Day by Day
-----------------------------------------------------------Prologue---------------------------------------------------------------------
Another day in this place…. I guess I should be getting used to this place by now. I've spent almost three years in this tragic location. I still remember my life before I came to this pre-graveyard, though it wasn't that much better than this place; in fact I think it was probably worst in almost everyway. But I can't stand it here! It's so horrible in an eerie and uneasy way. I'm trapped, trapped in the terminal ward of a hospital and the heartbreaking memory it holds…..
I'm not scared of my disease and I've accepted the fact that it will kill me. Since the moment I was diagnosed I knew I wouldn't survive it. I knew there was no point in trying. My life has always been one tragedy after another….and I've gotten used to it, and never really expected much from life.
My life wasn't always so dreadful, I used to be satisfied, I used to be happy and I used to have a real family. Its strange how all of that was lost in an instant, with a fatal car crash I had lost everything I have ever known to love. My parents were gone that night; they left me alone to lead this horrible life. Sometimes I blame them for everything that happened since the day they left. But the reality is I don't know if there is anyone to blame; maybe my step mother for treating me like dirt, maybe my step father for being a selfish man, maybe Yasashiku for giving me hope and maybe myself for still living out this life. I don't know. I'm so lost within this pain, this disease that's eating my insides til I die.
Each day I am growing weaker. I can feel the horrible changes inside me, from dizziness to the loss of feeling within my limbs. There is no cure for this and there is nothing to relieve the pain. I know I will die soon, but before I do I want to tell my story. It's not much of a story but I still want to let go of everything I've hated over the years and leave in peace. So this is my story……
--------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 1----------------------------------------------------------------
5 years ago….24th December June 2000 Saturday
"Aiko-Chan! We're leaving now, hurry up or we'll be late…." My mum calls out, we are about to go to the Christmas Eve party at our grandmother's. "Coming! ...argh!" I scream as I trip on the old rugged carpet. "Aiko! Are u ok?...Oh! You're so clumsy…." My mother whole heartedly jokes. "Hey! I'm not that clumsy!" I retort in an almost defensive way. "Are you guys coming or what?" My dad asks with impatience. "We're ready!" Both my mother and I answer with excitement.
It's a cold winter's day and even though it's dark you can still see the white snow dropping gracefully to the floor; it's so beautiful, peaceful and blissful. While in the car I look at the window fascinated by the fog I create, I run my fingers through the frost and start to write my name. The window is nice and cool giving my fingers a slight tingle. "Aiko-Chan. don't do that to the windows, you'll leave a mark' my mother warns me in her stern tone. "Honey, just let her play around we can always clean the windows tomorrow." My father suggests in his familiar kind tone. I sit there and smile sweetly at the comment and continue with my drawings. For a while I start to stare at the droplets running down the window screen and suddenly the car turns and I can feel my seat-belt tightening almost choking my body. Seconds later there is an impact and I loose all consciousness.
Where am I, what happened, why is my body in so much pain...? I awaken to see a room which is completely white, I'm retrained by tubes connected to my veins and I'm breathing through a mask. I only have a faint idea of what had happened but it seems like a distant dream….where are my parents….? I'm so scared, what has happened to me?
"Ahem, Aiko….? How are you feeling? Don't worry, the pain will go away in a day or two….if you have any inquiries ask the nurse and I'll come. Ok?" said a woman with a white coat. I stare at her in complete confusion, why is she standing there, exactly what has happened…? I gather all my strength I have inside me and ask, "Err…miss? Where are my parents…?" "Your parents?" as she said this, she exchanges concerned looks with the nurse. This strikes me as odd, but I don't think anything of it. I sit there, silently, waiting for a response. I can feel a sense of awkwardness in the atmosphere then suddenly a voice breaks out, "umm….Aiko, you were involved in a car accident. You came out with a few broken ribs and a broken arm. Your parents however were crushed in the car crash and there was noway we could've saved them….I'm so sorry…you should rest." said the lady in a sad and regretful tone and with that she leaves the room. I sit there in disbelief; I cannot register what was said. My eyes are becoming hot and are about to swell. I lose control of my lips and they start to tremble. I let out a cry of desperation and sadness. My body starts to hurt even more due to the uncontrollable trembling. I start crying but not a sound can be heard just loud gasps and sobs. I try to scream but I can't, I'm overwhelmed by the shock. I start to feel dizzy and my vision starts to blur, I feel a hand gently placing itself against my head. A voice whispers "Everything will be okay, it hurts now but the wounds will heal. You will be alright, shhhh….let it all out….you'll feel better in the morning"…….but I know, I know that nothing can be alright…..not after this, not ever…..
3 days later
"Aiko, you have a visitor" the nurse kindly notifies me. In the doorway is my Grandmother, I sit up in absolute shock and tears uncontrollably runs down my cheeks. I can feel a rush of pure relief, it is the first time I've seen a familiar face since the accident. My grandmother holds me tight and tries to reassure me, her hands are so thin and frail. I can feel the roughness in her skin, the experience that she endured over the years. I couldn't help but sink myself within this embrace; I didn't want to be alone any longer. My grandmother tried to push me gently away, but I wouldn't let go….I was to afraid. But my grandmother did resist she just held me and I cried.
"Aiko-Chan, I was talking to the doctor and she said you can come home tomorrow." Her voice was so kind and frail. I already knew the answer but I couldn't help but ask "Grandma, is mummy and daddy really gone…? I will see them again can't I?" With this I saw Grandma's eyes swelling up with tears, then slowly the tears, one by one began to slip. I knew at that moment that this was the reality; the reality is my parents will never greet me with their smiles in the mornings or after school ever again. I began to feel insecure once again and I couldn't help shedding more tears, I can feel my body just shutting down all emotions besides grief. Then with her frail voice, my grandmother whispered "Aiko-Chan, you will see them someday, but not any day soon. Til that day comes….be strong…"