This is something I simply could not refrain from writing even though readers from my other stories are breathing down my neck. It is horribly AU, so if you don't like that... can't help you there.
This is about friendship, pain and starting anew, as well as the bond of a parent to a child.
Enjoy, I poured my heart out ;)
I don't own Star Wars
There is peace in your presence
32 BBY - Naboo
The clatter of the lightsaber hilt that hit the ground was the only sound that filled the reactor room, aside from the hum of the lasers. The young man, who had dropped the weapon staggered for a second before he regained his balance and hurried towards the fallen warrior.
"Master!", he gasped and gathered the head of his teacher in his lap.
"Obi-Wan... I fear it's too late." While the young man shook his head in denial, a hand reached up to caress his face. It lingered on his cheek before the index finger softly poked the dimple in his chin, a gesture well known.
He heard the hum of the laser gates opening again, but the padawan did not look up. The Force had already told him who had finally come.
The new arrival knelt next to the pair and grabbed Obi-Wan's hand to give silent support. Both their gazes rested firmly on the master in their midst, who suffered from the fatal wound the Sith had inflicted.
"I feel the Force calling." At the words Obi-Wan choked on a sob. He was not ready to let his master go.
"Master... please, hang on, we'll get a healer. Just stay with me... with us.", he pleaded. The Force rushed through the room and he felt deep sorrow as he realized what he was about to loose. He locked eyes with the other person. There were no words anymore.
32 years prior - 64 BBY – Unknown Location
Qui-Gon groaned, as he felt his joints ache, when he again tried to find a more comfortable position on the hard floor. Though he was barely 28 years old, he felt like an old man after three weeks of lying on the hard stone. To add to that, he was subjected to torture every few days and malnutrition had left its marks as well.
He still contemplated on the mission gone wrong and had by now recognized his mistake not to trust the urging the Force. Over and over again he was reminded how strong and important his intense connection to the Living Force was, his failures should have by now taught him better than to dismiss it.
He heard footsteps approaching and started steeling himself against the next session of interrogation with his captors.
"We only have one Force-suppressing cell, Sir. What now?" The knight heard conversation in the hallway.
"Seems like we don't have another chance. Put her in with the other."
The heavy durasteel door swung open and the next second a figure was pushed in. She toppled to the ground and remained there motionless. The door was closed again. Qui-Gon carefully approached the newcomer.
He thought her to be unconscious, so he was startled, when the girl pushed herself of the floor and looked at him with intense gray eyes.
The low lighting only allowed him a brief glimpse of her appearance. She was human with a pale, but soft complexion framed by dark hair. He estimated her to be around twenty, he saw the thin black padawan braid falling down from behind her right ear.
"So I found you." She smiled slightly. "My name is Channah Shadwe. I'm part of your rescue party." He wanted to point out that she had managed to get herself captured, which could not be counted as a successful rescue, but she twisted her foot, so she could access the heel of her boot. She pulled two small tracking devices out of the tiny space and activated them. He received one and followed her example and fixed it in his tunic.
"So you let yourself be caught deliberately to find my location. I do hope you have backup with you." She chuckled at his words.
"Knight Jinn, my Master as well as two other Knights only waited for me to activate the transmitters. The recovery is now started. Soon we will be out of here."
"Excuse me, Padawan Shadwe. I believe my nerves are a bit frayed after being without access to the Force for weeks." She nodded, her eyes understanding and suddenly she was way older than nineteen or twenty.
"We should meditate and collect our strength." He agreed and knelt opposite her. Even without the Force he felt how his restless thoughts settled and he came to accept the situation and was able to lay the memories of his failure to rest.
Not even an hour later the door opened again and the two Jedi were pulled out by the guards.
"We need to leave, come on, Jedi scum, move!", the large humanoid with blue skin ordered and both Qui-Gon and Channah let themselves be dragged down the long hallways. They eventually left the building to get to a large spaceship and Qui-Gon was startled by the bright sunlight and the fresh air after weeks. He noticed they were getting closer to the ship and knew, should they enter, all would be lost.
Still not able to access the Force because of the suppressing collars around their necks, he felt slight panic. A glance at the padawan confirmed that she knew the same. But then she did the most peculiar thing. She winked. He gave her a puzzled look and was surprised, when he fell face first to the ground. She had tripped him.
The confusion in the group was obvious. But then she blurred into action, as she kicked the guard in front of her into the back. Before any of them reacted, she had grabbed a vibro knife from the man's belt and held it to his throat. It was a bit difficult with her hands still bound together, but the man was sufficiently frightened.
Then Qui-Gon heard three lightsabers hum into action and watched as one green and two azure blades quickly took care of the guards.
A dark skinned man of impressive height, Master Shina Sama his mind supplied, freed Channah of the collar and her wrist bounds. He handed her a lightsaber and she bowed.
Meanwhile another knight had helped Qui-Gon and after weeks he felt the beautiful energy of the Force envelop him again. He sighed in relief.
"We found this in the main building. I suppose it's yours." A white furred woman handed him his lightsaber and the young knight felt comforted by its familiar weight in his palm. He nodded.
"Thank you." He followed the others that already begun their retreat.
In mere minutes they broke through thick jungle and Qui-Gon sensed their ship ahead.
"Master -", the padawan from earlier begun.
"I know, Channah, they are waiting for us. Knight Jinn, how well are you?", the tall man asked.
"Fine." He almost fidgeted under the gaze of the white eyes that fell on him.
"So dehydrated, a broken rip, a concussion and malnutrition are fine. Good. Stay at the back with Knight Tira. Padawan, Knight Limad, follow me." The three sprung into action, breaking through the last layer of trees separating them from the transport. The Master fell into Form VI, carelessly destroying several battle droids. While Qui-Gon deemed his skill and that of Knight Limad, who used the acrobatic Ataru, quite acceptable, though not exceptional, the padawan's style stroke him. She had engaged three humanoid guards and although she was surrounded, nothing came through her tight shielding. She was close to mastery of Soresu. Sending blaster bolts back, her opponents were beaten fast.
But what Qui-Gon admired even more than the skill she presented, was the total submission to the Force. Her whole being was immersed in the warm light and to any Force-user she seemed to glow.
"Won't be long until she is knighted.", Knight Tira, who had noticed his observation, next to him said. Both knights had seen the beads on her braid and knew their meanings. This young woman had already completed her Trial of Skill. At this age most padawans weren't even faced with the possibility of one of the five Trials, let alone pass it. Tira shook him from his thoughts. "Come, they are done. Time to get you home."
They walked towards the ship and watched as Channah urged her master to the med-bay, because he had a cut on his upper arm.
"Don't know why they sent me to begin with.", he growled as she applied pressure to the wound. "I am a sufficient fighter at best."
Qui-Gon inwardly agreed as he sat down on another bed, to be treated by Knight Tira. The master was not the youngest, but widely recognized as one of the best negotiators the order had. The man must be in his seventies now. Swordfights had not been his greatest strength even when he had been younger.
"Master." The Padawan's voice admonished him gently. "We all have strengths and weaknesses." She gently cleaned the cut and put a bacta patch over it, then turned and left for the cockpit.
A gentle smile still lingered on Master Shina Sama's face.
The journey back to Coruscant had been uneventful and Qui-Gon had mainly spent it in healing trances, only paused by meals and further rest.
As the ship touched ground in one of the Temple's hangars after four days, he was mostly healed.
They were welcomed by three Council members, including Yoda and Qui-Gon was already able to give a full mission report. He was surprised by the gentle smile that warmed the little master's face as the padawan approached him. She knelt down before him and bowed her head. One of Yoda's clawed hands came to rest on her hair and all of them felt the Force swirl in happiness around them. Qui-Gon caught the eye of Master Shina Sama and they shared a smile.
"They always shared a very special connection, he is like a second master to her.", the master spoke softly, not wishing to interrupt the moment. "Master Yoda can teach her more than I can ever dream to." Qui-Gon noted there was no bitterness, he seemed very content about the relationship. How could he not, Qui-Gon wondered, when the Force approved of it so strongly.
"For meditation this evening, you will come.", they heard the grand master speak. The girl nodded and then rose. She looked at her master pointedly and they left in direction of the Healer's wing. Yoda turned to face him.
"To see you, home and safe, good it is. Recover soon, you will." The young knight bowed and then also went to see the healers.
Several days later he went for his last check-up and was relieved to hopefully not see this particular part of the temple anytime soon. As he rounded a corner on his way to the examination room, he saw Padawan Shadwe stand in front of the door to a patient's room. Her face was empty and sad, the eyes dull and her shoulders slightly slumped. Before she palmed the door open though, he saw her straighten up and put a slight smile on her face. Whoever was in this room, was obviously very dear to her and she wanted to put up a strong facade as to not bother with her worry.
Qui-Gon proceeded further down the corridor and went to the healer he was assigned to. Healer Chl was efficient and fast and soon congratulated the knight for his recovery.
"Take it easy for the next week, then you can pick up the training again."
"Thank you." He moved to get up, but then paused. "Master Healer, is everything alright with Padawan Shadwe? I saw her on the corridor just now. She looked unwell." The healer visibly deflated.
"Her master was injured during your rescue as well, the knife that cut him was poisoned. She takes it very hard." Qui-Gon's memory supplied the image of the harmless-looking cut he had seen on the master's arm.
"How bad is it?", he asked.
"I fear he won't see the end of the week at the rate it's going."
Channah stood on one of the balconies, faced westward. The sun would be setting soon and she dreaded the thought of another day dying. Since the healers had stated the horrible diagnosis, she had been constantly at her master's side, staying even as the seizures gripped him and finally, when the light had diminished in his eyes that afternoon. Grief gripped her heart violently and she fought to control it. She felt more pain as she thought of the peaceful look on Shina Sama's face as the Force claimed him.
"There is no death, there is the Force.", she whispered forlornly. For a second it sounded empty to her. How often in her nineteen years had she recited this code and always felt it was the truth.
"You can't doubt it. You have to trust." She turned her head to find Qui-Gon Jinn had stepped up next to her. His face held only a pale ghost of the misery she was experiencing, but somehow it was enough to confide in him. She told him of the hardship the last few days had held for her, of the tearing hurt, she had and the doubts she couldn't help but have while faced with the situation.
Instead of pity, his gaze upon her was compassionate and her wordlessly caught her hand in his and together, they watched the sun set.
None of them knew how long they remained in this position, simply comforted by each others presence, because they could feel the other understood.
The air was getting chilly and Channah marveled at the countless lights the city planet sparkled with. She felt herself opening to the Force and was able to release the guilt and pain she had. A dull ache remained, but she knew it would pass. Later that night she would cry herself to sleep, she was aware of that, but for now, she did not have to face their … her apartment.
A low hum made her look up and she saw Yoda sit on his hover chair, observing the two young Jedi. His gaze was soft as he saw the deep lines on her face and the shadows beneath her eyes.
"Come here, child.", he said softly and yet again his comforting presence filled her being. "Deep sadness, my heart is filled with. Like seeing you grieve, I do not." He sighed and Qui-Gon could see the sadness he felt at the passing of Master Shina Sama. "Worried for you, I am."
"I will be fine, Master Yoda. It might take a while." She tried to reach for her training bond, the void she found made her mind raw and reminded her of her loss.
"Someone to care for you, you will need. Incomplete your training still is." She swallowed bile at the thought of a new master.
"I can't." Her voice broke and Qui-Gon stepped up behind her, putting an arm around her shoulder. He felt her lean in to him and he sent her the warmth he could access through the Force.
"Watch over you, I will. Alone, you are not!" He touched her temple. "Rest, you must." And she slumped down, at his sleep suggestion. Qui-Gon caught her.
"Carry her, you will." The knight nodded and picked the girl up. She was already fast asleep. The grand master motioned to follow and together they made their way towards his quarters and towards a long recovery.
62 BBY – Coruscant
The chamber was completely dark, but the Force was thick and warm. Every Force-sensitive must feel like it was possible to grab strands of it out of thin air. The low hum made the darkness safe and soft.
Without needing her eyes, Channah stepped into the middle of the hall and knelt.
"We are all Jedi. The Force speaks through us. Through our actions, the Force proclaims itself and what is real. Today we are here to acknowledge what the Force has proclaimed." The blue, green and yellow glow of the lightsabers illuminated the Hall of Knighting.
Channah gazed up at Grand Master Yoda, who sat perched on his chair. One of the council members spoke.
"Padawan Channah Shadwe, you have passed your Trials. You passed the Trial of Skill years ago, when you excelled in your practice of Form III and V. You passed the Trial of Courage, when you were ready to give your life on Alderaan. You passed the Trial of the Flesh, when your master of eight years was claimed by the Force. You passed the Trial of Spirit, when you pledged yourself to the light during the darkest moments. And you passed the Trial of Insight, when you uncovered the deceit on Itoh that had gripped the government."
Channah smiled slightly, the braid that started behind her ear almost reached towards her waist and was heavy with the beads she had collected. Master Yoda's green lightsaber hovered first over her right, then her left shoulder. Finally he severed the thin braid and caught it in his clawed hands.
"By the right of the Council, by the will of the Force, I dub thee, Knight of the Republic." He handed her the lightsaber, she had carried for years and with it the braid. The room was lighted again and she stared at the long strands of hair. Her gaze lingered on the white bead that signaled her overcoming her master's death and thereby passing another trial. She released the memory into the Force and then offered the Grand Master the braid, gaze steady. As he accepted the treasure, she was sure he was just as moved as she was. The Force sang around them.
Though Jedi should stay humble and not pride themselves with their deeds, the rise to knighthood was celebrated. As the council and Channah exited the knighting hall some of her friends and teachers, as well as a couple of initiates had gathered outside. As they smiled, she couldn't help but beam as well.
Her former creche master was the first to step forward and congratulate her and others followed. A seven year-old initiate looked at her in awe, they all knew that with twenty-one, Channah was the youngest knight in 174 years.
Finally another knight stepped forward. His smile was wide as he lay eyes on the woman that had rescued him in many ways. He remembered the dark nights they had went through together, sharing grief and pain after they returned from missions. He opened his arms and they shared a short embrace.
"Well done, Channah, now we are equals among the ranks."
She laughed.
"Not for long, Qui-Gon, you will be a master soon." He shook his head. Ascending to the ranks of a master still sounded like a crazy idea to him.
"A few years maybe."
The celebration calmed down after some time and Qui-Gon accompanied Channah to Master Yoda's quarters, where she would collect her belongings. He paused outside the door.
"I will wait here." She nodded and entered the apartment she had called home for the last two years.
"Master?", she called, suddenly unsure. She looked around in the living area that housed the amazing number of plant the green master had collected. She stretched her senses and felt the ancient master in her room.
As she opened the door she found him standing in front of her nightstand, where she kept her holo-flats. The images reflected in the masters large eyes.
"Time to part, it has come. No longer my padawan, you are. Saddened by this, my heart is." To her the Grand Master looked not only physically small then. She sat on the floor next to him and also looked at the pictures. One showed her with Master Shina Sama and another one with Qui-Gon. There was one with her Creche-clan, but at the front was the one with Yoda. The holo-camera had captured them in the archives. The small master was perched on the padawan's shoulder as he looked through the shelves in search for a certain document. When the picture was taken, they had been immersed in their task, in their own world, but nevertheless displaying the affection they felt for the other.
The small master pulled the braid out of his pocket that he had received earlier.
"Honored by this gift I am, so committed you are. Teaching you, a pleasure it has been." He motioned her to come closer and she leaned forward and closed her eyes. She felt his forehead rest against hers.
"You are still my Master.", she whispered. And together they released the sad feelings and thanked the Force for the new beginnings it had to offer.
60 BBY – Najiba
"Please tell me, it sometimes stops raining around here.", Qui-Gon grumbled as he worked to pull his foot free out of the mud.
"I agree, definitely too much water on this planet." Nevertheless Channah giggled slightly as she saw him fight with the swamp. "Don't you think we progressed far enough for tonight?"
He sighed in defeat and she looked around for a suitable place for their night's rest. A small clearing that seemed devoid of another mud hole would have to do.
Qui-Gon helped her put the tent up and they both crawled in and simply lay there for a few minutes. Their mission had not been supposed to be easy to begin with. The Outer Rim planet in the Arkanis sector was highly popular with criminals. It almost oozed of smugglers, illegal swoop races and slave traders. Only coming here seemed like an accomplishment, for the orbit was close to an asteroid belt half the time, making it impossible to land or leave at that time.
Upon arriving the two Jedi had stumbled from one problem to another. Their task to find a smuggler responsible for crimes close to the Core had developed in crossing the vast wetlands by foot. It was constantly wet, both suspected there wasn't a dry place on the blasted planet. While the Living Force hummed with the rich life around them, it had become hard to appreciate it, because the dark presence of the criminals stained the bright display.
And by now both knights were tired, cold and hungry. Qui-Gon reached out for Channah and pulled her clammy hand in his. She wordlessly rolled over and snuggled into his side and they fell asleep spending each other what little comfort they had to offer.
The water splashed all around them as they crossed the backwater area. Running through the muddy ground would be impossible without the aid of the Force.
"Qui-Gon, we can't loose them like this.", she cried over the splashing.
"I know. Any suggestions?" Both their breathing was fast and after days running around the planet their reserves were bordering zero.
"We need to vanish somehow. But we left the trees and mountains already."
"Tell me something, I don't know."
"What do you think about a swim? There's a lake ahead."
"This is insane." A mad laugh escaped him. And they jumped.
The water was warmer then they had expected. Both pulled out their breathers and dove deeper. It was ten minutes later that they felt the speeders of their pursuers rush over the surface of their hiding place. They waited some more and the swam towards the shore, emerging from the murky water.
For a while they just stood there, waist deep in water and staring at each other. Then both broke out laughing and the were relieved that brightness had found its way back into their lives.
Channah leaned against his tall frame, giggles still shaking her and her put an arm around her torso.
"Look, these electrical storms will start again soon." Sure enough lightening struck in the south, but they did not seek shelter.
"Channah, you do know me very well.", he suddenly spoke up. She nodded, her head still resting on his chest. "I am an honest man and this is how I live. I cannot betray myself."
She was unsure, where this was going, but reminded herself that this was Qui-Gon. Together they'd been on numerous missions and spent so many nights in each other's company.
"I know you feel deep friendship towards me, but I find myself longing for more." His voice was calm and soft, like she knew it to be. But the content was new.
"More?" She looked up at him. He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers and she felt warmth surrounding her.
"Qui-Gon, you mean... "
"Yes, Channah, I feel very deeply for you." He gently put his hands on either side of her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Joy bloomed in her heart and the Force hummed. She rested her head against his hands and the next time he leaned down it was to claim her lips.
59 BBY – Coruscant
"Are you really sure, you want to take another padawan right away?", she asked softly as the ceremony of Mastership still lingered around the room. "Feemor was a very good student, but I feel the boy you have in mind will bring more harm than good." She felt her friends temper flare and hated herself for disrupting his moment of success.
"The Council granted me the title of a master. Surely this must be sign for their trust." The unspoken accusation hung in the air.
"This is not about trust, Qui-Gon. I am merely saying that I have a disconcerting feeling about this. You know I trust you with my life."
He sighed and already felt bad for snapping at her. Channah only meant well. While showing considerable talent with the Living Force, she also was strong in the Unifying Force. When she voiced her concerns this way, it usually had a reason.
"I know, but I feel that the boy should be trained."
"He was so old when he came to the temple, there's already anger and arrogance in him." She got up from the table, where they had shared lunch and made to leave. "I'm only worried." Her hand briefly brushed his shoulder as she walked from the kitchen.
Qui-Gon suddenly felt fear grip him and her reached for her hand. The soft touch brought comfort to both. Since their kiss on Najiba they had refrained from exploring the physical aspect of their relationship further. The knowledge of the feeling that connected them was enough.
"I shall remember your words.", he said quietly. She reached out to caress his face with her knuckles.
"I'm leaving for a mission. It might take a while this time around."
Even when he felt them, he already released his worries into the Force.
"Have a safe trip."
57 BBY - Coruscant
"Cannah, your back?" Qui-Gon crossed the entrance hall to welcome the Knight that had been on a mission in the outer Rim for the last four weeks. She looked up, smiled at him and then nodded her head towards Xanatos, who walked a step behind his master.
"Indeed I am. And I can happily say that it has been a success."
He scanned her face and found the signs of fatigue he had expected. He also did not fail to notice that her left hand was bandaged.
"Nothing serious.", she assured as she saw his gaze. "I had a run in with ..." She abruptly stopped and her eyes became empty. She turned to the large doors and they saw a young woman step through. Looking around unsure.
Before the padawan with guard duty could react, Channah had already reached the woman.
"Hello, how can we help you?", she asked. The woman with reddish blonde hair looked at the Knight and gestured to her stomach, which was swollen.
"Your pregnant.", Channah stated. "My name is Channah Shadwe, I will escort you to the healers." She turned to look at Qui-Gon, who had also approached. "Call Master Yoda and ask him to come."
Then she lead the woman away.
"What happened, Master?", Xanatos asked.
"She obviously had a vision and it was connected to the woman. We better get Master Yoda."
Qui-Gon walked into the healers' wing hours later, his padawan in his afternoon classes. The corridors were quiet, only another Master rushed down the hall to tend to a patient.
Qui-Gon was in search for Channah, her abrupt reaction earlier worried him. He passed one of the balconies and remembered standing there with her at sunset, just after her master had passed away seven years ago.
As he looked out of the next door, he saw her again standing there, watching the restless traffic. He stepped out next to her.
"Are you alright?", he asked softly. She turned and only then he saw the small bundle in her arms and the tear stains on her face.
"Not really. His mother died in childbirth. She was only lasting long enough to name him." Her index finger caressed the tiny cheek of the newborn. His eyes were closed in deep slumber.
"This hurts you." It was not a question, but she nodded nevertheless.
"I can't really understand it though. It's not the first time a pregnant woman ended up on our doorstep."
"Will he be tested?", Qui-Gon asked. He felt something inside him move as he watched the young woman and the baby in her arms.
"Already happened. Master Yoda decided he will be trained." The child stirred and Channah sent calming waves of the Force. "He knows his mother's gone. He is very bright in the Force." Qui-Gon concentrated his senses and indeed, the small boy seemed to glow.
"Qui-Gon, I feel this child is special."
He agreed.
"He touches your heart." He moved closer and gathered both in his arms. "What is known about his parents?"
"I don't know much. Master Yoda went to speak with the woman alone. Soon after, she went into labor. It was not long, but she was weak from traveling." They remained in silence for a while.
"How's Xanatos?", she finally asked.
"He's coming along nicely. His skills already surpass those of his agemates." The pride was obvious in his voice.
"How about his emotional control?" She always seemed to ask the wrong question, he thought.
"He is quite passionate, but I can't say it's a bad thing. But he's certainly ambitious."
"He is more than aware of his superiority. I hope he will not get arrogant." Her sentence had been voiced with such concern that he could not blame her.
"I'm sure he will grow out of his flaws. He's just a boy after all."
They lingered on a bit longer, but again the child stirred and both felt his hunger through the Force.
"Come on, little one, we'll find you something to eat." He was fully awake now and looked at both with bright blue eyes. "Yes, little Obi-Wan, we are right here.", Channah soothed. She felt warmth in her heart again. "You are not alone. The Force will always be with you."
54 BBY – Coruscant
"You need to see it as well. He is not an innocent child." Channah fought hard to maintain her composure. Again she fought with Qui-Gon concerning his apprentice. She was growing tired of his everlasting, unshakable glorification of the padawan, whose faults were glaringly obvious. "If you do not listen to the council, at least take Master Yoda's advice to heart."
"I don't think you should judge about a person you barely know. Xanatos is a capable young Jedi and I think he will be ready for his Trials shortly."
"The other padawan's are afraid of him, he is deliberately harsh towards everyone of lower status and the Jedi are not enough for him anymore. Can't you see he's lying to you?" As she tried to convince Qui-Gon he needed help with the young man, she felt helpless once again. Over the last few years, she had observed the change in the Telosian boy and could see through the facade he created for his master. But Qui-Gon loved the boy to pieces. He was proud of his accomplishments and believed every word he said. Through his attachment he had lost sight of the training and the lectures that he should give his padawan.
"I'm saddened to learn you do not trust my judgment at all." His voice was like ice. He was disappointed that the person he trusted so much turned against him as well. The betrayal stung.
Her eyes were wide as she took in his words.
"Qui-Gon, I'm merely stating my opinion. This is not against you. I-"
"You should learn your place, Knight Shadwe. You should not question my authority as a master." He couldn't have hurt her more if her hit her. As soon as the words left his mouth he felt the anger that had driven them and regretted it deeply. But the damage had been done. Too often had he dismissed her worries in such a way and now he treated her like she was completely inferior, not an equal person.
Her mouth opened, but she refrained from speaking. Her gaze was searching and what she found was enough to make her take a step back.
"I will be there as soon as you're back to your senses.", she finally said, eyes dark gray and stormy. She turned on her heel and left.
He groaned and settled down on the bench they had sat on to begin with, before the argument had broken out. He felt miserable, but unable to take anything back.
It was a mutual agreement that whatever had held them together had been destroyed just then. She had always been the on to return and mended things with soft words, but now he knew, he had dismissed her. She had understood that he did not want her.
The broken bond ached in his heart, but his pride kept him from acting on it.
She would come around eventually, right?
53 BBY – Telos System
Devastation was palpable in the air around Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, misery clung to him like a second cloak.
"Qui-Gon, you should eat something.", Tahl said after the ship successfully jumped into hyperspace. She was worried for her friend. Since their mission to aid in the civil war had started, things had gone downhill and now Xanatos had fallen. While she herself had been blinded by the handsome, charming and talented boy, this was nothing compared to the master. He had been so devoted that his judgment had failed, leading to this disaster.
Though Tahl had experienced the boys temper every now and then, she had been slightly afraid to speak up and soon started to dismiss her feeling, resulting in her to trust the boy. Now she realized what kind of disservice she had done to Qui-Gon by keeping quiet.
Not that she was the only one. She could only think of two people, who had voiced negative beliefs, one even sacrificing her friendship to the master for her honesty. Master Yoda had been reluctant to admit Xanatos to the Trials, but though he had not feared cornering Qui-Gon on it, it had been Channah Shadwe, who had time and time again confronted him.
Tahl knew the two had at least at one point shared a romantic relationship and couldn't help but be amazed how true the young woman had remained to her opinion. Even though it had cost her the relationship.
In the end, Tahl knew, she had been the better woman, the better friend. She had not caved in and embraced her role as a lone voice of truth. She was a true Jedi, unable to lie to herself.
"Why did he do this? He was like a son to me." The grieving man again caught her attention and she placed the bowl of soup down on the table.
"Sometimes these feelings aren't mutual.", she said carefully. "He was too attached to his father and let himself be corrupted by wealth and power." The room was silent. Tahl placed a hand over his.
"Why didn't I see it? I should have." The guilt was eating at him.
"When something matters to us a lot, we tend to only see what we want to see and only hear what we want to hear." The words were as much for him as for her.
"She knew. She knew all along." Anger bubbled in him. "Why didn't she -"
"You wouldn't have listened. None of us did."
"Still she could have tried harder!"
"And get hurt even more? Your behavior wounded her, she needed to protect herself at one point."
The man in front of her crumbled even more.
"I never wanted to loose her. What did I do?"
His shoulders were visibly slumped as he walked through the Temple halls towards the council chambers. Tahl and Padawan Orykan Tamarik remained next to him.
Their report was a depressed one, all of them felt the weight of having lost a Jedi to the dark side.
"Grave news, this is. Rest you all need, very trying mission this was.", Yoda dismissed them, but his tired eyes rested on Qui-Gon, who bowed and went to leave.
"Qui-Gon!", the ancient master called out. "Gained the title of a master, Channah has. Congratulate her, you should." The man's eyes widened slightly in surprise at this, but he nodded and left.
He knew Yoda had tried to tell him something with the last words. That she had become a master was indeed special, but it also meant he should go talk to her, fix things. The ancient master had been very upset as their relationship had broken last year.
He walked past the door to the training rooms for padawans and briefly looked through the window. He came to a halt, when he saw her with a padawan. He found himself being curious nevertheless and entered the gallery to observe, after masking his presence.
The padawan was trained in the fine arts of Soresu and Qui-Gon knew that she could not find a better teacher, Channah was a true master of that form.
He watched as the girl was guided through the tight shielding movements again and again, her concentration never wavering. She was eager and determined and Qui-Gon found Channah's ambition in her.
Qui-Gon remembered the hours of training he had spent there with Xanatos and his grief flared.
Very still attuned to his feelings, Channah's head shot up and she saw the Jedi Master in the gallery. Obviously surprised, but still slightly concerned because of the emotion she had picked up, she bowed slightly. Then, like nothing had happened she picked up the training again and for the next hour drove the young girl into the ground.
"Why don't you go ahead, Nova. It's almost dinner time." The girl nodded and recognized her chance for some down time, hopefully being spent in the shower. Force, her muscles ached.
Channah again looked up at the master, after the door closed behind her student.
She studied him for a while, then sighed.
!So it has finally happened." Her voice was not gloating at all and instead filled with deep sadness. She motioned for him to come down and he went down the stairs.
"You have a padawan?", he croaked, still not ready to talk about the figurative bantha in the room. She took pity on his poor attempt to break the ice.
"Yes, I tutored her for a few months now, since her master was very ill. He died three weeks ago. I will complete her training." More silence.
"When did you become a Master?", he asked.
"Last month. The council saw my care for Nova as a display of the right spirit. As well as my steadfast opinion on..." She stopped.
"Master at thirty. That's quite something." He laughed nervously.
"Qui-Gon, what happened." He sobered immediately. The time for nice chit-chat was over.
"He turned.", he simply said.
"Oh, Qui-Gon, I am so sorry." She went to embrace him, but he backed away.
"Don't.", he murmured. She looked hurt. "I don't deserve your kindness." He had the terrible desire to be punished for his failure and his behavior.
"But you do. Everyone makes mistakes. I've had my fair share of them as well." Her hand rested on his shoulder. "I can't say I wasn't angry at you, and I also was horribly hurt, but I would never turn my back on you."
His knees gave in and finally the tears came. She settled on the floor next to him and gathered his broad form in her arms.
"I am sorry.", he sobbed. "I am so sorry how I treated you." She nodded.
"We will work this out. We will both forgive. I will forgive you in time, but at first you have to forgive yourself."
"You are wise beyond your years, Channah. I missed your presence in my life."
"Me too."
48 BBY – Coruscant
"Congratulations for your knighted padawan. I am sure she'll prove to be a very fine knight in the future."
"Thank you, I am proud of the progress she has made. But most of all her achievement of accepting her master's death." Channah carried the cups of tea to the living area.
"She is very similar to you in that aspect.", Qui-Gon collected some of the clutter that lay on the table to make room for their drinks. She put down the simple clay cups and then sat down on the sofa.
"While this might be true, it was certainly harder for her with me as her master. I knew Master Yoda for as long as I remember, but Nova barely knew me for some months."
"You put a lot of effort in her training, she always knew you cared, this helped her feel secure." Qui-Gon sighed. "I had hoped, Xanatos had the same knowledge."
"He and Nova are very different and anyways, I don't think you are to fault for his mistakes." She gifted him with a soft smile and he felt his feeling for her stir. After their reunion in the training room they had spent two years reestablishing their trust and then bonded anew. While their encounters never spoke of the deep affection they felt, it was a comfortable awareness.
"How do you feel about taking another padawan? After Nova, I want to wait a bit, but I think you should try again."
"There is no try. I won't take a new apprentice." His voice was cold and final. She moved closer to him.
"Are you sure? You are a good teacher. Don't let your past affect the future.", she reminded. "I had a vision. Yoda had it as well. Do you still remember, nine years ago? The pregnant woman, who died after giving birth to her boy?" He nodded carefully.
"I saw you and him, next to each other and he had a braid. You two shared a strong bond. In the vision you trained him." Her eyes had become vacant as he recalled the image.
"I don't think so, the future is not set in stone."
"But you would be good for each other, he would finally heal the wounds." She closed her eyes. "Those that I can't even reach." Her voice was not bitter, but held deep sadness.
"I'm sorry.", he murmured, but knowing he could not change it. He pulled her close to him and she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I wish I could help you." He was so deeply scarred by Xanatos' betrayal. The boy he had put all his heart into.
"I wish as well."
The gallery was crowded, but having a place next to Yoda secured them enough space. Qui-Gon did not feel the need to watch the initiates sparring, but tagged along as Channah had asked him. She stood next to Yoda and he felt their old training bond humming. Her hand was in his and he squeezed it lightly. As the pressure was returned he smiled.
On the training mats two girls were currently going for each other, both already past twelve and Qui-Gon could sense despair radiating from them. Their eyes often strayed to the watching gallery and finally it was the mistake of looking too long that had cost the win for one of them.
Qui-Gon heard a knight next to him sigh in annoyance as the winner was announced, the foolish mistake probably cost the girl more than the victory in a sparring match.
The next opponents entered. This time both were younger, a girl of eleven years and a boy even younger.
It started out very well for the kid, but Qui-Gon saw the girl's lips moving, presumably to taunt him. His good Ataru came to stutter and he no more seemed confident and therefore quickly lost the match.
Through the Force, Qui-Gon felt appreciation for the boy radiating from both Channah and Yoda.
The boy looked up at the gallery and something tugged at Qui-Gon as their eyes met.
45 BBY – Coruscant
"A good padawan he would make. Talented he is. Bright as well."
Again on the viewing gallery. Again the same boy. But he had changed. Qui-Gon felt anger radiating of him as he fought another initiate called Bruck Chun. The master felt reminded of his former apprentice and sadness gripped his heart, as well as cold defiance. This boy would never come close to him. He wanted nothing to do with him.
He also sensed Channah's affection for the initiate and his worry increased. She had more than once broached the subject of Obi-Wan Kenobi to become his padawan, but even though his rejection bordered on harsh, she kept coming again.
Like the issue with Xanatos this started to strain their relationship. She was already beyond trying to get him to take the boy, but only tried to convince him that he was suited to become a Jedi.
"There's too much anger in him. He would be better sent to the Agricorps.", he had even said one night. She had looked like slapped and then again had started to defend the boy.
The subject of Initiate Kenobi aside, they had come along nicely. With the council's approval they had officially bonded last year and both wore a small, simple blue bead in their hair, similar to those in the padawan braid. It was easily overlooked, but to them it held a high importance.
Qui-Gon groaned belatedly to Yoda's words and noticed how Channah's shoulders tensed at his reaction. He already felt the confrontation coming.
"He's still eleven. There will be others to train him.", he dismissed her.
Again his arrogance irked her. He was always so intent on following the Force that it made working with him horrible sometimes. But when faced even with the possibility of taking a new apprentice he reacted without reason. She was terribly upset about the way he signaled her that not only her opinion was not wished for, but also unworthy of his ears.
"I don't know why you can't look beyond the moment.", she grumbled and turned to again fix her eyes on the tournament. He followed her gaze just early enough to see the boy beat his opponent with an elbow to the neck and the saber to his chest. He breathed hard and in his eyes was deep dislike. He wanted nothing to do with this child, he thought again. Him becoming a Jedi would be no good thing.
"Fine!", he suddenly heard next to him and realized he must have broadcasted his feelings. "Fine!", Channah said again. "If you are too stubborn, I will take him."
Fierce determination glared from her eyes and the surrounding masters turned to look at them.
"I've always known he is a good child and you will not tell me otherwise. I would be happy to train a child that radiates the light." With that she turned on her heel and left the gallery.
Stunned silence ruled for a moment and Qui-Gon only barely held his annoyance in check.
Obi-Wan Kenobi raced down the corridor in the, he knew, vain attempt to escape his fellow initiate Bruck Chun. And true to his fear, the boy and his friends had cornered him soon.
"So, Oafy-Wan, you thought winning today would be a good idea, huh? Even the masters didn't seem to appreciate it.", he taunted. "Barely a year and a month and then you will be on your way to becoming a farmer." The boys closed in on him.
"Even Master Jinn was there today. I heard that Yoda tried to make him take you. Guess what, he didn't want you!" Obi-Wan felt his breath catch, he had not known this. But of course it fit. No one wanted to train him. He was even sure himself that he would not make a Jedi. Through his misery that was only the foreboding of the beating he would soon face, a voice cut violently with thunderous authority.
"I trust that this meeting will dissolve immediately." A human woman with long dark hair and a fierce gaze came down the normally secluded corridor. She wore the long cloak with an air of superiority and her tone left no room for discussion.
"Master Shadwe!", Bruck stuttered nervously and Obi-Wan looked at him surprised. He had not thought the woman was very intimidating. Sure, he felt respect and also admiration for her confidence, but he did not fear her.
"Do not think I am not aware what is going on here, Initiate Chun. You all will report to your clan master. If you don't, I will." She made a stern pause. "Initiate Kenobi, I searched for you. A word please." She already started to move down the hall before his mind had processed, what had happened. He quickly made to follow.
Further down the corridor, she opened the door to an empty classroom and motioned him in. She settled on one of the desks and after another signal, he did the same.
"First, let me introduce myself, my name is Channah Shadwe." He nodded and murmured a polite answer.
"Don't worry, you're not in trouble, I came to speak to you, because I saw your performance at the tournament today." He bowed his head in shame.
"I know I let my anger get the better of me, I apologize.", he said humbly. He still had no idea, where this was going. He never spoke to the master before, though he recalled her watching him several times. Once he met her in the garden and she had smiled so brilliantly at him, he had almost stumbled.
"I was sure you had realized it yourself. But that's not what I wanted to know. I simply wanted to speak with you." He raised an eyebrow then realized what he had done and schooled his features. She laughed lightly. "Okay, you're right, I had a purpose." She stood up and he hurriedly followed.
"Obi-Wan, I would be honored if you became my Padawan."
His eyes widened so much, it was almost comical.
"Your... Padawan?", he asked.
"Well, I realize this must be surprising, since we don't know each other, but-"
"That's not it. I just never thought that someone could..." He trailed of, but she knew, what he did not say. This child had a horribly low self-esteem.
"Oh, Obi-Wan, don't think like that. I am very sure that I want you. I believe you are a very special boy and will be an exceptional Jedi." Despite his joy at her words, tears leaked from his eyes. She stepped up to him and carefully gathered him in her arms as he cried. The continuous taunts had left their mark on him and she knew it would be difficult for him to accept her affection.
After he had calmed down, he stepped back, already about to apologize for crying on the master.
"Shh, there's no shame in your tears. I will help you carry your burden." She caressed his cheek and felt the same warmth she had felt for the newborn baby in her arms almost twelve years ago. She poked the dimple in his chin and he smiled.
"Come, we'll contact the Council and then ask for their permission. Afterwards we can collect your things. How does that sound?"
"You requested an audience, how can we help you, Master Shadwe?", the council member asked. Hre gaze traveled over their faces to the ancient master in front of her. His eyes glimmered with silent joy.
"I wish to request the Council's approval on my new Padawan." Most of them were stunned. Channah was a good field operator and often their choice for difficult missions, so it did not seem like her to take the responsibility for a child.
"Bring forth the name, decide then we will.", Yoda said smiling.
"I want to apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi." More surprise. Everyone here knew of Yoda's visions, where the boy was Qui-Gon's student.
"Always in motion, the future is.", he replied to the unspoken questions. "Approve of your choice, I do." The rest of the council nodded.
"I assume he is waiting outside." Channah nodded and went to call him in. The boys nervousness was not displayed and he stood next to his new master with confidence. This woman cared for him, he was safe with her. He Force sang and the masters nodded.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi will be your Padawan learner. May the Force be with you."
Both bowed, then Channah spoke up again.
"I'd like to request another thing. Like with Nova, I wish to go to Ragoon VI for training with Obi-Wan. I think both his training and our relationship would benefit from it."
Some council members nodded.
"Permission granted, take as much time as you like."
The planet radiated a blue glow as they approached it. Obi-Wan was fascinated with the views space-traveling granted him and had enjoyed the short trip to the Core world.
But even while he was elated by the new experiences, he was the happiest about the fact that he had a master. Master Shadwe had been very kind and understanding to him and he felt relaxed and at peace in her presence.
After their session with the Council, she had walked with his to the initiates' quarters and spoke to his clan master and then helped pack his things. Their quarters were light and breezy, every room had a window and showed the view to the gigantic city. Obi-Wan was surprised how spacey the place was, his room alone was twice as large as the one he stayed at in the initiates' quarters.
Master Shadwe had shown him around and explained everything to him and then told him to pack a bag. Through one of the temple's hangars, they had left the planet only hours after he met Channah for the first time. Since his head was reeling, he had slept for three hours even if it was only afternoon.
When he awoke, she had been sitting at his bedside. He felt very much cared for.
41 BBY – Coruscant
Rain fell heavily, making the durasteel ground slick and Qui-Gon found himself trying hard not to slip. He was tired, his lungs burned and his ribs ached, but the dark, thick smoke from the explosion three blocks further ahead made him push himself hard.
He was going to loose her. He was going to loose her after... He commanded himself to remain in the present, but the dread in his heart remained.
He arrived at the scene and simply walked through the hordes that had already gathered. Entering the crumbling building, he followed the Force through the debris and was thankful the rescue teams had already engaged emergency lighting. Everywhere was dust from broken walls and furniture was strewn around.
He walked through the door of a spacious office, where the ceiling had collapsed. There was only one other person in the room and he recognized Padawan Kenobi with difficulty.
"Master Jinn!", he cried out. His eyes were wide and he seemed frantic, though he hid it well.
"Where is she?", he barked. The boy gestured to the crumbled ceiling and Qui-Gon breathed in sharply. He fell to his knees and glanced under the duracrete.
"Channah?" Someone had put a light staff there, because her pale face was bathed in green light.
"Qui-Gon, thank the Force you came." She smiled feebly.
"I heard your call."
"I just wanted to see you again." Her voice was hoarse and he felt her energy almost drained. "Even if we did not part on good terms years ago, I wanted to see you."
"We'll get you out of here.", he spoke with conviction. She smiled sadly.
"Even if you could lift this stuff, it is also what keeps me alive. It ripped open my right side and stems the blood flow. If it weren't so, Obi-Wan would have already moved it."
Qui-Gon looked at the mass of concrete and seriously doubted a sixteen-year-old's ability to lift so much by Force.
"Don't question him, he is a fine Jedi already." She still had the ability to read his thoughts even after years of silence.
"Obi-Wan, come here please.", she asked and the boy hastily complied. She reached out with her hand, a tiny movement, but he understood and took her hand in his. "Oh, my boy, I'm so sorry." Tears now fell down her face and Qui-Gon understood her grief at leaving the padawan behind. Her fingers caressed his cheek and Qui-Gon felt the deep love they held for each other.
"You are such a wonderful boy, Obi-Wan. So special, so bright. No mother could ask for a better son." She gazed lovingly at him and then lifted her eyes to Qui-Gon once more.
He saw their light fading. Soon there was nothing.
Qui-Gon awoke with a start, drenched in sweat and heart beating rapidly. His eyes scanned his surroundings, but it was only his own room, slowly becoming lighter. The sun would rise soon.
His breathing was still labored and he got up and dragged himself into the fresher. His wide eyes stared back from the mirror.
It had been a dream. Only a dream, he tried to calm himself. He had not just seen Channah die.
But he still felt the pain in his ribs, smelled the smoke and heard the sirens blear. It had not been a dream. Too real to be one, even for a nightmare.
It had been a vision, he realized. A horrible one. One he would do everything to prevent.
He washed his face and went into the living area. Normally a tea would sound appealing, but he knew only meditation would bring him peace.
He settled down on the mat near the window and began thinking on his vision. Normally, being connected so intensely to the Living Force, he did not experience many visions. And the few he remembered had been far less disturbing.
The time the vision happened had to be around this time, for the padawan had looked around sixteen or seventeen, at the moment he had to be sixteen, Qui-Gon calculated.
In the vision, he and Channah had still not been on speaking terms like it had become after she took Obi-Wan as a padawan. They had had a large fallout and after she and the boy had returned from their training trip to Ragoon VI after four months, he had been on a long term mission. When he had come back, they had been gone again and after a period of a year like this, they had learned to avoid each other. Between them was frosty silence at the moment.
He knew she felt bad about this as well, but he supposed she waited form him to approach her. To a certain extent she had been right: Obi-Wan had let go of his anger quickly and had turned from a rash and hot-headed boy into a calm and promising young man.
But Qui-Gon had not been ready to leave his pride aside and admit that his judgment might have been clouded by his hurt, inflicted by Xanatos. Also, over the years he had not always been kind to her. The harsh words while they had fought aside, he had been cold and cruel. Yoda had more often than not announced his displeasure at his behavior.
Over time positions had become entrenched.
Qui-Gon rose from his trance again and knew what he had to do. He would make peace and apologize. The vision as it had played out could not become true then.
He changed quickly and then left his apartment, his mind firmly set on his goal. As he strode through the corridors the first sunlight filtered through the halls, caught in the windows and made the large pillars almost vanish in its hue. Everything felt new and the almost ethereal glow filled the master with peace. No one but him was out of their quarters yet, but in an hour the corridors would be buzzing with the chatter of padawans and the murmur of knights. Initiates would fill the air with excited rambling and masters would rush through, trying to find their students or heading of for the day.
But now, even before sixth hour, the Temple was peaceful and quiet. As Qui-Gon finally arrived in front of the quarters with the shiny sign "Shadwe/Kenobi" next to the door, he felt unsure. Not only seemed this totally insane and he was slightly afraid of Channah's reaction, but it was also very early.
It took him the reminder of the vision to gather the courage to ring the doorbell, all the while recalling that she would at least listen to him, it was her nature.
After a minute the door opened and he was again face to face with Obi-Wan Kenobi. This one was still younger than the one in his vision he was relieved to notice. He was not too late.
The boy looked at him with a startled expression. It was early.
"Master Jinn.", he said. "Good morning." He remembered his manners and bowed slightly.
"Good morning, Padawan Kenobi. I hope I do not disturb." Of course he did, judging from the wrinkled clothing of his counterpart.
"Not really, Sir. How can I help you?" He had overcome his confusion very quickly and spoke with quiet dignity.
"I was hoping I could speak to your master. Is she there?" The boy nodded.
"She's meditating right now, though. She will be done in ..." he gazed at his chrono. "... about twenty minutes. You are welcome to wait of course." He stepped back and allowed the master entry. Qui-Gon followed him in the kitchen, where he was offered tea.
"I'm still preparing first meal, while Master meditates, I'm sorry.", he apologized for the empty table.
"I did not come to eat your first meal.", Qui-Gon joked lightly. "Aren't you meditating?" He did not think the boy would. Xanatos had needed to be threatened to do the mental exercise.
"Oh, I already have." Maybe Xanatos was not a good example, Qui-Gon thought dryly. "Master meditates with me and then she continues further, while I prepare breakfast." He listened as the boy explained their routine to him and was amazed at the responsibility the padawan felt. "Master always says, the first hours are the purest."
Obi-Wan continued preparing the food and then looked at Qui-Gon.
"Did you want to ask something in particular? I might be able to help you." Surely he knew just who this man was and was also briefly aware of the history he shared with his master. She had often grieved because of their break and Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel responsible at first as he was one of the things they could not agree on. It had taken Channah months to wash his guilt away and rebuild his self-esteem.
"Which aspect of the Force is your strong point, Padawan Kenobi?", The master suddenly asked. The padawan, while startled by the sudden change in conversation, quickly recovered and pondered on the question for a while.
"I do think the Unifying Force comes more easily to me, but Master Channah has worked hard with me, so that I am able to feel both sides equally. Though, when in doubt, I still do not rely on the Living Force enough. Master is very balanced, I hope to achieve that one day."
Yes, this was definitely the Unifying Force's wisdom speaking from him.
"A very good answer and very honest. I find myself often getting lost in one side as well and then loose track of the bigger picture. Your master is truly admirable for her balance." Qui-Gon sipped from his tea.
"I saw you use Ataru in an initiate sparring match, do you still practice it?" He noticed with surprise his own curiosity, when he voiced the question. He observed the boy and saw that his eyes had become clouded.
"No, I changed forms two years ago." Pause. "I'm now putting my focus on Soresu." Qui-Gon smiled slightly.
"Inspiration from your master?" Channah was a genius with Form III.
"No. I became painfully aware of Ataru's faults." Heavy silence settled on them and the master contemplated what had happened for the student to change his first form.
"Obi-Wan, I read through the report you wrote for our last mission. I sent it to the archives, well done.", Channas voice broke through the quiet. "Soon, I won't have to pick up these blasted reports ever ...", she trailed of as she entered the kitchen. Her astonishment was only visible for a second.
"Master Jinn, what a surprise. To what do we owe this pleasure so early in the morning?" He voice was crisp and though polite, she was tightly shielded.
"I was hoping I could speak with you." He had risen from his place at the table and felt foolish and scared. This time, she was not the one to take pity on him. He had to go a few steps further if he wanted to meet her halfway.
"Surely you can. Obi-Wan, excuse us for a moment." She walked towards her room and he followed her into the accommodation. The walls were still light and the morning sun painted bright shapes on the green paint. Nova's padawan braid hung over her bed, between achievement cards from Obi-Wan and several holo-flats.
She gestured to two chairs and sat down herself. He remained standing.
"What can I help you with?", she asked and he felt at a loss for words.
"Look, if you want to criticize me or my padawan, then I would like you to leave, because I don't think I'm up to this today." Her voiced was tired and gripped by remorse Qui-Gon dropped to his knees next to her. She looked startled.
"I am not here to animadvert something that is not there. I came to apologize."
"Apologize.", she repeated deadpanned. "Explain."
"I experienced a vision tonight. You died, while we still had this argument between us. I realized my misplaced pride is not worth enough to loose time with you. I care for you so deeply and I am sorry for my mistakes." He stared to the ground and tried not to fidget at the silence that followed. After a whole minute though, he dared to look up.
And found her crying silent tears.
"Finally.", she just said and glided from her chair to kneel before him. Her, in comparison to his, small, but oh so strong hands reached up and cupped his face. "I've waited for so long.", she whispered and revealed a streak of her hair that still carried the blue bead. It was hidden in the mass of curls, but as he looked at it in wonder and at the woman in front of him he thought these were the most beautiful things he had ever seen.
And because it was right and because he felt the Force singing around them, he leaned down and kissed her.
32 BBY – Naboo
The time was running through his fingers, he clearly felt himself failing terribly. The Force though gave him no direct indication, where he should be heading instead of mowing down more of these terrible droids for Queen Amidala.
They had decided to advance in two groups and he knew they were nearing the throne room.
"Padmé, how much farther is it?", he asked. The dark feeling still lingered. He tried his bond with Obi-Wan that they had formed over the last years. It was normally bright and glowing, but now it lay mute. It unnerved him terribly and he nearly cried with relief as he saw the large wooden doors to their destination.
They entered the room, but were soon surrounded by droids. As they pointed their blasters at the double, Qui-Gon lowered his saber. Then Nute Gunray saw the second group pass by, with the second double providing the necessary diversion and confusion. The same moment Padmé retrieved the blasters from the throne's armrest, Qui-Gon destroyed the last droids. Naboo was once again in their hands.
The groups reunited in relieve, but Qui-Gon searched in vain for the rest of the party. He addressed one of the handmaidens.
"Handmaiden Sabé, where are Master Shadwe and Padawan Kenobi?", he asked. Dread settled in the pit of his stomach as he saw her expression cloud.
"They encountered the being you were confronted with on Ando, when we had to repair the ship. They made their way to the reactor rooms. We had to take a longer route to avoid them." She wanted to add some more details, but Qui-Gon had already turned on his heels and made his way back through the palace.
He immersed himself more deeply in the Force and suddenly felt the urgency with which it called. Why had he not listened?
"We'll handle this, you need to take another way. Hurry." Channah's eyes never left the tattooed Zabrak that bared his teeth.
The double nodded and the delegation left the site.
"We can do this, Obi-Wan, we just need to work together." Her padawan nodded and his gaze was determined.
"Should we try to reach Qui-Gon?", he asked. She shook her head.
"We can't let our focus wander from the mission. The Queen will need his protection. He will come soon anyways." She allowed herself a smile, then shrugged out of her cloak and reached for the Force once more. She aided her padawan in his reach and the air became thick with energy.
The Zabrak hissed and powered his lightsaber. Two red blades sprung into existence.
A blue and a silver blade came alive. The low hum filled the room. Obi-Wan assumed the Soresu opening stance, following the example of his master. The Sith charged forward and the battle began.
Combat was certainly one of Obi-Wan's stronger points even though he was an accomplished mechanic and a good pilot. The way he wielded a blade was very advanced for someone so young. In Soresu he had found his ideal Form and both he and his master could walk through a field of blaster fire completely unscathed. Therefore, though the Sith was a very skilled opponent, the tight bladework prevented injury. Both he and his master bid their time and waited for the second their opponent to make a mistake. None of them had a problem remaining in the defensive, their pride was not irked, there was no emotion, only the Force.
Obi-Wan knew his master could simply wait for the Zabrak to tire, she had an incredible endurance, but he was not yet there. As the minutes ticked by, he felt the first drops of sweat run down his back and his temples.
Draw back, recover for a second. I got this.
The insuring presence in his mind filled him with peace and he stepped back from the fight and regained his center. Channah still moved like she was born only for the purpose of blocking strikes.
After a minute Obi-Wan joined again. He felt new energy fill him and fell seamlessly into place next to Channah.
Even though they were even, they felt how it was the Sith, who decided on their direction. He back into a hallway with a feral grin splitting his face. They were halfway through when red laser walls blocked their way.
Obi-Wan came barely to a halt and looked at his master.
"We will have to wait. They are timed, but the Sith isn't controlling them." She frowned. "But he knew of them and uses this to his advantage."
To separate us, Obi-Wan sent.
"Yes. But we won't be.", she said with defiance. Carefully she reached out for her bond with Qui-Gon as they watched the Sith pace. The bond was intact and brimming with life. He was well.
"You are doing very well, Obi-Wan. I told you, you are ready for Trials."
The Force hissed a warning and they prepared themselves. The gates opened and the ran forward. They simultaneously stepped through the last gate and heard how some began closing again. The Force push caught Obi-Wan by surprise and he found himself ten feet backwards, only halting as he crashed against the wall to his left. He was caught, he realized as the gate in front of his closed.
Master!, he cried out in his mind as he saw how the fight had begun again. He knew she was capable of handling this opponent on her own, but the warning in his mind screeched like durasteel scraping over glass.
Don't worry, I'll be fine. Find your center, his master ordered, while she dueled the Sith alone. She felt the warning as well, but knew she could not allow herself to panic. For Obi-Wan, she thought, I have to remain calm.
Her resolution was sorely tested, when the fight came to a halt. The Zabrak jumped over the melting pit in the middle of the room and glared at her from the other side. A second figure stepped out from the shadows. It was a young Twi'lek, with rare red skin. She wore close to nothing under her black cloak, only a tight shirt and short pants, revealing her flawless figure. Her eyes were a blazing yellow. A second Sith
"Darth Maul, my master." She bowed. Channah's mind went overtime analyzing the situation. Was Maul the master? Something did not fit. He was by no means weak, but he was young, foolish and rash. She knew she could beat him. He had no patience and his focus wavered. So he had taken an apprentice himself, she concluded, probably behind the Sith Lord's back. She felt slightly worried at the prospect of being faced with two enemies now, but let herself sink deeper into the Force, collecting strength.
The new arrival was even more impatient and directly charged forward as soon as she got the slightest signal. Her eyes shone with bloodlust and in the same manner as her master, she bared her teeth and attacked.
Channah fell completely into the deep sea of warm energy as the Force used her body. She was not Channah anymore, she simply … was. He connection to the Living Force filled the room with a soft hue that only those attuned to the Light could see. He blade clashed with the Sith's blades, white against red. Her movements were controlled and steadily working towards their final aim. Soresu in its perfection.
She felt that Qui-Gon was by now on his way and she sent him calming waves and the love between them was so strong, it nearly blinded them.
Then the moment was there. In an explosion of movement she broke the shielding from the girl and buried her blade in her chest. This unfortunately left her side open too long and Maul used the second she pulled the blade out of his apprentice to slash forward.
NO!, she heard the scream in her mind erupting twofold as she already felt the failure of her left lung and kidney. Ignoring the flaring pain, she twisted and managed to graze the Sith's leg. Then she collapsed to the floor. The world went black around her.
Obi-Wan was beside himself as he saw her fall. His heart bled for the master that had become his mother in the last thirteen years.
The lasers opened again. He dashed forward, his only goal to destroy. His slashes were offensive, he was not able to follow the defensive nature of Soresu at the moment. It hurt too much. Anger began to cloud his vision, but he felt a deep yearning for peace deep inside.
No, Obi-Wan, don't. Seek the light.
It was all it took to remind him where he belonged. She had taught him and he would not taint these teachings by falling. He gathered the Force around him and in wound around him like a cloak. The Sith fell into the melting pit, sliced in two halves. Obi-Wan stood there, breathing calmly.
The clatter of the lightsaber hilt that hit the ground was the only sound that filled the reactor room, aside from the hum of the lasers. The young man, who had dropped the weapon, staggered for a second before he regained his balance and hurried towards the fallen warrior.
"Master!", he gasped and gathered Channah's head in his lap.
"Obi-Wan... I fear it's too late." While he shook his head in denial, her hand reached up to caress his face. It lingered on his cheek before the index finger softly poked the dimple in his chin, a gesture well known.
He heard the sound of the laser gates opening again, but the padawan did not look up. The Force already told him who had finally come.
Qui-Gon knelt next to the pair and grabbed Obi-Wan's hand to give silent support. Both their gazes rested firmly on the master in their midst, who suffered from the fatal wound the Sith had inflicted. They almost felt like they were in physical agony.
"I feel the Force calling." At the words Obi-Wan choked on a sob. He was not ready to let his master go.
"Master... please, hang on, we'll get a healer. Just stay with me... with us.", he pleaded. The Force rushed through the room and he felt deep sorrow as he realized what he was about to loose. He locked eyes with the man, he had come to consider as a father. There were no words anymore.
"Obi-Wan, my boy. I love you." Every word cost her so much energy, but she even slightly turned her head to look at her beloved.
"Promise me, you'll look after each other." Her vocal chords failed her, so she reached for the Force once more.
I love you both so much, I wish I could stay.
"No!" The padawan's wail filled the room and the air crackled, charged with emotion and power. Qui-Gon looked at the boy, no, man, eyes wide in surprise. Obi-Wan opened himself to the Force and healing energy rushed into the body between them. Pure power flooded all three and Qui-Gon also gave. They gave to the woman they owed so much.
As quickly as it had come it was gone, leaving all of them drained. They lay next to each other on the hard duracrete floor, but deep peace surrounded them.
"I love you, mom.", Obi-Wan whispered. He closed his eyes after he had returned the loving looks from his parents in every way that mattered.
32 BBY – Coruscant
"Strong, the dark side has become, but today a victory has been." The ancient master sat perched on a cushion in his meditation chambers, Mace Windu opposite him. They had received a call an hour earlier from the Queen from Naboo. She had explained that Channah was still at the healer's but would pull through and Obi-Wan was resting. Qui-Gon had already recovered enough to help purge the planet of the last remainders of the Trade Federation blockade.
"Worried I am for the Jedi. Hard to see the future is, darkness clouds everything."
Mace opened his eyes.
"I do believe, though, that as long as we have these particular Jedi, we will be saved somehow."
"Yes, yes, future of the Jedi strongly tied to them it is."
32 BBY – Naboo
The sunlight flooded the room, tiny particles of dust reflecting the light. The soft colors and high ceilings went well with the dark wood the furniture was made of.
Channah rested in the large bed, her body leaning against Qui-Gon's chest. His calm breathing soothed her mind. Her hand softly caressed the ginger hair of the head in her lap. She was surrounded by her family and while tomorrow would surely bring a new load of problems, all was well for now. She loved and was loved and the light that emitted from the persons in the Force lulled her to sleep once more, safe and warm.
All was well.
So this was my little collection of snapshots, covering 32 years. I hope you liked it. I left the possibility for a sequel that would be Obi-Wan centric then. But if no one requests it, I can leave this as it is.
You might have noticed that I had them land on a different planet, therefore excluding the whole "chosen one" stuff. I'm not in particular an Anakin fan, honestly... not at all. So we skipped that. :)
I hope to see you in my other fics as well, now go and enjoy some more awesome star wars fics, look in my favorites if you like Qui-Obi bonding and Obi-centric fics.
till next time, Cold Moon