Title: On The Edge
Word Count: 1,472
Rating: T
Warnings: suicide and depression (read at your own risk)
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or any of the characters.
A/N: This is kind of AU since Jeff and Nick didn't go to Dalton. I don't have a beta so if you see any spelling or grammar errors please tell me.
July 06, 2009
9:00 pm
To an ordinary passerby, today was just an average day at St. Thomas Bridge but to you and your best friend, today was far from ordinary. The cars passed by continuously as the wind blew your plain white shirt and strands of your unruly brown hair. Normally you would wear a worker cap or a beanie since you constantly got annoyed at how your hair would always be a mess during this weather but you could care less to anything right now. You inhaled deeply, smelling the trace of mint that was caused by the rain that morning as you looked into the houses from afar wondering how your life became so messed up and confusing. You turned to your right to look at your best friend. You've always been jealous at how handsome he was. His soft blond locks shimmered in the moonlight as it blew freely with the wind. His skin was pale as ever that it almost looked translucent. His eyes were closed as if he was praying and he was gripping the hand rails of the bridge.
"Jeff," you said to get his attention.
His eyes flew open and looked at you as if he just realized that you were there. You held back a gasp as you stared at him. His hazel eyes that used to be so alive and warm were now so empty and dead. You knew that you probably looked the same but seeing it in your best friend's eyes was almost painful.
"It's time," he whispered holding out his hand for you to grasp.
You looked down at the river below. It was such a long way down. Well duh, you thought to yourself, St. Thomas Bridge was one of the tallest bridges in the state. You almost backed out but as soon you felt your best friend's warm reassuring hands, you knew that everything would be okay. You casted one last look around you and tightened your grip on Jeff's hand. Without further hesitation, you both lift yourself off the bridge then jumped to your own death
or so you thought.
July 12, 2009
8:00 am
Beep, beep beep. You mentally groaned wanting the annoying sound to fade away. One part of your brain thought that once you get up and shut off the irritating noise of what sounded like your alarm clock, you would normally start your morning but the logical part of you knew that you wouldn't be able to move or do that anytime soon. Your body felt like it was ran over by a truck and your lungs felt like it was on fire but what bothered you the most was that you couldn't seem to fathom how you could be feeling such pain. You tried your best to open your eyes but they felt too heavy.
You were slowly drifting into the darkness again when you heard a voice. You could only hear fragments of sentences but most of them were distorted. You wanted to know what was going on but you seemed too incapable of doing it. You struggled for a minute longer until you managed to crack your eyes open. The room was too bright for your liking that you almost closed your eyes again but you were too determined to figure out what was going on.
White, that was what you first observed. You tried to summon up every ounce of energy left in your body to move but you only came up with a groan which was barely audible for anyone to hear.
"Honey? Nicholas, can you hear me?"
You felt someone move beside you. That was when your mother's worried face came into your view. You once again tried to speak or even move but apparently another groan was what you could only muster up at the moment.
"Hang on for me honey. I'll just call the doctor."
Your mother kissed your forehead as she disappeared. Your eyes finally managed to adjust in the bright room. The first thing you noticed was the I.V. tube connected in your arms and the uncomfortable oxygen tube that was helping you breath. Everything was still blurry, all you knew was that you were in a hospital.
Your mother came back after a few minutes together with a doctor. The doctor introduced himself to you as Doctor Smith. He was a balding man with a very calm face. He told you that you were getting better soon and your vitals were improving. After a while of examining you he left you and your mother inside that white hospital room.
You looked at your mother and didn't fail to notice how red and puffy her eyes were. Her usual straight brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail and you could tell that she hadn't eaten in days. You wondered how long you had been here. Finally you mustered up the courage to ask her the question that had been bothering you since you woke up.
"Mom, why am I here?" you asked . As if on cue you saw the tears started to ran freely down your mother's cheeks. She didn't bother wipe it anymore. Your heart clenched as you realized that this was probably the thousandth time she cried because of what happened to you.
"Oh honey," she sat down beside you and held your hand tightly as if she was afraid that you would disappear somewhere and never come back.
"Don't you remember anything? You and Jeff-"
The rest of the words she was saying seemed to be cut off by the ringing in your ears. As soon as you heard your best friend's name everything that happened between you two came flooding back. One thing seemed to register in your mind that very moment, you were supposed to be dead. You wanted to scream, to rip all the wires connected in your body, to run away but you couldn't. It was so overwhelming that for minute you were sure that you stopped breathing.
"Where is Jeff?" you choked, unable to form any other words.
Your mother only shook her head and hugged you tightly. That was when your whole world came crumbling down.
July 06, 2010
9:00 pm
To an ordinary passerby, today was just an average day at St. Thomas Bridge but to you and your best friend, today was far from ordinary. It had been a year since you and Jeff committed suicide. You still couldn't believe it was real. You looked down below the water as the wind blew your plain white shirt and strands of your brown hair that seemed to stick out of your blue beanie, Jeff's favorite. You inhaled deeply waiting for the smell of mint to reach you. It never did, instead it was the smell of dried leaves that you noticed. You suddenly remembered that it didn't rain that morning. You turned to your right, hoping to see your best friend but what greeted you was an empty space. Your best friend was still gone. He was never coming back. You watched as the sight into front of you blur as the tears finally came streaming down your face. Life wasn't fair.
You remembered those bullies that you had always encountered in your school. You wanted to punch them, scream at them or even cuss them out for insulting you and your best friend but instead, you did what you always do; you twist the bandage that hid the memories of your pain, smile through gritted teeth that it almost hurt because they were clenched so hard, and keep walking, one leg in front of the other.
It had been a very hard year for you. You knew that the pain didn't go away, you just got stronger and better at managing it. You still suffered, you still had the occasional suicidal thoughts, the brief panic attacks and the days of darkness, but you also had the days of happiness, recalling the memories you had with your best friend. How Jeff's contagious smile would always light up your day. That even though he was also hurting, he would always find a way to make you laugh. You had always admired how strong your best friend was but you knew that everyone has their breaking point. You came to realize that probably there was a reason why you stayed and you knew that wherever Jeff was right now, he was happy.
You had already accepted that depression would always be a part of you but you would no longer let it be your life or even let you think that your life was not worth living. All you needed to know was that you were alive and would stay this way.
Fin.
To Keiran, my best friend and other half. I love you, always and forever.