Before we continue reading this, let me establish a little warning . . .
No, this does not contain any weird actions to be done by any character. That phase of my life is finally behind me (or, is it?). Still, that's not the point. The point is that this fic may have contents a true ColoLal fan may find depressing, so I am warning you very much.
For better reading pleasure, set the song "Proof of Life" by Rin Kagamine, or any other sad songs you could think of, as your background music. Trust me, it hurts very much.
Please, do enjoy.
Song: Proof of Life
Artist: Rin Kagamine (feat. Len Kagamine)
Colonello stared at the small shrub in his hands and he could not help but feel nostalgic. Everything about this little plant was so tender. So beautiful.
So . . . So much like her.
What of that?
"I wonder if she'll like this, kora?"
He stood up with a grunt, a pot of soil in his hands, and walked towards the room where he knew she was still sleeping. The snow outside had just calmed down after the heavy storm that it followed.
True, everything was absolutely peaceful amidst the cold atmosphere that surrounded his home.
"Lal?" The Italian opened the door and found his bed still as neat as he left it. Nothing was changed. Everything was how it should be.
He journeyed his eyes around, and his face drooped before smiling again.
"I guess she's not here."
-m16-
Snow has come yet again. The white blanket of eternal calmness that covers the dull, lifeless ground has come to be the only thing that fills my eyes.
I can't wait for spring to come. Not that I hate winter or anything, but . . . it can never be wrong to wish for a bit of warmth, right?
Then again, maybe I already do have this warmth that I sought for all my life. He was beside me, and I could see the cold, white breath coming out of his trembling lips. I opened my mouth to call for him, but he had already bobbed his head to my direction and grinned.
"You cold already, kora?" he asked, laying his clothed hand on my colorless cheek. Immediately, I felt his tenderness crawl towards my numbing skin, making me smile a bit.
"I'm fine as long as you're here," I whispered solemnly. "So promise me you'll never leave me."
He smiled again as he leant forward and brushed his lips against my cheek, and then whispered, "You make me promise the hardest things, kora."
"But you still keep them nonetheless," I countered, grabbing his torso as if he was to be pulled away from me. He chuckled as he wrapped my small shivering figure in his small embrace.
"Hey, you're a bit out-of-character here, kora," he said a little jokingly. I didn't answer, and just hugged tighter before letting go.
"Whatever," I lowly growled, looking away.
"I was only kidding, kora!" He was quick to reach for me again, cuddling his face into mine, and I was quick to forgive him. Life these days have been like this. We fight, but he comes easily and asks for forgiveness, or sometimes, to even forgive.
Thankfully, it's like that. I wouldn't want it any other way. To be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to come to him, despite our condition as of late. Heaven knows how much I want to blurt out everything to him right now, but I couldn't.
"Shall we go farther, kora?" He offered his hand to me, and quickly did I reach for it.
"Where are we going?" I asked as we strolled down the pallid pathway hand-in-hand.
"Anywhere you like. Is there a place you'd want to go to, kora?"
"I'm already in that place . . ."
He looked at me, and I smiled easily back at him.
"Ignore the things I'm saying here, Colonello. I'm crazy."
"I find that hard to believe, kora. If you were really crazy, then that must mean that I have fallen madly in love with a crazy person."
"Maybe you have."
He chuckled as he held both my cold hands and looked at me. I lifted my gaze up into his eyes, and couldn't help but notice how his once bright, blue orbs had begun to fade. So was his face.
Has the time finally come? Have we used up what measly time we had left, and now is that dreaded time of . . . of . . .
I can't say it.
"Colonello," I whispered. He looked at me with a smile.
"Yeah, kora?"
"Are you afraid?"
He looked at me confusedly.
"You know what I mean," I told him bitterly. His eyes bore unto mine, and all I could do was look away in despair.
Then I felt his hand squeeze mine.
"Look at that, kora," he said, pointing up at a tree branch. I followed the direction of his finger, and found that a lone nest was still perched up on that said stem.
"What of it?" I asked.
"It's a cold winter," he told me, his stare going inward. "And yet, there's still a home up on that tree. Why do you think is that so, when they know for a fact that there are far warmer places somewhere else, kora?"
"Could it be because they can't go any further?"
"But what about that one over there, kora?"
Surely, a healthy-looking bird came and alighted on the same nest, as if it was handing over something with its beak. Almost immediately did another beak reveal itself from within that nest, appearing to be too weak to even move itself.
He faced me, and beamed.
"That guy must've stayed here because that one creature that he loves can't move further on, and, is to die in this cold harsh place with no chance of a fight. He didn't care about how all these might affect him. What matters most is that he could be with the other in its final moments to prove his undying love, kora."
"Colonello . . ."
"I'm guessing that he's very much afraid of tomorrow . . ."
I bit my lips as I forced myself to listen to him more; to catch more of his voice before it disappears.
"Which is why he chooses to live on today, and the beautiful yesterdays, kora."
He was right.
There's nothing to worry about, as long as today is fine. Today, I'm still alive. Today, I'm still with him. Today, I'm happy.
"I wonder," I suddenly muttered. "Why we were given a chance to live, when, in the end, we'd still be taken away from the things that we have established? What's the point of existing if all else will fade together with you, including the memories that you have created?"
"Don't say that, kora," he whispered.
"It's true anyway," I argued. "Everything . . . everything is beginning to fade. I can feel it, including you . . ."
From the side of my eyes, I saw him frown, and look away, as if to agree with me . . . or pity me, the least.
"But . . ." I raised my face to him and smiled. "I'm still happy."
He looked back at me weakly.
"I'm happy because even if I do leave this world, I'm still reassured that I will be remembered; that I have left something in this world as my own permanent mark."
I raised both our hands as we basked in the pale sunlight coming from the clearing heavens. He looked at me slightly wide-eyed, and I tried my best to smile even more. Soon, he smiled back.
"My proof of life."
"Lal . . ." He bit his lip as he pressed my hands, so tightly that it would've hurt if only my hands were not this deadened.
Slowly, I took a deep breath, and gradually made a mellifluous melody find its way out of my trembling lips. As soon as the first word came out of them, tears had began to flow from his beautiful blue eyes, but despite them, he was beaming at me, occasionally bringing up his hand to wipe away my tears.
I wouldn't want to acknowledge these tears. No, all I want is to recognize these smiles. They're not false; I know it in my heart.
My life was never intended to be a tearjerker. I really do mean it. I don't want it to end this way. All I would ever want in life right now is to laugh next to him, and sing heartfelt songs with him.
Before he begins to fade . . .
"Lal?"
I could feel the cold feeling crawling through my veins, but how is it that all I see was darkness? Why can I not hear myself singing? I can't even hear him laugh anymore.
Why . . . ? Why is this numbness coming over me?
"L-Lal, are you alright, kora? Speak to me!"
Has the time finally come?
"Lal! Lal! Lal!"
Lal . . .
-m16-
I woke up at the sound of a beautiful melody coming from somewhere near me. My eyes steadily opened themselves as I searched the light-colored room for a source. What I found was a hand that reached for an object to where that sound was coming from, and when I heard a soft "click", the melody had washed out.
"Good morning, kora," I heard him whisper. I stared up at him blearily, and tried my best to contort up a smile for him.
"Good morning to you too," I whispered in a raspy voice. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against my pale, almost white cheek, and, instantly, I felt warmth in my body, despite how small and short it was.
"Actually," he said, fidgeting with the contraption, which I now recognize as a recorder. "It's really evening, but . . . I don't think it'd be proper to say that to someone who just woke up, kora."
I chuckled as I struggled to sit up, and as he wrapped my arms to assist me.
"What day is it?" I asked him, resting my back at my newly-adjusted pillow.
"The twenty-first, kora," he replied, settling himself on the side of my bed. I sighed.
"So I was out for three days, the least?"
"More of like four," he said, running his hand through my hair. "But, hey, who's counting, right, kora?"
I looked up at him, and simply cuddled myself to his warm body.
"So, how are you feeling now? You gave me quite a scare there, kora."
"I'm fine," I mumbled. Multitudinous kinds of pain began to wrap around my body, but I gave no notice of them. His tenderness alone was enough to appease my wheezing heart.
He grabbed my chin, and raised my face up gently, eyes looking at me knowingly.
"What?" I asked. He grinned.
"Nothing," he said. "It's just that you look a lot prettier than I could ever remember, kora."
"Liar," I answered with a smile. Then that smile faded as well.
"Anyway, thanks for not bringing me to the hospital . . ."
"Your welcome. Although, I must ask you, why do you keep on refusing to stay there, anyway, kora?"
"You should know that." I pulled my face away from his hold and just settled on his shoulders. "I hate hospitals, and beside, it's not like they could do anything about me. I'd rather be here with you before I . . ."
"I get it," he interrupted, pulling away from me. He started heading to the window. "You don't have to say that word again, kora."
Poor Colonello. He must be the one here who's suffering the most because of my situation. I can't blame him. I would feel the same way if he were here in my condition.
That feeling of watching the person you love wither away in front of you is probably the most heartbreaking thing of them all.
I'm surprised that he hasn't broken down after all this time.
"Is it okay if I open these curtains, kora?" he suddenly asked, gripping the hem of both drapes. I could see him trembling from where I sat.
"Feel free," I answered, intently watching him as he pulled away the covers, revealing a dark evening sprinkled with falling white snow.
It was still winter.
"Hey, Colonello . . .?" He didn't hear me. All he did was glare intently at nothing in particular, breathing so heavily that I could almost hear his own gasp.
Since when have things gotten this painful?
How can fate let me watch this excruciating sight while my whole body wilts away?
Will everything go back to normal?
I doubt.
With a mournful sigh, I draped a blanket over my shoulders and climbed out of bed. Slowly, I approached him, and easily wrapped my arms around his chest, resting my head on his back.
"I don't want to leave you . . ." I whispered. His body jolted in surprise and immediately turned around, making my arms slide off his body.
"Lal?" he asked confusedly. "What's wrong, kora?"
My mouth opened to say something, but no voice came out. I still can't find myself saying it to him. Three simple words can't find their way out of my lips.
How much of a wimp was I?
I was only able to gather these feelings and finally concluded into what they were just recently. However, my time is running out, and I might not have the chance to tell him anymore.
He looked at me questioningly, and then tenderly.
"Would you like to tell me something, kora?"
Then again, what was I thriving for? I know this fact deep within my heart:
We share one soul.
Slowly, his hard face softened into a gentle smile as more tears crawl down his twitching cheeks.
"I love you, too, kora."
A smile formed in my face as I shakily looked up at him. Despite all this pain—all the physical damage this disease had caused me—I'm still willing to move forward, and hold his hand, and be with him, and . . .
Plip. Plop.
Tears . . .
Why are they falling again?
I tried to find his face for an answer, but all I saw was darkness.
"Tell me if you're in any pain . . ."
I attempted to search for his voice, but all I found was eerie silence.
" . . . And when you're feeling lonely, too . . ."
I-I'm scared . . .
"No matter what . . ."
I'm hurting . . .
"I'll always find you . . ."
And, I'm lonely . . .
"A place where both of us can be happy, kora."
"Lal, hang in there! Please, kora!"
My eyes insisted on closing, but I fought it.
Everything was moving too fast around me . . .
I can't keep up.
"Do something, Doctor! Fix her, kora!"
Another cough reverberated from my chest and the taste of blood has yet again filled my mouth. My body was trembling too hard, and my heart was beating too fast. Different voices were filling up my head, and I can't recognize anyone of them.
"Lal!"
Save for one.
"Don't leave me like this! Please, I beg you, don't go . . ."
Darkness was seeping through my vision, clouding up my thoughts. All was beginning to fade.
"I thought you said we share only one soul together, kora?"
All, except his warm and dear smile.
"Lal . . ."
Then, peace has ensued.
-m16-
"How're you feeling there?"
Colonello raised his tear-stained face at the owner of the voice.
"A little better, kora."
The well-suited man jerked his head to the direction of a nearby bed.
"And, her?"
"Doctors said she should be fine after a long rest or so, kora. Turns out what happened was just another seizure. But, it was nothing to be afraid of, kora."
"I see. That's good to hear."
He smiled bitterly.
"Yeah, sure it is . . . you know, if . . . you didn't know that she was to die soon anyway, kora." He looked up again, and found a raven-haired woman standing behind his friend.
"Good Evening, Luce, kora."
The lady beamed sweetly at him as she wrapped her arms around her companion's upper limb.
"As to you, too, Colonello-san," she replied, cuddling herself at the fedora-wearing man's arm. "I'm sorry to hear about what happened."
"Thanks, kora. Me too."
His eyes drifted towards the sleeping figure, and could not help but let his heart fall into a million pieces as he remembered that solemn memory from a few minutes ago.
"So what're you planning now?" Reborn asked as he watched the weary man stand up and dust himself off.
"Who? Me, kora? Nothing special really. Just going to run home and get some stuff, and bring them back here, kora."
"But, I thought you said that Lal doesn't like staying here?"
His face turned grim.
"I didn't say she'd stay here. We'll leave as soon as she wakes up." He stared at them eye-to-eye. "Would you guys mind staying here and look after her while I'm gone, kora?"
"Of course not, Colonello-san," Luce was quick to reply. "We'd be happy to."
"Would you be alright by yourself?" Reborn asked.
"Of course," he said. "Besides, I need some time alone, kora."
"As you wish." Reborn stood aside, and gave him room to pass through. The blond casted his blank eyes forward as he moved one foot after the other. Soon, he reached the car. He went in, slammed the door beneath him, grabbed the wheels, and started bawling.
Life was too unfair.
He knew that right from the start.
Yet, why is it that he keeps on loosing control of himself and denying this fact whenever the time of pain arises?
Why can't he do anything about it?
He pulled himself together, and started the engine. The car revved forward as his blank eyes focused on the snow-covered road. Nothing was going on in his head.
Everything was blank.
Keep on singing those heartfelt songs we loved . . .
"The snow covers every bit of anything and you slowly disappear."
Even if you feel so lonely and don't want to go on . . .
"There's nothing I could possibly do besides wish the best for you."
Always remember deep inside, I'm here with you . . .
"I ask you one thing. If you could, please smile for me when I come for you."
Never will you be alone . . .
"One more time, kora . . ."
Never alone again.
CRASH!
-m16-
I opened my eyes at the sound of his voice calling for my name.
"Colonello . . .?" I struggled to sit up, and I felt his arms wrap around me in comfort.
"Hey, there, Angel. You had a nice nap, kora?" He traced the lines of the bottom of my lips as he nuzzled his face into my hair.
"What . . . I thought I was dead?"
He chuckled as he pinched my cheek.
"Who says you were going to die, kora?"
I bit my lips before smiling.
"So, I'm not dying, Colonello?"
He grinned.
I kept staring at him, and could not help but feel ecstatic.
What was I so worried about? He was here next to me, arms wrapped around me, supplying me with the warmth I have always sought for.
I'm never sad or lonely when he was around.
"This feels great, doesn't it, kora?"
A passing stab of hurt came across my chest, preventing me from nodding for him. Once more, everything has begun to fade into darkness. I don't hear him anymore . . .
. . . But I still feel it in the tip of my fingers . . .
"I love you, kora . . ."
. . . His heart.
"If it pleases you, please do wake up, Lal-san."
The voice was smooth and alluring, yet, how I wished it didn't call for me and made that beautiful dream fade from my grasp.
"Luce . . .? Is that really you?" I journeyed my myopic eyes around and found another person with Luce. A well-suited man . . . Reborn?
"R-Reborn . . . Luce . . . What are you two doing here . . .?" My head began to throb, making me wince. I felt someone take me by the hand. When I opened my eyes again, it was not Colonello, but Luce.
"Where's Colonello? He left?"
The two raven-haired locked eyes before looking back at me.
"Lal-san, Colonello-san is . . ."
"Is . . .?"
Luce began to tear up as she looked away and let go of my hand. Reborn stepped up, and the other did nothing but clutch into his arm and sobbed.
"I can't say it . . ." she wept.
Reborn raised his arm to pat her reassuringly, and then stared at me conspicuously, as if he were to kill me.
"What's going on?" I asked him hardly, and he showed no sign of breaking down like Luce.
"Lal," he said in a gentle voice, so far from his usual tone. "I believe it is best that you come with us."
-m16-
The two led me into another room not far from mine. As I stared up at the signage, I couldn't help but feel wrong.
What was going on, and why did I have this strange feeling of hurt and fear?
"He's in there," Reborn announced without looking at me.
I looked up at him, and, still, he refused to look at me. Rather, I stared at Luce, and shuddered at the two mournful sapphire orbs landing on my frail body.
"Be brave," she mouthed before looking away again.
I swallowed hard as I reached for the doorknob. The sound of twisting made my heart agitate even harder than before, and the squeaky sound of the door opening gave me difficulty in breathing.
But, when I saw the figure lying peacefully on the lone bed in the middle of this almost empty room, everything inside me came to a stand still.
I might as well be dead.
"What the hell . . . happened," I muttered. I couldn't move. It was as if my body was frozen stiff and I had no more control over it.
This was worse than any seizure I had ever encountered.
"He told us he'd be heading home to get a few stuff, and quickly drive back here to be with you. The problem was that a snowstorm suddenly blew off while he was on his way back here. I guess you could asses yourself what happened next."
I nodded. It was all I could do. My feet dragged me into his bed side, and my eyes forced me to look into his pale face.
He still looked so beautiful even like this. Nothing in him has wavered. Everything was still in place. It's as if he was just sleeping in front of me.
And, maybe he was.
Perhaps, all he needed was my voice to wake him up.
I tried to call for him gently, but soon I could hear my voice rising into a crescendo of pleadings and sobs.
He was gone.
He died before I could even say goodbye to this world.
He left me to suffer things on my own.
My proof of life . . . the one who bears my proof of life . . . the one who bears my undying love . . .
. . . Was gone.
No.
"COLONELLO!" I shrieked at the top of my voice, hoping that wherever he was, he could hear me and see this desolation that he had left me with.
I never, ever . . . wanted this life to be a tearjerker. No. All I ever wanted was to continue singing heartfelt songs for him, and laugh next to him.
He was the only man who ever made me feel this way about myself.
A life goes off and begins to drift up to the heavens, a beautiful smile evident in his smooth, stunning face. He reached out for her trembling shoulder and hummed tenderly.
I really do mean it; I don't want to end it this way. My life was nothing but of hurt and turbulence. How do you expect me to accept my end to be the same way?
From outside the window, bloodstains spread upon the road. They had caused the white snow to be painted red, but soon enough light began to seep through the heavens, and the red snow began to melt.
It was finally Spring.
I want to smile, so please permit me to do so. I want to keep on smiling next to you. I want to keep on loving you.
Is that so much to ask?
There was nothing left for anyone here. Not even a single soul. It was spring, yes, but no matter how much the flowers bloom and the birds chirp, everything still felt like winter.
Frigid, cold winter.
"Colonello, why did you leave me? Why now? You promised . . . While looking straightly at my eyes, you promised! How could you break that promise?"
Without anymore care for the pains inside my body, I moved my hands towards his face, like how he always did, and pulled up my face to reach my lips towards his face, like how he always did.
"I want to be with you forever, Colonello . . ."
Again, I tried to sing with this raspy voice of mine. A song of sorrowful parting dedicated to him.
But even that was deprived from me by fate.
Soon, I found myself falling over him, gasping for breath.
I've once heard someone say that we only part so that we could meet again. I want to believe that. I want to accept the fact that I will see him after this as true.
"Can you hear me, Colonello?" I whispered. "We're about to see each other again. It won't be long now. However, I am not fairly sure if I'll see you there on the other side. Just in case, I want you to hear this before I go . . ."
Darkness began to envelop my sight, and soon everything was beginning to drown out into that surreal, eternal oblivion of blackness.
This time, I knew it was real.
"Thank you . . . for everything. Until we meet again, Colonello, my love."
-m16-
"Lal, there you are, kora!" he cried as he ran for her, the pot of soil still in his hands.
"Colonello? What's up? You look like you're in a hurry."
"I wanted to show you something, kora!" He paused to catch his breath. When he felt like he could breathe again, he raised himself and presented the container to the woman.
"A pot of soil . . .?"
"Look closer, kora!"
The woman did, and she did find something.
A small plant.
"What about it?"
"It finally grew!" he said excitedly. "Remember, this was the seed that you and I planted when we first lived here! It finally grew after all these years, kora!"
Soon, a smile formed on her face.
"You're right. That's quite remarkable."
"Would you like to come with me, kora?"
"Where?"
"Let's go plant this, and nurture it until it could become a tree, kora!"
"Why?"
He smiled tenderly before grinning again.
"This could be the proof of our lives together, kora!"
"Colonello . . ."
"Come on, you hold it!"
She reached for it and stared at the small green object that may as well be a tree someday. One may wonder how long the both of them will have to wait before it grows.
Yet, she appreciates this very much.
It means a lot coming from him.
"Geez, Colonello, this is really great. Thanks."
She looked up, and found no one but the empty wind blowing towards her as if to caress her face.
"Wherever you are, thank you . . ."
-FIN-
So, to recap, both Lal and Colonello died.
Lal and Colonello: . . .
I truly am sorry, you guys. The plot has yet again popped out of me and . . . OH MY GOD, I PROMISED MYSELF I WON'T DO THIS! *thrashes keyboard on the table and bawls*
*sniffs*
If anyone needs a bit of explanation for the first and last part (the italicized parts), those were just some scenes to set the mood. You can think of any explanation for them, though, personally, I like to think that that little shrub was the tree that both Lal and Col were looking at during the earlier part.
Oh, and to my onee-chan, COLONELA, I just want to apologize if this fic made you cry . . .
Thanks for reading, and please tell me how this story made you feel!
LoveLots~