The God and I

Rated M - abuse, torture, violence, and language.

That child is not mine, is it?

Those words repeated like a scratched record on her mind as she lay on the downstairs bathroom floor. Riza Hawkeye

(Wait! Your name is Riza Walsh, not Hawkeye anymore. You're married, remember?)

held back her tears every time she heard that question, or maybe it was just the throbbing pain in her kidneys. During all this, she kept her eyes shut. If her eyes opened, even for a second, the tears would pour out and she would be in a lot more trouble than she already was. It might even cause her to start whimpering like a wounded animal. No no no, Riza was going to be strong about this. Crying was for children and whiny women, and Riza Walsh was neither.

Then again, she was laying in a pool of blood. Her stomach gurgled and she started to feel the hot oatmeal she ate that morning rising up her throat. She was laying right next to the toilet, her hands were firmly gripped to the mouth of the toilet. Using up all the strength she had left, Riza pulled herself up and craned her neck towards the toilet's opening to vomit. She didn't need to open her eyes for this either.

If only her subordinates could see her now. Colonel Mustang's trusted right-hand (his advisor as well) was bleeding to death inside a bathroom, doubled over the toilet and frantically vomiting oatmeal and blood. The tough-as-nails First Lieutenant that commanded absolute respect and even made the Colonel wince in fear at her presence no longer existed. She was replaced by a croaking and cowardly house wife, a woman who winced at the presence of any living being. The Colonel would be disgusted if he saw the state she was in.

Roy…

Riza chuckled, she spat out bits of vomit that got caught on her teeth. Roy would definitely be mad, oh so very mad. She has lost every shred of dignity she had because of Him, He ripped it all away from her. He took it all away and probably reduced her dignity way past negative zero. So if this was true, why was she still holding back her tears? Her self-esteem is probably incurable, and there was no use in trying to save pride that was lost long ago.

She snapped her eyes open, she had a feeling that if she opened them slowly that she would shut them again. She winced at the glaring light and for the first time, realized that the clothes she was wearing were stained with every body fluid possible.

Tears, mucus, blood, urine, sweat, it was all there. Riza started hurling and craned her head towards the toilet to vomit once again, only to realize the mouth was smeared with blood and vomit. She swallowed the vomit she had in her mouth, and released her hands from the toilet. She was appalled at what she was holding on to. She couldn't even stand up to look at herself in the mirror, her legs had lost all their strength.

However, she could see her reflection in the floor tiles. Her hair was stringy and bloody, her eyes were swollen and big fat tears rolled down her face. Hell, even her nose was watery with mucus that dripped down to her lips, it tasted salty. He did this to her, the man was in the kitchen doing God-knows-what. Riza suddenly wished Roy was here, he'd help her. Sure, she'd get a scolding but at least Roy would take her away from Him.

Shouting was heard from the kitchen, His shouts. Riza focused on what the shouting was about and realized her was calling for help.

"…what? No, its my wife! She fell down the stairs, and oh God! My son is gone!

He paused.

"…what happened? I don't know! She can't talk, she can't even speak! …No, look I don't fucking care, I need a doctor now!"

With that, he hung up.

Ally? My son is missing?

Riza's heart beat harder, her son was missing?

Oh God, Peter what have you done to Ally?

She heard footsteps approaching, Riza quickly wiped her eyes and hoped he would think she was knocked out. Maybe he wouldn't bother beating her again. She closed her eyes, but kept her mouth open because she could barely breathe due to the dried blood inside her nose.

"Riza? Darling?" That was Peter, God. Riza didn't answer.

"Now don't be faking that, I know you're listening." She didn't reply. Peter, her husband, walked towards her. "Open your eyes, now." Riza complied.

Peter was a rather handsome man. Dark hair (like Roy's) and he always had his hair combed back. His eyes were black and he was decently built. When they made love, Riza loved how Peter looked like naked. He had the face of a Greek god, and the body to match too. She had believed she had married the man of her dreams.

"I called for a doctor, but you know how long they take to get here. So while he's coming, let's have a little talk." Peter smiled at Riza. She did not smile back.

"I said that you're too hurt to speak, that way they won't grow suspicious of me. Here's how its coming down.

You were upstairs getting the dirty laundry then out of nowhere a man comes out and pistol whips you. Then he pushes you down the stairs. And when they ask where Ally was at, you'll tell them he was sleeping in his crib. That's all you know, got it?" He waited patiently for her answer.

She glared at him, and in a choked voice asked, "What have you done to Ally? Where is my son?"

"He's gone." Peter simply responded.

Riza chuckled, "They won't believe that story. They'll figure you out."

"No they won't." he said. "I work for the military, I put men in jail. They'll simply take it as one of them wanted revenge on me. I'll make sure of that."

"You killed him, didn't you, you sadistic son of a bitch." She couldn't help saying that, just as she could not help the tears coming out. She knew this earned her another pounding when she was to recover from her wounds.

Peter didn't respond, he simply stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Leaving her to cry.

She didn't do anything to provoke him. She was (like Peter said) upstairs picking up the dirty laundry while Ally was sound asleep in his crib when Peter, not a stranger, jumped out of nowhere and started beating the crap out of her.

She thought he went to work, she saw him leave. He must have known that there were times when she forgot to lock the basement door. He must have gone through there and waited for a perfect opportunity to pummel his unsuspecting wife.

And what about Ally? Did Peter strange the child to death and buried him in the backyard? Or did he beat the child to death too?

Peter had an assumption that Ally wasn't his child. When Riza asked him why he thought so, he replied that the child looked nothing like him. He would beat her in her sleep when the baby started crying, he was angry that she was taking care of bastard child. Riza always assured him that Ally was Peter's son, she insisted that he was the only man she was with. Ally must be Peter's, who else could be Ally's biological father?

Now because of Peter's lunacy, Ally was dead. Riza hoped to God that Peter had killed the child quickly, and not slow and brutal like he did to her.

While she pondered about what to do next, there was a knocking at the door. It was the doctor.

She could hear Peter anxiously telling the doctor how he had come from the market to get some milk and then finding his wife unconscious and his son missing. She could hear him cursing whoever had done this to his wife and how they would pay for taking his son away. The doctor comforted Peter and told him that Ally was surely alright and that the man who took him would probably want a ransom for him back.

Bastard, I hate you.

The doctor and Peter came into the bathroom and helped her into Peter's bed. There, the doctor told Peter to call his assistants outside. Peter nodded, then he took Riza's hand. "Hang in there, baby.", he left outside.

She wanted to tell the doctor the truth. But if she did, then Peter would probably kill her, the doctor, and his assistants. He could do it. She knew. He got into the military to kill people after all.

Riza Walsh wept. The doctor saw this, he held her hand and said "You're alright. Don't worry, the pain will be over soon."

That was a lie, the pain would never be over.