I don't own this. Cause you know I'm not old male, wrinkly, Greek, blind and dead. Nor am I Monty Python. In my defence, my muses are fucking evil.
Achilles sighed and stared morosely at the wall of his tent. Patroclus was off somewhere, doing something, which left Achilles with nothing to do. Not that they ever did anything, they were just cousins after all. Really, cousins, definitely nothing more. Achilles crossed his legs and stared down at his ankle, which for some odd reason felt horribly vulnerable. There came an odd scratching noise on the door of his tent.
"What are you doing?" Achilles demanded of the shadow that stood outside.
"I'd knock, but its fabric." Odysseus said, stepping inside, Achilles felt a foreboding chill sweep up his spine, then dismissed it.
"Did you know, Odysseus" Achilles remarked loftily, "that I never really wanted to be a warrior?" Odysseus shook his head, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "No, I wanted to be...." Achilles surged to his feet, placing his hands on his hips. "A lumber..."
"Uh.. Achilles?" Odysseus interrupted, noting the entire conversation in the back of his brain for blackmailing information that he could use later.
"What?" Achilles demanded impatiently. "I was talking, Odysseus. This better be important."
"Its about.. your... uh.. cousin..."
"HECTOOOOOOOOOR!!!!" the enraged voice echoed over the city walls, bringing a sigh to Hectors lips. He stared down at his younger brother, poking him in the chest.
"This," Hector snarled, "is all your fault." Paris said nothing, hanging his head. "You are such a brat! I killed Achilles... uh... cousin... yeah, anyways, its all your fault!" Hector finished pulling on his armour. "I didn't even want to do this for a living!"
"HECTOOORR!!" The shout came again, and Hector snarled, striding from the room, leaving Paris to finish his statement.
"I know, I know... You wanted to be a lumberjack...."
finis