"This city belongs to me.
"How long have I lurked the murky underworld here? Five years? A decade? A century even? The years have flown by, so many crimes. It's all a blur in my eyes. Yet, there is one constant in my life: Batman.
"He's been a thorn in my side since I can remember. And as much as he can make me go insane -as if I haven't already been there and back already- I seem to be at my best when he is around. He pulls the right strings. He plays the right cards! He knows that the Joker is wild!
"If people only could realize how I think, they'd know that I'm as normal as that Mr. Smith who works in accounting at Wayne Enterprises. When Gotham City needs a kick in the balls I'm here to deliver it. It's as if the people of this city cannot appreciate the true genius that is me! Oswald Cobblepott has his trick umbrellas and is a shrewd businessman, Edward Nigma has his riddles and Harvey Dent has his coin. Me? I enjoy the feeling of true anarchy. Rules do not apply. What are rules anyway?
"Perhaps my ideals on life are best described through my "romantic" relationship with Harley Quinn. This poor wretched whore thinks that I love her! Have you ever heard anything more rich? Ha ha ha ha! Ever since we met at Arkham I've used her like I use my trick hand buzzer. She's merely a tool for me to meet my ends. Harley enjoys fawning over me like I'm some sort of adonis, but she gets nothing from me. I've given up trying to figure out her fascination with me anyway. Besides, she has never truly understood who I am. Or what I am. And for that matter, I have only ever loved one woman, I'd never bring myself to love another.
"Huh?
"I guess right about now you're saying to yourself, 'How does someone like The Joker have the capacity to love someone?' Well, let me give you some insight, you nosy little twit! You see, I wasn't always like this. No, at one time I had a family. At least, I think I did. Or was it my brother's? Or my sister? It's times like this I wish I stayed away from laughing gas. You have no idea what it does to someone's memory!
"Where was I?
"Yes, that's right. My past life. You see, I was always a clown. I could joke with the best of them! When I was twelve, my parents kicked me out of the house because of my bad habits. I would smoke inside, and play poker with gangsters. At least that's what people called my friends. When my parents kicked me out, the gangsters took me in. I learned valuable life lessons. For instance: did you know that the only way to make your meal taste truly great is to prepare it with free food? And of course, if you have even half a brain in that thick skull of yours, you'd know that by free, I mean STOLEN! Ha ha ha ha! When I was fifteen, I met a beautiful girl. Her name was Julie. At the risk of sounding soft and sentimental, let's just say I loved the bitch. Long blond hair, gorgeous green eyes – now that I recall, it'd match my hair color pretty well now- and I cannot forget that body. Have you ever seen Catwoman prowling around? Just think her, except, you know, not a wench! Ha ha ha ha!
"Julie and I married when I was twenty. It was the best and worst day of my life. You see, she tied me up and ran off with all my belongings! I've forgiven her. At least I think I have. I mean, look at me! This beautiful purple suit, my wonderful white complexion, crimson lips! I'm the picture of good health and prosperity.
"You know, you look like you're becoming a little more than bored with my story. Not enough action for you? OK. How's this?
"I blew Julie's brain's out.
"Metaphorically speaking of course. You see, Julie is just a storybook character. Like me, she seems fantastic to the outsider. Unlike me, she has never hurt anyone. No no no. This won't do at all!
"Your eyes are closing on me dammit! Don't make me sic Croc on you. You know he's been hungry lately. Now, his is a life I'm glad I don't have. Eating people? I can kill people without a second thought, nothing gets me my jollies better than a nice twisted smile on someone's face. But Croc? That freak of nature was human at one point. He now has a taste for man flesh. But he is such a great friend. He's the only other person in this city that knows about my Julie.
"Listen to me going on and on, talking about myself. I'm such a terrible host my friend. Want a drink? A cigar perhaps? Or how about a .44 caliber slug right between the eyes? You see, Brucey Baby, you may think you run this city, but you have no power. Money you have. But you have honor. Something, frankly, that is overrated in this wretched hive of a city.
"You really want to know what makes this clown tick? It's the adrenaline rush I feel when pulling off the perfect heist! It's beating my old friend, Bats, at his own game. It's beating the Boy Wonder within inches of his pathetic life! Gordon was right about me Wayne. You never should have made a deal with the devil.
"And now Bruce, you will know I'm right when I say that this city belongs to me!"
And with that, the mad clown known as The Joker cocks his pistol, placing the cold steel of the barrel onto Bruce Wayne's perspiring forehead. Not in his wildest dreams did he think it would come to this. He and The Joker, and a bullet between them. Joker pulls the trigger, there's a smell of igniting gunpowder, a bang, then blackness.
Bruce snaps up in his bed, for a moment not comprehending what he had just felt. Perhaps his run in with Scarecrow that night was still affecting him. He did get a pretty heavy dose of fear gas after all. Shaking the cobwebs of sleep from his head, he pushes himself up and out of bed. Walking through the seemingly deserted halls of Wayne Manor he hears the news on in the kitchen.
Opening the door, he peers into the kitchen to watch in horror as The Joker is front and center. He's at city hall, and who's that tied up next to him? Bruce squints to sharpen his focus. Selina! Without a sound he leaves the kitchen and stalks down the halls of his home. Slinking through the shadows as though possessed by his alter ego. The way to the cave opens, and Bruce enters.
Pulling on the cowl he peers over at his monitors. Joker, he thinks to himself, this time you've gone too far, this time, I will stop you.
The Batmobile's engine rages on, as Batman stares straight ahead into the void of his cave. "I will stop you Joker. Even if it means I have to break my one rule to do it!"
And in a less than a second the cave is silent, except for the maniacal laughter of the Joker on the television.