Title: Of Dresses and Definite Messes
Characters: Team Seven
Genre: Romance, humor, adventure, action, friendship, drama
Type: Continuation (Incomplete)
Rating: M
Author's Note: So, hello. Long time no see, pumpkins, darlings, honey, sweethearts. Please don't be mad at me for being MIA for years, lol.
Summary: When a mission requires Naruto and Sasuke to shave their legs, Sai and Sakura could only laugh at their teammates, and Kakashi wished he wasn't a leg man.
Team Seven was an odd team.
Before the whole angst happened, it had always been Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. Of course, Kaka-sensei too. The hyperactive blonde with an unhealthy diet that consist of ramen and expired milk. A broody boy with a goal to kill his tall, dark, and handsome brother. Then, the only girl in a group filled with testosterone. Sakura dreamed of being married to Sasuke and sail off to the horizon with flowers and glitters. Finally, Kakashi. Residential pervert and proud owner of all and limited editions of Icha Icha books.
After Sasuke had fallen into the clutches of Orochimaru, Sai joined the family. There was some hostility in the air at the beginning. Given that Sasuke had left a bittersweet wound in their hearts, Naruto left to train with another, consider the biggest, pervert. That left Sakura and Kakashi within the walls of Konoha. Even after several meetings with the socially challenged man, Sakura still could not resist the urge to punch him through four walls.
Then, Yamato came in when Kakashi took in the position of another team when Asuma died. He utterly scared the two original team members with his dead eyes and flashlight under the chin trick. The man was strong because he had Naruto pinned in a training practice, single-handed too.
Fast forward to the end of the war and awkward tension in the air that almost choked Uchiha Madara back to life, Naruto and Sasuke fought with so much intensity that literally started a lot of explosions. The arms that were ripped out were joined together in a heart shape by their blood, lover's quarrel was finally over after years of one running away and the other chasing.
For all the damage and emotional turmoil Sasuke put everyone through, Tsunade forced him to stay in Konoha to redeem his sins and she knew how much he wanted to travel but she was a very mean person.
The team dynamic changed, it was difficult to do missions together with four students and two teachers. Everyone rotated and most of the times, Sakura was busy at the hospital while Yamato did recon missions. That left Kakashi to babysit two grown children with explosive tendencies and the child of Satan. Sai would often make offhand comments about Naruto's penis size while Sasuke would chime in an agreement which Sai would counter back with sexual advice for a healthier relationship.
The remnants of Chidori and Rasengan would greet Kakashi's arrival.
So, it was a surprise when everyone gathered in the Hokage's office. Naruto had been overly excited when it was announced that Team Seven will perform a mission together. Tsunade used her super strength to chuck an old scroll into Naruto's mouth and made him choke on the dusts.
The mission originated from a request by a wealthy man, his daughter never came back from a dance that was invitation only. The letter had been crafted beautifully with just enough information to not raise suspicion. The man offered a heavy payment upfront and said that the rest will be paid after they retrieve his daughter.
Whenever money was involved, Tsunade would be extra supportive. She had commanded the lousy group to form a concrete plan and must return the lady to her father, unharmed. Team Seven did not have the guts to object when she gave them a glare that would have drew their souls out. Of course, Naruto had to whine about the boringmission.
He was out the window moments later, rather forcefully too.
The lettered invitation stated the date and time of the formal dance that was days ago, if they were to gather information from the area, there would still be clues left from the locals. However, the letter firmly stated that only women were allowed because the invitation stated the sender was a Kobayoshi Ito. Sasuke had rolled his eyes and mentioned that it was an unisex name.
The mission had overlaps with other mission reports by several teams. All the women that went missing had received invitations to a formal dance hosted by the mysterious woman, each time the location would be different and isolated. Others also noted in their reports that the family members recalled a small bracelet that came with the letter.
Another commonality was that they were all wealthy. The ninjas had scattered themselves to potential wealthy families and see if they received the invitation. Some overprotective parents and guardians refused to allow their daughters to join a formal dance that no one had heard about, the other shinobis confiscated the letters from the daughters, and they did not give up without an ear-splitting argument.
And, that was how Team Seven received four invitations.
For a man whose other identity is a woman, Naruto seemed to be lost on what to do with the yellow razor.
"What the hell is that?"
"A razor, baka." the pink-haired woman snorted as she rummaged through the toiletries that she had to purchase for three men who did not know the first thing about women.
Naruto picked up the small object and cocked his head in question. She handed a red colored razor to Sasuke while Sai was the proud owner of a black one. The scowl on Sasuke's face was enough to tell everyone his feelings about the situation, Sai took it with an eerily dark smile.
"I believe you need this more than I do."
Sakura felt a vein on her massive forehead throb. "Shut up, Sai. I'll skin you with it."
Then, she turned to the bag and pulled out several more items that looked insanely odd to the men of the group. After everything was out of the bag and onto the brown table, she turned towards them with a hand on her hip.
The inn they settled down to was located on the border of Iwa, and it was not the worst. They each separated in three rooms by picking names out of a empty lunch box. Naruto and Sasuke blatantly refused to share a room with each other, Sakura had the unfortunate luck of having Kakashi as a roommate while Sai and Yamato only smiled at each other.
"Okay." the kunoichi began. "No woman wants gorilla hair on their legs, so they have to go."
Sasuke scoffed and eyed the offensive object in his hand. Sakura picked up a cloth that was nude in color and looked twice smaller than a normal fabric.
She stretched the clothing with her two fingers and it was resisting the pull. "You three will be wearing extremely fitting dresses and it will show your family jewels."
"All you have to say is cock, Sakura-chan." Naruto twirled the razor between his fingers.
"Idiot!" she shouted with a glare. "A lady should never use such vulgar language!"
"You're barely a woman." Sai commented dryly, Sakura chucked the fabric to his face and he caught it effortlessly.
"Fuck you!"
"I'd prefer if you didn't." the ashen male smiled.
She sneered, "Moving on. These underwear are designed to be as tight on skin as second skin. Do not ask me why because I don't know. It will hide whatever you have between your legs."
"My balls need to breath! It'll crush my dick!" Naruto waved the fabric with a whine.
Sai pinched the silken feel of the underwear and turned to Naruto. "You won't feel a thing."
Sakura cleared her throat before Naruto could launch at Sai. Sasuke had not even touched the underwear because his face was shown in utter disgust.
She went toward a second bag and pulled out three dresses out and flung them to the men without a look to see which dress was for them. Purple landed on Naruto's head, pink was caught in Sasuke's hand, and Sai received a glittered silver dress.
The blonde laughed with tears in his eyes. "You got pink, bastard!"
Sasuke tilted his elbow to the side and used extra force to jab his friend on his side who doubled over in pain.
"Sasuke-kun." she called out to the handsome man with a sigh. "You have a v-neck dress, so you'll need to wear a bra and along with something else to produce cleavage."
His chest vibrated with a growl. "No. Flat will do."
Sai opened his mouth to deliver another insult about the pink-haired woman's breast size, but her fist contacted his cheek and sent him across the room.
"Fine, but you'll need to accentuate your other curves." she pulled out a corset from the bag and handed it to her crush. She tried not to play favorites but sometimes it just slipped.
Sakura turned her body to Naruto and glared at the young man with a huff when he wiggled the larger than normal nude bra in his fingers. He smacked the cushioned material and grinned toothily.
"You have a backless dress, so you'll need to put that on and stuff whatever it needs to create decent size breasts."
He whined like a child while he slapped Sasuke on the chest with the nude bra. "Why does he get to go flat but I can't!"
"We can't all go in flat chested, it'll raise suspensions."
Sai smiled while picking up a strapless bra that assumed was his. "You do admit you don't have breasts."
She shrieked while Naruto cringed at the volume. "I do have breasts!"
"Alright, alright." the blonde grimaced uncomfortably. "Let's quickly get this over with so we can all die with embarrassment!"
Sakura gave one last glare to the man who's smile rivaled a snake's. "You seem to know what's going on, you can do it yourself."
Naruto grabbed the Uchiha by the arm and shook him vigorously. "Do something, Sasuke! Sakura-chan's about to level this entire inn!"
"Why me?" Sasuke scoffed while he gazed to Sakura and then to Sai.
The blonde wield back as if he had been hit. "Well, because you can distract her with your looks."
"No."
"Not asking much." the blonde harshly whispered. "Just use your fingers to slick back your hair and eye fuck her!"
"Go die, idiot!" Sasuke hissed back equally quiet.
Naruto gaped with a mouth full of ramen scent. "You coldblooded animal!"
"If you're so concerned, you do it!"
"I have Hinata-chan! Also, that would be borderline incest, you asshole!"
Sasuke sighed angrily because the more time they waste arguing over irrelevant things, the less time they have to be ready for the dance.
"Sakura." he called, albeit hesitantly when she whirled her demonic glare to him.
He lifted the corset, "How do I use this?"
She grunted while took several deep breaths. "Wrap it around your waist and tighten it."
Naruto decided it was a decent time to drop his pants and flop down on the ground with his obnoxiously bright yellow razor in hand. He scrapped it against his dry leg and small white flakes began to show after the trail of sharp blades.
"You idiot!" Sakura barked with a frown. "You're supposed to wet your legs and use shaving cream to do it."
The blonde set the razor down and kicked off the rest of his pants, it left him in his loose boxers with a stain that looked oddly like a toothpaste mark or it could have been a cum stain. Sakura did not know, nor did she want to know.
He rustled through his baggage and turned around with a kunai in hand and a grin on his whiskered face.
"What are you doing?" she asked, a surprised expression made way through the irritation.
"To shave, of course." that nonchalant shrug of his shoulders had her question his hygiene.
She shuddered. "Absolutely not."
"What's the problem, Sakura-chan? I use it to shave my beard all the time."
"Three strands of hair don't count."
"Looking good, ladies." Kakashi smiled, his eyes crinkled up with mirth.
His students stood before him with makeup and beautiful dresses. He had force his eyes away from the toned legs of his grown children.
Sasuke looked so angry that sparks were close to flickering. Naruto was way too comfortable in his disguise, and Sai seemed too calm in a situation that would have harmed so many prides of macho men.
Example being Neji had to undergo training with his team when Gai had boastfully suggested them to be prepared for all emergencies. Cue Neji in six-inch stilettos while learning to balance, run, and fight Gai as his pretend enemy.
Safe to say no one uttered a single thing when he flung one of the sharp heels into the tree, but news still roamed like wildfire in Konoha. It was called 'Leaf Village' for Hokage's sake, one lick of fire and everyone knows.
"Abandon your man prides and walk proudly as a woman." Kakashi giggled.
"I refuse!" Sasuke spat vehemently, eyes bleeding red.
"Sasumi-chan," his teacher's cheek widened, and eyes brightened, "You have a lovely voice."
Sasuke's hand twitched at his side then clenched tightly, little electricity snapped around his broad shoulders.
"Oh, Naruko-chan." Kakashi stopped and blinked, there was no surprise in his voice because Naruto disguising as a woman was such a common sight that he almost didn't realize Naruto was a man. More of a man-child, but whatever.
"Saika-chan."
Sai's unnaturally white skin was toned down with a shade of rose to give him a bit more life or else he'd look like a walking corpse.
Necrophilia was not going to happen on his watch.
Kakashi leaned against the wall of the dingy inn and grimaced when he saw mold in the corner of the room, and he thought it moved under the yellow light.
They had already strategically organized their roles and escapes for the mission. The only thing they have not commented was how Kakashi was supposed to help them when the ball was for young girls, when Naruto brought up the issue, he narrowly dodged a sensitive topic.
"If you're not our support, Kaka-sensei, what are you going to do?"
"Sneak in, of course. It would be wise to leave someone out here for backup, but the situation is not good. They seem to have a seal of protection that suppresses chakra, and we have no idea how dangerous it is in there."
"Okay, what happens then?"
"I go in with you all."
"As what, our oji-san?"
"Hm?" Kakashi smiled under his mask. "Am I that old?"
Naruto felt the side of his lips twitched nervously, his stare was unfortunately uncomfortable.
"I-Ikemen oji-san?"
The arrival time for the ball was close as they sat in silence, waiting for the door to open to a very large castle surrounded by mists. As if having an expensive dance in the middle of nowhere wasn't suspicious enough, they had to protect wanders and voyeurs from sneaking a peek inside.
"I don't get why you're nervous," Naruto raised an eyebrow, looking at Sasuke's constipated face.
The dark-haired man hissed, "I don't get why you're comfortable.
"Practice makes perfect, Sasumi-chan." Naruto flicked one of his high pig-tails over his shoulder, "You'll learn something from me if you stop trying to burn me into crisp."
"As if I need to learn trivial shit."
"This trivial shit will save your life in there."
Kakashi clapped his gloved hands to distract the bickering duo.
"Break it up, girls. No cat fights."
Naruto meowed in response, quite fitting with his whisker birthmarks.
Sasuke threw a scroll at the blonde's head in response.