If it weren't for you, I would still be in Heaven.
If it weren't for you, I would still be accepted by my siblings, my family.
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be holding this blade, smiting those who defy you.
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in a bloody battle that contains too many casualties, too many innocents.
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be praying to anyone that will listen for forgiveness for the things I've done in your name.
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have rebelled, I wouldn't have did it, all of it, for you.
But I did.
Now here I stand.
It's dark. It's cold. It's no place for an angel to be, standing among patterns of wings scorched permanently into the ground that I myself caused.
My brothers, my sisters, I slew them for you. I don't think you realize how traumatizing that is. I don't think you understand how devastating it is to be the murderer of your own family. Or maybe you do, you don't speak of times like this often.
Regardless, you never stop to ask about me. You may ask if I'm alright physically, but never emotionally. It's true that angels are not always ones to have a wide variety of emotions. But you were the one who taught me to feel, taught me to love. Did you forget? Did you forget that you were the person that helped me become something more than just Heaven's soldier?
"Cas."
I almost don't register your voice, but I do. I always do.
Bloodied blade still in my hand, I turn to you, willing to hear what you have to say, regardless of thinking about what I have become because of you.
"Let's go. Sam's gonna be wondering what's taking us so long to get back."
I watch you as you walk back over towards your vehicle, twirling your own bloody blade in your hand.
I follow wordlessly, not looking back. If I do, I will question my actions, but I can't do that. I have sworn myself to you, and I will not let anything distract me from that.
I cannot think of those I slay as my family. I have to think of them as just another enemy of yours, and in turn, mine as well. I have to wipe my blade clean and carry on, because I know that is what you expect of me, and I will not disappoint. I love you. You're family. I would do anything for you.
But still.
If it weren't for you...
I'd still be an angel.