Summary: Sakata Gintoki gets more than what he bargained for when he couldn't swallow his pride. Crackfic. Rated T for language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!"
Gintoki's scream spread out to the house like wild alarm clock. Basically, he was the first one to get his lazy ass off of the bed. Shinpachi and Kagura 'were' soundlessly sleeping, up until the fact that their bodies shot up all of a sudden due to a certain someone's shriek. They labeled it the 'living bomb'.
"STOP BEING SO NOISY EARLY IN THE MORNING, YOU ASSHOLE!" Kagura yelled. "How dare you, you interrupted my dream of... of becoming Cao Cao from dynasty warriors." She sniffled, went out of her closet into the living room, and lunged at Gintoki. "I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIET."
Which apparently always failed because he would halt her movements by shoving her forehead. "Correction, you meant shit." How he knew was beyond comprehension. Gintoki of all beings? The world must be coming to an end.
Kagura gritted her teeth. She wasn't giving up. If she had to boast one of her domineering qualities, it was her stamina.
A battle of endurance, one would say.
Approximately five minutes later, Shinpachi walked out groggily still rubbing his half-lidded eyes. The straight typical boy he was always saved the day. "Stop it you guys, instead of fighting let's look for volunteer jobs we can do." Albeit, seemingly to understand that he wasn't being paid attention to, he drifted his eyes somewhere else.
'A letter?' Shinpachi thought. He picked up the sprawled piece of paper on the table and opened it.
Dear Mr. Sakata Gintoki,
We have observed you from afar. In order to create a revolution, we have decided to create something new. Something never is seen by others. That's right, one would call us the 'SB Entertainment', also known as 'Samurai Boys Entertainment'. Our definition of entertainers aren't hosts that are far too mainstream these days. Don't you think that kind of stuff's outdated already? The civilians wish for something they cannot comprehend.
On behalf of the SB Entertainment, we invite you to join our professionally-selected batch of members for our new boyband. The group name hasn't been thought of yet but that comes last naturally. The reasons why we deliberately chose you, my friend, was because you kinda satisfy the criteria.
Hot? Check.
Sexy? Check.
Passionate? Check.
Abs? Check.
Charming? Check.
Fiery and Ambitious? Check.
Singing prowess? Tentative.
We do still have to teach you dancing but don't worry because we've got our choreographers to settle those for ya. Although the problem is that they are first-timers too. We may not be the best, but we are always recreating. That is our breathtaking motto.
Cheers,
Samurai Boys Entertainment.
Shinpachi finished reading loudly with a disappointed look. "I wasn't chosen?!" He screamed. He slumped his shoulders, feeling dejected all of a sudden. "WHY AM I ALWAYS THE INVISIBLE ONE? I'M NOT EVEN TOP THREE IN THE POPULARITY POLL. THE WORLD IS SO UNFAIR!"
The cat and dog fight and the bickering stopped that moment onwards. Kagura was horrified after Shinpachi completed his monotonous speech. Gintoki was, well he knew about it so he acted pretty normal.
At that moment, as if on impulse, Gintoki let go of her and stepped as far back as possible. 'My hunch says somethin' bad is goin' to happen.
And a few seconds later, Kagura puked at the spot the silvered-hair was standing earlier. Talk about killer instincts. "Am I dreaming a nightmare?" Kagura muttered, still in a stupor. "Gin-chan sexy? That is not remotely possible... OH GOD!" She puked even more colours of rainbows. Kagura dropped to her knees, trying to catch her breath and recover from the excruciating damage.
Gintoki let out a smug look on his face. "That's right bitches, I am so gonna be popular. Too bad I'm turning the offer down." He took the paper from Shinpachi, ready to rip it into pieces when he was swiftly interrupted.
"W-wait Gin-chan. Don't be so hasty. Doesn't it mean you'll be getting loads of money? WE CAN FINALLY PAY OUR BILLS." Shinpachi exclaimed, brightening up from his grim mood. "And.. you do know it's about time you pay salaries, right?" He blabbered.
'Money?' Kagura's ears perked up. She crawled towards Gintoki and prostrated before him. "Gin-chan, you know I always joke around. Uhmmmmmm hmmmm uhhhhhhhhh...
.
.
.
Seeing you makes my heart melt sometimes." She squealed. "SEXY HOTTIE GIN CHAN BANZAI." She wiggled her arms up and down, and Gintoki contemplated on why she had such energy inside her. 'Dear Kami, you blessed it to the wrong person.'
"You all, have you forgotten who I am?" Gintoki plastered a look of triumph. He put his left hand on his chest. "I AM THE ALMIGHTY SHIROYASHA, GET IT? What would people say if they knew the great me went from beating up others to performing on Broadway? DANCING AND SINGING AS A MATTER OF FACT!" He spat the metaphorical figure of speech. "THE SHIROYASHA WILL NOT BE TAMED LIKE THIS, YA HEAR ME? I REFUSE TO LET MY REPUTATION BE TARNISHED!" He huffed before stomping off.
Gintoki stood before the sliding door getting ready to leave, not noticing the other two companions had darkness looming over their eyes. They looked at each other and nodded.
"Operation start." Kagura and Shinpachi said in unison.
That day, Gintoki didn't leave the house.
The shinsengumi didn't see him.
Madao didn't see him.
Sa-chan even used her glasses to try and find him.
Zura spent hours trying to recruit new Jouishishi members, with Gintoki being on top of the list.
Otose wondered if he died somewhere, because usually by now he would have caused a havoc.
Heck, even the man from the shonen jump store cried that his regular didn't pay a visit.
In the end, only the Yorozuya knew just what the hell happened behind the closed doors.
-FIN-
AUTHOR'S NOTE: So what do you guys think? Most crackfic ends in a chapter so maybe this is where it should end. Review!