he could look at her.

Beckett smiled up at him shyly, preparing herself yet again for another truth she was going to tell Castle, one she was finally brave enough to tell him, "I love you, too."

The grin that spread across Castle's face as he looked down at her was magnificent and soon Beckett was grinning back at him, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Neither expected that this was where the night would take them when Beckett called and Castle turned up but Beckett realised that what she thought would show weakness, letting him in, was actually what gave her the strength to finally be honest and admit the truth to him. He loved her and she loved him and for tonight, that's all that really mattered.

Thoughts? They'll potentially be more to this but I'm not sure yet.