Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Jo threatened to sue me after trying to steal him... but, I somehow escaped, and here I am writing about her works in a horribly disturbing way! In PG fashion of course - it might get ruder as it goes along, though.
Author's Note: The vile Voldemort and woeful Wormtail is a short comic-like story, with each chapter being an episode (the style was influenced by Evilae: 'animorphs vs harry potter').
I came up with the first episode during a rather boring uni lecture in early 2005. Yes, boredom does bring out the best in you. From there I just kept at the idea of Wormtail being gay, and Voldemort being closet gay, and the two being blundering morons, with the old gag; trying to take over the world. Ithink I bought out theold showssuch as 'Pinky and the Brain', and 'Hugo and Victor' - that I used to love way back in my childhood.
All in all, this is just a fun fanfic made purely for my enjoyment, and to entertain everyone who reads this. Enjoy!
My style is as follows:
The double brackets (( )) indicate that is an action, or a description. Usually what is not being said.
Eg. Kylie: ((sighs)) I hope you understand.
Italics indicate that it is the Narrator speaking.
Eg. Narrator: See what I mean?
The Adventures of the vile Voldemort and woeful Wormtail
Episode 1 -Part one
Voldemort: ((Sighs)) I'm bored.
Wormtail: So?
Voldemort: ((becomes angry)) Make me unbored then!
Wormtail: ((sighs)) If I must. ((Taps his wand on his feet. He starts doing the chicken dance))
Voldemort: Good! Good! Now try the hokey pokey! I love that one... You put your right hand in, you take your right hand out, and you shake it all about... ((Voldemort shakes his rump which wobbles from lack of exercise))
Wormtail: ((shudders) Oh dear God, no! Not that! Anything but that!
Voldemort: (Stops, his face turns alarmingly red - almost as red as his eyes)) How dare you make fun of my dancing!
Wormtail: ((squeaks)) N - no, Sire! I was making fun of your rump - not the dancing!
Voldemort: Ah, okay. Wait! WHAT DID YOU SAY? HOW DARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SQUEAKSTER! I SHALL MAKE YOU INTO RAT PIE!
Wormtail: sobs I - I'm so sorry, my powerful and sexy Lord. I didn't mean to offend you.
Voldemort: What did you say?
Wormtail: ((confused)) Er...?
Voldemort: You said SEXY!
Wormtail: ((shocked)) I did too! Er, I mean, no I didn't!
Voldemort: Did too! Heard you, I did!
Wormtail: Did not!
Voldemort: Too!
Wormtail: Not, not, not, not, NOT!
Voldemort: ((His eyes gleam and a red power shines around him)) And I tell you, you DID!
Wortmail: ((whispers)) Oh,I couldn't help myself, Sire. drools Seeing your buttocks swing to and fro like that, and little me sooo close... ((He begins to get sweaty))
Voldemort: ((Furiously appalled and very alarmed)) Oh, that is gross, you little gay pervert!
Wortmail: But I tho - thought you... you being surrounded by mostly male servants and no evil mistresses... and you favouring lil' ol' me...
Voldemort: ((swears))Bloody Fairies! I hate fairies!
Wormtail: Er... where did that come from?
Voldemort: Fairies means gayboes you lil' disgusting vermin! Keep up with the times, will you? And I am not gay! I hate that as much as I hate wizards!
Wormtail: ((gasps)) Wizards!
Voldemort: Er... Muggles... Yeah - that's it. Muggles... Oh sod off, you lil' creep. Get me Potter and I shall forgive you!
()-()-()-()-()
Episode 1 - Part two: Wormtail's anguish
Wormtail: ((sighs)) Get Harry Potter.Kill Harry Potter - well stuff him! It's all I ever hear... It's obvious why The Voldemeister wants him... ((Breaks down into horrible squeaking sobs)) He likes Harry and n - not me! Who listens to him when he his ideas are so absolutely insane? Who fed him when he was the resemblance of a deranged baby?
Who... who... who rubbed his back when he broke down after failing to kill him at the Graveyard?
ME! ALL ME! And for what? To have it all thrown in my face!
As Wormtail breaks down for the 100th time why his Voldie treats him so, other things are happening elsewhere...
Note: Things are NOT happening elsewhere...
Well, let me know what you thought!