History
You gazed out the window, watching the raindrops make their way down the glass as you absentmindedly drew aimless lines over a page in your notebook. Mornings definitely weren't your thing and maths this early? On a Monday? No Thankyou! Your mind snapped back into focus as you heard the classroom door open.
"Ah Mr Ortiz, glad you finally joined us,"Mr Jones said without looking up from his textbook.
You looked over at the 'Mr Ortiz' that had just entered the class in his usual fashion- half an hour late.
You smirked slightly as your eyes ran over him.
Juan Carlos Ortiz. He was the perfect 'bad boy' and you'd been drawn to him since the first day of high school. You were best friends, had been ever since he sat next to you on the bus that first day. He was there for you when your mum died, and your dad had taken a job on a fishing boat up in Alaska. As far away from the house filled with hurtful memories, and as far away from you. Juan was all you had left to make you fell at home and he was your world. But he didn't know the way your heart skipped a beat when he looked at you or the way your whole body burnt when he flirted with the other girls. He knew all your secrets and your hopes and dreams. He knew your fears and all your quirks. He knew how you were afraid of heights and how you hated the cold.
And you knew everything about him.
You knew how he loved speed but hated slowing down. How he loved being around his friends but he hated being alone. You were hopelessly in love with him, but that was one secret you'd never told him. You knew he didn't feel the same way about you and you couldn't risk losing him, he was the closest thing you had to a home.
He met your eye as he slid into the chair next to you, grinning widely.
"Hey bubba"
"Hey juicy" you grinned back, rolling your eyes at his bloodshot eyes and goofy grin, knowing he was stoned off his face.
You passed him your notes you'd written down off of the whiteboard so thathe could copy them and slid back in your chair, your mind drifting off once again.
A little while later the bell rang out and you stood, slinging your backpack over your shoulder and followed Juice into the crowding hallway.
"You coming to the party tonight?" He asked you as you both headed towards your lockers.
"Yeah, I'll be there," you said as you opened your locker and swapped your textbooks for your gym gear. "Gotta hold my title"
"Queen of beer pong" he chuckled. "Maybe it's time for me to reign"
"Ha! In your dreams juicy" you called as you shut your locker and walked backwards down the hall grinning at him.
He watched you as you winked at him before turning around, smiling to himself as he watched your ass walking away. He sighed as he saw a guy from class, one of your buddies drape his arm over your shoulder. He had no right to be jealous, you were his best friend. But he couldn't help the jealousy burning inside him as he watched the two of you laughing and shoving each other playfully.
"You ever gonna tell her bro?" He turned his head and saw his friend Scotty standing there staring at him with one eye brow raised.
"We're just friends" Juice snapped, slamming his locker and walking away.
"Yeah, friends that are in love with each other" Scotty said to himself as he rolled his eyes and followed Juice down the hall.
Your throat burned as you threw down another shot, but you laughed tilting your head back.
"And she wins again," you yelled, lifting your hands above your head as Scotty picked you up by the waist and spun you round. Both of you grinning and laughing at the defeated look on Juices face who was glaring at you from across the table.
"Ohh come on Juicy, next time you can be on my team and you can actually win for once" you winked at him as you headed outside for some fresh air.
You sat outside on a picnic table and lit up your smoke, looking up into the starry Queens night.
You felt the table shift slightly as Juice sat down next to you.
"Hey Bubba" he said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
You leaned into his chest. You loved the smell of him, his natural scent mixed with weed and cologne.
He kissed your head and squeezed your arm and you turned your head, looking up into his soft brown eyes.
He smiled down at you and grabbed your cigarette, taking a long drag before passing it back to you.
Your eyes met as you lifted the cigarette to your lips.
"You doin okay bubba?" He asked you softly
You smiled at the nickname. He knew it was what both your mother and your father had called you and you knew when he said it he was saying it with love.
"Yeah Juicy, I'm doing okay" you said softly.
He stared you down with those big brown eyes that melted your heart.
"(Y/n) your my best friend, you know that"
You smiled and nodded at him.
"You know you can tell me what's going on"
You sighed and took another drag of your smoke. He always could read you like a book. Normally you were the life of the party, you could drink the big boys under the table and you had everyone around you laughing. But he'd watched you tonight and noticed your smile didn't reach your eyes and you'd been downing more alcohol faster and harder than normal.
It's been six months since your father left and you'd been holding it together as best you could. Usually he came back at least once a month but this time it had been different. He had called and made excuses.
Apparently there were just too many fucking fish in Alaska, and he just couldn't take a break. Of course you knew it was all an excuse. He couldn't bare to be in the house without your mother and he couldn't handle looking after you.
You understood, in a way. It was hard for you too. You missed the little touches your mother left around the house, the faint smell of burning incense or bleach from all the cleaning she'd done.
But now a layer of dust coated most of the house and no matter how warm the house was, it always felt cold.
Juice helped, he crashed with you all the time but he had his own home and you spent too many nights alone.
You had been smoking weed since you were fourteen, casually on the weekends or before a big movie marathon.
But lately you'd been smoking every morning, every afternoon and every night.
As often as you needed to. As long as you were high you were numb and it dulled the empty feeling that filled your heart.
"Juicy, I'm fine" you said leaning into his chest.
He pulled you back and forced you to look in his eyes
"Really (yn)? You're good at lying but not to me"
"Don't Juan, please, not tonight" you whispered as you finally bought your eyes to meet his.
He nodded slowly as he stared into your eyes, you couldn't help but notice the tears forming in his.
"Okay bubba, we'll talk tomorrow. But just let me say something. You are my best friend (y/n), I will never leave you. You are so god damn beautiful but you need to stop treating yourself like this. I'm sorry (y/n), I should have been here for you" he whispered, his voice cracking as he ran his hands over your hair and held your face gently.
"No Juan, don't apologise. It's me. I'm fucked up Juicy," you laughed bitterly as tears rolled down your cheeks.
"No! No you are so beautiful to me (y/n). I'd be nothing without you. I will always look after you" his fingers wiped your tears away as his own began to slide down his cheeks
You lifted your eyes to meet his. You both stared at each other, getting lost in the moment.
You glanced down at his lips, licking your own, before looking back at his. You slowly moved your head closer, closing the gap between you and finally your lips met.
He didn't move at first, he was too shocked.
But then the reality kicked in and your mouths moved together in perfect harmony.
You felt a fire start within you as you wrapped your arms around his neck, tears still sliding slowly down your cheeks.
He held your head to his with one hand, the other sliding down and wrapping around your waist. Everything he had ever wanted in life, he found in you. He never thought hed be kissing you under the stars, but he held on to you tightly, never wanting to let you go.
Eventually you came up for air and you looked into his eyes again.
"(Y/n)" he whispered softly, a warm smile spreading on his lips.
Suddenly it hit you what you'd just done: thrown yourself at your best friend who didn't love you the way you loved him because you were drunk and upset.
"I'm sorry," you whispered as you stood up, backing away.
"Bubba, it's okay. Stay"
"I'm so sorry, Juan." You whispered before you spun around and ran inside. You heard him calling your name as you ran but you carried on, your cheeks burning red.
You had never learnt cry with style. To cry silently and beautifully, like the girls in the movies, with pearl shaped tears rolling down your cheeks and wide luminous eyes. You wished you had. Then you would have been able to cry in front of people, instead of in bathrooms or empty bedrooms, among the party coats on the bed. You turned into the bathroom, dragging the couple that was making out on the bench and shoving them into the party before you slammed the door shut behind you and locked it. You pressed your back against the cold wood and slid your body down until you were hugging your knees. Your sobs took over your body and you stayed like that for a long time.
"Dammit (y/n), you really fucked up this time" you thought to yourself as you pulled yourself up, staring at your reflection in the mirror.
What were you thinking? Juice didn't love you like that. You'd just ruined your friendship and now you truly had no one.
You turned the faucet on and splashed water on your face.
You took a deep breath in dabbed your face dry on a hand towel before turning for the door.
You turned the handle and walked into the party, brushing shoulders as you made your way to the kitchen to grab another drink.
"Where's your girl?" Scott asked as he walked over to Juice, who was sat on the table outside with a joint and his face in hands.
He looked up and glared at his friend.
"I dunno man. We were out here talking then we kinda kissed-"
"YOU SLY DOG!" Scotty yelled, spitting out his beer and slapping Juice on the shoulder.
"Finally grew some balls eh bro?"
"Nah man it's not like that," Juice said shaking his head as he grabbed his bottle of whiskey and took a long swig. "We kissed and it was great, better than great! But then she freaked out and ran off"
"Ahh shit man, I'm sorry. Atleast you know how she feels now though right? You can move on" Scott said as he sat on the table next to Juice.
"Yeah I guess so man. I dunno, I just.. I thought there was a chance she felt the same" Juice said sadly as he took a long drag on his joint before passing it to his friend.
"C'mon bro, plenty more pussy in that party!" Scott grinned at him, punching his shoulder and dragging him back inside.
The minute they walked inside the house Scott spotted two girls standing by the stereo and walked over, dragging Juice with him.
You slammed back a shot, then another. And another. The guy you were standing next to passed you a rolled up note and pointed to the bench where he had a small pile of white powder and four lines of the same powder drawn up. You smirked taking the note and pressing it to your nostril as you lent over the bench, lining it up with the start of the line. You snorted all four lines straight after the other and threw your head back, closing off your nostril and sniffing deeply. You laughed as you felt the drugs hit you. You felt light. You felt all your problems float away from you and you raised your arms over your head and swayed your body to the music.
The guy next to you laughed and wrapped his arms around your waist.
Your eyes fluttered open as he turned you around to look at him. But your eyes drifted past his face and your eyes widened as you saw Juice outside, with a blond girl wrapped around him and her tongue down his throat. His hands roamed over her body and you felt your body shake with jealousy and anger.
"There a problem, babe?" The guy standing in front of you asked, an eye brow raised.
You could smell the alcohol on his breath and you gulped. Right now, you didn't care who he was.
"No." You whispered and smashed your lips against his. He didn't waste any time and grabbed your ass, his tongue exploring your mouth. He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he sat you on the counter and ran his hands under your shirt.
"Get. Off. Her"
The guy you were kissing was ripped away from you.
You looked to see a seething Juice staring at him. His fists clenched and knuckles white, his whole body shaking with rage.
"Fuck off Juan," you laughed, the whiskey and drugs taking over you.
He glared at you and grabbed your wrists, pulling you off the bench. He dragged you through the crowd and out the front door.
"Jesus Juan slow down" you slurred.
He stopped abruptly and spun around, his face inches away from yours.
"What the fuck are you doing (y/n)? Your the girl who fucks drug dealers in kitchens now?" He yelled into your face.
You pushed him away and laughed.
"What's it to you juice? Why do you care who I fuck? Thought you'd be busy with that blond skank anyway" you yelled back at him.
"I fucking love you!" He yelled back.
His whole body froze and his eyes went wide.
"What?" You whispered.
He sighed and looked at his feet.
"I love you (y/n). I'm in love with you"
You stared at him, your mouth opening and closing as you tried to find words.
"Look forget it." Juice growled and turned around.
You watched him walk away as a smile spread over your face. You ran after him and tears streamed down your face.
He turned around as he heard your footsteps approach.
Before he could say anything you threw yourself into his arms and kissed his lips with such passion.
He stood still, only his mouth moving against yours before he gently pushed you away, his eyes studying your face.
"I love you Juan," you whispered breathlessly. "I've been in love with you for five fucking years"
His smile grew wider than you'd ever seen it and his lips crashed against yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him tighter.
You had never felt happier.
You were home.
You threw your bag to the ground as you walked through the door, kicking off your shoes and laughing.
"I'll see you soon then Juicy," you murmured into the phone, walking into the kitchen.
"Yeah babe, just gotta drop something to the club and I'll be there" you heard his voice say, your mind focusing on what you could make with the few ingredients left in your empty fridge.
"See you then babe. Love you"
"Love you more bubba," you smiled and hung up.
Eight months had passed since that night on the street, where you'd both confessed your love for each other, screaming about love on the streets of Queens. You'd been going strong, falling more in love everyday. There was definitely an advantage in dating your best friend. You already knew each other inside and out so there was no awkward getting to know each other stage. You spent all your time together, laughing and playing video games. Getting stoned and watching the sex was great.
Juice had been hanging out with a new crowd, a club ("they're not a gang bubba") and had been helping them out with some stuff, running a few jobs here and there.
He was good with technology and he'd set up a bunch of security cameras for them, ensuring that they only transmitted the footage and didn't record.
It made you slightly nervous, you knew that it was dangerous. But it's not like Juice was patched in, he wasn't even prospecting and so you didn't need to worry too much.
You spent most of your time studying, determined to graduate with flying colours. Not so you could go to a good college, but so that you could do your mother proud.
"I'm home babe" you heard your man call out. You smiled hearing his voice. He'd been crashing at yours nearly night and you two joked about making it official and putting up a white picket fence outside.
You ran down the hall and leaped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist.
He laughed and grabbed your hips, pushing you against the wall as he kissed your lips deeply.
"I love you (y/n)" he whispered into your neck.
"I love you too Juan Carlos" you moaned, your eyes closing as you felt his lips moving against your soft skin.
-Two months later-
"Where the fuck are you juice" you thought to yourself as you slammed the remote back down on the couch.
He was supposed to be home hours ago but for the third time this week he was a no show.
Lately he had been hanging round that club more and more and was even talking about being a prospect for them. He was never home and it had started to cause issues in your relationship.
You still loved him. God, you loved him so much but you hated being left alone and whenever Juice did actually show up you'd usually just fuck and fall asleep, too tired to fight.
Your graduation was coming up and you were focused on that- one of you had to be. Juice hadn't been to class in months and you knew he didn't care.
You heard the door open and close and heard his heavy footsteps nearing the lounge.
"Hey bubba," he said as he leant over and kissed your lips.
"Where've you been Juicy?" You asked looking up at him.
He sat down next to you and grabbed your hands, forcing you to look at him.
"Look (y/n), I've been helping the club out you know that." You nodded. "The thing is I did some stuff for them- nothing major they just needed me to end some shit. The cops got involved and I'm getting charged. It's only four months instead of two years but I need to be honest with you," he looked at your face which was stone cold.
"Seriously Juan!" You muttered and stood up, dropping his hands.
"It's just something I gotta do, for the-"
"For the club, yeah it's always for the fucking club!" You shouted as you paced back and forth. "What about us Juan?"
"I love you (y/n). I do. Look it wont be for longand il be out before you know it. I know your angry but I go tomorrow"
"Tomorrow?" You whispered finally meeting his gaze.
He nodded slowly and stood, walking towards you and pulling you into his chest.
"Tomorrow. I'm sorry baby. I didn't wanna tell you cause we thought we could get out of this. But you can visit me and il write to you. It's only four months and il be out"
You nodded against his chest knowing you had no choice. He turned your head towards him and kissed you deeply before leading you to the bedroom.
You couldn't help but smirk as he turned you round and lifted your shirt.
"You are so beautiful babe," he whispered as you blushed.
You kissed his lips as he ran his hands up your body and undid your bra, dropping it to the floor before taking your left breast in his hand.
"Only four months," he whispered into your ear, nibbling softly at your ear lobe.
"Yeah babe, only four months." You pulled him back and smiled at him before pushing him back on the bed.
"Fuck!" You yelled as you sunk to your knees, your hands gripping the pregnancy test tightly.
"Fuck!" You yelled again.
Juice had been gone for two months and after missing your period you'd freaked out and bought a test, never really thinking you could actually be pregnant. Yet here you were, kneeling on your bathroom tiles yelling at the positive test.
You and Juice had never discussed having children, shit you were still a child yourself. You knew he'd want to keep it and you did too, but the way things had been lately you weren't sure if you wanted to bring a kid into the mix. Juice would be a great father, he'd grown up without one and you knew he would give your baby the world.
But you had never discussed this.. and what if he wanted you to get rid of it? Or rid of you?
You dropped the test into the trash bin and grabbed the other box off the counter. You had to be sure.
Sitting at your dining room table your fingers tapped rapidly on the hard wood. You'd skipped school today, your mind too scattered after last nights events: three positive pregnancy tests.
Today you were going to visit Juice. You weren't sure if you were going to tell him yet. Maybe you'd wait till he got out, it was only another two and then you could tell him properly.
You jumped as you heard the front door open, your heart leaping. You slowly stood, and walked towards the front of the house.
Juice stood there, his head hanging low as he slowly shut the door behind him. He didn't see you watching him as he kicked off his boots.
"Juan," you whispered.
His head snapped up at the sound of your voice.
"What are you doing here (y/n)" he said coldly, his eyes not meeting your gaze.
"The fuck you mean what am I doing here! What are YOU doing here?" You bit back as you started nearing him.
"I got out early," he said flatly, pushing your hands away as you reached out to him.
"What's going on Juicy?" You asked, putting your hands on your hips.
He sighed, shuffling his feet. He was nervous.
Finally he met your gaze and you gasped at the cold look in his brown eyes.
"I'm leaving (y/n)"
You laughed nervously. "Baby what are you talking about?" Your voice shook as you stepped closer to him, your hands dropping to your sides.
"I'm going. Now. I thought you'd be at school. I was going to leave a note."
"A note?" You scoffed "Juicy whatever's going on, I'm here. I can come with you. It's me and you Juan" you reached out for him again and this time he let your hands reach him.
He didn't say anything, just stared at his feet, his jaw twitching.
He slowly grabbed your wrists and removed them from his body.
"You can't come with me" he said, his voice colder than you'd ever heard it.
"Please baby, tell me what's going on" your voice cracked as tears ran slowly down your cheeks.
"I don't love you anymore" Juice said abruptly then turned and marched back out the door.
You felt the colour drain from your face, you felt like you'd been slapped.
You watched him walk down the path and out into the streets. You wanted to run after him but you couldn't lift your feet. They were so heavy.
Why were they so heavy?
He didn't love you anymore.
Tears began to stream down your cheeks. You fell to your knees as your heart ripped into pieces and sobs took over your body. Your mind repeated the words over and over.
I don't love you anymore.
I don't love you anymore.
Juice got to the end of the street before he turned to the fence next to him and punched it rapidly, tears rolling down his cheeks. He had to fight the urge to run back to you. To run back and tell you he'd lied, and to pack your bags and come with him. But he couldn't. He loved you too much to let you leave with him. He'd made a deal, a deal that got him out of prison and away from the guys that were threatening to kill him. But now he was in more danger than he'd thought and if he let you come with him you'd be in danger too. He couldn't let anything happen to you. Not because of him. No, you needed to stay here and forget about him. He knew you wouldn't stay unless he hurt you. So he told you the one thing he knew would make you stay. His heart ached at the thought of you hurt, but he knew it would be better for you in the long run.
He slowly walked to his car and opened the door, his hands bloody from his attack on the fence. Glancing at his bags he'd packed and thrown in the backseat he frowned, hoping he'd done the right thing. He took a deep breath and started the car. He would drive, drive til he found a destination. He reached his hand up, flipping the sun guard down and smiled at the picture that was stuck there.
It was a picture of you, from a carnival you'd gone to last summer. You were laughing, the sun shining down on you and your hair blowing gently in the wind, a giant ball of cotton candy on a stick in your hands.
"I love you bubba. I will always love you" he whispered as he ran his fingers over your was the image stuck in his mind as he drove for hours. The tears never stopped rolling and his heart never left you as he headed towards Charming, California.