Good morning everyone :)

Somehow I got stuck with this idea a while ago and started to write it out. I'm not sure of it but I just thought I'd upload it and wait for your response.

I hope you'll enjoy reading it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

Chapter 1

It was one of those darker days in life. A day they had to bid their farewells to one of their beloved friends. Before Richard Castle had started to work with the NYPD as a civilian consultant for Detective Beckett and her team, his life hadn't been so full with of darkness, hurt feelings, and danger. It may have been a little shallow, but in the end he had always been safe living in his little bubble with his mother and his daughter.

This bubble had burst as the one and only Detective Katherine Beckett stepped into his life.

Her world was full with all those things Castle hadn't concerned himself with until then. But she intrigued him, her whole being was a mystery that had pulled him to her and hadn't let go again. Many people wouldn't have dared to dive into her world, would've stayed in their safe and shallow life, but he couldn't do that. Kate Beckett had showed him the hard reality and he couldn't be happier. Of course, there were moments in which he doubted his decision, but in the end he'd never regret it for being right at her side solving crimes.

However, in real life there were losses, and Captain Roy Montgomery was now one of those. He had sacrificed his own life to protect another one, to protect Kate's life. His death was an atonement for his actions from fifteen years ago. It was a hard blow for the twelfth, especially for Beckett. Montgomery had been her mentor, a second father figure, and a good friend. She had not only lost an important person in her life, but she had to find out that he had been involved in her mother's case. That after all this time, he had those answers she was so desperately searching for.

But Kate Beckett was a tough woman, standing with her head held high in front of everyone holding the eulogy. She learnt to handle the feelings of grief and pain, perfected her mask of the strong woman over the years, and hoped that Montgomery would be proud of her speech. But Castle soon had to realize that the already grey day in their lives could become even darker. This day had officially become the worst day in his whole life when someone shot Kate. Shot his partner.

Right now he found himself in a hospital hall, running after the stretcher on which his partner was lying, slowly bleeding out. Lanie Parish was perched over the detective, trying her best to keep their friend alive.

"Come on, Kate! Don't you die on me! Stay with me! Stay with me!" Lanie begged as she kept her hands on Kate's wound. There was had been a tirade of different sentences from her since the moment they had stepped into the ambulance, while Castle remained silent. Since the moment Kate had closed her eyes, he'd had the feeling of running a marathon and the finish line just seemed not to come in sight. How long could a heart manage to beat so fast and hard before one passed out?

He felt completely helpless, couldn't do anything to help his friend. Meanwhile, the medical staff of the hospital had reached them and tried to take it from here on, but Lanie refused to let go of her best friend.

"This is my friend, do you understand me? She's my friend." Lanie persisted.

"Then let us save her life." The man tried to reason with Lanie.

The internal fight was visible in her eyes. She knew what she had to do, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Because as soon as they'd wheeled the stretcher through the doors, all bets were off. This could maybe be the very last time she'd see her friend breathing. But Castle knew that every second counted if they wanted to have the best chance for Beckett's survival.

"Lanie!"

Lanie seemed to acknowledge Castle's presence for the first time. Her desperate eyes looked directly into his. Without any further words, she stepped off the stretcher and watched as the medical staff took her best friend away from her. Even when he knew that it wouldn't help that much, Castle laid a comforting hand on Lanie's shoulder as tears slowly descended down her face.

The next few hours felt more like days. The hospital hall was now filled with people waiting to hear about Beckett's condition. The first ones to accompany Lanie and Castle in the lonely hall were Ryan and Esposito, who had coordinated the search for the sniper by phone. Then Martha and Alexis entered the hall, soon followed by Jim Beckett.

Castle glanced at his watch. Had it been really just three hours since they wheeled Kate to surgery? It seemed like much longer to him, too long. Nobody was really in the mood for conversation, filling the hall with silence. It really was deadly silent. Suddenly those words had quite another meaning. He shook his head. He couldn't think like this. Kate was a strong woman, She'll would get through this, he was sure of that. She had to. Anything else was just out of question.

He heard a door being hard pushed open and stood automatically from his seat, hoping to finally get an update on Kate. Praying that the person coming to them was bringing good news. Castle was slightly surprised to see that it was Josh Davidson who came marching through those doors. But Josh was a doctor after all, and had a better chances to get some information about a patient. Maybe he had found out what had happened and wanted to give them an update? Castle didn't really care who'd tell them something as long as they'd get to know anything at all.

"A sniper! At a funeral!" Josh yelled at them as he came striding towards rage was understandable, after all Castle felt the same. The only difference was that he brooded silently.

"We think that the people who sent those guys after Montgomery targeted Beckett."

"I tried to get to her. I tri-"Castle started to explain, but was harshly interrupted as Josh shoved him violently against the wall. Since Castle hadn't expected this, he had a hard time keeping himself from crashing to the floor.

"Hey!" Esposito intervened and pushed Josh aside Josh, away from Castle, while Martha helped her son back into an upright position again. Bewildered, Castle looked at Josh, suddenly at a loss of words for what had just happened.

"You did this!" Josh accused him, causing and Castle's patience to finally run out. A fight with the annoying doctor was just the right thing for him right now. A chance to vent rushed towards the doctor, only just to be held up short by Ryan and Alexis at the last moment, while Esposito tried to get more distance between those two men.

"This is your fault!" This accusation hit him deeper than any strike Josh could've made. Was it his fault that Kate had now to fight for her life? Was it his fault that Jim Beckett may lose his daughter now too?

"You pushed her to look into her mother's murder! She was shot because of you and Montgomery is dead because of you!" Josh continued with his accusations, and every single word pierced deep into his heart.

Josh was right.

All of this happened because he couldn't control his curiosity.

It was his fault.

Alexis marched angrily to Josh ready to protect her dad, but was stopped by her grandmother. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Those accusations were wrong. It may have been her dad that caused Kate to start digging into her mother's murder again, but everything else hadn't been his responsibility. Kate Beckett was a grown woman and an outstanding detective. If she hadn't wanted all of this, if she had wanted to give up, she'd have put her dad into his place and ignored everything, but she didn't. Nobody but the people behind this witch-hunt was were at fault.

"Stop it!" That was the first time Jim had said anything since he had come to the hospital. Everyone stared at the man who was possibly about to lose his last loved one. Now Castle felt even worse. They were making a scene while there were other things to worry about. "Stop it, all of you! Just stop it! I won't have you acting like three year olds while my daughter's fighting for her life!"

Josh turned around, not even the little least bit interested in waiting with them in the hall. Once again the silence spread out again, and Castle slumped back onto his chair, and just barely noticed his mother taking the seat beside him. Josh's words, as hard as they had been, were right. They were the plain truth. Kate wouldn't be in this situation if he would have just stayed away from her mother's case. If he'd be in Josh's position, he'd have reacted the same way. The writer felt his mother's arm around his shoulder, but it didn't make him feel any better.

"He's right, you know. This is my fault."

"Richard Castle, don't you dare blame yourself. You are not the one who shot her."

"No. But I put her in the crosshairs."

This time Martha opted to stay silent. She had the feeling that no words in the world could help her son at the moment. His demons wouldn't disappear so easily.

"I told her how I felt. I told her I loved her." Castle admitted and Martha squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

You pushed her to look into her mother's murder! She was shot because of you and Montgomery is dead because of you!

If he could turn back the time he would do it in a heartbeat, but he wasn't able to. He may not change the past, but he can change the future, and right at this very moment, he made a decision. He'd leave Kate's life. All he did was bring chaos into it. She'd be better off without him. He won't let his presence cause her any more pain.

She deserved a happy life, and he hoped very much that she'd get it.

Without him in it.

Waiting for your opinion...

Wish you all a great weekend :)