Tell Me the Truth
by Invisible Sun
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss and Co. own 'em.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Spike's had enough. Spike POV. (S/B) Based on spoilers
and speculation for future eps past Tabula Rasa.
Author's note: I took a short little break from my work in progress
to write this short little story I got the idea for during school one
day. It didn't flow quite the way I was planning but the end result's
still the same.
*****
We're all in the Magic shop. Every single one of us. Except Giles
and Tara. They left. Giles mumbling something about Buffy dealing
by herself. And Tara telling Red to knock off the magic. And Dawn's
spending the night with one of her friends. So, anyway, here we are.
Discussing the newest evil brewing.
My gaze turns to Buffy. She's trying, you know? Trying to deal with
everything. Being ripped from heaven and Giles leaving her... Of
course, when things get too rough, who does she turn to? Me. Yep,
that's right. She's come to expect me to kiss away her troubles. At
first, I didn't mind... But it's been a month now. And I'm tired of
it. I am so in love with her and she still can't stand me. The only
reason she keeps me around if for the comfort sex that happens almost
every time we're alone. She's using me. And it hurts. It hurts
because she doesn't care what it's doing to me.
"Come on, Spike, let's patrol," Buffy says, interrupting my thoughts.
Now, normally, I'd jump off this countertop and follow her like a lost
puppy, not questioning, not arguing. But not now. Not tonight. It's
time for me to speak my mind. And now I don't care if the others hear.
No, you know what? Maybe they should hear. They should hear what's
Buffy's way of dealing with her grief and pain is.
"No," I tell her, not leaving my position on top of the counter.
She has the nerve to look absolutely shocked, "What?"
"I said no. You and I both know this patrol is going to end up as
some kind of heated make-out session in the cemetery or comfort
shagging back at my crypt and I'm not doing it anymore."
She looks unmistakably horrified that I just said that in front of
her friends. And they look undeniably appalled and disgusted by my
words.
"Excuse me?" Buffy asks.
"Did I stutter?"
Xander looks at Buffy, "Buffster, what he says isn't true, is it?
You're not-- I mean, you and he aren't--"
Buffy still stands shocked and, I think, a little embarrassed.
"Buffy, what's Spike talking about?" Willow asks.
"Go ahead and tell 'em. I'm sure they'd like to know. Just like
I'd like to," I say, crossing my arms.
She looks at me, tears welling up in her eyes. Normally, that's
my undoing, but not tonight.
"Why are you doing this?" she asks in a small voice.
"Because I think it's time for the truth. Your friends deserve
the truth, don't they? And so do I. So, just tell me the truth.
Tell me and your friends why you come to my crypt every night and
screw my brains out?" I know that was kinda harse, but I had to
say it. I needed to get under her skin. Make her reveal the truth.
"Buffy?" Willow, Anya, and Xander all exclaim.
"Spike--"
"No," I say, "I've been your slave long enough. I'm tired of you
treating my feelings like they don't exist."
"If you didn't like it so much, why did you not stop it?"
"Because I hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing you hurt. And
I would do anything to try to ease the pain."
"Well, you're doing a fantastic job," she says, tears rolling down
her cheeks.
Oh, no. Now she's crying. And I feel like the monster that I am.
That she once told me I was. But I can't falter. I have to get my
point across.
"Buffy, I love you," I hear a few groans coming from Xander, but I
choose to ignore them for now, "But you choose to ignore that. You
try not to hear it. Because I'm a soulless vampire without any
feelings, right?"
I can hear Xander's trying to hold back a few snide remarks, but
I pay attention only to Buffy's face. Everything else has
disappeared and all that's left of this, my world, is her and
me. Nothing else. I study her face and I see a tint of...
regret? I can't tell if it's regret for everything's she's done
with me this last month or if it's regret for telling me I'm a
soulless unfeeling monster.
"When you're hurting, it tears me apart. And all I want to do is
make it better. That's why I agreed to your proposition. I went
into it hoping that maybe, just maybe, you'd overcome your grief
and push me away again. But you do that anyway. You pull me close,
tell me to kiss your troubles away, and then the very next moment,
it's like we did nothing. This isn't helping you. If anything,
it's making you more miserable."
"But the only time I'm not miserable is when I'm with you," she
exclaims.
Oh, how I want to believe that, but I know it's not true. It
can't be. "Then why do you cry yourself to sleep every night?
Did you think I didn't know? Did you think I was asleep when you
did?" I ask, tears beginning to cloud my eyes.
I barely take note that the Scoobies have left for the back room,
leaving us alone.
She cries. And I want to relinquish my rant but I can't. I
started it and so I have to finish it. "I know I told you I was
your willing slave, but I can't do it anymore. Not when I want
more than anything for you to admit that when we have sex, it's
more than that. I want to know what it's like to be wanted not
for comfort, but for my love. I want to know what it's like to
be loved. You have no idea how much it hurts to be so completely
in love with a woman who can't stand to be in the same room with
me unless it's my bedroom. It hurts more than I can tell," I
say, letting my tears fall. I don't care anymore.
"I do love you, Spike!" she exclaims. Immediately noticing what
she says, she gasps and raises a hand to her mouth.
I'm standing there in shock. Did she just say what I think she
said? "What did you say?" I ask quietly.
"I love you."
"Then why do you treat me the way you do?"
"Because I was afraid."
"Why? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of letting you get too close because every man who got
close left. I don't want you to leave me."
I close the gap between us and gather her in my arms, "I'll never
leave you, luv. I love you too much to leave."
So here we are, she, the Slayer, and me, the Vampire, clinging to
each other, tears running down our eyes. What a picture we must
paint. I pull away from her and look into her eyes. And she
looks into mine.
And I kiss her. And she kisses me back. But, this time, it's
different, because, this time, she's really letting me in.
*****
Fini
by Invisible Sun
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss and Co. own 'em.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Spike's had enough. Spike POV. (S/B) Based on spoilers
and speculation for future eps past Tabula Rasa.
Author's note: I took a short little break from my work in progress
to write this short little story I got the idea for during school one
day. It didn't flow quite the way I was planning but the end result's
still the same.
*****
We're all in the Magic shop. Every single one of us. Except Giles
and Tara. They left. Giles mumbling something about Buffy dealing
by herself. And Tara telling Red to knock off the magic. And Dawn's
spending the night with one of her friends. So, anyway, here we are.
Discussing the newest evil brewing.
My gaze turns to Buffy. She's trying, you know? Trying to deal with
everything. Being ripped from heaven and Giles leaving her... Of
course, when things get too rough, who does she turn to? Me. Yep,
that's right. She's come to expect me to kiss away her troubles. At
first, I didn't mind... But it's been a month now. And I'm tired of
it. I am so in love with her and she still can't stand me. The only
reason she keeps me around if for the comfort sex that happens almost
every time we're alone. She's using me. And it hurts. It hurts
because she doesn't care what it's doing to me.
"Come on, Spike, let's patrol," Buffy says, interrupting my thoughts.
Now, normally, I'd jump off this countertop and follow her like a lost
puppy, not questioning, not arguing. But not now. Not tonight. It's
time for me to speak my mind. And now I don't care if the others hear.
No, you know what? Maybe they should hear. They should hear what's
Buffy's way of dealing with her grief and pain is.
"No," I tell her, not leaving my position on top of the counter.
She has the nerve to look absolutely shocked, "What?"
"I said no. You and I both know this patrol is going to end up as
some kind of heated make-out session in the cemetery or comfort
shagging back at my crypt and I'm not doing it anymore."
She looks unmistakably horrified that I just said that in front of
her friends. And they look undeniably appalled and disgusted by my
words.
"Excuse me?" Buffy asks.
"Did I stutter?"
Xander looks at Buffy, "Buffster, what he says isn't true, is it?
You're not-- I mean, you and he aren't--"
Buffy still stands shocked and, I think, a little embarrassed.
"Buffy, what's Spike talking about?" Willow asks.
"Go ahead and tell 'em. I'm sure they'd like to know. Just like
I'd like to," I say, crossing my arms.
She looks at me, tears welling up in her eyes. Normally, that's
my undoing, but not tonight.
"Why are you doing this?" she asks in a small voice.
"Because I think it's time for the truth. Your friends deserve
the truth, don't they? And so do I. So, just tell me the truth.
Tell me and your friends why you come to my crypt every night and
screw my brains out?" I know that was kinda harse, but I had to
say it. I needed to get under her skin. Make her reveal the truth.
"Buffy?" Willow, Anya, and Xander all exclaim.
"Spike--"
"No," I say, "I've been your slave long enough. I'm tired of you
treating my feelings like they don't exist."
"If you didn't like it so much, why did you not stop it?"
"Because I hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing you hurt. And
I would do anything to try to ease the pain."
"Well, you're doing a fantastic job," she says, tears rolling down
her cheeks.
Oh, no. Now she's crying. And I feel like the monster that I am.
That she once told me I was. But I can't falter. I have to get my
point across.
"Buffy, I love you," I hear a few groans coming from Xander, but I
choose to ignore them for now, "But you choose to ignore that. You
try not to hear it. Because I'm a soulless vampire without any
feelings, right?"
I can hear Xander's trying to hold back a few snide remarks, but
I pay attention only to Buffy's face. Everything else has
disappeared and all that's left of this, my world, is her and
me. Nothing else. I study her face and I see a tint of...
regret? I can't tell if it's regret for everything's she's done
with me this last month or if it's regret for telling me I'm a
soulless unfeeling monster.
"When you're hurting, it tears me apart. And all I want to do is
make it better. That's why I agreed to your proposition. I went
into it hoping that maybe, just maybe, you'd overcome your grief
and push me away again. But you do that anyway. You pull me close,
tell me to kiss your troubles away, and then the very next moment,
it's like we did nothing. This isn't helping you. If anything,
it's making you more miserable."
"But the only time I'm not miserable is when I'm with you," she
exclaims.
Oh, how I want to believe that, but I know it's not true. It
can't be. "Then why do you cry yourself to sleep every night?
Did you think I didn't know? Did you think I was asleep when you
did?" I ask, tears beginning to cloud my eyes.
I barely take note that the Scoobies have left for the back room,
leaving us alone.
She cries. And I want to relinquish my rant but I can't. I
started it and so I have to finish it. "I know I told you I was
your willing slave, but I can't do it anymore. Not when I want
more than anything for you to admit that when we have sex, it's
more than that. I want to know what it's like to be wanted not
for comfort, but for my love. I want to know what it's like to
be loved. You have no idea how much it hurts to be so completely
in love with a woman who can't stand to be in the same room with
me unless it's my bedroom. It hurts more than I can tell," I
say, letting my tears fall. I don't care anymore.
"I do love you, Spike!" she exclaims. Immediately noticing what
she says, she gasps and raises a hand to her mouth.
I'm standing there in shock. Did she just say what I think she
said? "What did you say?" I ask quietly.
"I love you."
"Then why do you treat me the way you do?"
"Because I was afraid."
"Why? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of letting you get too close because every man who got
close left. I don't want you to leave me."
I close the gap between us and gather her in my arms, "I'll never
leave you, luv. I love you too much to leave."
So here we are, she, the Slayer, and me, the Vampire, clinging to
each other, tears running down our eyes. What a picture we must
paint. I pull away from her and look into her eyes. And she
looks into mine.
And I kiss her. And she kisses me back. But, this time, it's
different, because, this time, she's really letting me in.
*****
Fini