Hey everyone…here's a quick oneshot on Sam's feelings about Dean's deal the day before his time is up. Enjoy and Reviews are much appreciated.
It's the last day…last day for both of us. Only I won't die physically like my brother will tonight. Instead guilt, hate, sadness, and fear will consume the very soul inside me. I know the minute my brother's last struggling breath leaves his body my heart will clench and over whelming emotions will flood my brain like a tsunami careening towards waiting souls on a beach. He says I'm stronger than he is but he doesn't see that my strength comes from him. His very presence keeps me calm and centered; reminding me every day that in this dark world there is always a small light that watches me. That light is not some high power that everyone looks to as a savior. No…that light is my source of good and faith that cannot possibly be shared with anyone. The light knows everything about me believes in me when I cannot find reason to believe in myself and empowers me to be the best person I can be in this evil filled, oxygenated, human hell. When I see the blackened end in my path, my light gently guides me through to another path with its love. The light is my very soul and body and without it I know I will lose myself and never return. My light is of my own flesh and blood. It's my brother Dean.
The last few hours left to Dean's life are trickling down the motel window pane in the torrents of rain in the fresh spring showers. With these showers, life is supposed to begin through blooming flowers but I don't see the potential in the rain and the prospect of life. Instead the showers match my tears, feeling of despair drowning the earth, suffocating everything in its path. I taste the bitter, salty liquid on my lips. Salty not Sweet.
Sweet is refreshing and new, salt burns and causes pain. A true reflection of the burning pain in my gut that I know will never stop. I'm dying inside with each passing second. Time seems to go by so quickly when something important is on the line. Life is unfair and will always work against those who try to defy it and I won't be one of them anymore. I understand it now and soon Dean will too. When he sees me on the other side, after my body shuts down and my mind gives in to the waiting darkness. No light can save me now. I'm close to the darkness and its blacker than ever before. But it will have to wait a few more hours because I won't make my brother see me rupture. After all, I'm supposed to be strong and survive for Dean. But tell me…how am I supposed to survive my own emotional disaster?
End
Please tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it thanks.